D'Snowth's "Puppet Up! Uncensored" Recap

[D'Snowth]

This is for people who weren't able to attend any of the Puppet Up! shows, or weren't able to see the show on TBS that night, so be warned, this contains heavy spoilers, and at some points I may quote whole scenes, so if you don't wish to read this, then don't.

Anyway, Puppet Up! Uncensored was taped during a comedy festival in Southern California back in November of 2006; the show was hosted by gay improv comedian Patrick Bristow who has made guest appearances on such shows as Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and Seinfeld. The Muppet performers for the night included a few well-known favorites, and some newbies; the performers were Julianne Buescher, Tyler Bunch, Brian Henson, Drew Massey, Ted Michaels, Paul Rugg (of Steven Spielberg's animation fame), Allan Trautman, and Victor Yerrid. This show was rated TV-MA L

The show opens up with the puppeteers walking out on stage with performing various puppets who break out into a theme song that goes something like this...

CHORUS- Puppet up! Puppet up! Puppet up, puppet up, puppet up!

KOALA- It's time to do some improv, you help us make it up;
So give us your suggestions, and then we puppet up!

CHORUS- Puppet up! (Whoo!) Puppet up! (Yehaw!)

FERRET- We don't know what we're doing, we like to mix it up;
BIG-NOSED PUPPET- But we're puppets and we're not too smart, we often **** it up!

CHORUS- **** it up! **** it up! (Although thios show is uncensored, they still bleeped out the f-word).

FISH- We live in cardboard boxes, at night they pack us up;
(I can't can't hear the next line too clearly)

Chorus: Puppet up! Puppet up! Puppet up, puppet up, puppet up!

BOAR- Hey what's the deal with all these *******' puppets?
PUPPY- It's crazy that you have such big-*** teeth!
CHORUS- Ooooo-oooo-ooooo...
BOAR- Do these things have souls?
PUPPY- Or just big stinky hole?
BOAR- And who's this sexy ******* underneath? (Referring to Julianne)
CHORUS- Undernea-ea-ea-ea-ea-th...
PUPPY- 1! 2! 3!

CHORUS- Puppet up! Puppet up! (Puppet up!)

ANOTHER FERRET- This song has gone on way too long, it's time to wrap it up!
SQUIRREL- So here we go, we're finishing...
FERRET- We hope you're all still listening...
SQUIRREL- Our foreheads are expliciting...
FERRET- Turn off the air conditioning...
SQUIRREL- Our service is deminishing...
FERRET- We're desperately wishin'ning...
BOTH: To find the final rhyme to start this show-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow....
BIG-NOSED PUPPET- Are you two finished?
FERRET- (Kisses the big-nosed man)
BOTH- Yeah!
BIG-NOSED PUPPET- Good, it's..

CHORUS- Time to puppet uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup-uh-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup-uh-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup-uh-uuuuuuuuuup! PUPPET UP!

In the theme, the Koala puppet was performered by Paul Rugg, the first ferret was performed by Ted Michaels, the big-nosed puppet was performed by Brian Henson, the fish was performed by Tyler Bunch, the puppy was performed by Julianne Buescher, the boar was performed by Victor Yerrid, the second ferret was performed by Allan Trautman, and the squirrel was performed by Drew Massey (I swear this guy sounds like David Rudman!).

Why should you know this? Because Brian Henson (as the puppet he currently is performing) instructs the other puppeteers to reveal the puppets they'll be working with for the night. After that, he introduces host Patrick Bristow who then walks out and explains how the show will work:

PATRICK: Every sketch you see tonight is completely improvised with no planning whatsoever, I'll be coming to you periodically for suggestions so have those ready, and if I don't take your suggestion, it's because we've already used and we will NOT repeat ourselves; we are REALLY, REALLY pure about that.

Patrick then explains that the puppeteers use the monitors to help frame the puppets their performing for a sketch, and they do NOT contain lines, jokes, or written material on them.

