Fanfic: Miss Piggy on Hollywood Squares

[MUPPETFAN1976]

This was a special Hollywood Squares episode that we did. We began the episode on March 16, 2014 and finished on May 10,2014. This episode is hilarious. The program is also hosted by a very good friend of mine. Mr. Tony Lane. Plus, I tweaked the script a little bit. So, here we go.


-----------------------------------------------------------

　

Doug Morris: Tonight, one of our stars is sitting in a Secret Square... and the contestant who finds it first will have a chance to win a trip to San Antonio! Which star is it?

　

　

　

　

　

　

[OPENING THEME PLAYS...]

　

　

From the center square, GREG PALMER!

　

From Blank Check-- MAXIM VOLKOV!

　

From High Rollers-- STEVEN ANDERSON!

　

From Card Sharks-- MARK LIOTTA!

　

KORI PLANSTON!

　

IAN LAUDATO!

　

MATT BINGEL with from Muppets Most Wanted-- MISS PIGGY!

　

Former 4-time champion KAT SMITH and her husband STAN SMITH!

　

...or me-- I'm DOUG MORRIS from CRAG: The Numbers Game!

　

　

And we are all in--

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

And here is the master of The Hollywood Squares... TONY LANE!

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Tony: Thank you, Doug Morris. Good evening, folks... and welcome to The Hollywood Squares. Hello, stars...!

　

　

　

　

　

　

All panelists: Hello, Tony!

Miss Piggy: Mwah!

Tony: Let me tell you we've got a show for you tonight because we don't have 9 stars. Instead, we have 11 stars tonight. [AUDIENCE OOHs...] Yes. Another thing is we have one of the biggest Stars in Hollywood. (popularity wise) No, it's not Lady Gaga. No, it's not Joan Rivers. Yep, you guessed it. Please welcome, Miss Piggy!

[LOUD CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

Piggy:Kissy kissy, Kissy kissy! Hello Tony.

Tony:Hello,Miss Piggy. It's such an honor to have you here.

Piggy:Aww thank you.

Tony: you look very lovely in that dress. Who are you wearing tonight?

Piggy:Aww thank you. This is Vivenne Westwood. [AUDIENCE OOHs...] Yes, Vivenne is one moi's favorite designers. Plus, Vivenne made moi a whole bunch of wonderful dresses for the new movie.

Tony: Vivenne seems like an interesting person. We'll talk to Piggy later on in the program. Another thing, For those of you who have watched our show, we are now at a brand new home....

　

[AUDIENCE OOHs...]

That's right... we are recording our show at Fox Television Center. Originally the founding place for "The Late Show starring Joan Rivers"... and, of course, Arsenio Hall.

　

　

Let's meet our contestants, shall we...? Our challenger on today's show is Sam Hodkin.

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

And playing against him is our current champion. In just one day, he has an all-cash total of $5,000... please give it up for Matt Ringgenberg!

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

First things first, let's meet our challenger. Sam, please tell everyone in TV land about yourself.

　
Sam:Well, as most of you know, I'm currently fronting a revival of Remote Control over on MTV2, heck of a lot of fun I might add, and I'm standing in in the name of charity.



Tony: And what charity are you playing for?

　


Sam:For tonight, all winnings will be going to Everyman, a male cancer charity in the UK.



　


Tony:Good luck to you, Sam. And Matt... good to have you back with us. Please tell us briefly about you.



　


Matt R.:I'm from Council Bluffs, IA where I'm a courtesy clerk at a local supermarket. I've just got back this past weekend from winning the Gold Medal in Special Olympics.



[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

Tony: Congratulations on winning the gold medal, Matt. Before we start the game, we'll pause immediately for a commercial. When our show resumes, we'll be playing round 1 and see if one of them scores his first win. Keep it locked right here, folks. We'll begin round 1 of The Hollywood Squares... in just a moment.

　

　

*fade to black*

--------------------------------------------------------

And that is Part 1. This is going to be a good episode. Comment about what you think so far.

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Time now for segment 2.

*back to studio*

　

　

Welcome back to The Hollywood Squares. Now that we've gotten to know our players, please allow me to explain the rules.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

The object of the game is to get three stars in a row--

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Either across...

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

...up and down...

