Beat the Time with Professor Hastings

[mikealan]

With all my big thanks for wishing me a happy birthday from Muppet Central, here's my new Beat the Time fan-fic which features some characters from a non-SS/non-Henson TV show.
(Hint: They are from the show that features Paul Butcher, who currently appears in Henson's Tinseltown.)

(The scene is the game-show set with a wall frame clock as time-clocking music from the opening of the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays.)

ANNOUNCER: And now it's finally time again for everybody's favorite and longest wacky stunt show ever, "Beat...(five-second drum roll) the Time!"

(We get a shot of the whole audience of Anything Muppets and monsters cheering. Scene changes back to the game-show set.)

ANNOUNCER: And here is your host of our show, Mr. Guy Smiley!

(Game-show music from BTT with Cookie Monster plays and the audience cheers again as Guy Smiley enters through the curtains with a little loud grunt.)

GUY SMILEY: Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host! (as the game-show music fades away) And welcome to another episode of Beat the Time, our longest running show where contestants get to do their wacky stunts. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is today's contestant all the way from Sesame Street, Professor Hastings!

(Game-show music plays again and a very few clapping sounds are heard as Professor Hastings enters the studio slowly, feeling a bit sleepy. Game-show music fades away again.)

GUY SMILEY: Uh....Professor....Professor Hastings...

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: *yawn* Yeah...(gets to sleep)

GUY SMILEY: (loudly) Up, Professor Hastings!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: (suddenly wakes up) Oh! Oh! I'm up! I'm up! Yes. My lecture today will be on...

GUY SMILEY: Uh, Professor Hastings, you're not doing a lecture today. You're on our game-show and you're here to do today's wacky stunt.

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh, yeah. Sure. My lecture today will be about today's...

GUY SMILEY: You are not doing a lecture about that either, Professor Hastings! You're here to play our game! So you must be ready for it and don't give out any more lectures during it you understand?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. Sure. I get it.

GUY SMILEY: OK. Are you listening, Professor?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah...

GUY SMILEY: All right. All you have to do...listen carefully...

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, I'm listening.

GUY SMILEY: (continued) Is to find four things....

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Four things, yeah.

GUY SMILEY: (continued) That help you prepare for college.

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. Right. My lecture today will be about four things that...

GUY SMILEY: Uh, Professor, you are not doing a lecture today! I told you you must find four things that help you prepare for college! You understand?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, yeah. Sure.

GUY SMILEY: OK! But you must do it for 47 seconds before the clock reaches the buzzer! You ready?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah...

(drum roll)

GUY SMILEY: All right! Ready? On your mark! Get set! GO!

(Time-clocking music from the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: *yawn* Do I have to start now?

GUY SMILEY: YES YOU MUST DO! SO GO OUT AND FIND FOUR THINGS THAT HELP YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! GO, GO, GO!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: (as Guy speaks) OH! OH! OH! OH! (runs out the studio quickly)

GUY SMILEY: Will he do it? Professor Hastings now has 43 seconds left to find four things that help you prepare for college!

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying a laptop computer.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I found a laptop!

GUY SMILEY: Wonderful, Professor Hastings! That's one thing that helps you prepare for college! Now you got 38 seconds left and go find three more!

(As Professor Hastings leaves, the Fat Blue Anything Muppet college boy enters the studio.)

FAT BLUE AM BOY: Hey, hey! Some sleepy blue guy just stole my laptop! I needed that to find articles for my research project before it's due in November!

GUY SMILEY: Listen, kid, I think you must get off the stage immediately. We're doing a television show here.

FAT BLUE AM BOY: Wait a minute, are you Guy Smiley?

GUY SMILEY: Yes but you have to get off the stage! (pushes Fat Blue AM boy out the studio) (to the viewer) Professor Hastings now has 33 seconds left to find three more things that help you prepare for college!

(as Guy speaks, Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying a textbook.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I've found a textbook!

GUY SMILEY: Great job, Professor Hastings! That's two things that help you prepare for college! Now you got 29 seconds left to find two more!

(Professor Hastings runs off)

GUY SMILEY: Look at him go. Professor Hastings's gotta find two more things that help you...

(a Green Anything Muppet college boy enters the studio)

GREEN AM BOY: Hey, that blue-headed instructor took my textbook! I needed that to find some information for my science assignment!

GUY SMILEY: Well I'm sorry but you must exit immediately! We're in the middle of our television show right now.

GREEN AM BOY: Hey, you're Guy Smiley!

GUY SMILEY: Yes I am!

GREEN AM BOY: Can I have your autograph, Mr. Smiley?

