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Sam and Friends BookThere’s this Daffy Duck cartoon where all sort of crazy things happen, it just keeps getting goofier, till at the very end we see Bugs Bunny was drawing it as a joke. I parodied it once w/Star Trek Voyager, which often had holodeck malfunctions (think Virtual Reality w/unlimited power) - Captain Janeway had a very crazy adventure, & the daughter of this one crewmember was the culprit. Now, it’s time for Elmo’s World to get the same silly treatment. Last I'll do for a while, I'll be busy with other stuff, but I just wondered, what if Elmo started out thinking...and it all went haywire.
More of my storiees - in story form - on www.fanfiction.net under the pen name "Me," though no Sesame Street ones yet (a number of Peanuts though). They don't take scripts so I'd have to expand one a lot. Anyway, here goes:
Elmo's World - Practical Joke
(Cue Elmo’s World theme)
Elmo (looking at the camera): Hi! welcome to Elmo's World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. Guess what Elmo’s thinking about today. La da da da…(There’s a knock on the door): Just a minute. (Elmo opens the door)
Ernie (walking in carrying a large pepperoni): Hi, Elmo. (The pepperoni, about 5 feet long, is finally in the door, Elmo peaks outside but nothing is there.) What’cha looking’ for, Elmo?
Elmo (looks back at Ernie): Dirt. There’s no big pile of dirt out there.
Ernie (turns around, Elmo has to duck the pepperoni): Is there supposed to be a big pile of dirt out there?
Elmo: Yes, of course. Elmo was thinking about dirt, and whenever Elmo thinks about something like that, Elmo opens the door and sees it. But, Ernie doesn’t have dirt, Ernie only has that thing.
Ernie: What, this? Why, it’s a pepperoni.
Elmo: Oh, you mean like on pizza? That’s a big pepperoni. But, where’s the dirt that was supposed to come in when Elmo was thinking about dirt?
Ernie: Ohhhhh, well, you see, Elmo, I got this great big pepperoni from a chef, who made this really big pepperoni.
Elmo: Did the chef have lots of dirt?
Ernie (as we wee footage of a chef making pepperoni - regular sized, Ernie describes how pepperoni is made. Then…): The chef wears a really white outfit with a fancy white hat that’s really clean. Then, he hands it to the baker to bake. And then…
Baker (holds it up): One five-foot pepperoni-i-ii (he trips and falls down)
Elmo: Oh, oh, Elmo thinks that when the baker fell down, that’s when the baker got dirty.
Ernie: No, Elmo. Because when the baker fell, Mr. Noodle picked him up. Oh, shade. (Shade opens)
Elmo: What? (We see Mr. Noodle reaching to help up the baker, who gets up and hits Mr. Noodle with the huge pepperoni by accident, knocking Mr. Noodle over.)
Kids: Take his hand, Mr. Noodle. (Mr. Noodle tries to pull himself up by the pepperoni, and falls down again while pulling the baker down on top of him.) No, pick yourself up first. Yeah, then the pepperoni. (Mr. Noodle stands on the pepperoni) No, don’t stand on it. (He falls over trying to lift the pepperoni he’s standing on. Then, he finally stands upright, helps the baker up, and finally both pick up the pepperoni.)
Elmo: That silly Mr. Noodle. But, wait. Mr. Noodle. Elmo had a question. (Shade goes down.) Awww, Elmo never got to ask a question. And we still haven’t talked about or even seen any dirt.
Ernie: Oh, well, fear not Elmo. I’m going to call the Pizza Shop.
Elmo: Oh boy. Elmo loves pizza.
Ernie: (After dialing a phone): Hello, Grover’s pizza? Come pick up this five-foot pepperoni. Thanks.
Elmo: So, now will Grover bring the dirt in?
Ernie: Oh, no, Elmo. You see, they're going to make pizza witht his pepperoni, and the chef's going to eat it. Then, the chef's going to bake another five-foot pepperoni.
Elmo (as Bert pokes his head in the door): But, Ernie, none of this has anything to do with dirt! Ernie's just going around in circles!
Bert: Now you know I feel sometimes. (He laughs) Ernie, let's go; you were gonna drive me to my "W" lovers meeting. (Ernie and Bert leave.)