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

...or diagonally.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

It's up to you if the star is telling you the truth... or just pulling your necktie. That's how you get the square. And whoever is in the lead at the end of our show will be playing the bonus game for a chance to win as much as $100,000!

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Round 1 is worth $1,000 and each captured square throughout the whole show is worth $250. Matt... now that you're the champion, you'll be going first. Whenever you're ready, please pick a square.

Matt R.:Greg Palmer

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Greg Palmer... host of "$ale of the Century" here on NBC. Greg--

　

　

In what country was the concentration camp "Treblinka" located?

　
Greg:"Treblinka." "Treblinka!?!?" (I go into a state of mania) Slowly I turned...step by step...inch by inch... (I get out of my square, rush up to Tony and "choke" him, much to the uproar of the audience, then I calm down and retreat back to my square)



I believe that would be Ukraine.



Matt R.: I agree.

Tony: The concentration camp "Treblinka" was located in Poland. Circle gets the square.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

[DING]

　

　

　

　

Sam... please pick a square.

　


Greg: There's that word again! (I once again enter that state of mania) Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch..... (this time, I "choke" Miss Piggy to audience uproar, I then calm down and let her go)


　

Me:WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO MY GIRL!!! (Hysterical laughter and applause)

(Me and Piggy whisper the following dialogue)
Me: Hey Piggy.

Piggy: Hmm?

Me: You wanna karate chop Greg?

Piggy: Yep.

Me: Double Team?

Piggy: Yep.

(Goes up to Greg and.... )

ME AND PIGGY: HHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

(or http://www.soundboard.com/sb/The_Muppets_Sounds then click "Piggie Hiya". Then, after click "Piggie Sorry"

(THEN, Greg flies away)

Me:That'll show you that you never mess with me or my girl!
(goes back to our square)


　

Kori:*gasps, ducks under desk in panic*

　

Mark: *takes refuge in the corner of my square*

　

Steven: (4th Wall) Quite the show we got going folks...(/4th Wall)

　

Tony:New at 11, Greg goes on a choking spree.

　

Ian: (ducks)

At least I did not get hit!

　

Nathan Diniz (audience member): *Turns into the Muppet Newsman* "Matt Bingel (or was it Greg Palmer) & Miss Piggy do some karate chopping! Details at 11!"

　

Sam: My good friend Doug Morris please, before we all fall out!

　

Doug: (waves) I'm down here!

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony: Doug Morris... host of "Hot Dice" in syndication and co-producer of an up coming game show... "The Big ShowDown". Douglas--

　

　

　

What company holds the ticker symbol "FUN" on the New York Stock Exchange?

　

Doug: Ohhhhh -- the lines I could use -- but they'd get us thrown off the air. (scattered laughter)

But -- uh -- it sounds like someone we need to call if we're going to launch a home game version of "ShowDown" -- Hasbro.

　

Sam: I disagree.

　

Tony:The company holding the ticker symbol "FUN" on the New York Stock Exchange is-- CEDAR FAIR, LLC. Circle gets the square.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Matt... time for you to make some cash. Please pick a square.

　

　

Matt R.:Kat & Stan for the block.

　

Tony:

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Matt... if you get this question right, you'll receive that vertical block. Former 4-time champion Kat and, her husband, Stan Smith.

　

　

　

　

How many days can a cockroach live up to without its head?[/quote]

　

　

Stan:i'm guessing a week

Kat:Honey it's 9 days

Stan:Ok Fine 9 days then

　

Matt R. I disagree.

　

Tony:Matt...

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

...they're exactly right. It was 9 days.

　

[AUDIENCE GROANS...]

　

　

　

Can't put a circle there, you have to earn it yourself. Sam, back to you. Please pick a square.

　

Sam:Kat and Stan for the win.

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:If you get this $250 square right, you'll earn an additional $1,000. Kat & Stan--

　

　

What US state was first to legalize same-sex marriage?

　

Stan:why this question

Kat:don't worry dear i'll take care of it Sam it's Massachusetts trust us.

　

Sam:I agree.

　

Tony: The first US state to legalize same-sex marriage is--

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Massachusetts. Circle gets the square and the win!

　

[WIN CUE]

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

At the end of round 1, our challenger Sam has $1,750... our champion Matt-- there's still plenty of time to make a comeback. Let's go now to our second round. Not only that... it' s also our Secret Square game. If one of you select a Secret Square and get the question right, you'll be packing your bags to this vacation destination. Doug...?