GUY SMILEY: (very loud) No there's no time for autographs right now (while pushing Green AM boy out the studio) because Professor Hastings is trying to find two more things that help you prepare for college for 25 seconds!

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying two notebooks with some review sheets in them.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I found notebooks!

GUY SMILEY: THAT'S GREAT, PROFESSOR HASTINGS! That's three things that help you prepare for college! Now go find one more thing that helps you prepare for college! Go, go, go!

(Professor Hastings runs off again.)

GUY SMILEY: Professor Hastings now has 22 seconds left to find one more thing that helps you prepare for college! As soon as he finds it on time, he will...

(Two Large Lavender Live-Hand Anything Muppet kids, both a boy and a girl, rush into the studio, angrily.)

LARGE LAVENDER LIVE-HAND AM BOY: Hey, that blue man stole our notebooks and our review sheets! We were studying for our social science together when he showed up.

LARGE LAVENDER LIVE-HAND AM GIRL: And he was quite rude! We are so upset right now! Do you know where we could find....hey, wait a minute! You're Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host! Can we be on your next week's game-show?

GUY SMILEY: (yelling) NO YOU TWO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON MY NEXT WEEK'S GAME-SHOW! IF YOU WANT TO BE ON OUR SHOW, GO TO MY OFFICIAL BEAT THE TIME WEBSITE TO SIGN UP! I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF YOU TWO ARE ALLOWED OR NOT! SO GET OFF MY STAGE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE PROFESSOR HASTINGS IS TRYING TO FIND ONE MORE THING THAT HELPS YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! (while pushing two Large-Lavender AM kids out the studio) GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! (beginning to speak regularly) Now where could Professor Hastings be? He's got 17 seconds left to find...

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying nothing in his hands.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Guy! Guy! I can't find one more thing that helps me prepare for college! *yawn* Can I take a little rest?

GUY SMILEY: No you can't take a rest, Professor Hastings! (yelling again) YOU GOT 13 SECONDS LEFT TO FIND ONE MORE THING THAT HELPS YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! SO STAY AWAKE AND GO ALREADY!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: AAAAAAAHHHHH! (runs off)

GUY SMILEY: Professor Hastings has 10 seconds left to find one more thing that helps you prepare for college. Can he do it on time? Count down with me, audience!

(cuts to the shot of the clock)

GUY SMILEY: (counting down with the audience) 10...9...8...7...6...5...

(as Guy reaches '6', loud rumbling noises are heard. The clock shot cuts back to Guy.)

GUY SMILEY: Wait a minute! What are these sounds coming from? Oh, no! They can't be! They must be---!

(Professor Hastings crashes through the set, carrying most of Zoey Brooks', Chase Matthews's and Logan Reese's stuff, including the clock!)

GUY SMILEY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, no!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I found some clothes, tolietries and important needs, Guy!

GUY SMILEY: YES! That's over four things that help you prepare for college and you won our game, Professor Hastings!

(audience cheers very loudly)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I win?

GUY SMILEY: Yes!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Did I really win, Guy?

GUY SMILEY: Yes you really did, Professor!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. Great.

GUY SMILEY: Now that you found a little over four things that help you prepare for college, you win a six free month stay at the Guy Smiley Energy School of Dehibernation to help you stay awake during your future lectures!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, yeah...(begins to get back to sleep)

GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! Wonderful!

(as the audience keeps cheering, Zoey Brooks, Chase Matthews and Logan Reese enter the scene.)

CHASE MATTHEWS (Sean Flynn): Hey, that weird blue man just stole our stuff for our room for PCA!

LOGAN REESE (Matthew Underwood): And he didn't ask us to borrow! We were trying to do our science project together when he showed up.

ZOEY BROOKS (Jamie-Lynn Spears): And he stole my stuff for my room for PCA as well! I was studying for my Economics exam with Quinn and Lola when he showed up.

GUY SMILEY: Well where are they?

(Zoey, Chase and Logan point at the stuff Professor Hastings took from them.)

GUY SMILEY: Oh. Oh well. It doesn't matter. It's only a game. (Game-show music from the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays again.) (to the viewer) Well that's all the time we have for today. So this is Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host, saying so long for another exciting fun-filled game of Beat the...

(Professor Hastings is suddenly awake as the Fat Blue AM boy, Green AM boy and two Large-Lavender Live-Hand AM kids re-enter the scene.)

FAT BLUE AM BOY: There he is! There's that blue man who took our stuff for college! Let's get him!

(The angry mob begins to chase Professor Hastings.)