Elmo: What was that all about? Well, while we’re waiting, Dorothy has a question. (He pretends to hear Dorothy.) Dorothy wants to know, how do you plant a plant in dirt?
Boy (about 7): Dorothy, this is how I shoot a basketball. (He picks up a ball and shoots it, it bounces off the garage, far from the hoop.) I‘m pretty lousy.
Elmo: Whaaaaa…?
Girl (about 5): Dorothy, this is how I look with a crazy nose and glasses. (Girl puts on fake nose, glasses, and mustache like Groucho Marx.)
Elmo: That’s not planting a plant…
Boy (about 9, the sentence “Elmo dropped the ball“ is on a blackboard): Dorothy, this is how you diagram a sentence. First you put the subject on a line - “Elmo.” Then, you draw another line, and put the verb - that’s something you do. Dropped. Then, you draw a line down like this and put “the,” and then the word “ball” goes here. ‘Cause that’s what you dropped.
Elmo (holding out his hands): What?! That didn’t have anything to do with planting a plant. It wasn’t even about dirt. And, what ball? (A large beach ball comes flying at Elmo and goes right through his hands.) Oh, that ball. Maybe a baby will be able to answer Elmo. (He walks over to a baby): Hello, baby. How do you plant a plant in dirt?
Baby’s voice (really Zoe‘s): I can’t talk.
Elmo: Oh, well, in that…hey! Didn’t that baby just talk to me?
Zoe’s voice, sounding like the baby: Wasn’t me.
Elmo (a little aggravated now, the camera is on him): Well, who was it then?
(A rock has appeared on the tray in front of the baby, Zoe is next to the high chair)
Zoe: It was Rocco; he can really throw his voice.
Elmo: What? A rock can’t talk!
Zoe: Well, isn’t that what he told you?
Elmo: Yes, but…If Rocco couldn’t talk, how could Rocco talk to Elmo to tell Elmo Rocco couldn’t talk?
Zoe: I don’t know, we’ll have to ask Rocco. How did you do that?
(As Elmo gets all agitated, Grover comes up to him, the baby and high chair disappear, as Zoe comes further into the room holding Rocco )
Grover: Good afternoon, Sir, I am from the pizza place. Do not worry, we have just finished making pepperoni pizza out of that gigantic pepperoni.
Elmo: Oh, well, Elmo will have a little slice, then.
Grover: One little slice, coming right up. (He zips out, zips in with a slice the size of a pebble on Elmo’s plate.) Here you go Sir, one little slice.
Elmo: Grover, this isn’t a slice, it‘s the size of a pebble. I can hardly see any pepperoni!
Zoe: Oh, give it to Rocco, he’ll eat it.
Elmo: Elmo is not sharing Elmo’s food with a rock. Look, just take it back, and bring Elmo a bigger slice.
Grover: You’ve got it. (He zips away)
Elmo: This still has nothing to do with dirt, though!
Zoe: Well, Rocco could talk about dirt, rocks are found on the ground, you know.
Elmo (as Grover comes in with a humongous slice of pizza, taking up the whole screen):Elmo doesn’t want to talk to a rock, rocks can’t talk. At least Elmo can imagine the baby talking, but… (Elmo notices the slice) What in the world…?
Grover: One…unnnh. Big….unnngh. Slice…whoa! (He falls over, slice crashes, makes room shake.)
Elmo: Grover, Elmo can’t eat all this.
Grover (weakly): You ordered it, you take it.
Zoe: But, Grover, whatever happened to the customer is always right?
Grover: My muscles are too tired to be right at this moment. (He faints)
Elmo: Elmo knows what Elmo can do, Elmo thinks Elmo could call Cookie Monster.
Zoe: Well, I wish he’d tell you, instead of just letting you have these big pizzas fall on the floor.
Elmo: Tell Elmo? Elmo is Elmo!
Amazing Mumford (appears out of nowhere): No he’s not. Abra-ca-pocus. (Zoe turns into Elmo)
Elmo: How did you do that?
Mumford: It’s magic.
Cookie Monster: Cookie…!
Elmo: No, no, Cookie Monster, it’s pepperoni pizza.