　

(theme plays)

　



Doug: Destination -- Alamo City. It's a trip to San Antonio, Texas.



(audience cheers)

　

　



You and a guest will fly round trip coach to San Antonio for a six-night stay in a luxurious hotel on the Riverwalk -- the heart of all the action in San Antonio.



　

　



We're also adding a spectacular dinner for you and your companion at the Tower of the Americas...



　

　

　



...a VIP tour of the Alamo...



　

　

　



...and a private cruise for two of the Riverwalk. It's a Texas-sized vacation package worth $10,425.



　

　

　

---------------------------------------------------------

　

TAPE STOPS

　

Ok. I (matt) am going to ask you who you think the secret square is. Think about it. Type in your predictions and how you did after you read the program. And now back to Hollywood Squares.

　

TAPE RESUMES

　

------------------------------------------------------

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony: Thank you, Doug. Now let's show our home audience who that Secret Square is...

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

And this time, the challenger will be going first. Sam... please pick a square.

　

Sam: Has to be my buddy in the middle Greg Palmer.

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony: Greg Palmer, host of many shows that I've lost count on. Anyways... Greg--

　

　

　

What popular spirit can be made from potatoes?

　

Greg:Really? How come I get asked all the questions about alcohol? I don't drink!!!!!!!


Can I get a new question, please?

　

Tony:Since Greg can't create a bluff, the correct answer was VODKA. Here's a new question.

　

　

　

Who wrote the book "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test"?

　

Greg:The same person that writes the questions to this show! (audience laughs)



All right..... I believe that would be a very funny guy, one of my favorite columnists, Dave Barry.

　

Sam:I'm going to disagree..

　

Tony:The author who wrote the book, "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" was actually Tom Wolfe. Circle gets the square...

　

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

And we'll pause for a commercial. When our show continues, we'll resume the Secret Square game. One of them is that person will be playing for a $10,000-plus trip to San Antone. We'll find out which star is it when The Hollywood Squares comes right back... after this. Stick around, folks...

　

　

*fade to commercial*

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Time for segment 3.

*back to studio*

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

Tony:Welcome back to The Hollywood Squares. For those of you who are tuning us here for the first time, we are coming to you at a new home... Fox Television Center in "Tinseltown". We have just started our Secret Square game and the champion needs to get some cash on the board. Matt... please pick a square.

　

Matt R.:Mark Liotta

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Mark Liotta... host of "Card Sharks" on CBS and CBC in his native country in Canada. Mark--

　

　

　

Who plays Ashley Judd's parole officer in the 1999 picture "Double Jeopardy"?

　

Mark:I've seen this movie, but I can't remember the name of the actor who played this role. Tom Hanks?

　

Matt R.: I Disagree

　

Tony:It was Tommy Lee Jones. X gets the square.

　

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam, please pick a square.

　

Sam: Matt Bingel and Miss Piggy please.

　

　

[BUGLE CHARGE, VARIOUS SOUND EFFECTS...]

　

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Matt Bingel & Miss Piggy are tonight's Secret Square! If Sam gets the Secret Square question right, he'll be going to San Antonio worth more than 10 grand. Audience, please do not shout out the answers because we cannot process a new question until Ryan Morris becomes the host of "Win Doug Morris' Swiss Bank Account".

　

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS...]

　

　

Matt... Miss Piggy... here is the Secret Square question.

　

　

　

Which Middle Eastern food is a light paste made from toasted sesame seeds? Is it Basmati, Phyllo, or Tahini?

　

Me: Let's see here. None of us have ever been to the Middle East, but there have been scenes of some Muppet Productions where the setting was somewhere in the Middle East.

Piggy: Right!

Me: We're going to guess here and say Phyllo (it's actually spelled Filo)

　

Sam: I disagree.

　

Tony: Sam Hodkin...

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

...PACK YOUR BAGS! The correct answer is Tahini. Circle gets the Secret Square!

　

　

[WIN CUE]

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Mr. Ringgenberg, it's your turn to pick a square.

　

Matt R.: Ian Laudato for the block.

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Matt... if you get this question right, you'll score a block. Ian Laudato--

　

　

　

U2's Paul Hewson is better known by what nickname?

