FanFic: The Muppet Show 30th Anniversary Special

[minor muppetz]

Enjoy this fan fiction celebrating the 30th anniversary special. I will make a few posts for this. The end of each post is where a commercial break would begin.

I'll start this with a special opening.

(a new shot of The Muppet Show logo appears)
Kermit: It's The Muppet Show's Thirtieth Anniversary Special! Yayyyyyyy!
(cut to a sligthly extended orchestra section, featuring orchestra scenes from the first season opening and the UK Spots from the Shirley Bassey and Roger Moore episodes, with Zoot's horn blow being from the fith season opening. Then, show the shot of monsters entering the stage, and then show a shot of the female chorus from the second season opening)
Women: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!
(cut to a clip montage of the following scenes: Kermit saying "This is Kermit the Frog..." from the Koozebanian Mating Riutual sketch, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, and Animal saying who they are from the end of the Jim Nabors episode, Scooter introducing himself to Kermit, Dr. Teeth saying "This is Dr. teeth" from Love ya To Death, Bunsen introducing himself in a Muppet Labs sketch, Sam the Eagle introducing himself in the introduction of a wayne and wanda sketch, Floyd saying "I am Floyd Pepper" in the Kaye Ballard episode, and Louis Kazagger introducing himself at the beginning of a Muppet Sports sketch)
(cut to a shot of the men from the fifth season opening)
Men: It's time to put on make-up, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show Tonight!
Waldorf: Why do we always come here?
Statler: I Guess we'll never know.
Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture...
Statler and Waldorf: To have to watch the show!
(cut to a clip montage featuring: Kermit getting a horn blown into his ear, Beaker's hair blasting off, Link getting his nose caught in the door, Fozzie getting his nose caught in the door, Miss Piggy karate chopping Fozzie (from the opening of the Kaye Ballard episode), The Swedish Chef's hat blasting off, Animal playing the drums (from the Dom DeLuise episode), Lips playing the trumpet (from Rockin' Robin), chimes falling on chickens, The Newsman getting "nighted" by a maceral, and a tree falling on Wayne and Wanda)
(after this, we get a montage of Fozzie's openign jokes from season 1, including: "George the janitor is so cheap, his wallet has an unlisted number", "I wouldn't say the great gonzo is dumb, but when he graduated, he didn't get a diploma, he got a penchant!", "Why can't belly dancers dance on the floor like everyone else?", "I found a sure-fire way to lose weight... I found a scale that lies", and "Thirty days past september, April, June, and my cousin will be out on Wednesday")
(cut to a clip from the openign seen in the pilot version of the Juliet Prowse episode)
Muppets: It's time to put on make-up, it's time to dress-up right, you'll see the strangest creatures on The Muppet Show tonight!
(cut to a montage of scenes with strange creatures, featuring: The Snowths, the creature from The Windmills of Your Mind running, the Heaps in At the Dance, The Scoffs backstage (from the Paul Williams episode), the Hugga Wugga creature blasting the yellow creature, Raquel welch hitting the giant spider with a club, the Rubber Band Men, The Four fazoobs, the female koozebanian creature hitting the male koozebanian with her nose, a baseball bat hitting Boppity's head, a small bossman dancing in Pure Imagination, Alice Cooper surrounded by his monsters, the ghosts (in the House of Horrors sketch), a TV swallowing a man, Gorgon Heap in Comedy Tonight, the Java creatures, the Raggmopps, the houses, monsters falling in Julie Andrews dressing room, and the bugs from She Loves You)
(cut to scene from the Joel Grey opening)
Kermit: Our show tonight will feature some stuff that looks like this....
(cut to clip montage featuring these clips: the house falling apart in Life get's tedious, Vendaface strangling Fozzie, the annoucner falling on beauregard in veterinarians Hospital, the Shouting lady in an At the Dance sketch, Gonzo hitting Sam with a hammer in a Panel Discussion, Gonzo with a long arm holding a cannon ball, Animal biting Rita Morenos shoulder, a pig falling in the Happy wanderers sketch, Robot Kermit pushing Kermit into a crate, the two-headed singer from Boogie Woogie Music, Fozzie putting a pie in kermit's face, Floyd and Zoot jamming on a bench, Gilda radner and the muppets glued together, several Beaker clones appearing together, Rowlf playing piano (in I've Never harmed an Onion...), The Swedish Chef falling on The Newsman, an octopus attacking Fozzie in Bear on Patrol, a horse being thrown at Louis Kazagger, Statler flipping out of the balcony, Lew Zeland throwing fish at Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding, a giant Thog walking in I Feel the Earth Move, John Cleese stretching Gonzo's legs, Beauregard throwing pies at Kermit, and Crazy Harry setting up an explosion in Statler and Waldorf's balcony)
(cut to a shot from the fourth season opening)
Muppets: it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to get things started!
Statler: No, they'll never get things started.
Kermit: It's time to get things started...
All: (continuing) ...on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, muppetational, this is what we call The Muppet Show!
(when Gonzo blows his horn, the number 30 comes out)

