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Jim Henson Idea Man
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Sam and Friends BookIf they really want Elmo to be a 2-year-old, he should occasionally be doing things like this. BTW, brushed up a lot, this might actually be something they could use as it is something important to teach the age they target, proper things to put in your moth and what not to. You could have Gabi be the "bbaysitter" who mst put Elmo int imeout. Yes, Elmo in timeout, hey this is parody after all. Read on.
Introduction to Elmo’s World, but sung by an 8th grade girl.) “Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayon, too. That’s Elmo’s World!”
(Kiersten, the singer, appears on the set - she is moderate in dress and very pleasant - much like Gabi. She‘s usually very tender, but even when she‘s most aggravated in this sketch, she has something of a smile on her face and often a bit of a laugh in her voice, like what Elmo‘s saying is just silly.)
Kiersten: Hi, welcome to Elmo’s world. (A sigh is heard in the background.) As you can see, I’m not Elmo I’m not even orange. Elmo’s parents hired me to babysit though, and…(she looks at her watch) Well, follow me. (Camera follows her to a corner of Elmo’s room, Elmo is sitting facing the wall.) Elmo, you may get up now, but remember, you are to stay away from any bottles of stuff that you don’t know what it is.
Elmo (as he rises) Yes, Kiersten. (He looks at her) Will Kiersten have to tell Elmo’s Mommy and Daddy?
K: I’m going to tell them you obeyed right away when I punished you, and that you understand what you did was bad and very dangerous. And, that we talked about how dangerous that can be, and they don’t have to punish you, though they’ll want to talk to you to make sure you understand, I bet.
E (as Kiersten leaves): Thanks, Kiersten. (To camera) Oh, hi! Welcome to Elmo’s World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. But, Elmo has to say something. (Sadly) See, Elmo got into a bottle of stuff under the sink. And, Elmo’s babysitter Kiersten caught Elmo and yelled loud. That scared Elmo. But, not as much as when we talked about how Elmo could have been hurt bad if Elmo put any of that in his mouth. It’s very dangerous and very bad to get into household cleaners and things like that. When Elmo did that, Elmo had to sit in the corner as punishment. But, Elmo could have had to go to the hospital. Elmo could have even died. So, Elmo doesn’t have anything for us to….
K (coming back onstage): I don’t have anything to talk about.
E: Oh, hi, Kiersten. You remember Kiersten, don’t you? When Elmo was thinking about burping, Kiersten showed us how to burp a baby.
K: Look, never mind that. Elmo, can’t you talk normally?
E: What does Kiersten mean?
K: That’s just it - it’s what do you mean.
E: What does Elmo mean about what?
K: Elmo, look. When you asked if I would tell your mommy and daddy what you did, you asked me if Kiersten would.
E: And Kiersten will, because Kiersten was right. Elmo was naughty. Anything that cleans has things in it that mess up your body.
K: Elmo, you don’t have to say Kiersten will, I’m right here. Say I will.
E: I will. There, Elmo said I will, is Kiersten happy?
K: Elmo, that was ever crazier. It made it sound like you’re not Elmo, but you said someone named Elmo said you would.
E: Said Elmo would what?
K: Never mind that. Look, just pull up your shade. (Shade goes up by itself.)
E: Oh, look, it’s Mr. Noodle. Say hi to Kiesten, Mr. Noodle. (Mr. Noodle waves hello with his foot by wiggling his toes at the camera.) Oh, that’s so silly, Mr. Noodle. Oh, look, Mr. Noodle’s getting milk from a refrigerator and pouring a glass of milk. That‘s the only place you should get something to drink from, a refrigerator, or a cupboard, if your Mommy or Daddy or someone else in charge says it‘s okay. . Is Mr. Noodle going to drink the milk? (Mr. Noodle nods his head, but tries to pour the milk in his ear. Child call for him to use him mouth. He pours the glass into his nose and coughs before getting it right. Shade goes down.)
E: That last is what Elmo should have done. But, Elmo was naughty, ‘cause he wanted to get into the cleaning supplies and see what they were like. Anyway, now Elmo has a question forrrrr you.
K: See, Elmo, that’s what I mean! You call the people in the audience you! Yet you say Kiersten to me.
E: But, that’s Kiersten’s name.
K (pointing at the audience): Look, not everyone out there has the name of ‘You.’
E: What should Elmo call Kiersten.