　

Ian: That would be Bono.

　

Matt R.: I agree!

　

　

Tony:You're right, Matt... it was Bono. X gets the block.

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam (if you're still alive), please pick a square.




　



Sam: Steven Anderson please.

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

Tony:Steven Anderson... host of "High Rollers" here on NBC. Steven--

　

　

What is the nothernmost provincial capital?

　



Steven: Canterlot???

(A few bronies cheer in the audience, most stay silent)


No......seriously, I've had many e-mails across town regarding my interest in miniature equines, and I shant allow it to distract you from the correct answer....


Edmonton, Alberta

　

Sam: I'm going to Agree with that.

　

Tony:It was Edmonton. Circle gets the square.

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

Matt, please pick a square.

　

Matt R.:Maxim Volkov for the block.

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:If you get this question right, you'll receive the diagonal block. Maxim Volkov, host of "Blank Check".

　

　

　

What US state has the longest coastline?

　

(time passes)

　

Tony:Maxim didn't answer the question due to a missed deadline. Matt, you have the option of either answering this question or pass. If you're going for it, you must answer it right and achieve that block. Again, your question...



What US state has the longest coastline?

　

Matt R.:Alaska

　

Tony:Alaska...

　

　

　

　

...is right! X gets the block.

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam... please pick a square.

　

(time passes)

　

Sam have missed the 24 hour deadline. Therefore, it's time for me to activate the Randomizer.

　

　

　

[RANDOMIZER ACTIVATES...]

　

　

The lights are in tandem order. By the time hit the deactivation button, the Randomizer will select a square for Sam. And--

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

STOP!

　

[RANDOMIZER DEACTIVATES...]

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

And the Randomizer have selected Doug Morris... host of "Hot Dice". Check your local listings for date and time in your area. Doug--

　

　

　

What fruit has a regeneration rate?

　

　

Doug:Wow -- where's Doctor Who when you need him? He knows a thing or two about regeneration?

(a few laughs from the crowd)

Pumpkins?

　

Sam: I disagree.

　

Tony:It was the apple. Circle gets the square...

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

And we'll pause immediately for a commercial. Coming up after the break, we'll have the conclusion of our second round. Will the champion emerge victory once again... or our challenger will win it for his charity? We'll give you the answers when The Hollywood Squares continues... after this commercial time out. Stick around, folks...

　

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

Doug Morris: Closed Captioning sponsored tonight by the following--

　

[youtube]YrtbLblWptQ[/youtube]


----------------------------------------------

　

DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK

　

(Stan cuddles up to Miss Piggy)

　

Me: I'm jealous now. (audience laughs, cheers, and applause)

　

(then, Piggy gets me into the cuddle.)

Me: That's much better.

　

(Stan then goes back to his square. Me & Piggy cuddle during the break)

---------------------------------------------------

　

*fade to promo*

　

[MAIN THEME]

　

Doug Morris: If you live in the Los Angeles area and want to be an audience member at our new home at FOX Television Center, please send in a self addressed stamped envelope to--

　

　

　

Or you can log on to NBC.com/squares for more details.

　

　

　

　

　

　

Stay tuned for more Squares antics in just a moment. Don't go away...

　

　

　

*fade to commercial*

　

----------------------------------------------------

That's the end of segment 3. Now you found out who the secret square was. Stay tuned for more of Hollywood Squares.

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Time now for Segment 4.

------------------------------------------

*back to studio*

　

　

　

Tony:Welcome back to The Hollywood Squares. We have some BREAKING NEWS to report. Our panelist Ian Laudato won't be here with us due to an emergency (computer problems). However, the show must go on. Our director Chris Darley have decided to let Miss Piggy to be Ian's replacement. Give it up for Miss Piggy, everyone...

　

[WILD CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

Piggy: Kissy Kissy, Kissy Kissy.
　

Now that everything is back in order... let me remind the both of you that we'll continue playing the game until you hear this sound...

　

[TACKY BUZZER]

　

　

Whoever is in the lead at the end of our show will be playing the bonus game for a chance to win as much as $100,000!

　

[[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]



　

　

　

Now, let's resume the game with round 2. Matt... whenever you're ready, please pick a square.

　

Matt R.:Kat & Stan for the block.

　

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:If you get this question right, you'll receive a block. Kat & Stan...

