Bert's Insomnia Story

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 1

Bert and Ernie were at the bus stop.

"Well, see you next wednesday, Ernie!", said Bert.

"Yeah, so long, Bert", said Ernie, who go on the bus.

"Well, Ernie is going to a big family reunion", said Bert, "So hopefully I will get to do whatever I want and not get disturebd by Ernie. I will get plenty of peace and quiet, plus full meals and five days worth of good nights sleep."

"Hey, who you talking to?", asked Elmo.

"oh, hi, Elmo", said Bert, "I guess I was talking to myself."

Bert went home to have some fun. First, he cleaned the house. Then, he sorted his paperclips. Then he alphabetized his books, and then read one. Then he invited Berniece over for dinner. Then Bert and Berniece listened to "Pigeosn in the News", before watching "The Wodnerful World of Pigeons".

And then, it was 8:30... Time for bed.

"Well, I'll be sure to get some sleep tonight", said Bert, who laid in bed... But then he had trouble sleeping.

"Hmm, I can't sleep, and Ernie's not here", noted Bert, "Well, I'll keep trying."

However, after four hours of trying, Bert was still awake.

"I think I'll make some hot tea", said Bert.

Bert made soem tea, but it didn't help him sleep.

"Maybe I should count sheep", said Bert, who counted sheep.... Up to 200.

"Man, this IS boring", said Bert, "But not boring enough for me to fall asleep."

Then bert decided to read soem books. He read "A Tale of Two Pigeons", "Of Pigeons and Men", "The Henson-Oz Dictionary", "Nelson's Encyclopedia", and "Hunt's Book of H Words". B y 6am Bert was still awake.

"Ohhhh, I am sooo tired", said Bert, still struggling to sleep.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

The next day, Bert was at Hooper's Store, very tired.

"Alan, I'll have..." said Bert, "I'll have a... I'll have a...."

Bert was having trouble concentrating.

"You'll have a bowl of oatmeal?", said Alan.

"Yes", said Bert, feeling dizzy.

"What's wrong, Bert?", asked Maria.

"Oh, I didn't get any sleep last night", said Bert, "And Ernie wasn't even home."

"Well, maybe you should go back to bed", said Maria.

"Yeah, it's not like I have to go to school or work", said Bert.

Bert came back to his apartment, but had trouble concentrating as he tried to unlock the door.

"Ohh, ohh...", groaned Bert, "I need some sleep."

Susna and Gordon then came by.

"Hi, Bert", said Gordon.

"Oh, Gordon, Susan, can one of you help me unlock my doors?", asked Bert.

"Okay", said Susan.

"Why can't you unlock it?", asked Gordon.

"I'm too tired to concentrate", said Bert.

"I hope you don't have insomnia", said Gordon.

"But if you are havingt rouble, I know of a good sleep therapist who can help you", said Susan.

"OH, thank you", said Bert.

The door opened, and Bert passed out, but stayed awake.

"Why can't I sleep?", said Bert.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

Bert tried more solutions to fall asleep. He took a warm bath, but it didn't work. He ate a lot o food, but didn't get tired enough to sleep. Then, he decided to ask Mumford to help him.

"I have a magic spell that'll put you to sleep!", said Mumford.

"Oh, good", said Bert.

"I'll wave my wand, and say, A LA Sleeping Sandwhich!", said Mumford.

However, instead of falling asleep, Bert's hair blew off his head.

"I'm not sleeping", said Bert.

"Hmm, something must be wrong", said Mumford, "Oh, and now you are bald."

Bert screamed.

"Being bald isn't that bad", said Mumford.

"I want my hair back!", complaiend Bert.

"Okay, I'll give it back", said Mumford, "A la hairy sandwhiches!"

And with that Bert's hair grew back, and covered his whole body.

"You know, Mumford, you've been more than enough help", said Bert, "I'll just go to the barbershop."

Bert walked away.

"But the barber doesn't know magic!", said Mumford.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Bert decided to go to a massage therapist for some relaxation.

"Maybe I can get some sleep here", said Bert.

Grover then showe dup.

"Hello, Bert", said Grover, "I am your massage therapist."

"What? You?", said a surprised Bert.

"Yes, me", said Grover, "Now, get on the table."

Bert got on.

"Now, before I start massaging you", said Grover, "I have to turn on the soothing music, wash my hands in lotion, turn up the heat, and then I can begin."

Grover did that.

"And now I can begin", said Grover.

"Good", said Bert.

But then Grover suddenly fell asleep.

"Oh, everybody's getting sleep but me!", complained Bert.

Later that night, Bert was still laying in bed.

"I haven't slept in a long time", said Bert, "I've tried everything. I tried getting massaged. I tried counting sheep. I've read every book..."

Just then, Ernie came home.

"I'm home, Bert!", shouted Ernie, "Oh, you're trying to sleep. I'll be quieter."

"Oh, it's okay, Ernie", said Bert, "I haven't been able to sleep since you left. Heck, I haven't been able to sleep before you left."

"Hmm, maybe you are immune to sleep", said Ernie, "But since you can't sleep anyway, would you like to hear about my family reunion?"

"Oh, sure",s aid Bert, "I do wish I could sleep. I feel like my eyelids can no longer shut."

"Well, it was fun when I got there", said Ernie, "My uncle Michael got out his Rubber Duckie, and my aunts Sarah and Jillian got their fiddles, and the whole family was dancing, and then grandma baked some cookies..."

Ernie then heard a snore.

"Please doon't interrupt, Bert", said Ernie, who then noticed Bert sleeping, "Bert?"

Ernie looked closely.

"Well, will you look at that?", said Ernie, "bert's asleep. Well, I'll tell him about it tomorrow."

And Ernie went to sleep.

The End