K: Elmo, when you talk directly to me, you call me Kiersten. When you talk about me, you use second person.
E: Oh, Elmo gets it. It’s a counting game.
K: Huh?
E Elmo has to find the second person, and call Kiersten that. Hmmm, let’s see…
K: Elmo, the term to use for second person is ‘you.’
E (pointing to himself): Elmo?
K: Elmo, no, listen to me. You refer to yourself as ‘me.’
E: So, Elmo is Kiersten, and Kiersten is Elmo…? (Looks at camera even more bug-eyed than normal): Elmo is very confused. Are you?
K Elmo, see, that’s it. You didn’t call them Elmo, you called them you, right?
E: Right.
K: So, see, you call me ‘you’ unless you’re calling me like you’re asking me something. If you’re asking me something, then you use Kiersten.
E: Okay, okay, Elmo’s got it. Now…(listens to Dorothy) Oh, okay. Dorothy wants us to find out about poisons. (Picture of a bottle of milk) Is milk poison? (Kids say no) But you still shouldn’t drink it after the expiration date they put on it at the store. Is bleach poison? (Kids shout yes.) Yes, bleach is very poisonous, if you drink it you could die. Is water poison? (Kids say no) Not usually, but in Mexico it makes you go potty like crazy. Is orange juice poison? (No) No, orange juice is very good for you.
(We see Elmo taking a glass of orange juice from Kiersten): Thank you, Kiersten. Did Elmo say that right?
K (as he drinks): Yes, but you should ask if I said it right?
E: I should ask if you said what right?
K: No, I’m saying that you, Elmo, haven’t picked up something two-year-olds pick up without any training; it’s a miracle, really, when they do. Only God could make a creature do that so fast.
E: What’s a miracle?
K: Langugae. How first and second person work. And they pick up even faster that words in past tense have -ed on the end.
E: Oh, like played or hopped.
K (as Elmo finishes the juice): Right. Of course, then you have to work a few years on when not to say it, like three year olds sometimes say drinked instead of drank, or runned instead of ran.
E: Elmo doesn’t say Elmo drinked the juice, Elmo knows it’s Elmo drank.
K: Elmo, how can you know it’s drank instead of drinked, like a five-year-old would, and yet you don’t know to call yourself by ‘I’ or ‘me?’
E: Elmo doesn’t know.
K: I don’t know!
E: At least you’re not alone.
K: All right, let’s just forget about it. Now, if you talk about someone else, like let’s say you’re thinking about your friend Grover.
E: Why is Elmo thinking about Grover?
K: This is just for pretend, okay.
E: Okay, Elmo is thinking about Grover.
K: Now, at first you want to say his name, to let people know who you’re talking about. But, from time to time, you should use third person.
E: Elmo can’t use third person.
K: Why not?
E: Well, there’s Elmo, and then there’s Kiersten, that’s two. And there’s nobody else here. And the third person would make three.
K: Never mind. What else do we have to do here to finish Elmo’s World?
E: Well, usually Elmo thinks about some of Elmo’s friends…
K: My friends.
E; You know them, too? That’s great. Who’s your favorite.
K: I don’t know.
E: Oh, yeah, he’s a great third baseman.
K: Who is.
E: No, Who’s on first.
K: Elmo, I can’t believe you can get Abbott and Costello and you can’t get first person. (Thinks a second): Of course, maybe it makes sense, maybe you’re used to crazy names. What are your parents’ names?
E: Mommy and Daddy.
K: I should have known. At least that part makes sense, I’ve known three-year-olds to say that.
E: To say what?
K: That their mother’s name is Mommy.
E: Wow, you know a Mommy named Mommy just like Elmo’s Mommy.
K: Well, yes, but your Mommy doesn’t call herself Mommy when she talks, does she?
E: No, she has another name, too. Well, actually, she has two. Honey and Sweetheart.
K: Doesn’t she ever say ‘I am going to do something.’
E: Yes, she said you were going to babysit me, and here you are.
(End jingle plays, Jingle bells is the tune)
K: What’s that?
E: It’s the music that says this part is over. Whatever Elmo was thinking about, he says the word to the tune of Jingle Bells.
K: Even Sesame Street? (He nods): Elmo, that’s crazy. The Sesame Street song starts “Sunny Days,” it is not Ses-a-me, Ses-a-me,” even the two year olds watching the show would know that.
E: So, what does that mean?
K: It means even two-year-olds suspect you have a learning disability.