　

　

　

What city was talk show host Jerry Springer mayor of from 1977-1978?

　

Kat:hmm I don't know that

Stan:don't worry I know it's Cincinnati, Ohio

　

Matt R.: I Agree!

　

Tony:It was indeed Cincinnati, Ohio. X gets the block.

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam... please pick a square.




　

　



Sam: Has to be Kori Planston for the block and 5 square win please.




Tony:

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

If you get this question right, you'll get the fifth square and the win. Kori Planston...

　

　

　

How many chromosomes does a turkey have?

　



Kori: *polishes sunglasses, places them on*

Well, my turkeys personally have 574 chromosomes. They comprise of the English alphabet, the Greek alphabet, the Esperanto alphabet, and the others are all from other European countries.

My gut instinct would have to be three for everyone else's turkeys.




　



Sam:I disagree with that one Tony.

　

Tony:The number of chromosomes the turkey have are--

　

　

　

80 of them. Circle gets the square and a five-square win!

　

　

[WIN CUE]

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Let's quickly clear the board and move on over to round 3. It's now worth $3,000. Matt, you'll be going first. Whenever you're ready, please pick a square.

　

Matt R.: Greg Palmer

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Greg Palmer... host of "The Cheap Show" on Comedy Central. Greg--

　

　

　

Who did Prince Charles wed in a "wedding fit for a prince" in 2005?

　



Greg:A "wedding fit for a prince", eh? Heh, I guess everyone's downsizing.....



All right.... it's Kate Middleton.




　



Matt R.: I disagree.




　

Tony: It was Camilla Parker Bowles. X gets the square.

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam, please pick a square.

　



Sam:Doug Morris please.

　

Doug: (waves) I'm down here!

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tonyoug Morris... host of "Hot Dice". Check your local listings for date and time and on DougMorris.net/games. Doug--

　

　

　

Who wrote the Christmas novel, The Lost Angel in 1971?




　

(time passes)

　

[TIME UP BUZZER...]

　

　

Tony:Time's up. Since Doug Morris have missed the deadline, you have the option of either answering this question or just pass and move on to a brand new question. Again, your question...

　

　

　

Who wrote the Christmas novel, The Lost Angel in 1971?

　



Sam: I'm going to Pass.




　

Tony:It was ELIZABETH GOUDGE. Since Doug can't come up with a bluff and Sam's decision to pass, let's move on to a brand new question.

　

　

　

　

Doug Morris... here's a new question for you.

　

　

　

What is crossed with a blackberry and loganberry to produce a boysenberry?

　



Doug: A halleberry? (a few laugh) No -- about a blueberry.




　



Sam: I disagree.




　

Tony: A fruit crossed with a blackberry and loganberry to produce a boysenberry is called... a raspberry. Circle gets the square.

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Matt, back to you. Please pick a square.

　

Matt R.:Mark Liotta

　

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony:Mark Liotta... host of "Card Sharks"... not to mention that the show is ending its 10 year run on CBS. Congrats to Mark for ending the 10 year anniversary with a huge bang.

　

[STANDING OVATION FROM AUDIENCE...]

　

　

Mark, here's this question...

　

　

　

How long is a round in boxing?

　

(time passes)

　

Tony:Mark Liotta have missed the deadline. Matt... you could either answer this question or pass. Here's your question one more time...

　

　

　

　

How long is a round in boxing?

　



Matt R.: 3 Minutes

　

Tony:3 minutes is correct. X gets the square.

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Sam... please pick a square.

　

(time passes)

　

Sam have missed the deadline. So it's time for me to use the Randomizer. And... STOP!

　

　

[RANDOMIZER DEACTIVATES...]

　

　

　

http://www.dougmorris.net/games/sfxapplausecheers3.mp3[/SIZE]][CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

[TACKY BUZZER]

　

　

That noisy thing means it's our final question for tonight. Miss Piggy... star of "Muppets Most Wanted". In theaters everywhere right now. Miss Piggy--

　

　

　

What country gave the Statue of Liberty to the US?

　

Piggy:Since the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, I'm surprised it didn't come with both arms raised.

(heavy laughter, applause, and cheering)

So, moi am going to say my 2nd home. France.

　

Sam: I'm going to agree.

　

Tony: Yes,of course, it was France. Circle get the square.