 

[minor muppetz]

(The show starst off backstage, with soem "Happy 30th Anniversary" decorations backstage and several Muppets runnign around)
Kermit: Okay, it's almost time to start the show!
Scooter: 30 seconds 'till curtain, everybody!
Kermit: Now, we are going to present clips from The Muppet Show to celebrate our thirtieth anniversary.
All: Right!
Kermit: (to the swedish chef) Oh, and shouldn't you be in the canteen making a big cake for the finale?
Swedish Chef: oh, oh yuh I fugott! (leaves)
Fozzie: I am going to be so funny!
Dr. Teeth: This special better be groovy!
Miss Piggy: And Moi had better have good representation.
Scooter: Eight seconds 'till curtain!
Kermit: Well, it's showtime. (Kermit walks on-stage)
Sam: Well, I hope that this special is cultural.
Kermit: (entering the stage) Hello, dear friends, and welcome to the thirtieth anniversary of The Muppet Show!
(The audience applauds. Statler and Waldorf observe)
Statler: The audience must have worse hearing problems than us.
Waldorf: Why's that?
Statler: They are applauding this shows thirtieth anniversary.
Kermit: Well, right now I thought we'd open the special with soem of our greatest opening numbers.
Waldorf: Well what a surprise, open the show with opening numbers.
Statler: What's next? Closing the show with closing numbers?
(they laugh)
(A montage of clips are shown, where we both see and hear the clips shown. Clips shown include: Mahna Mahna, Staying Alive, Tenderly, Somebody Stole my Gal, Pensylvania 6-5000, Another Opening Another Show, Car Wash Blues, I'm Falling, Someone Just Like You, Macho Macho Man, Lullaby of broadway, Rocky Top, The Raggmopps, Friendship, Comedy Tonight, Nice Girl Like Me, and Mississippi Mud)
(the audience is shown applauding)
Statler: Well, there is somethign I've gotta say about those opening numbers.
Waldorf: What's that?
Statler: They are just as bad now as they were when I first saw them.
(they laugh)
Miss Piggy: Right now, Moi thought that she would introduce her greatest hits.
(cut to a clip montage of scenes where Miss Piggy karate chops other characters, including: Miss Piggy karate chopping Kermit (following Lydia the tattooed lady), Miss Piggy karate chopping Gonzo (in the Mummenshaz episode), Miss Piggy karate chopping Scooter (in the Avery Scrieber episode), Miss Piggy karate chopping Kermit (in pig calypso), Miss Piggy karate chopping kermit (in the Ruth Buzzi episode), Miss Piggy karate chopping Kermit (in the Marissa Berensen episode), Miss Piggy karate chopping Fozzie (in the Candice Bergen episode), Miss Piggy almost karate choppig The Swedish Chef, Miss Piggy karate chopping Charlie McCarthy, and Miss Piggy karate chopping Christopher Reeve)
Miss Piggy: Well, although those were moi's greatest hits, Moi meant her greatest musical performances.
Floyd: (entering stage) Quick! Those of you with hearing aids, turn off the batteries! (chuckles)
(Miss Piggy karate chops Floyd)
(clip montage includes: What Now My Love?, Don't Dilly Dally on the Way, Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song, Mad About the Frog, and I Get Around)
Waldorf: Well, what did you think of that?
Statler: I can't hear you. I turned my hearing aid down!
Dr. Teeth: And now, here are some more musical moments.
(clip montage featuring the following songs: Don't Blame the Dynamite, I Feel Pretty, Boogie in the Barnyard, Why Can't We be Friends?, Hound Dog, You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd, You Don't Want my Love, Fugue for Frog, Jambourie, and I've Got Rhythym)
(in the canteen, The Swedish Chef prepares a cake)
Swedish Chef: de cake wiww be reddy sune!
Bunsen: That's good. You know, you're concoctions are just as good as my concotions in Muppet Labs.
Beaker: (disagreeing) Mee mee mee mee mee...
Bunsen: Oh, I'm so glad that you agree.
(cut to clips including: Bunsen's hat blowing up, a gorillia destroying the lab when Bunsen talks about his gorillia detector, Bunsen demonstrating elevador shoes, Beaker trying on a nose warmer, Beaker drinking Bunsonium, Bunsen using the banana sharpener, and Bunsen and Beaker's demonstration of magnetic carrots)
Beaker: Mee mee mee mee mee mee mee....
Bunsen: Yes, those were good moments.
Swdish Chef: Uve hud beter!
Fozzie: Well, I hope you're cake will be good to eat, unlike most of your other foods.
(cut to the following Swedish Chef skits: Chicken in the basket, spaghetti, squirrell stew, ping pong ball eggs, choclate moose, fishie chowder, killer dough, and japaneese cake)
Boppity: Well, no matter what, we monsters will probably eat anything he makes.
Luncheon Counter Monster: That's right!
(cut to the following clip montage, wehre the clips are msotly just seen and not heard: Luncheon Counter Monster eating silverware, Behemoth eating Shakey Shanchez, Mean Mama eating Miss Piggy, Gorgon Heap eating a tray, Sweetums eating Candice Bergens camera, Mean Mama eatign in the Monster Adoption Agency sketch, Gorgon Heap eating Baskerville, Big V eating Lenny the Lizard, Mean Mama eating John Cleeses agent, and Gorgon Heap eating Wayne)
Sam the Eagle: (on-stage) This show has had too much weirdness,... (cut to a clip montage featuring: the male and female koozebanian creatures running into each other, Gonzo eating a tire, Rowlf sneezing and turning into a chicken, a man blowing up in Veterinarian's Hospital, Crazy harry setting off an explosion in Veterinarian's Hospital, Marvin Suggs tuning up the Muppaphones, and The Swedish Chef shooting down some pancakes)
Sam the Eagle: But here are some good-natured, meaningful moments.
(cut to short clips of: Turn the World Around, Halfway Down the Stairs, When I Grow Too Old To Dream, New York State of Mind, Elusive Butterfly, and Singing in the Rain)
Scooter: And now stay tuned. We'll be right back.
Statler: Hey, it's the commercial break.
Waldorf: We'll stick around for this.
Statler: Yeah, and elave after that.
(they laugh)

