Beat the Time with Kermit the Frog

[Dil]

This is Beat the Time with two Jim Henson characters at the same scene, Guy Smiley and Kermit the Frog. Jim would do both voices while puppetering Kermit, as someone else puppeteers Guy Smiley.

It takes place in 1989.

(As always the "Beat the Time" logo appears in the very beginning.)

ANNOUNCER: "And now it's time for the gameshow 6 zillion people are watching... Beat the Time! And now, here's you know who, every 6 zillion Smiley fans, Guy Smiley!"

GUY: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is you-know-who, Guy Smiley, at you-know-where, Beat the Time, which stars the ever popular electric clock! And now, let's instantly start with our first contestant, the ever-popular host of "The Muppet Show", Mr. Kermit the Frog!"

(Kermit enters.)

KERMIT: "Wow, hi-ho! Thanks, everyone, thank you, thank you, thank you! Hi-Ho, Guy."

GUY: "HELLO!!"

KERMIT: "Agh! Shhhhh! You're too energetic for me. And keep it down."

GUY: "WHAT?!!"

KERMIT: "Why are you so loud?"

GUY: "Because my lungs are too powerful! Yes!!"

KERMIT: "*sigh*"

GUY: "And now, let me tell you about your whacky stunt."

KERMIT: "Oh, OK."

(An R appears at the top of the screen.)

GUY: "Do you see that up there?"

KERMIT: "Huh? (looks up)"

GUY: "This letter makes an Rrrrrrr sound, an Rrrrrrrrr sound, Rrrrr like a grrrrowl of a bearrrr! It starts with the word "Rain". Yes! It's the letter R! You must find 4 things..."

KERMIT: "4 things that start with the letter... R?"

GUY: "YES! Yes!! And you have 45 seconds to get those 4 things."

KERMIT: "I got it, now."

GUY: "And now, don't start until you hear the gong sound and here comes the gong sound NOW!!!!!!!!!"

(Gong Sound is heard.)

GUY: "Now GO!!!!!"

KERMIT: "Whooooaaaaa!" (runs off)

GUY: "OK, he has 45 seconds to get 4 things that start with the letter R."

KERMIT: (enters with a racket) OK, here you go."

GUY: "Gee, Kermit, what the heck is that thing?"

KERMIT: "This is a Tennis... Rracket."

GUY: "Wonderful, that's one thing that starts with R, and now three more to go, you have 35 more seconds."

(Kermit leaves, as a Richard Hunt-voiced Fat Blue Tennis Player appears.)

TENNIS PLAYER: "Hey! Hey! A talking frog took the racket, rright out my hands! I need that for my Tennis Tourament."

GUY: "Get off! Here's your racket and get off! Because Kermit the Frog has to find 3 more things that start with R!!"

KERMIT: (enters with Elmo's fur) "Hey, Guy, I know fur doesn't start with R, but this piece of fur is Rred. R for Rred."

GUY: "Wonderful! Hurry up! You only have 25 seconds to get 2 more of those things, and then... pause the clock! (Clock stops ticking for a while) you will win a trip to the Seyshell pond!"

KERMIT: "A trip! (Elmo enters saying "That Elmo's fur") Wow! I wanted a trip in another pond! YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!"

ELMO: "Hey, Mr. Kermit the Frog, you took "Yaay" rright out Elmo's mouth."

KERMIT: "Well I go like this: (does the Yay his way, and Elmo and Kermit argues about their ways)"

(Clock starts ticking again.)

GUY: "C'mon! Kermit! Kermit the Frog! Hurry you have 15 more seconds! HURRY!!"

(Kermit screams and exits.)

ELMO: "Hi, Mr. Smiley-- Elmo mean Mr. GUY Smiley."

GUY: "Will you cut it out?! Because Kermit has only 5 seconds til'..."

(Siren is heard.)

GUY: "What is it?!! Don't be scared, I think Kermit is doing the thing. (Clock rumbles) Wait! Not the clock!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Sam the Robot destroys through the clock, making it a big mess, and Kermit is seen with a rectangle.)

GUY: "What this?! A robot... and a rectangle! Did you bring those item, Kermit?"

KERMIT: "Um.... yes.."

GUY: "YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESS!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

KERMIT: "I DID IT??!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!"

GUY: "Here's your ticket."

KERMIT: "Thank... you. Hi-ho, here I come, another pond. Yay!"

(Theme plays.)

GUY: "And that's all for now on "Beat the Time"! See ya next time!!"

SAM: "Ooh, can I go the Seyshells, too? I wanted to go there you know."

GUY: "Can somebody fix the clock?!"

That's the end of the skit, what do you think?

 

[minor muppetz]

That was good. I have been thinking about writing a fan fiction for a Guy Smiley game show with Kermit the Frog as the contestant for some time. I think a sketch like this would have been possible. I've read that since Guy's voice was so hard on Jim Henson's throat that the audio for his sketches were recorded before they were tapped/filmed. It's interesting that it's announced that Kermit hosted The Muppet Show. With it being a Sesame Street sketch, I would have expected it to be said that kermit was the news reporter for Sesame Street News instead. But good job anyway.

 

[Dil]

In here, Kermit would be in his regular undressed form, like he was when he was doing lectures or frog songs or hosting The Muppet Show (mostly).

 

[GuySmileyfan]

Very good. That's going to be hard though with Jim Henson playing both parts.

 

[minor muppetz]

Very good. That's going to be hard though with Jim Henson playing both parts.

I've read that the dialogue for Guy Smiley's sketches were recorded in advance, because Guy Smiley's voice was so hard on Jim Henson's throat. Because of this, the audio was recorded before the sketches were taped so that alternate takes could be taped without Jim having to strain his throat.

 

[Dil]

Agreed.