　

　

　

　

　

[DING, APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

At the end of our show, Matt has a total of $1,500. But Sam... with $5,500, he's today's winner!

　

[WIN CUE]

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

Sam, you'll be playing the bonus game for your charity in the next 4 minutes. Matt... you were a great player. Since we had technical issues before the start of the show due to the ineligibility of a contestant not participating. Is it possible if you'll come back on tomorrow's show?

　

Matt R.: Oh absolutely!

　

Tony: Awesome.... we'll see you on tomorrow's show with a total of $6,500. Folks... coming up next, Sam Hodkin will be playing the bonus game and we'll announce the winner of the Secret Square prize package to an audience member. We'll return with the conclusion of The Hollywood Squares right after this pause.



*fade to commercial*
---------------------------------

Stay tuned for the last segment coming soon.

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Time now for the last segment.

-------------------------------------------------------

　

*back to studio*

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

Welcome back to The Hollywood Squares. I'm here with our celebrity winner... Sam Hodkin. In his one-time appearance, he has a total of $15,925 for a UK-based male cancer society, Everyman. In a few minutes, he'll be playing the bonus game for his charity and an audience member.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Each of the nine stars have a sealed envelope. All you have to do is pick a square, get the question right, and you'll win an additional cash amount while one lucky audience member could win one of these prizes. Doug...?

　

(theme plays)

　



Doug: Sam, you could win a gold and diamond necklace worth $10,000; a trip to Tahiti worth over $9000 or this NEW CAR!



　

(audience cheers)

　

Feel the need for speed with the Volvo S60. It comes with a 240 horsepower engine, automatic transmission, cruise control, eight-speaker sound system and much more. A terrific prize worth $33,475.



　

　

　

　




[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Tony: That's not all. We also have the ultimate cash prize... $100,000!

　

　

[LOUD CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Whenever you're ready, Sam... please select a square.

　
Sam: Let's go with Mark Liotta.




　

　

　

Tony:Sam have chosen Mark Liotta. Whenever you're ready, please open the envelope and see what audience member will be playing for.

　

*Mark opens envelope*

　

　

　

　

　

　

It's a necklace.

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

If Sam gets the question right, he'll win the cash for his charity and an audience member will win both the necklace and the Secret Square prize. Mark, here comes this question.

　

　

　

　

In honor of his World War I division, what did Major Frederic McLaughlin rename the team he moved from Portland, Oregon? Was the team the Chicago Blackhawks, the Detroit Red Wings, or the Toronto Maple Leafs?

　

(time passes)

　

　

Tony:Sorry about the delay, folks. Since Mark have missed the deadline, Sam... it's all up to you and answer this all important question. Here it comes...

　

　

　

In honor of his World War I division, what did Major Frederic McLaughlin rename the team he moved from Portland, Oregon? Was the team the Chicago Blackhawks, the Detroit Red Wings, or the Toronto Maple Leafs?

　
Sam: Educated guess, Chicago Blackhawks.




　

Tony:The Chicago Blackhawks...

　

　

　

　

　

　

...is RIGHT!

　

[WIN CUE]

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Before Doug describes the winning prize, I want you to pick an audience member between 1 and 500. Please select a number, Sam.

　
Sam: Let's go with 135.




　
Tony: #135 is... Jackie Freed from Atlanta, Georgia. Congrats on winning the Secret Square prize and a necklace. For more details on the necklace, please listen closely to Doug Morris.




　

(theme plays)

　



Doug: Congratulations, you've won a gold and diamond necklace. This 18 carat white and yellow gold necklace come with 75 colorless diamonds and 18 fancy colored diamonds. Yours with a gift card from ServiceMerchandise.com worth -- $15,000.



　

　

(audience cheers)

　

Tony:I'm sure that audience will be the Belle of the ball wearing that necklace. Now let's see who was the star that holds the $100,000 envelope...

　

　

　

　

　

It was Kat & Stan Smith.

　

　

Sam Hodkin is gonna leave us along with a cash winnings for his charity... Everyman--

　

　

　

　

　

　

$30,925!

　

[CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

Let's talk to Miss Piggy one more time. Piggy, there are a bunch of cameos in the movie. Can you name a few?

　

Piggy: Well, sure. There's the lovely Celion Deon, Lady Gaga, Ross Lynch, just to name a few.

