And now I present the first installment of my Valentine's Day stoooooory...
Get Me to the Church on Time!
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Backstage at the Benny Vanderghast Theater... Always a maelstrom of activity, tonight was no different than other nights. His footsteps paced to and fro hurriedly, the claws leaving miniature grooves in the flooring. "Oh, why did I let that frog rope me into this!" Uncle Deadly lamented to nobody in particular. "More importantly... Why did I agree to let that dog and cat have their rehearsal dinner here?" The phantomly dragon turned first this way, then the other, his eyes questioning the air as to when would they leave. He had a date to keep this night of nights and he dreaded what she would do to him if he dared show his haunting horned self at their rendezvous, lest he arrive at an undevilly hour.
The Muppets filed into their home away from home, one by one and some two by two, arms linked and all asmiles. Though Mr. Devinshire's mind wanted so badly to join his ghostly ghoul-fiend, he was too much of a generous host, shelving his own selfishness for the time being. "Come my friends" beckoned the darkness dweller, ushering all the members of the troop into the theater. "Bork, bork! Der mooncha-mooncha be getta cüld, herdy flerdy." proclaimed that speaker of mock-Swedish, who breeched the theater's double doors earlier that day, so as to have enough time to prepare the banquet. The canteen's kitchen was a flurry of activity, some would have mistaken it with a veritable torture chamber if they chanced a peek at the culinary artiste's unconventional hardware. Roasted chops braised to perfection in a red wine glaze, strawberry Queen of Hearts' cocktails topped with a spritz of mint, hot buttered rolls flaky to the touch, and rice and steamed vegetables boiling in fragrant jazmin tea along with chilled passion fruit soup, he hastened off stage right to put the finishing touches on a batch of blackberry tarts to be dolliped with a small scoop of ice cream at dessert time. Noone questioned the intensity the Chef put into his work, the labor of love, at least when he was motivated to make a magnificent meal edible for their digestive systems. All eyes were on Kermit, his arm warmly winding its way around Piggy's shoulders. His glass lifted high and toast toasted to Rowlf and Wanda's pending nuptials, everybody devoured the meals before them. Yes, true to Muppet form, quiet and sanity had but a brief reprieve before the zanyness that hounded their personas caught up with them again.
Sated with dinner and a lovely dessert, songs sung and drinks drunk... The party broke up, half opting to return to the boarding house. Deadly swooped hither and yon, tending dutifully to his guests. His movements so swift and still so silent, you would almost think he was some foul-tempered winged demon from the Netherworld but with a soul as angelic as their own personal guardian. The couples were the only remaining revelers lingering at the theater this night... Piggy had dragged Kermit upstairs to her dressing room, prefering her own personal private turf to make Kermit remember just whose girl she was, away from prying eyes or prattling mouths. Scooter and Sara simply chose to breathe in the cold evening air seated on the back alley steps leading into their place of business. The young gofer's arm cradled his redheaded beauty, her head resting on his shoulder as she sighed happily. Gonzo on the other hand, excused himself from Camilla's side... His assistance was needed elsewhere and apparently promised a thrilling doom if he didn't comply.
"Where's my cufflinks?" asked the Muppet monster, searching in the drawers of his alcove, tucked into a corner that you just sort of found by wandering past. "Did you check in the jacket's pockets?" offered the weirdo. "Yes, they're not..." Two matching silven cufflinks emerged from the jacket's front pocket, clutched by the phantom's clawed blue hand. "All fright... Pants please?" "You wear pants?" "Yes Gonzo, and so do you." A quick look down at his torso revealed his embarrassment, "oh yeah, guess I forgot" blurted the whatever. "Fright."
"Uh, are we almost done? Cause my little chicky..." "Yes, yes... Help me with this jacket and you may leave." Gonzo's arms held out the black ash jacket at arms' length, the sleeves held out straight so Uncle Deadly could quickly shove his arms through. Eau de Doom splashed on his countenance and a dead white rose in his lapel, he snatched his parsel in a mad dash off to parts unknown, thanking Gonzo for his help. "Thank you Gonzo... You may now depart from my humble abode." Hands shook grew into a hug between the two blue bachelors, both sharing the same desire to rejoin their significant others post-haste.
"Coming!" the daredevil screamed after hearing her cooey clucks, hopes of snuggling with his feathery fiancee inside a local laundromat mingling in that odd bodkins of a brain of his.
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