E: Oh, could we think about that? Maybe we could ask if you can eat or drink it.
K: That’s not…oh, forget it, I don’t give a darn.
E: Oh, that’s the shortstop.
Introduction to Elmo’s World, but sung by an 8th grade girl.) “Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayon, too. That’s Elmo’s World!”
(Kiersten, the singer, appears on the set - she is moderate in dress and very pleasant - much like Gabi. She‘s usually very tender, but even when she‘s most aggravated in this sketch, she has something of a smile on her face and often a bit of a laugh in her voice, like what Elmo‘s saying is just silly.)
Kiersten: Hi, welcome to Elmo’s world. (A sigh is heard in the background.) As you can see, I’m not Elmo I’m not even orange. Elmo’s parents hired me to babysit though, and…(she looks at her watch) Well, follow me. (Camera follows her to a corner of Elmo’s room, Elmo is sitting facing the wall.) Elmo, you may get up now, but remember, you are to stay away from any bottles of stuff that you don’t know what it is.
Elmo (as he rises) Yes, Kiersten. (He looks at her) Will Kiersten have to tell Elmo’s Mommy and Daddy?
K: I’m going to tell them you obeyed right away when I punished you, and that you understand what you did was bad and very dangerous. And, that we talked about how dangerous that can be, and they don’t have to punish you, though they’ll want to talk to you to make sure you understand, I bet.
E (as Kiersten leaves): Thanks, Kiersten. (To camera) Oh, hi! Welcome to Elmo’s World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. But, Elmo has to say something. (Sadly) See, Elmo got into a bottle of stuff under the sink. And, Elmo’s babysitter Kiersten caught Elmo and yelled loud. That scared Elmo. But, not as much as when we talked about how Elmo could have been hurt bad if Elmo put any of that in his mouth. It’s very dangerous and very bad to get into household cleaners and things like that. When Elmo did that, Elmo had to sit in the corner as punishment. But, Elmo could have had to go to the hospital. Elmo could have even died. So, Elmo doesn’t have anything for us to….
K (coming back onstage): I don’t have anything to talk about.
E: Oh, hi, Kiersten. You remember Kiersten, don’t you? When Elmo was thinking about burping, Kiersten showed us how to burp a baby.
K: Look, never mind that. Elmo, can’t you talk normally?
E: What does Kiersten mean?
K: That’s just it - it’s what do you mean.
E: What does Elmo mean about what?
K: Elmo, look. When you asked if I would tell your mommy and daddy what you did, you asked me if Kiersten would.
E: And Kiersten will, because Kiersten was right. Elmo was naughty. Anything that cleans has things in it that mess up your body.
K: Elmo, you don’t have to say Kiersten will, I’m right here. Say I will.
E: I will. There, Elmo said I will, is Kiersten happy?
K: Elmo, that was ever crazier. It made it sound like you’re not Elmo, but you said someone named Elmo said you would.
E: Said Elmo would what?
K: Never mind that. Look, just pull up your shade. (Shade goes up by itself.)
E: Oh, look, it’s Mr. Noodle. Say hi to Kiesten, Mr. Noodle. (Mr. Noodle waves hello with his foot by wiggling his toes at the camera.) Oh, that’s so silly, Mr. Noodle. Oh, look, Mr. Noodle’s getting milk from a refrigerator and pouring a glass of milk. That‘s the only place you should get something to drink from, a refrigerator, or a cupboard, if your Mommy or Daddy or someone else in charge says it‘s okay. . Is Mr. Noodle going to drink the milk? (Mr. Noodle nods his head, but tries to pour the milk in his ear. Child call for him to use him mouth. He pours the glass into his nose and coughs before getting it right. Shade goes down.)
E: That last is what Elmo should have done. But, Elmo was naughty, ‘cause he wanted to get into the cleaning supplies and see what they were like. Anyway, now Elmo has a question forrrrr you.
K: See, Elmo, that’s what I mean! You call the people in the audience you! Yet you say Kiersten to me.
E: But, that’s Kiersten’s name.
K (pointing at the audience): Look, not everyone out there has the name of ‘You.’
E: What should Elmo call Kiersten.
K: Elmo, when you talk directly to me, you call me Kiersten. When you talk about me, you use second person.
E: Oh, Elmo gets it. It’s a counting game.
K: Huh?
E Elmo has to find the second person, and call Kiersten that. Hmmm, let’s see…
K: Elmo, the term to use for second person is ‘you.’