**********************************​

In the first sketch Patrick has Julianne and Victor Puppet Up, and askes for a foreign country. He gets Germany and Nicaragua, but Nicaragua wins by applause, so he goes with that. Then he askes for a topic for Julianne and Victor to give a lecture on and he gets the classic "where do babies come from?". So Julianne plays a spanish-speaking ferret who gives a lecture on babies because apparently "nobody knows more about making babies than the Nicaraguans" said Victor's armadillo puppet (formerly Joe the Armadillo on the behind-the-scenes featurette on the Kermit's Swamp Years DVD). That line alone got a big laugh from everyone! Victor translates Julianne's lecture to the boyscouts on the subject: babies are precious gifts you pluck out of the sky, but sometimes they smell like **** and you throw them away; so you pick another one out of the Baby Tree and lick it so see how it tastes. You put it down by your shoe and juggle it to see how durable it is, while singing a song to it and help it fall asleep; and finally you find a rich guy to pay off the bills and you've just made a baby!

**********************************​

For the next sketch, Patrick calls Paul and Brian to puppet up while he askes for a minor offense in which he gets j-walking, public urination, and walking into the handicapped-stall, he goes with the latter because they had apparently done the other two before. Then he askes for a celebrity for Paul and Brian to witness walking into the handicapped-stall and he gets George Michael. So Paul and Brian play two old-timers who share their story about spending a night in Central Park at 4:00 A.M. walking and touching each other (just a little) when suddenly needed to go to the bathroom when they heard and saw a sound that went like this: "you gotta have faith-faith-faith! You gotta have faith-faith-faith!" With that they realized that George Michael was in the handicapped-stall... but IS he handicapped? Well that's what Paul askes, when George replies with "I'm sorry what was that?", so Brian tells him they want to know if he's handicapped, and he replies with "I COULD be". With that Brian says "well then, put you're leg out and we'll break it!".

Thus ending that sketch, and part one of D'Snowth's Puppet Up! Uncensored Recap.

 

[Beauregard]

Hey Snowth! Thanks for posting. It's great to get a good re-cap, since I havn't seen the show itself. You've done this recap really well. I'm very much enjoying it.

 

[Luke]

Thanks for posting, great stuff.

 

[D'Snowth]

Glad this is being helpful to you all!

I'll recap two sketches at a time since they did two sketches between each commercial break, so I'll post the next two sketches later this evening!

 

[D'Snowth]

For the next sketch Patrick has Allan, Drew, and Ted puppet up. Allan dons a crab puppet as a studio executive, while Drew grabs a beaver and Ted takes on Joe the Armadillo as screen-writers who are trying to pitch their new screen-play to Allan, BUT Patrick needs a title for a new sucky screen-play, he gets "Poop" and "Attack of the Killer Tourists" so he decides to test it to applause but then decides on "Poop VS. Attack of the Killer Tourists", so in Allan's office Allan talks about how Drew and Ted made him a millionare with their last screen-play "Attack of Killer Spiders Vs. The Insurance Commisioner"... but since he got divorced from his wife he's now broke and needs another hit right away, so Drew and Ted sell him what starts off as a poopy musical with an attack of fat people in colored shorts... the poop starts singing... but the secreasions from the poop infects the tourists turning them into evil killer tourists!

**********************************​

For the next improv sketch Patrick has everyone puppet up and askes for a non-sport activity that requires a lot of people and he gets Doing Quarters, the drinking game. So the whole group dons weenie puppets as they beging boucing quarters until by accident one of the weenies looses its arm, but to make the scene funny the others tell him if he drinks extra it'll ease the pain and prove he's a man, so he does but the drink starts spraying out the hole where his arm used to be (not really but that's how they act) where the other weenies start drinking from.

So there's the next two sketches recapped by Snowthy! Will post more soon!

 

[GelflingWaldo]

Puppet Up! Uncensored was taped during a comedy festival in Southern California back in November of 2006

Actually the special was edited together from two live shows that were performed on November 15, 2006 at the Comedy Festival in Las Vegas, Nevada (at Caesar's Palace to be exact).


You're doing some great recapping here D'Snowth. I know there are some random clips up on YouTube, but this is a great a record of the whole show for those who missed it, or just want to relive it. I can't wait to see your recap for "Forrest Gump and Existentialism" sketch, because that sketch was about...nothing.

 

[D'Snowth]

Actually the special was edited together from two live shows that were performed on November 15, 2006 at the Comedy Festival in Las Vegas, Nevada (at Caesar's Palace to be exact).

Ah, okay, thanks for the confirmation Waldo!
I actually forgot whether it was Las Vegas OR Los Angeles...