　

Tony: OK. One more question.

　

Piggy: Hmm?

　

Tony: Do you get star struck meeting so many Hollywood stars?

　

Piggy: Does moi get star struck? No, I think it's the other way around. (audience laughs) I think stars get struck by moi. (audience laughs)

　

Tony: It's so true. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Give it up for Miss Piggy!

　

[LOUD CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

[MAIN THEME]

　

Be sure to join us tomorrow when our returning champion Matt Ringgenberg tries to go for win #2 and have a shot at winning $100,000. Stay tuned now for "The Voice"... next on NBC. Until we meet again... this is Tony Lane saying thanks for watching. See you next week... on The Hollywood Squares. So long for now, my friends...

　

[LONG CHEERS and APPLAUSE]

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Doug Morris: Some of today's participants may receive for culinary pleasure, Kikkoman Soy Sauce. The all-purpose sauce that brings out the best in meat, fish, fowl and vegetables. Kikkoman, the exciting taste tang.

　

Pasta Mama's. Brings convenience to gourmet cooking with its designer line of pasta. Everything from Fettuccine Alfredo to their line of dessert pastas and sauces. From Pasta Mama's.

　

Blistex creamed moisturizers to soothe your lips. Blistex brings new life to dry, chapped lips.

　

An Argus digital camera. It gives you up to 250 images, four hours of voice recording and five minutes of video. An American tradition since 1936 from Argus.

　

And in addition to the prize awarded, an audience member (selected at random) will also receive from Hawaiian Tropic, an attractive beach mat and natural tanning lotions and oils. Hawaiian Tropic, the tan of the islands.

　

　

Because of a contestant's ineligibility before the start of the show, a celebrity contestant was replaced and the program edited.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS​

​

MERRILL BOB​

HEATTER QUIGLEY​

　

　

Doug: This has been a Merrill Heatter/Bob Quigley Production.


　

　

　

　

　


　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Producers​

​

HENRY WINKLER​

GREG PALMER​

DOUG MORRIS​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Directed by​

​

CHRIS DARLEY​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Associate Producer​

​

HARRY FRIEDMAN​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Writers​

​

WHOOPI GOLDBERG​

BRUCE VILANCH​

PAUL LYNDE​

ELLEN DEGENERES​

GILBERT GOTTFRIED​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Assistant to​

Executive Producer​

​

RYAN MORRIS​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Celebrity Coordinator​

​

RHONDA SHEAR​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Assistant to Producer​

​

VICKI CASPER-PEZZULO​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Miss Piggy Operator/Voice​

​

ERIC JACOBSON​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Production Assistants​

​

BILL McDEE​

DOUG MORRIS​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Contestant Coordinator​

​

IDA MAE McKENZIE​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Production Staff​

​

ROBERT HOPPER​

MIGUEL ENCISO​

JUDITH CREIFIELDS​

TIM TRUMBO​

EDEN CRAIG​

MARCIE FORD​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Art Director​

​

johnnysama​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Music by​

​

STAN WORTH​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Unit Manager​

​

RYAN MORRIS​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Associate Director​

​

GREG PALMER​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Stage Managers​

​

ADAM SANDLER​

ROB SCHNEIDER​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Technical Director​

​

SKIPPY TREBEK​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Lighting Director​

​

CARL PITSCH​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Audio​

​

JOE RALSTON​

JIM KIGAR​

JAY LEWIS​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Video​

​

LES SHAW​

​

　​

​

　​

​

　​

​

Announcer​

​

DOUG MORRIS​

​

​

　​

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

[youtube]TX6Tb1N5DRc[/youtube]

　

---------------------------------------------------

There you go. That's Hollywood Squares. I got the episode from the Big Jon's PC Games Forum. Type in what you think and who you thought the Secret Square was. Thanks for reading.

 

[fozzieisfunny]

This was awesome!!!!! You should make more episodes ( and I would love to be involved, maybe.)

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Thanks for the support, but I actually got this off of an archive of another forum. I thought to myself: If it has a Muppet in it, why not do it as a fanfic?

 

[fozzieisfunny]

Oh!! Well, it's still good, and thank you for posting!!!! I would have never found it anyways.

 

[MUPPETFAN1976]

Well, thanks for the support.