 

[minor muppetz]

Sam the Eagle: (on-stage) This show has had too much weirdness,... (cut to a clip montage featuring: the male and female koozebanian creatures running into each other, Gonzo eating a tire, Rowlf sneezing and turning into a chicken, a man blowing up in Veterinarian's Hospital, Crazy harry setting off an explosion in Veterinarian's Hospital, Marvin Suggs tuning up the Muppaphones, and The Swedish Chef shooting down some pancakes)

Oop, Crazy Harry never caused any explosions (that I know of) in Veterinarian's Hospital. I can't remember what I meant. Just replace it with Crazy Harry setting off an explosion in Harry Belefontes dressing room.

 

[minor muppetz]

and now we are back....

Kermit: You know, our show was produced in England, and because Engand has less commercial time than America, the English broadcasts had an extra two minutes that were not seen by the original American audience.
Sam: (coming on-stage) Another reason to be proud to be an American. (leaves)
kermit: Anyway, thanks to video compiltations, DVDs, downloadable video clips on the internet, and Nickelodeon...
Scooter: (rushing on-stage) Hold it, chief!
Kermit: What's wrong?
Scooter: We're not allowed to use the "N" word. At least, not if we want this special to air uncut on The Disney Channel.
Kermit: Oh, those big, corporate meanies are at it again. First, they cut my one big on-screen use of profanity because of the CBS logo, and now...
Scooter: Uh, boss, maybe I should introduce this montage.
Kermit: Oh, okay, Scooter. (leaves)
Scooter: And now, here are a bunch of moments originally unseen in the US broadcasts. Although I think some have already been shown earlier in this special.
(clips include: You and I and George, Does Your Chewing Gum Lose t's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?, Kermit and Sam's conversation in the prop room, the cast singing "For She's a Jolly Good Porker", Waiting at the Church, Sam scolding Kermit fro having a rat backstage, Kermit's interview with marvin Suggs, Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me a Bow Wow, Cheese Cake, Sonny Boy, It's Lonely at the Top, The Pokey Polka, Danny Boy, and Any Old Iron)
Waldorf: What did you think of those clips?
Statler: They make me wish I watched the show in America.
(they laugh)
Fozzie: You know, ever the years, we have had all kinds of funny moments, both intentional and unintentional. And who better to introduce these moments that the old Fozzie, huh?
Statler: Who better?
Waldorf: How about somebody who is funny.
(they laugh)
Fozzie: Anyway, here are some of the show's funniest moments....
(clips include: The Comedians a Bear!, the Sherlock Holmes sketch, Fozzie arguing with an audience member, one of The Houses mentioning a mother who is interested in religion, Zoot asking Juliet Prowse what's long, fuzzy, and has one eye, Rowlf asking if his dance partner doesn't really like dancing with a dog, Fozzie getting attacked by a criminal in Bear on Patrol, Animal asking his dance partner if she wants to take a trip, and Statler and Waldorf requesting to Fozzie that he tell a joke about the word Amoeba)