Cookie Monster: Whatever. Me just hungry. (He starts eating the pizza really fast, and other things, too.)
Elmo: All right; if that’s really Elmo, let Elmo ask Elmo a question. Can that rock talk?
Zoe-Elmo: Of course he can; tell him, Rocco. (She giggles) That was funny, Rocco. Didn’t you hear what he said?
Mumford: Ah well, I better turn her back, I guess I didn’t quite do it right. (Waves wand, Zoe-Elmo becomes Zoe again.)
Elmo: I knew that was still Zoe. Zoe not only said Rocco could talk, Zoe also called him a funny name.
Zoe: What did I call him?
Elmo: He.
Zoe: Oh, who did I call he?
Elmo: Rocco, Zoe called Rocco ‘he!’
Zoe: See, you know he can talk, you just told Rocco what I called him.
Elmo: Elmo did not talk to Rocco, Elmo isn’t even ready to be talking to Zoe, Elmo wants to talk to dirt right now. Except there’s no dirt around, because of this pepperoni pizza that’s all around…make that was all around here. (Cookie Monster leaves, very fat, and burps loudly on the way out. Zoe and all others but Elmo go with him.) Thank you, Cookie Monster. (Elmo looks around.) Wow, Cookie Monster cleaned it all up. Cookie Monster ate all the pizza, all the crumbs, Cookie Monster even ate Elmo’s floor….(His eyes get even bigger) Elmo’s floor! Whoa! (Elmo falls down.)
Elmo (looking around him): Oh, well, at least Elmo’s piano is still here. (Tiredly, breathes heavily once, then decides he’ll try it.) Elmo guesses this is as good a place to sign off as any. So, that’s why we’re going to sing the dirt song! Dirt…(As he presses the first key, a large something shoots out from the top of the piano, and fireworks begin to go off) What? Fireworks? (They continue to go off as he presses keys) This can’t be happening.
(The fireworks are seen to be spelling out letters - they say “Rocco’s World“)
Elmo: What?! Rocco’s World? Rocco is just a rock! All right, that does it, Elmo wants to know what is going on here!
(Scene shifts to Oscar pulling strings like with a puppet, then turning to tuck Slimey in)
Oscar: Yeah, I know, us grouches really like a good, elaborate joke once in a while. Heh, heh. (He looks at audience) What? You liked it? You thought it was funny? You weren’t supposed to have any fun watching that. Why don’t you just go watch dirt
More of my storiees - in story form - on www.fanfiction.net under the pen name "Me," though no Sesame Street ones yet (a number of Peanuts though). They don't take scripts so I'd have to expand one a lot. Anyway, here goes:
Elmo's World - Practical Joke
(Cue Elmo’s World theme)
Elmo (looking at the camera): Hi! welcome to Elmo's World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. Guess what Elmo’s thinking about today. La da da da…(There’s a knock on the door): Just a minute. (Elmo opens the door)
Ernie (walking in carrying a large pepperoni): Hi, Elmo. (The pepperoni, about 5 feet long, is finally in the door, Elmo peaks outside but nothing is there.) What’cha looking’ for, Elmo?
Elmo (looks back at Ernie): Dirt. There’s no big pile of dirt out there.
Ernie (turns around, Elmo has to duck the pepperoni): Is there supposed to be a big pile of dirt out there?
Elmo: Yes, of course. Elmo was thinking about dirt, and whenever Elmo thinks about something like that, Elmo opens the door and sees it. But, Ernie doesn’t have dirt, Ernie only has that thing.
Ernie: What, this? Why, it’s a pepperoni.
Elmo: Oh, you mean like on pizza? That’s a big pepperoni. But, where’s the dirt that was supposed to come in when Elmo was thinking about dirt?
Ernie: Ohhhhh, well, you see, Elmo, I got this great big pepperoni from a chef, who made this really big pepperoni.
Elmo: Did the chef have lots of dirt?
Ernie (as we wee footage of a chef making pepperoni - regular sized, Ernie describes how pepperoni is made. Then…): The chef wears a really white outfit with a fancy white hat that’s really clean. Then, he hands it to the baker to bake. And then…
Baker (holds it up): One five-foot pepperoni-i-ii (he trips and falls down)
Elmo: Oh, oh, Elmo thinks that when the baker fell down, that’s when the baker got dirty.