You're doing some great recapping here D'Snowth. I know there are some random clips up on YouTube, but this is a great a record of the whole show for those who missed it, or just want to relive it. I can't wait to see your recap for "Forrest Gump and Existentialism" sketch, because that sketch was about...nothing.

There are quite a few sketches I'm afraid I'm going to have to actually do a transcript for so you all can understand it better, the that Forrest Gump sketch is one of them!

 

[D'Snowth]

And now for the next improv sketch, Patrick askes for Allan, Victor, and Paul to puppet up, when he then askes the audience for a title for a completely original bedtime story, and someone blurts out "The Man Who Shot the Dog".

PATRICK: I want to talk to you about your childhood after this!

So Allan, who dons the large orangatan puppet wearing glasses who tries to tell a bedtime stories to his children Victor (who picks a lavendar little boy puppet), and Paul (who chooses his favorite red koala puppet), however during the telling of the bedtime story, Victor and Paul are to throw out non sequiters to keep Allan from dompleting the story.

PATRICK: It's a little mean, but who cares? Because it's funny!

Since this sketch is rather involved, instead of recapping it, I'll transcribe it for you all.

ALLAN: Okay Dillan, let's go Harry, it's time for your favorite bedtime story...
PAUL: THE MAN WHO SHOT THE DOG!!!
ALLAN: Yes! The Man Who Shot The Dog! Okay here we go...
VICTOR: I can't wait to go to sleep!
ALLAN: Yes, Herbert was a mean old man...
VICTOR and PAUL: Mmmmmmmmmm!
ALLAN: Who lived in a dirty old house...
VICTOR and PAUL: Mmmmmmmmmm!
ALLAN: With a dog named Francine...
VICTOR and PAUL: Mmmmmmmmmm!
ALLAN: One day, Francine piddled on the carpet, and Herbert took out his gun...
PAUL: DICK CHANEY'S BRAIN!
VICTOR: YEAH, DICK CHANEY'S BRAIN!
ALLAN: Yes, that's right, I'm getting to that... he took out his gun and said "this gun used to belong to Dick Chaney...
PAUL: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ALLAN: ... and when I took his gun, I took his brain."
PAUL: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ALLAN: So watch out, because I'm going to shoot you dead!
PAUL: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
VICTOR: THE YELLOW DAISIES! DO THE YELLOW DAISIES!
ALLAN: Yes right, right, "so after I shoot you dead there's going to be yellow daisies coming up out of the ground.... here we go 1 2 3" BLAM! And the dog died.
VICTOR: Awwww
ALLAN: Yes, he was...
PAUL: REINCARNATED FROM BUDDHA!
ALLAN: Yes, that's right I know, I'm getting there, so all of the sudden a light began to glow around him, and Buddha appeared, the jolly fat man...
PAUL: BIG FAT BUDDHA!
ALLAN: Yes, he was a big fat Buddha!
VICTOR: And he sang a song! He sang the Buddha Song!
ALLAN: Yes he sang the Buddha Song, that's right... oh I'm the big fat Buddha/I've come to haunt your dog/if you don't have a live one/I'll maybe get you a hog!
VICTOR and PAUL: GERMAN! DO IT IN GERMAN!
ALLAN: Yes of course.

**********************************​

For the next sketch Patrick askes for Brian, Ted, and Julianne puppet up, and askes for a specific location when a man shouts "a dump in Jacksonville, Florida".

PATRICK: He said that like he had some bitter memories.

So Brian, Ted, and Julianne are going to act out a scene that takes place in Jacksonville, Florida, and Patrick says that the game is called "Quick Change" and we'll soon find out why. So we open up on a junkyard mouse played by Julianne who's upset her ferret boy friend ferret played by Ted is leaving her for a billy goat played by Brian, who informs her "that's right he's coming with me, and we're taking this old trampoline with us!". Sudden Paul pops into the scene with a French-accented director puppet holding a stick of marijuana and acts a lot like Colin Mochrie whenever he plays a director "THAT WAS CRAP!" Paul has them to do the scene again "but this time you will give it an organic energyehblahblah, you understand thablahblah?" So Paul calls for action, and Julliane, Ted, and Brian do the scene again, but ad-lib "blahblah" in their lines which makes Paul angry and threatens to kill them with his nose (because the director puppet has a large pink nose), so Paul goes to the audience and askes them for an emotion for the actors to work with, and one man happily shouts out "RAGE!" which satisfies Paul and he instructs them to do the scene one more time, so this time Julianne, Ted, and Brian do the scene again, but this time the scene is full of raging, cursing, screaming characters.