Statler: Well, what did you think of that?
Waldorf: Those clips are so funny that I forgot to laugh.
Statler: You forget everything.
Waldorf: Like what?
Statler: Oh, I forget.
(The Swedish Chef is still cooking in the canteen. He puts in some cake ingridients, including a rat, some lobsters, a meat cleaver, a hanger, some bacon bits, and a blow torch)
Janice: Like, is that cake ready yet?
Swedish Chef: Der cake weel be ruddy in fife minootes.
Janice: Good, 'cause I'm getting hungry.
Lew Zeland: Oh, me too.
Gonzo: Me, three.
Crazy Harry: You know, I remember the time I baked a cake and sent Kermit to give it to Jaye P. Morgan.
(cut to clip of kermit giving Jaye P. Morgan a cake baked by Crazy Harry)
The Swedish Chef: Duh cake is reedy!
Floyd: Oh, good!
Rowlf: It is ready early, too!
Animal: let's eat!
(the cake explodes. All kinds of green ooze flies over the room)
Rowlf: Oh, no!
Crazy Harry: The place is all green.
Swedish Chef: Well, it's not eesy beun green.
(cut to an almost complete clip of Kermit singign Bein' Green in the Peter Sellers episode)

 

[minor muppetz]

One thing that I thought of after I wrote the last section of the special would be to include a clip montage during the middle of Bein' Green. It would feature the following clips:

Fozzie dumping flour on Kermit (from the candice bergen episode)
Uncle Deadley shaking Kermit (from Twiggy episode)
Kermit unsuccessfully karate-chopping Miss Piggy and subsequently getting karate chopped by Miss Piggy (from the Andy Williams episode)
Gorgon Heap and Vincent Price attempting to eat Kermit
Gonzo's catepault shooting Kermit and Miss Piggy into Statler and Waldorf's box (from the kenny Rogers episode)
Kermit accidently hitting his hand with a gavel (I can't remember if this is from the Rita Moreno or Candice Bergen episode)
Marvin Suggs hitting Kermit with a gavel (from the Brooke Shields episode)
Carol Burnett shaking Kermit
Kermit dancing with Mary Louise and getting thrown into the candeleer (from the Twiggy episode)
Kermit falling onto The Newsman (from the Kenny Rogers episode)
Animal attacking Kermit in Kaye Ballards talk spot
Fozzie hitting Kermit with a hammer during his Phrenology act (from the Cleo Lane episode)
Miss Piggy karate chopping kermit in I Enjoy Being a Girl (from the Cheryll Ladd episode)
Kermit falling off a trampeeze (from the Kenny Rogers episode)
Statler and Waldorf throwing Kermit out of their box (from the Marissa Berensen episode)
Crazy Harry holding a bomb during Kermit's introduction to Ben Vereen's second act
Linda Ronstadt letting Kermit out of a trunk
Juliet Prowse kissing Kermit in her talk spot
Kermit dancing on a piano (from the gene kelly episode)
Kermit and Robin singing together in Friendship (from the Christopher langham episode)
Kermit and Sandy Duncan in Try to Remember the Time of September
Rita Moreno tickling Kermit in her talk spot
Kermit dancing in Disco Frog (from the Christopher reeve episode)
Kermit serenading Miss Piggy in Ukelelee Lady (from the Lou Rawls episode)

Good selection of clips, huh?

