Harvey Kneeslapper's Barber Shop Gag

[mikealan]

I'm going to write this 5-part sketch with Harvey Kneeslapper. I hope you'll enjoy it!

Part 1:

(Harvey Kneeslapper is wearing a white barber shop jacket but still wearing his regular clothes, laughing behind an orange-colored background. On the background there is the sign that says "HARVEY KNEESLAPPER'S BARBER SHOP.")

Harvey Kneeslapper: (laughing) Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! A'ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (to the viewer) Oh, hi there! Harvey Kneeslapper here and I've got this great practical joke for you today! (giggles) I've opened up my own barber shop here and here's what I'm gonna do with the customers. (giggles) OK, when some customer tells me if he or she wants a haircut, I cut all of their hair out with my scissors here, so after I cut all of the customer's hair,....(laughing) A'HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! His or her face will be all bald!!
(Fat Blue, wearing a blue sweater walks by)
Harvey Kneeslapper: Wait! Here comes a person now. I'll do him this time. (To Fat Blue) Oh, 'scuze me, hey would you like a new haircut? (laughing)
Fat Blue: Would I? Oh, I'd love to have one, but make it short.
Harvey Kneeslapper: OK, stand still as I am about to cut your hair...(giggling)
(Harvey is now cutting Fat Blue's hair.)
Fat Blue: Wait, that's just the perfect hairstyle I want to have...you don't have to cut more of this....HEY! What are you doing?
(Harvey ignores him and now shaves Fat Blue's moustache)
Harvey Kneeslapper: There! Now you look perfect! (laughing)
(Fat Blue's head is now bald, no hair. His moustache has been shaved off.)
Fat Blue: Harvey, do you think MY hairless cut is perfect?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Of course! People can be perfect without hair! (laughing)
Fat Blue: Well, you cut out all of my hair...and my moustache. Now, everyone won't like my bald cut! And you know what? (begins to lose temper and say bad words, yelling) YOU ARE THE WORST BARBER EVER!!! YOU MADE MY HEAD BALD, YOU FREAK!!!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Aw, don't worry! Your hair will grow as fast as it can. By the way, I've got another customer to work on, so enjoy your new haircut! (laughing hard and exits)
(ending music)
Fat Blue: (screaming) AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

End of Part 1

 

[minor muppetz]

That was funny. I wonder if Fat Blue would rather get his hair cut by Grover.

 

[mikealan]

Part 2

Part 2:

(Harvey Kneeslapper is giggling very hard, wearing the same barber shop outfit.)

Harvey Kneeslapper: Hi! Harvey Kneeslapper here again, and this time, you are about to see me doing a practical joke with a new customer today! (a Pumpkin-type AM lady walks by) Oh, by the way, here comes someone now. Hee hee hee. Oh, this is gonna be good. (To Pumpkin-type AM lady, clearing his throat) Uh, hi there! Welcome to the barber shop! You need a haircut? (giggling hard)
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: Yes I do need a haircut. My hair is quite long and I can't comb it.
Harvey Kneeslapper: OK. Sit down as I am preparing to cut your hair. (Begins to cut AM's hair) Snip, snip, snip. Snip, snip, snip.
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: Wait. Hold it. Stop. That's the haircut I want.
(Harvey ignores her and keeps cutting her hair.)
Harvey Kneeslapper: Snip, snip, snip. Snip, snip, snip.
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: What are you doing? I told you to stop!
(Harvey is finished cutting the AM lady's hair. Her head is now bald.)
Harvey Kneeslapper: There! You look beautiful! (laughing)
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: (screaming) AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! MY HAIR!!! IT'S GONE!!! YOU MADE MY HAIR BOLD!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Oh, don't worry. It'll grow again for three weeks.
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: Three weeks?!?! Oh, no! That's forever!
Harvey Kneeslapper: It won't last forever. Why won't you have a nice day then. I've got another customer coming up. (exits laughing, ending music playing)
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: *growl* (runs off angrily)

End of Part 2

 

[mikealan]

Part 3

Part 3:

(Harvey Kneeslapper is still wearing a white barber shop jacket and still wearing his regular clothes, laughing so hard.)

