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Sam and Friends BookGSmiley2007
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NOTE: This is actually a Muppet Show sketch, not a Sesame Street one, as mentioned below. Imagine if The Muppet Show was still on the air today for this one...
(audience claps, Kermit rushes up)
KERMIT: Okay, now, to honor Guy Smiley's appearance here on The Muppet Show, we are going to show you a sketch of one of his biggest hits, Beat the Time! It was the greatest game show Guy did, and there has never been any controversy with this show ever.
MISS PIGGY: Oh, but, Kermie, moi heard that the show was cancelled because contestants kept stealing things from other people! Right, Guy?
(Guy rushes up)
GUY (now done by Steve Whitmire): You know, that's not true! I would never tell people to steal things and that-- (sees angry mob, and timidly says...) Uh-oh...
ORANGE AM MAN: GET HIM!
(Guy screams and runs off)
KERMIT: Sheesh... let's just start the sketch.
(The theme to the pilot of the failed 1979 revival of Beat the Clock is heard)
ANNOUNCER (Jerry Nelson): And now, it's time for America's craziest stunt show ever, (pauses for a few seconds, and we get a shot of the audience of Whatnots and Anything Muppets) Beat the Time! (logo pops up, announcer pauses for another few seconds) And now, here's the star of Beat the Time, Guy Smiley!
(Guy struggles with the curtains)
GUY: Thank you! Thank you! This is Guy Smiley, America's favorite game show host, welcoming you to the return of America's favorite game show, Beat the Time! (audience cheers) Yes, it's back, and I'm ready to introduce our first contestant, all the way from Sesame Street, here's Roosevelt Franklin!
ROOSEVELT (now done by Kevin Clash): Hi, Guy!
GUY: Hi, Roosevelt! Are you ready to play our game?
ROOSEVELT: You bet, Guy! What do I have to do?
GUY: You must bring in five foods that are good for you.
ROOSEVELT: Five foods that are good for me... gee, that seems hard.
GUY: If you can do it in under 55 seconds, you will win a scholarship to Harvard!
ROOSEVELT: (gasps) A scholarship to Harvard? Oh, boy! Wait 'til I tell my friends back at school!
GUY: Are you ready? Get set, GOOOOOOOOOO!
(clock ticks, and the thinking music from Say the Word is heard, and Roosevelt runs off)
GUY: Can he do it? Mr. Franklin has 55 seconds to find five foods that are good for you.
ROOSEVELT: I found an apple, Guy!
(fanfare is heard)
GUY: Wonderful! That's one food good for you, now you have to find four more in 48 seconds! Go, go, GOOOOOOOO! Can he find four more foods with... (looks at clock) 44 seconds left?
ROOSEVELT: I found a loaf of bread, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: Yes! That's two foods so far, now you have 39 seconds left to find three more! Go already! (Roosevelt screams) Can he find three more?
ROOSEVELT: I found an orange, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: Yippee! That's three foods, you now have 31 seconds left to find two more to win the scholarship! Go already! (Roosevelt runs off) Can he find two more before time runs out on him?
ROOSEVELT: I found some water, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: One more food that's good for you, and you'll win! You have 21 seconds remaining! Now get going! (Roosevelt runs off) He's got plenty of time left, so I think it's safe to assume he'll win the scholarship! Wait a minute, where is he? What's taking him so long? He's got 13 seconds left, and he hasn't returned! Audience, count down with me-- 10... 9... 8... (audience joins in, and we get a shot of the clock) 7... 6... 5... 4... 3...
(a rumbling sound is heard)
GUY: Wait a minute, what's that? That can't be! It's gotta be a...
(CRASH!)
GUY: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Oh, no! Aaaah!
ROOSEVELT: I found this really big plate of spaghetti, Guy! It's good for you.
GUY: A big plate of spaghetti? That means you've won the game, Roosevelt!
(sirens and bells go off, and the BTC '79 pilot music starts and plays throughout the rest of the sketch)
ROOSEVELT: I won! I won! I won! Yippee! (All of Roosevelt's classmates rush up)
GUY: And here is your scholarship! I wish you the best, Mr. Franklin!
ROOSEVELT: Thanks, Guy! Come on, everyone! We're getting ice cream! (everyone cheers)
GUY: Wait a minute! Usually there's someone chasing after our contestant because he or she stole the item! What happened here?
(An Anything Muppet credit card shows up, voiced by Jerry Nelson)
CREDIT CARD: Because he used me to buy things, rather than stealing them! Have you ever done that to your contestants before, Mr. Smiley!
GUY: (stuttering and stammering) Uh... I guess... I... didn't...
(suddenly, the same two AM policemen from the BTT Abby Cadabby fan-fic show up and arrest Guy again)
GUY: Oh, well! This is Guy Smiley saying so long from Beat the Time! (to officers) Let go of me, you stupid-- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
STATLER: Let me show you how I play Beat the Time!
WALDORF: How do you do it?
(Statler gets out a sledgehammer and seven alarm clocks, then uses the sledgehammer to crush the alarm clocks)
STATLER: That's how I play, Waldorf!