 

[minor muppetz]

and now back with more!

(Kermit, Beauregard, and Pops are backstage)
Beauregard: Boy, this was a good place to work.
Pops: yes, it sure was.
Kermit: We've had a lot of great moments back here.
Beauregard: Moments? Like what?
Kermit: (slightly annoyed) Beauregard, you were back here alot. You should know!
Beauregard: Know what?
(we then see some clips, including: Fozzie getting locked in a magic trunk, Kermit firing Miss Piggy, Fleet Scribbler coming to the theater, Kermit telling Fozzie's agent that Fozzie will get ten times as much money as he is currently making, Scooter telling Fozzie that Fozzie is his favorite comedian, Hilda observing Fozzie pretending to be a telephone pole, pirates taking over the theater, Robin trying to ask kermit to let him be in the show while Kermit tries to get the big monsters on-stage, and Floyd telling kermit that the band is quiting)
Scooter: You know, we've also had some great moments with the guest stars in the dressing room.
Kermit: Well, you have.
(cut to the following clips: Scooter telling Steve Martin, Elton John, John Cleese, Leslie Ann Warren, Zero Mostel, and Crystal Gayle to get ready)
Pops: we've also had some interesting guest star moments when they came tot he theater, too.
(cut to the following clips: Tony Randall, Carol Burnet, Melissa Manchester, Lorretta Switt, Mac davis, and Johnny Cash entering the theater)
Kermit: You know, Scooter, our next section of this special is about the greatest guest star moments. Why don't you introduce them?
Scooter: Oh, that would be swell! (makes hand gester) (coming on-stage) And now, ladies and gentlemen, here are some clips with some of our shows greatest guest stars!
(clips include: Fever, What Would You Say?, the talk spot with Paul Williams, It's In His Kiss, I'm Just Wild About Harry, That Old Black Magic, Peter Sellers putting Link in shape, Phyllis Diller showing Gonzo her pocket camera, Kermit and Ethel Merman singing You're the Top!, and The Newsflash with Twiggy)
Lew Zeland: You know, The Muppet Show has also had it's share of recurring sketches. Here are some of them.
(clips include: The newsman reporting on a refridgerator throwing contest, Bunsen showing off his all-purpose tenderizer, Dirth Nadir invading the swinetrek, the cast of Veterinarian's Hospital doing their sketch twice, Mildred asking George if he likes the circus, Louis Kazagger reporting on tree staring, and Patrol Bear bringing in a car)
Miss Piggy: Well, it is now time for another commercial break, but when we get back, vous will get to see a lot more of moi.
Kermit: And the rest of us, too.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, but mostly just moi.

 

[minor muppetz]

back to our program!