Harvey Kneeslapper: (to the viewer) Oh, hi there! You remember me snipping out some customers' hair, right? Well, right now, I'm waiting for the next customer to show up and I'm gonna do the next haircut. (Laughing hard) A'HA HA HA HA HA HA!! (a Green AM man walks by) Wait! There's the guy there! I'll try him this time. (giggling) Oh, I can't wait to do this. (To Green AM man) Oh, hiya, customer...
Green Anything Muppet Man: Huh?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Hey, uh, would you like a free haircut?
Green Anything Muppet: What say?
Harvey Kneeslapper: I say, would you like a free haircut? (laughing)
Green Anything Muppet Man: Sure!
Harvey Kneeslapper: All right! Stay here as I am about to cut your hair...(removes Green AM man's hat and cuts all of his hair. This lasts twenty-five seconds) Here you are, bright as new, with your BARE pointy head!!! (laughing very hard)
Green Anything Muppet Man: (feeling hurt, with all of his hair out) Well, that really hurts my feelings and you made my head bald! You know what? (yelling, to Harvey) I HATE BALD CUTS!!!
Harvey Kneeslapper: You hate them?
Green Anything Muppet Man: Yes I do!!!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Oh, well, have fun with it! I've gotta take care of the other customer so have fun with your BARE pointy cut!! (laughing hard and exits)
(ending music)
Green Anything Muppet Man: (annoyed) OHHHHHHHHH! That barber is so annoying that he made my embarrasing bald cut.

End of Part 3

 

[minor muppetz]

These are good, but so far it seems like the first three parts are hardly different, and it seems like you only post a new part of this fan fic once a week. I hope that part 5 has a really good payoff gag (I also hope that part 4 has a major difference besides the victim).

 

[mikealan]

Well, I didn't have much time to do that because I had a lot of work to do, mostly college work. I'll get to do parts 4 and 5 soon.

 

[mikealan]

Part 4

Part 4:

(Harvey Kneeslapper is in his same barber outfit again and still giggling hard.)