S&W: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
(The music then ends)
So, what do you think of that sketch?
(audience claps, Kermit rushes up)
KERMIT: Okay, now, to honor Guy Smiley's appearance here on The Muppet Show, we are going to show you a sketch of one of his biggest hits, Beat the Time! It was the greatest game show Guy did, and there has never been any controversy with this show ever.
MISS PIGGY: Oh, but, Kermie, moi heard that the show was cancelled because contestants kept stealing things from other people! Right, Guy?
(Guy rushes up)
GUY (now done by Steve Whitmire): You know, that's not true! I would never tell people to steal things and that-- (sees angry mob, and timidly says...) Uh-oh...
ORANGE AM MAN: GET HIM!
(Guy screams and runs off)
KERMIT: Sheesh... let's just start the sketch.
(The theme to the pilot of the failed 1979 revival of Beat the Clock is heard)
ANNOUNCER (Jerry Nelson): And now, it's time for America's craziest stunt show ever, (pauses for a few seconds, and we get a shot of the audience of Whatnots and Anything Muppets) Beat the Time! (logo pops up, announcer pauses for another few seconds) And now, here's the star of Beat the Time, Guy Smiley!
(Guy struggles with the curtains)
GUY: Thank you! Thank you! This is Guy Smiley, America's favorite game show host, welcoming you to the return of America's favorite game show, Beat the Time! (audience cheers) Yes, it's back, and I'm ready to introduce our first contestant, all the way from Sesame Street, here's Roosevelt Franklin!
ROOSEVELT (now done by Kevin Clash): Hi, Guy!
GUY: Hi, Roosevelt! Are you ready to play our game?
ROOSEVELT: You bet, Guy! What do I have to do?
GUY: You must bring in five foods that are good for you.
ROOSEVELT: Five foods that are good for me... gee, that seems hard.
GUY: If you can do it in under 55 seconds, you will win a scholarship to Harvard!
ROOSEVELT: (gasps) A scholarship to Harvard? Oh, boy! Wait 'til I tell my friends back at school!
GUY: Are you ready? Get set, GOOOOOOOOOO!
(clock ticks, and the thinking music from Say the Word is heard, and Roosevelt runs off)
GUY: Can he do it? Mr. Franklin has 55 seconds to find five foods that are good for you.
ROOSEVELT: I found an apple, Guy!
(fanfare is heard)
GUY: Wonderful! That's one food good for you, now you have to find four more in 48 seconds! Go, go, GOOOOOOOO! Can he find four more foods with... (looks at clock) 44 seconds left?
ROOSEVELT: I found a loaf of bread, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: Yes! That's two foods so far, now you have 39 seconds left to find three more! Go already! (Roosevelt screams) Can he find three more?
ROOSEVELT: I found an orange, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: Yippee! That's three foods, you now have 31 seconds left to find two more to win the scholarship! Go already! (Roosevelt runs off) Can he find two more before time runs out on him?
ROOSEVELT: I found some water, Guy!
(another fanfare)
GUY: One more food that's good for you, and you'll win! You have 21 seconds remaining! Now get going! (Roosevelt runs off) He's got plenty of time left, so I think it's safe to assume he'll win the scholarship! Wait a minute, where is he? What's taking him so long? He's got 13 seconds left, and he hasn't returned! Audience, count down with me-- 10... 9... 8... (audience joins in, and we get a shot of the clock) 7... 6... 5... 4... 3...
(a rumbling sound is heard)
GUY: Wait a minute, what's that? That can't be! It's gotta be a...
(CRASH!)
GUY: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Oh, no! Aaaah!
ROOSEVELT: I found this really big plate of spaghetti, Guy! It's good for you.
GUY: A big plate of spaghetti? That means you've won the game, Roosevelt!
(sirens and bells go off, and the BTC '79 pilot music starts and plays throughout the rest of the sketch)
ROOSEVELT: I won! I won! I won! Yippee! (All of Roosevelt's classmates rush up)
GUY: And here is your scholarship! I wish you the best, Mr. Franklin!
ROOSEVELT: Thanks, Guy! Come on, everyone! We're getting ice cream! (everyone cheers)
GUY: Wait a minute! Usually there's someone chasing after our contestant because he or she stole the item! What happened here?
(An Anything Muppet credit card shows up, voiced by Jerry Nelson)
CREDIT CARD: Because he used me to buy things, rather than stealing them! Have you ever done that to your contestants before, Mr. Smiley!
GUY: (stuttering and stammering) Uh... I guess... I... didn't...
(suddenly, the same two AM policemen from the BTT Abby Cadabby fan-fic show up and arrest Guy again)
GUY: Oh, well! This is Guy Smiley saying so long from Beat the Time! (to officers) Let go of me, you stupid-- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
STATLER: Let me show you how I play Beat the Time!
WALDORF: How do you do it?
(Statler gets out a sledgehammer and seven alarm clocks, then uses the sledgehammer to crush the alarm clocks)
STATLER: That's how I play, Waldorf!
S&W: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
(The music then ends)
So, what do you think of that sketch?