(Miss Piggy and Link are on-stage)
Link: You know, The Muppet Show has had a lot of pig moments.
Miss Piggy: That's right. On this show, us pigs rule. And here are...
Link: (interrupting) Here are some clips starring us pigs!
Miss Piggy: (angrily) That was my line. Hiiiiya! (karate chops Link)
(clips include: the "Be a Pig" section of Be a Frog, The Happy Wanderers, Wonderpig, In the Navy, a Pig patient in Veterinarian's Hospital, Kermit getting captured by the pigs, Chopped Liver Monster talking to the swinetrek crew in an alternate language, Vegetarian's Hospital, Kermit the Pig convincing Cloris leachman that he is Kermit the Frog, Swine Lake, Yakity Yak, Link failing to hit the correct button for Mid-Course Correction, Miss Piggy getting offended by the Panel Discussion topic "Was William Shakespear in fact bacon?", Miss Piggy speaking pig latin to kermit in At the Dance, and Pig Calypso)
Link: Those were really great moments.
Miss Piggy: Yes, especially when Moi appeared, right?
(a few generic animals, including a penguin, a rat, a chicken, baskerville, gaffer, a frog, an alligator, and a possum, come out on-stage)
Frog: But Miss Piggy, pigs were not the only animals that appeared on the show.
Baskerville: That's right. There were dogs.
Rat: And rats.
Penguin: And penguins.
Alligator: And a whole lot more!
Chicken: Let's just show the clips!
(clips include: A chicken patient in Veterinarian's Hospital, a rat talking to his dancing partner about moving to a dumpster in the subverb, the penguins singign Alabama Bound, I'm in Love with a Big Blue Frog, a chicken telling it's dancing partner that one of it's kids has the people pox, The Cat Came Back, Never Smile at a Crocodile, I Love the Fish I'm Near, Foo Foo's act, and There Are Millions of Us Who Are Ugly)
(Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rowlf, and Janice all appear backstage)
Kermit: Well, the show's almost over. I hope you all had a good time.
Fozzie: Oh, I sure did.
Rowlf: So did I.
Gonzo: I'm just unhappy because I didn't get electricuted enough.
Janice: Well, the show is not completely over yet.
Rowlf: That's right. We can still do a lot of stuff.
Kermit: Right, but we've only got one more commercial breka left. And remember, our lawyers told me that we could not mention any of the networks that showed reruns of our show, so no mention of The Oddyssey Channel, Nickelodeon, or TNT....
Crazy Harry: (popping up) Did somebody say TNT?
All: No!
(Crazy Harry sets off an explosion anyway and laughs wildly)
Rowlf: (coughing) He must be a Disney spy.
Gonzo: Well, at least I got something that I like.
Scooter: Hey, Kermit, The swedish Chef is finished with the cake.
Kermit: Oh, good. Go get everybody on-stage within eight minutes, and get the cake on-stage faster.
Scooter: I'll also need a body builder to carry the cake.
Rowlf: (entering the stage) Well, the show is almost over, but now I'd like to introduce the best of every season.
Statler: That's the same as the worst of every season, right?
Rowlf: uh, let's just roll the clip reel.
(A sign reading "Season 1" appears, and season 1 clips include Mildred commenting to george that Beautiful Day Monster is absolutely batty, Sweetums giving Vincent Price a hand, Valerie Harper meeting Bernie, The newsman reporting about a trained dancing chicken, the Cowboy Time sketch, temptation, Scooter getting Kermit to hire him, Wayne and Wanda performing I Get a Kick Out of You, The Library sketch, and Behemoth as the Veterinarian's Hospital patient. Then we see a "Season 2" sign, featuring the following clips: Happy Feet, Sweet Gingerbread Man, Gonzo wrestling a brick, Fozzie portraying Miss Piggy, Gonzo playing Flight of the Bumblebee on his bugle, Who?, and a chicken western. Then we see a "Season 3" sign, featuring the following clips: a chicken hitting chimes, Beaker eating edible paper clips and his nose falling off, Rowlf and Zoot getting glued to their instruments, Kermit and Gonzo pushing a train cart, and Miss Piggy almost gettign run over by a train in a melodrama. Then we see a "Season 4" sign, featuring the following clips: Gonzo defusing a bomb, Christopher Reeve and the cast performing Shakespear, Lola Falana singign He's the Greatest Dancer, Diana Ross singign Love hangover, beaker singign Feelings, Doug Henning performing his first magic act, and the prairie dogs singign The Best Things in Life Are Free. Then we see a "Season 5" sign, featuring the following clips: How Much is That Doggy in the Window?, Water, Poision Ivy, When the Saints Come Marching In, Me and gargoyle, Gonzo talking to Paul Simon, Kermit and the frogs singing Surfin' USA, Pops telling Shirley Bassey that she can comb her rat, Scooter finding out that he is helping Gonzo move a trunk full of fungus, Pinnocchio in Veterinarian's Hospital, and the swinetrek crew in a meteor shower)
Kermit: And coming up next, you will get to see a cake big enough for the cast, crew, and audience, and you get to see the end of the show.
Statler: I can't decide which I'm more excited about, the cake or the ending.
Waldorf: Well, either way, it's a win-win situation.

 

[minor muppetz]