Harvey Kneeslapper: (to the viewer) Hi there! You're here just in time to see me do some haircut jokes to a couple of my favorite customers! Hee hee hee! (giggling) I can't wait to make jokes over them! (Prairie Dawn walks by.) Oh, here comes Prairie Dawn. She's my favorite little girl. I'll try to ask her for her haircut. (To Prairie) Oh, hi there, little girl.
Prairie Dawn: Who, me?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Yeah, you. Would you like to have a new haircut? (giggling hard)
Prairie Dawn: Would I? Oh, I certainly would like to have one. You see, my hair is quite a bit long and I'd like to make it short.
Harvey Kneeslapper: Oh, sorry little girl, your head will be bald!
Prairie Dawn: WHAT?!?
Harvey Kneeslapper: That's right! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Stand still! I'm gonna cut all of your hair.
Prairie Dawn: Oh, no! When are you going to do that?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Right now! (Cuts all of Prairie's hair and her head is now bald.) A'HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! (laughing very hard)
Prairie Dawn: Eeeek! My head is bald! You cut all of my hair down!
Harvey Kneeslapper: I know. But don't worry, it'll grow in just a couple of weeks! (laughing hard) A'HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Prairie Dawn: Ohhhhh....my head....oh...(To Harvey) I hate you! You made my head bald! Ohh....now I look ugly! Ohhhh...(leaves sadly)
Harvey Kneeslapper: See? That was so much fun! (giggling hard) I've cut out all of Prairie's hair! (laughing hard again)
(Guy Smiley enters.)
Guy Smiley: Hello there, Mr. Harvey Kneeslapper. I am everybody's favorite game-show host, Guy Smiley, and I'm here to have my haircut!
Harvey Kneeslapper: You are having one? Why that's great!
Guy Smiley: What's so great about that?
Harvey Kneeslapper: That I'm gonna cut all of your hair! (giggling)
Guy Smiley: No, I'd like to have my nice haircut...
Harvey Kneeslapper: Well, you can't have it!
Guy Smiley: But why not?
Harvey Kneeslapper: I won't tell you why.
Guy Smiley: Well, that's not very nice!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Oh, so I'm just gonna cut all of your hair instead. (begins to cut Guy's hair)
Guy Smiley: Wait! What are you doing? You supposed to make me have a nice haircut!
Harvey Kneeslapper: (ignoring him, still cutting Guy's hair) Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. (finishes cutting Guy's hair) All right! You're all set for your NEW haircut! (as he finishes cutting Guy's hair, Guy's head is now bald.)
Guy Smiley: (getting angry) You call MY haircut a NEW one?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Yes and your top of your face is bald! (laughing wildly)
Guy Smiley: Harvey Kneeslapper, (screaming) YOU MADE MY HEAD BALD!!! THAT MAKES ME REALLY ANGRY THAT MY STUDIO AUDIENCE WILL LAUGH AT MY HEAD!!!
(Cookie Monster enters.)
Cookie Monster: Dum de dum de dum. (notices that Guy has no hair) Hey, Mr. Smiley! Nice hair cut! Look like you have no hair at all.
Guy Smiley: (screaming at Cookie) SHUT UP!!!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Hey, Cookie Monster, would you like a new haircut?
Cookie Monster: No. Me do not have hair. Me have blue fur but me do not need fur cut. So long. (exits)
Guy Smiley: (yelling) Harvey Kneeslapper! You made my head so bald that I can quit hosting game-shows!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Oh, don't worry. It'll grow again for a few weeks.
Guy Smiley: Oh, yeah? Well, you are lucky that I am not your victim! Now, I'll be everybody's wittiest game-show host in America so good-bye! (leaves angrily.)
(Big Bird walks by)
Big Bird: Hi Harvey Kneeslapper, I see that you've got your own barber shop here.
Harvey Kneeslapper: That's right but would you like to have a new haircut?
Big Bird: I'm sorry. I don't have any hair and I've got over 4,000 feathers all over my body and I don't need my feather cut. By the way, I'm too big to have one! Bye-bye now. I've gotta go meet my best friend Snuffy. (leaves)
Harvey Kneeslapper: Well, at least I've done Prairie Dawn and Guy Smiley's haircuts! (laughing wildly) Oh, and I've also did some other people's haircuts too, and by the way...Hee hee hee (a lavender AM man walks by) There's another person walking by. I'll try to ask him if he needs one. (To lavender AM man) Oh, hi there customer!
Lavender AM Man: Huh?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Hey, uh, would you like to have a new haircut?
Lavender AM Man: What say?
Harvey Kneeslapper: I say, would you like to have a new haircut?
Lavender AM Man: Well, sure, yeah.
Harvey Kneeslapper: All right! Stand still! (begins to cut the lavender AM's hair) Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. Snip snip snip. (finishes cutting the lavender AM's hair) OK! Now you're all set for your new cut! (laughing wildly)
(as Harvey finished cutting the lavender AM's hair, his head is now bald.)
Lavender AM Man: Oh, no! You cut all of my hair! Now what am I going to do with my bald head?
Harvey Kneeslapper: Well, I don't know, but why won't you go have some fresh air and relax.
Lavender AM Man: But my hair! It's gone!
Harvey Kneeslapper: Gone? Oh, It'll grow back.
Lavender AM Man: But when?
Harvey Kneeslapper: For a little over three weeks. (giggling) So have fun without ALL of your hair!! (laughing wildly and exits)
(ending music)
Lavender AM Man: (begins to get upset and annoyed, screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

End of Part 4

 

[mikealan]

Part 5

Part 5:

(Harvey Kneeslapper is in his barber outfit again, laughing so hard.)

Harvey Kneeslapper: Hi! You remember me cutting all of my customers' hair, right? Well, I've just finished cutting anyone's hair today and I know that all of my customers have complained about their heads being bald, so I secretly put some Monster/Grouch hair tonic on top of their heads, so as their hair starts growing again, (giggling hard) their voices sound different! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! C'mere. I'll show you the customers I've worked on on how they speak as their hairs finally grow back.