E (pointing to himself): Elmo?
K: Elmo, no, listen to me. You refer to yourself as ‘me.’
E: So, Elmo is Kiersten, and Kiersten is Elmo…? (Looks at camera even more bug-eyed than normal): Elmo is very confused. Are you?
K Elmo, see, that’s it. You didn’t call them Elmo, you called them you, right?
E: Right.
K: So, see, you call me ‘you’ unless you’re calling me like you’re asking me something. If you’re asking me something, then you use Kiersten.
E: Okay, okay, Elmo’s got it. Now…(listens to Dorothy) Oh, okay. Dorothy wants us to find out about poisons. (Picture of a bottle of milk) Is milk poison? (Kids say no) But you still shouldn’t drink it after the expiration date they put on it at the store. Is bleach poison? (Kids shout yes.) Yes, bleach is very poisonous, if you drink it you could die. Is water poison? (Kids say no) Not usually, but in Mexico it makes you go potty like crazy. Is orange juice poison? (No) No, orange juice is very good for you.
(We see Elmo taking a glass of orange juice from Kiersten): Thank you, Kiersten. Did Elmo say that right?
K (as he drinks): Yes, but you should ask if I said it right?
E: I should ask if you said what right?
K: No, I’m saying that you, Elmo, haven’t picked up something two-year-olds pick up without any training; it’s a miracle, really, when they do. Only God could make a creature do that so fast.
E: What’s a miracle?
K: Langugae. How first and second person work. And they pick up even faster that words in past tense have -ed on the end.
E: Oh, like played or hopped.
K (as Elmo finishes the juice): Right. Of course, then you have to work a few years on when not to say it, like three year olds sometimes say drinked instead of drank, or runned instead of ran.
E: Elmo doesn’t say Elmo drinked the juice, Elmo knows it’s Elmo drank.
K: Elmo, how can you know it’s drank instead of drinked, like a five-year-old would, and yet you don’t know to call yourself by ‘I’ or ‘me?’
E: Elmo doesn’t know.
K: I don’t know!
E: At least you’re not alone.
K: All right, let’s just forget about it. Now, if you talk about someone else, like let’s say you’re thinking about your friend Grover.
E: Why is Elmo thinking about Grover?
K: This is just for pretend, okay.
E: Okay, Elmo is thinking about Grover.
K: Now, at first you want to say his name, to let people know who you’re talking about. But, from time to time, you should use third person.
E: Elmo can’t use third person.
K: Why not?
E: Well, there’s Elmo, and then there’s Kiersten, that’s two. And there’s nobody else here. And the third person would make three.
K: Never mind. What else do we have to do here to finish Elmo’s World?
E: Well, usually Elmo thinks about some of Elmo’s friends…
K: My friends.
E; You know them, too? That’s great. Who’s your favorite.
K: I don’t know.
E: Oh, yeah, he’s a great third baseman.
K: Who is.
E: No, Who’s on first.
K: Elmo, I can’t believe you can get Abbott and Costello and you can’t get first person. (Thinks a second): Of course, maybe it makes sense, maybe you’re used to crazy names. What are your parents’ names?
E: Mommy and Daddy.
K: I should have known. At least that part makes sense, I’ve known three-year-olds to say that.
E: To say what?
K: That their mother’s name is Mommy.
E: Wow, you know a Mommy named Mommy just like Elmo’s Mommy.
K: Well, yes, but your Mommy doesn’t call herself Mommy when she talks, does she?
E: No, she has another name, too. Well, actually, she has two. Honey and Sweetheart.
K: Doesn’t she ever say ‘I am going to do something.’
E: Yes, she said you were going to babysit me, and here you are.
(End jingle plays, Jingle bells is the tune)
K: What’s that?
E: It’s the music that says this part is over. Whatever Elmo was thinking about, he says the word to the tune of Jingle Bells.
K: Even Sesame Street? (He nods): Elmo, that’s crazy. The Sesame Street song starts “Sunny Days,” it is not Ses-a-me, Ses-a-me,” even the two year olds watching the show would know that.
E: So, what does that mean?
K: It means even two-year-olds suspect you have a learning disability.
E: Oh, could we think about that? Maybe we could ask if you can eat or drink it.
K: That’s not…oh, forget it, I don’t give a darn.
E: Oh, that’s the shortstop.
Though as you say, maybe if he was like that, it would cause them to get rid of him 