Ernie: No, Elmo. Because when the baker fell, Mr. Noodle picked him up. Oh, shade. (Shade opens)
Elmo: What? (We see Mr. Noodle reaching to help up the baker, who gets up and hits Mr. Noodle with the huge pepperoni by accident, knocking Mr. Noodle over.)
Kids: Take his hand, Mr. Noodle. (Mr. Noodle tries to pull himself up by the pepperoni, and falls down again while pulling the baker down on top of him.) No, pick yourself up first. Yeah, then the pepperoni. (Mr. Noodle stands on the pepperoni) No, don’t stand on it. (He falls over trying to lift the pepperoni he’s standing on. Then, he finally stands upright, helps the baker up, and finally both pick up the pepperoni.)
Elmo: That silly Mr. Noodle. But, wait. Mr. Noodle. Elmo had a question. (Shade goes down.) Awww, Elmo never got to ask a question. And we still haven’t talked about or even seen any dirt.
Ernie: Oh, well, fear not Elmo. I’m going to call the Pizza Shop.
Elmo: Oh boy. Elmo loves pizza.
Ernie: (After dialing a phone): Hello, Grover’s pizza? Come pick up this five-foot pepperoni. Thanks.
Elmo: So, now will Grover bring the dirt in?
Ernie: Oh, no, Elmo. You see, they're going to make pizza witht his pepperoni, and the chef's going to eat it. Then, the chef's going to bake another five-foot pepperoni.
Elmo (as Bert pokes his head in the door): But, Ernie, none of this has anything to do with dirt! Ernie's just going around in circles!
Bert: Now you know I feel sometimes. (He laughs) Ernie, let's go; you were gonna drive me to my "W" lovers meeting. (Ernie and Bert leave.)
Elmo: What was that all about? Well, while we’re waiting, Dorothy has a question. (He pretends to hear Dorothy.) Dorothy wants to know, how do you plant a plant in dirt?
Boy (about 7): Dorothy, this is how I shoot a basketball. (He picks up a ball and shoots it, it bounces off the garage, far from the hoop.) I‘m pretty lousy.
Elmo: Whaaaaa…?
Girl (about 5): Dorothy, this is how I look with a crazy nose and glasses. (Girl puts on fake nose, glasses, and mustache like Groucho Marx.)
Elmo: That’s not planting a plant…
Boy (about 9, the sentence “Elmo dropped the ball“ is on a blackboard): Dorothy, this is how you diagram a sentence. First you put the subject on a line - “Elmo.” Then, you draw another line, and put the verb - that’s something you do. Dropped. Then, you draw a line down like this and put “the,” and then the word “ball” goes here. ‘Cause that’s what you dropped.
Elmo (holding out his hands): What?! That didn’t have anything to do with planting a plant. It wasn’t even about dirt. And, what ball? (A large beach ball comes flying at Elmo and goes right through his hands.) Oh, that ball. Maybe a baby will be able to answer Elmo. (He walks over to a baby): Hello, baby. How do you plant a plant in dirt?
Baby’s voice (really Zoe‘s): I can’t talk.
Elmo: Oh, well, in that…hey! Didn’t that baby just talk to me?
Zoe’s voice, sounding like the baby: Wasn’t me.
Elmo (a little aggravated now, the camera is on him): Well, who was it then?
(A rock has appeared on the tray in front of the baby, Zoe is next to the high chair)
Zoe: It was Rocco; he can really throw his voice.
Elmo: What? A rock can’t talk!
Zoe: Well, isn’t that what he told you?
Elmo: Yes, but…If Rocco couldn’t talk, how could Rocco talk to Elmo to tell Elmo Rocco couldn’t talk?
Zoe: I don’t know, we’ll have to ask Rocco. How did you do that?
(As Elmo gets all agitated, Grover comes up to him, the baby and high chair disappear, as Zoe comes further into the room holding Rocco )
Grover: Good afternoon, Sir, I am from the pizza place. Do not worry, we have just finished making pepperoni pizza out of that gigantic pepperoni.
Elmo: Oh, well, Elmo will have a little slice, then.