(Fat Blue, Green, Pumpkin and Lavender AM's along with Prairie Dawn and Guy Smiley enter with their hairs again but they now speak in different voices. Mysterious music plays and they all start getting angry.)

Fat Blue: (in Herry Monster's voice and now speaks in an inappropriate language) I HATE BALD HAIRCUTS YOU MORON!!!!
Pumpkin Anything Muppet Lady: (in Frazzle's voice) AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!
Green Anything Muppet Man: (now speaks like a werewolf) A-HOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lavender Anything Muppet Man: (now grunts out loud like Frankenstein)
Prairie Dawn: (in Oscar's voice) GET LOST!!!
Guy Smiley: (in Cookie Monster's voice) COOOOOOOOOOKKKIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!
Harvey Kneeslapper: (laughing very hard) A'HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I'VE GOT THEM!!! I'VE GOT THEM!!! A'HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! (continues laughing hard and exits)
(ending music plays)
(Fat Blue, Green, Pumpkin, & Lavender AMs, Prairie Dawn and Guy Smiley scream out loud in their different voices and start chasing Harvey after)

End of Part 5
End of the entire 5-part sketch at last!

 

[Dil]

And how about an extra Part SIX?

HARVEY: "Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!! Oh, Remember me? I'm the barber the customers will hate! I love getting hated by customers! Oh, here comes another one now. (The same lavender-live-hand muppet from the Gimme Five Sketch appears humming) Hey, would you like a free hair cut?"

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Whatchasay?"

HARVEY: "Hee-hee-hee-hee!! Oh, I say would you like a free hair cut?"

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Uh, OK."

HARVEY: "Alright! (cuts all of Lavender-Live's hair) There you go. A Bald man."

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Bald?........ (laughs the same way he did on the Gimme Five Sketch and leaves)"

HARVEY: "(pauses) Oh... no..."

(Officer Stan (from the GOLDEN AN sketch) enters.)

STAN: "Mr. Kneeslapper. You will have to come with me for making all the customers bald, and they don't like bald hair cuts at all."

HARVEY: "WHAT?! You-You gotta be kiddin' m-- (sighs and faints)"

STAN: "Come on. Get up. Go on. Let's go."

(The customers who disliked the haircut blows raspberry right at Harvey, and then the same music that plays at the end of the Invisible Ice Cream Cone sketch plays.)

STAN: (to Harvey) "Are you going to jail, or not?"

End of Part 6

 

[mikealan]

And how about an extra Part SIX?

HARVEY: "Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!! Oh, Remember me? I'm the barber the customers will hate! I love getting hated by customers! Oh, here comes another one now. (The same lavender-live-hand muppet from the Gimme Five Sketch appears humming) Hey, would you like a free hair cut?"

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Whatchasay?"

HARVEY: "Hee-hee-hee-hee!! Oh, I say would you like a free hair cut?"

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Uh, OK."

HARVEY: "Alright! (cuts all of Lavender-Live's hair) There you go. A Bald man."

LAVENDER-LIVE: "Bald?........ (laughs the same way he did on the Gimme Five Sketch and leaves)"

HARVEY: "(pauses) Oh... no..."

(Officer Stan (from the GOLDEN AN sketch) enters.)

STAN: "Mr. Kneeslapper. You will have to come with me for making all the customers bald, and they don't like bald hair cuts at all."

HARVEY: "WHAT?! You-You gotta be kiddin' m-- (sighs and faints)"

STAN: "Come on. Get up. Go on. Let's go."

(The customers who disliked the haircut blows raspberry right at Harvey, and then the same music that plays at the end of the Invisible Ice Cream Cone sketch plays.)

STAN: (to Harvey) "Are you going to jail, or not?"

End of Part 6

OMG, I couldn't stop laughing about this! Boy, this is the funniest last part I ever saw for this 6-part sketch!!