And now let's end this thing

Kermit: Well, it's been a great evening, and our cake is about ready. Our monsters are setting up the cake as I speak. (we hear a loud crashing sound)
Robin: Hey, Uncle Kermit, can I introduce the next clip?
Kermit: Uh, of course you can, Robin.
Robin: ladies and gentlemen, one time, on the show, I felt like nobody noticed me, but then our guest star, Bernadette Peters, sang a song that lifted up my spirits. Here is that song.
(cut to "Just One Person)
Kermit: That was a good clip.
Robin: Thank you, Uncle Kermit.
Kermit: Well, our cake is out here, and this cake is much more impressive than the one that my friends made me when they thought it was my birthday.
(cut to the Beyond the Blue Horizon clip)
Kermit: And now, before we get to see the cake, here are some clips from some of our closing numbers.
Statler: A-ha! i knew it! Closing numbers to close the show. Pay up, waldorf.
Waldorf: We didn't make a bet.
Statler: Oh, well, you can't blame an old fool for trying, can ya?
(clips include: Sing, There's No Buisness Like Show Buisness (with Ethel Merman), Tomorrow (with Cleo Lane), Loves Me Like a Rock, We'll Sing in the Sunshine, Top Hat, School's Out For Summer, Two of a Kind, and Happy Trails)
Kermit: And now, I would like to introduce.... our thirtieth anniversary cake!
(the curtains raise and we see a large, ten layer cake, with colored layers being, from top to bottom, green, purple, pink, red, blue, black, brown, white, violet and yellow. sweetums and Doglion are at opposite ends of the cake, and various Muppets are standing around the cake, some on top of the layers, I'll list who later)
Kermit: wow! This is something.
Animal: Hun-gry! Hun-Gry!
Floyd: No! Not yet, Animal!
Animal: Oh, sorry.
Fozzie: I can't wait to eat this cake.
Sweetums: We can all have it.
Doglion: There's plenty to go around.
Miss Piggy: but it should all go to me.
Gonzo: I can use this for an act.
Rizzo: Not if I eat it all first.
Kermit: yeah, this cake really is something, and now, before we all eat, let's close the show with a closing number. Hit it, Rowlf!
(Rowlf plays a few notes on his piano)
Kermit: Life is a funny thing, sometimes you laugh and sing....
Rowlf: Sometimes you mumble and cuss!
Miss Piggy: But either way why do we care?
Kermit and Piggy: We got us!
Fozzie: We have our ups and downs...
Gonzo: Our shares of smiles and frowns...
Scooter: But after all, we don't fuss!
Rizzo: 'cause we got a special thing goign...
All: We got us!
Janice: Some people like to go throught heir life single, aw, that wouldn't suit us at all.
Floyd: Why sing a melody as a sililoquee...
Dr. Teeth: When it's more fun to be...
Electric mayhem: Har-mo-niz-ing!
Kermit: Come on, let's all join in!
All: people may say we are crazy the way we are but we won't even discuss, but either way we can't smother, we trade our life one another, we've only got one another but we've got uuuuuuuus!
(on the last notw, fireworks shoot out and a Muppet Show 30th Anniversary banner appears. Everybody bows and nods their heads)

(then we get another commercial break and then the closing, a new sequence of the orchestra playing the closing theme. At the end, Statler and Waldorf appear)
Statler: Well, that was thirty years and was still awful.
Waldorf: Just wait untill the next thirty years.
Statler: Oh, no!
(the band plays the last beat, and Zoot blows a number 30 out of his saxaphone)

 

[minor muppetz]

Well, here is a listing of what muppets are there for the closing number. Sweetums and Doglion are beside it, and a Bossman and a gawky Bird are also there. The Muppaphones sit around the bottom layer, some snerfs sit on the sides of the cake, and various rats, chickens, heaps, and frogs, as well as Gaffer, sit on the layers.

Rowlf is sitting by his piano next to the left of the piano. The bust of beethoven is sitting on top of the piano. Muppets standing in front of the ake are: Kermit, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Camillia, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Animal, Janice, Zoot, Lips, Nigel the Conductor, Rizzo, Boppity, the Green and Pink frackles who look like Boppity, Gloat, Lenny the Lizard, Beautiful day Monster, Beauregard, George the janitor, Bunsen, Beaker, Mildred, Scooter, Marvin Suggs, Bobby Benson, Hilda, Gladys, The Swedish Chef, Robin, Pops, Lew Zeland, and The Newsman.

 

[Dil]

Here's a few more muppets at the closing:
The Guru, Gorgon Heap, Lobbuck Lou & his Jughuggers, Timmy Monster, Gorgon Heap, Fletcher Bird, Baskerville, Lewis Kazagger, Rowlf, Fleet Scribbler, Wayne & Wanda, Sam the Eagle, Mahna-Mahna, the Snowths, Thog, Mulch, Angus McGonagle, Foo-Foo, Uncle Deadly, Link Hogthrob, Dr. Strangepork & other recurring characters...

& even these characters would appear there:
Hugga Wugga creatures, Betsy Bird, Java Creatures, The Loud At The Dance Girl, the Jim, Frank, & Jerry Muppets, & the Flying Zuchinni Brothers