GUY SMILEY: (notices the chase going on) Uh-oh! As I was saying, uh, this is Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host, uh, saying so long for another exciting fun-filled game of....Watch out for the----! (the chase runs over Guy and knocks down the camera.)

(The scene now changes into the color code TV signal as the words "CAMERA DAMAGED" flash on the screen but the game-show music keeps playing!)

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for another Beat the Time as soon as the technical difficulties have been fixed!

(fade-out)

 

[mikealan]

Beat the Time with Professor Hastings (better version)

Here is my better and improved version of this BTT fan-fic. I'm sure each of you will like it but it won't feature the non-SS/non-Henson characters here.

Just enjoy the improved the fan-fic!

(The scene is the game-show set with a wall frame clock as time-clocking music from the opening of the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays.)

ANNOUNCER: And now it's finally time again for everybody's favorite and longest wacky stunt show ever, "Beat...(five-second drum roll) the Time!"

(We get a shot of the whole audience of Anything Muppets and monsters cheering. Scene changes back to the game-show set.)

ANNOUNCER: And here is your host of our show, Mr. Guy Smiley!

(Game-show music from BTT with Cookie Monster plays and the audience cheers again as Guy Smiley enters through the curtains with a little loud grunt.)

GUY SMILEY: Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host! (as the game-show music fades away) And welcome to another episode of Beat the Time, our longest running show where contestants had to complete their wacky stunts. And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is today's contestant all the way from Sesame Street, Professor Hastings!

(Game-show music plays again and a very few clapping sounds are heard as Professor Hastings enters the studio slowly, feeling a bit sleepy. Game-show music fades away again.)

GUY SMILEY: Uh....Professor....Professor Hastings...

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: *yawn* Yeah...(gets to sleep)

GUY SMILEY: (loudly) Up, Professor Hastings!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: (suddenly wakes up) Oh! Oh! I'm up! I'm up! Yes. My lecture today will be on...

GUY SMILEY: Uh, Professor Hastings, you're not doing a lecture today. You're on our game-show and you're here to play today's wacky stunt.

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh, yeah. Sure. My lecture today will be about today's...

GUY SMILEY: You are not doing a lecture about that either, Professor Hastings! You're here to play our game! So you must be ready for it and don't give out any more lectures during it you understand?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. Sure. I get it.

GUY SMILEY: OK. Are you listening, Professor?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah...

GUY SMILEY: All right. All you have to do...listen carefully...

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, I'm listening.

GUY SMILEY: (continued) Is to find four things....

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Four things, yeah.

GUY SMILEY: (continued) That help you prepare for college.

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. Right. My lecture today will be about four things that...

GUY SMILEY: Uh, Professor, you are not doing a lecture today! I told you you must find four things that help you prepare for college! You understand?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, yeah. Sure.

GUY SMILEY: OK! But you must do it for 47 seconds before the clock reaches the buzzer! You ready?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah...

(drum roll)

GUY SMILEY: All right! Ready? On your mark! Get set! GO!

(Time-clocking music from the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: *yawn* Do I have to start now?

GUY SMILEY: YES YOU MUST DO! SO GO OUT AND FIND FOUR THINGS THAT HELP YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! GO, GO, GO!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: (as Guy speaks) OH! OH! OH! OH! (runs out the studio quickly)

GUY SMILEY: Will he do it? Professor Hastings now has 43 seconds left to find four things that help you prepare for college!

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying a laptop computer.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I found a laptop!

GUY SMILEY: Wonderful, Professor Hastings! That's one thing that helps you prepare for college! Now you got 38 seconds left and go find three more!

(As Professor Hastings leaves, the Fat Blue Anything Muppet college boy enters the studio.)

FAT BLUE AM BOY: Hey, hey! Some sleepy blue guy just stole my laptop! I need that to find articles for my research project before it's due on November!

GUY SMILEY: Listen, kid, I think you must get off the stage immediately. We're doing a television show right now.

FAT BLUE AM BOY: Wait a minute, are you Guy Smiley?

GUY SMILEY: Yes but you have to get off the stage! (pushes Fat Blue AM boy out the studio) (to the viewer) Professor Hastings now has 33 seconds left to find three more things that help you prepare for college!

(as Guy speaks, Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying a textbook.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I've found a textbook!

GUY SMILEY: Great job, Professor Hastings! That's two things that help you prepare for college! Now you got 29 seconds left to find two more!

(Professor Hastings runs off)

GUY SMILEY: Look at him go. Professor Hastings's gotta find two more things that help you...

(a Green Anything Muppet college boy enters the studio)

GREEN AM BOY: Hey, that blue-headed instructor took my textbook! I need that to find some information for my science assignment!