 

[D'Snowth]

The next sketch is rather involved and needs to be transcribed as well, so for it Patrick calls for Ted, Brian, Allan, and Julianne to puppet up, and then askes the audience for a fictional character and gets Forrest Gump, then askes for a philosophy and gets "existentialism", so he has Julianne (who dons her trademark puppy puppet), Ted (who takes on the squirrel puppet), Allan (who returns to his orangatan puppet), and Brian (who chooses the boar puppet) have an intellectual conversation about Forrest Gump in terms of existentialism.

JULIANNE: When the braces fell of his legs, it was the shedding of the past, you see.
TED: Yes, those braces represented the prisons our souls live in.
ALLAN: Yes, but let us not forget the white outfit he wore, the famous white suit that represents a blank slate, it exists but does he? Is it there or is it not?
JULIANNE: And only the chocolate brings him around in his self-awareness, who knows?
ALLAN: The blackness of the chocolate against the whiteness of the suit! Yes....
BRIAN: I'm not so sure...
OTHERS: What?
BRIAN: I'm thinking that... Gump... is a movie... about... nothing...
OTHERS: Oh?
BRIAN: And therefore... is directly... about life being about... nothing.
OTHERS: Oh?
ALLAN: I think you're talking about nothing... you didn't actually say anything!
TED: But I think he had a lot of good pauses, that really made me think.
ALLAN: Yes, that was enjoyable, wasn't it?
JULIANNE: Especially about the chocolate... I had a moment.
ALLAN and TED: Yes...
TED: And the way Gump goes through his life not quite knowing who he is or what he's doing reminds me of the stranger.
ALLAN: Of course! How could you miss that obvious symbolism?
TED: Yes...
ALLAN: He appears in every historical period that he lived through, and he even met famous people along the way, this is exactly, exactly what the existentialists were talking about in the 15th century!
TED: Oh my Lord, I didn't know they went that far!
ALLAN: Ah, you haven't read my latest thesis, have you?
BRIAN: I think... it was about... nothing...

**********************************​

The next game is called "New Choice", and it too needs to be transcribed because it's so involved, but anyway Patrick askes for Paul and Brian to puppet up, and then askes for a specific work place, and although he gets insurance, he says that's more of a generality, so someone gives him "Seigfried and Roy's secret garden".

PATRICK: Oh, Seigfried and Roy have a secret garden now? Who know?

So Brian takes on a weird superhero puppet with a large chin, and his brain sticking out, while Paul takes on a large aardvark puppet, while Patrick explains they works at Seigfried and Roy's new secret garden, and whenever he shouts "new choice", whoever last spoke has to replace the line they just said with a brand new one.

BRIAN: I never knew this was here!
PAUL: What? What's the that?
BRIAN: The Seigfried and Roy secret garden, it's so secret that I've worked here and never really realized it! I (Stammers) huh?
PAUL: That's what we do everyday, we come and we sweep up white lion **** and white tiger ****!
BRIAN: That's what we do, I enjoy it!
PATRICK: New choice!
BRIAN: That's what we do, I love you!
PATRICK: New choice!
BRIAN: That's what we do, oh look, a blimp!
PAUL: Oh, now that is Roy's new blimp!
BRIAN: HI ROY, I'M ENJOYING YOUR SECRET GARDEN!
PAUL: ROY, WE ARE LOOKING AFTER ALL OF THESE WHITE CATS!
PATRICK: New choice!
PAUL: ROY, WE HAVEN'T HAD A RAISE IN TWO YEARS! YOU SON-OF-A-*****, AND NOW YOU CAN AFFORD A BLIMP?!
BRIAN: He just mooned you!
PATRICK: New choice!
BRIAN: He just pointed his diddler at you!
PATRICK: New choice!
BRIAN: Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Roy!
PATRICK: New choice!
BRIAN: I... uh... I LOVE YOU!
PAUL: You love Roy?
BRIAN: I do, I do, I've been in this secret garden before...

The laughter and the applause sort of ends the sketch for us because neither Brian, nor Paul could go on after that, so Patrick calls for black out.

 

[unclematt]

Is it just me or does this seem not that funny