Grover: One little slice, coming right up. (He zips out, zips in with a slice the size of a pebble on Elmo’s plate.) Here you go Sir, one little slice.
Elmo: Grover, this isn’t a slice, it‘s the size of a pebble. I can hardly see any pepperoni!
Zoe: Oh, give it to Rocco, he’ll eat it.
Elmo: Elmo is not sharing Elmo’s food with a rock. Look, just take it back, and bring Elmo a bigger slice.
Grover: You’ve got it. (He zips away)
Elmo: This still has nothing to do with dirt, though!
Zoe: Well, Rocco could talk about dirt, rocks are found on the ground, you know.
Elmo (as Grover comes in with a humongous slice of pizza, taking up the whole screen):Elmo doesn’t want to talk to a rock, rocks can’t talk. At least Elmo can imagine the baby talking, but… (Elmo notices the slice) What in the world…?
Grover: One…unnnh. Big….unnngh. Slice…whoa! (He falls over, slice crashes, makes room shake.)
Elmo: Grover, Elmo can’t eat all this.
Grover (weakly): You ordered it, you take it.
Zoe: But, Grover, whatever happened to the customer is always right?
Grover: My muscles are too tired to be right at this moment. (He faints)
Elmo: Elmo knows what Elmo can do, Elmo thinks Elmo could call Cookie Monster.
Zoe: Well, I wish he’d tell you, instead of just letting you have these big pizzas fall on the floor.
Elmo: Tell Elmo? Elmo is Elmo!
Amazing Mumford (appears out of nowhere): No he’s not. Abra-ca-pocus. (Zoe turns into Elmo)
Elmo: How did you do that?
Mumford: It’s magic.
Cookie Monster: Cookie…!
Elmo: No, no, Cookie Monster, it’s pepperoni pizza.
Cookie Monster: Whatever. Me just hungry. (He starts eating the pizza really fast, and other things, too.)
Elmo: All right; if that’s really Elmo, let Elmo ask Elmo a question. Can that rock talk?
Zoe-Elmo: Of course he can; tell him, Rocco. (She giggles) That was funny, Rocco. Didn’t you hear what he said?
Mumford: Ah well, I better turn her back, I guess I didn’t quite do it right. (Waves wand, Zoe-Elmo becomes Zoe again.)
Elmo: I knew that was still Zoe. Zoe not only said Rocco could talk, Zoe also called him a funny name.
Zoe: What did I call him?
Elmo: He.
Zoe: Oh, who did I call he?
Elmo: Rocco, Zoe called Rocco ‘he!’
Zoe: See, you know he can talk, you just told Rocco what I called him.
Elmo: Elmo did not talk to Rocco, Elmo isn’t even ready to be talking to Zoe, Elmo wants to talk to dirt right now. Except there’s no dirt around, because of this pepperoni pizza that’s all around…make that was all around here. (Cookie Monster leaves, very fat, and burps loudly on the way out. Zoe and all others but Elmo go with him.) Thank you, Cookie Monster. (Elmo looks around.) Wow, Cookie Monster cleaned it all up. Cookie Monster ate all the pizza, all the crumbs, Cookie Monster even ate Elmo’s floor….(His eyes get even bigger) Elmo’s floor! Whoa! (Elmo falls down.)
Elmo (looking around him): Oh, well, at least Elmo’s piano is still here. (Tiredly, breathes heavily once, then decides he’ll try it.) Elmo guesses this is as good a place to sign off as any. So, that’s why we’re going to sing the dirt song! Dirt…(As he presses the first key, a large something shoots out from the top of the piano, and fireworks begin to go off) What? Fireworks? (They continue to go off as he presses keys) This can’t be happening.
(The fireworks are seen to be spelling out letters - they say “Rocco’s World“)
Elmo: What?! Rocco’s World? Rocco is just a rock! All right, that does it, Elmo wants to know what is going on here!
(Scene shifts to Oscar pulling strings like with a puppet, then turning to tuck Slimey in)
Oscar: Yeah, I know, us grouches really like a good, elaborate joke once in a while. Heh, heh. (He looks at audience) What? You liked it? You thought it was funny? You weren’t supposed to have any fun watching that. Why don’t you just go watch dirt