GUY SMILEY: Well I'm sorry but you must exit immediately! We're in the middle of our television show right now.

GREEN AM BOY: Hey, you're Guy Smiley!

GUY SMILEY: Yes I am!

GREEN AM BOY: Can I have your autograph, Mr. Smiley?

GUY SMILEY: (very loud) No there's no time for autographs right now (while pushing Green AM boy out the studio) because Professor Hastings is trying to find two more things that help you prepare for college for 25 seconds!

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying two notebooks with some review sheets in them.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: I found notebooks!

GUY SMILEY: THAT'S GREAT, PROFESSOR HASTINGS! That's three things that help you prepare for college! Now go find one more thing that helps you prepare for college! Go, go, go!

(Professor Hastings runs off again.)

GUY SMILEY: Professor Hastings now has 22 seconds left to find one more thing that helps you prepare for college! As soon as he finds it on time, he will...

(Two Large Lavender Live-Hand Anything Muppet kids, both a boy and a girl, rush into the studio, angrily.)

LARGE LAVENDER LIVE-HAND AM BOY: Hey, that blue man stole our notebooks and our review sheets! We were studying for our social science test together when he showed up.

LARGE LAVENDER LIVE-HAND AM GIRL: And he was quite rude! We are so upset right now! Do you know where we could find....hey, wait a minute! You're Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host! Can we be on your next week's game-show?

GUY SMILEY: (yelling) NO YOU TWO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON MY NEXT WEEK'S GAME-SHOW! IF YOU WANT TO BE ON OUR SHOW, GO TO MY OFFICIAL BEAT THE TIME WEBSITE TO SIGN UP! I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF YOU TWO ARE ALLOWED OR NOT! SO GET OFF MY STAGE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE PROFESSOR HASTINGS IS TRYING TO FIND ONE MORE THING THAT HELPS YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! (while pushing two Large-Lavender AM kids out the studio) GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! (beginning to speak regularly) Now where could Professor Hastings be? He's got 17 seconds left to find...

(Professor Hastings re-enters the studio, carrying nothing in his hands.)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Guy! Guy! I can't find one more thing that helps me prepare for college! *yawn* Can I take a little rest?

GUY SMILEY: No you can't take a rest, Professor Hastings! (yelling again) YOU GOT 13 SECONDS LEFT TO FIND ONE MORE THING THAT HELPS YOU PREPARE FOR COLLEGE! SO STAY AWAKE AND GO ALREADY!

(But Professor Hastings did not leave the studio! He begins to sleep very deeply.)

GUY SMILEY: (to the viewer) Professor Hastings has 10 seconds left to find one more thing that helps you...(notices that Professor Hastings is sleeping) Wait a minute! I think he's sleeping! Yes, it could be one of the last four things that helps you prepare for college! (to Professor Hastings) Are you sleeping, Professor?

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: *yawn* Yeah, I am...

GUY SMILEY: (very loud) Well you're ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! YES! Sleep is one of the four things that help you prepare for college and you won our game, Professor Hastings!

(audience cheers very loudly)

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: (suddenly awake) I win?

GUY SMILEY: Yes!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Did I really win, Guy?

GUY SMILEY: Yes you really did, Professor!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Oh yeah. *yawn* Great.

GUY SMILEY: Now that you found all four things that help you prepare for college, you win a six free month stay at the Guy Smiley Energy School of Dehibernation to help you stay awake during your future lectures!

PROFESSOR HASTINGS: Yeah, yeah...(begins to get back to sleep)

GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! Wonderful! (Game-show music from the original BTT with Cookie Monster plays again.) (to the viewer) I'm Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host, saying so long for another exciting fun-filled game of Beat the...

(Professor Hastings is suddenly awake as the Fat Blue AM boy, Green AM boy and two Large-Lavender Live-Hand AM kids re-enter the scene.)

FAT BLUE AM BOY: There he is! There's that blue man who took our stuff for college! Let's get him!

(The angry mob begins to chase Professor Hastings.)

GUY SMILEY: (notices the chase going on) Uh-oh! As I was saying, uh, this is Guy Smiley, everybody's favorite game-show host, uh, saying so long for another exciting fun-filled game of....Watch out for the----! (the chase runs over Guy and knocks down the camera.)

(The scene now changes into the color code TV signal as the words "CAMERA DAMAGED" flash on the screen but the game-show music keeps playing!)

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for another Beat the Time as soon as the technical difficulties have been fixed!

(fade-out)

 

[GuySmileyfan]

That was funny. I wish they bring back Guy Smiley to do more Beat the Time shows. As for me, I'm writing another episode of Here Is Your Life Disney Version.