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Sam and Friends BookHere is my next Beat the Time fan-fic, which features another Muppet Show character as a guest contestant.
(The scene is the game-show set, which is similar to the one with Grover.)
ANNOUNCER: It's time once again for another fun-filled game of everybody's favorite long-running stunt show, "Beat...the Time!" (cuckoo noise. Beat the Time title is shown on the screen.)
(Audience cheers just before the title fades away)
ANNOUNCER: And here is the host of our show, Mr. Guy Smiley!
(Audience cheers again as Guy Smiley enters the studio while walking through the curtains with a brief grunt. Game-show music plays.)
GUY SMILEY: Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (very enthusiastic while waving his arms up high) And welcome to Episode 18,514 of our forty-sixth season of "Beat the Time", our longest running show where the contestants have lots of fun! (as the game-show music fades away) I am Guy Smiley, America's favorite game-show host. And now, let's meet today's contestant, Mr. Gonzo the Great of "The Muppet Show!"
(Audience roars as Gonzo enters the studio with a brief and quick "Thank you!")
GONZO: At last! They chose me to be on this week's show! (To Guy) Oh, hi Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Hello there, Gonzo! Are you ready for your impossible stunt?
GONZO: I'm ready, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Good! Because if you do it on time before the buzzer, you will win a fantastic prize. You got that?
GONZO: Yeah.
GUY SMILEY: Good. In order to win the game, you will have to find five different sandwiches.
GONZO: I have to WHAT? I thought there's gonna be a wild and terrific stunt.
GUY SMILEY: Well, this won't be a wild stunt, Gonzo. You will just have to find five different sandwiches, you got that?
GONZO: Well, OK.
GUY SMILEY: OK! But you've only got 55 seconds on the clock before time runs out and before it reaches the buzzer! So, are you ready?
GONZO: You bet, Guy!
(drum roll)
GUY SMILEY: All right! (very fast) On your mark, get set, GO!
(Time-clocking music from the original Beat the Time with Cookie Monster plays.)
GONZO: Can I start now?
GUY SMILEY: Yes you can! Just go already! (very quick) Go, go, go!
GONZO: AAAAAAAHHHHH! (runs out of the studio)
GUY SMILEY: Will he do it? The Great Gonzo has to find five different sandwiches. Yes and he has 51 seconds to find them!
(Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich)
GONZO: I've got peanut-butter-and-jelly, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! Peanut-butter-and-jelly is one sandwich that was invented. Now you gotta find four more.
(As Gonzo runs out of the studio again, a Small Orange Anything Muppet boy (from the "Take My Hand" song segment) enters the studio.)
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Hey! I'm hungry! That blue creature with a hooked nose just stole my peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich!
GUY SMILEY: Here's your sandwich, little boy! But you will have to get off the stage. We're doing a television show right here.
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Hey, are you Guy Smiley?
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed) Yes I am Guy Smiley but you must get out!
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Is this Beat the Time? (to camera) Hi Mom!
GUY SMILEY: (pushing Small Orange AM boy off-stage) You must get out of here right now because The Great Gonzo has 43 seconds left to find four more different sandwiches!
(as Guy speaks, Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a chicken salad sandwich.)
GONZO: I've got chicken salad, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful, wonderful! That's two different sandwiches, (as Gonzo runs out the studio again) but right now you must find three more in order to win a prize.
(A Large Pink Live-Hand Anything Muppet woman enters)
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Excuse me sir, but that weird blue creature in a purple suit just took my chicken salad sandwich! I need that for lunch!
GUY SMILEY: Listen lady, it's only a game but you have to get off the stage before the-
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Say! You must be Guy Smiley, America's favorite game-show host!
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed again) Yes! I know! I know!
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Can I be on your next show?
GUY SMILEY: (pushing Large Pink Live-Hand AM woman off-stage) No you can't and The Great Gonzo has gotta find three more sandwiches and he's got 35 seconds to find them! Can he do it?
(Gonzo re-enters the studio again, carrying two grilled-cheese-and-tomato sandwiches)
GONZO: I've got grilled-cheese-and-tomato, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Good job, Gonzo! That's three different sandwiches and I see that you got two of the same third sandwiches but you've got to find two more, you understand?
GONZO: OK, Guy!
(as Gonzo runs out of the studio again, two purple Anything Muppet girls, both made by the Purple Anything Muppet pattern enter the studio)
PURPLE GIRL 1: Hey! That weird long-nosed creature just took my grilled-cheese-and-tomato sandwich! I need that for lunch!
PURPLE GIRL 2: Mine too!
GUY SMILEY: Listen you girls, take those sandwiches and get out of here!
PURPLE GIRL 1: Wait a minute, are you Guy Smiley?
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed again) Yes, yes, YES!
PURPLE GIRL 2: Can we have your autograph?
GUY SMILEY: No you can't, (pushing two purple girls off-stage) because this is Beat the Time and The Great Gonzo has gotta find two more sandwiches for 23 seconds!
(Gonzo re-enters the studio again, carrying a turkey-and-lettuce sandwich)
GONZO: I've got turkey-and-lettuce, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! That's four different sandwiches that were invented!
GONZO: Now I go find one more sandwich, Guy! (runs out the studio again)
GUY SMILEY: You bet! You've only got one more sandwich to find.
(an angry Orange Gold Anything Muppet man from the Monsterpiece Theater: 12 Angry Men sketch enters)
ORANGE GOLD MAN: Hey! That weird creature with a long nose stole my turkey-and-lettuce sandwich! Boy, that makes me really angry!
GUY SMILEY: Well, it's only a game. Gonzo just borrowed it from you!
ORANGE GOLD MAN: Oh, yeah? Whenever I see that creature who took my sandwich, I'll hurt him!
GUY SMILEY: Well you can't hurt him and YOU HAVE TO GET OFF THE STAGE BECAUSE WE ARE PLAYING A GAME! (pushing Orange Gold AM man off-stage) GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! Now The Great Gonzo has 14 seconds to find one more sandwich! Will he do it on time?
(Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a big sandwich from Charlie's Restaurants)
GONZO: I've got a big different one, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wait a minute! What does it have? Time is almost running out! Come on!
GONZO: Well, it's got everything like lettuce, tomatoes, mayoneisse, mustard, ketchup, baloney, turkey, ham, spices, cheese, pickles and hot sauce!
GUY SMILEY: But you brought in four different ones that have some of the same stuff!
GONZO: No, Guy! You don't understand! It's the Big Super-Deluxe Sandwich! It's got everything on it! I took it from Charlie's!
GUY SMILEY: YES! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! NOW I UNDERSTAND!
GONZO: So that means-
GUY SMILEY: That means you win the game on time before the buzzer!
(Audience cheers)
GONZO: YES! So what do I win?
GUY SMILEY: Well now that you found five different sandwiches, you win a trip to the Wild World of Weirdness Amusement Park!
GONZO: WOW! A trip to the Wild World of Weirdness Amusement Park? AMAZING! I can't wait to tell Kermit!
GUY SMILEY: You will as soon as you have a chance to see him.
(As the audience cheers, Mr. Johnson (aka Fat Blue) and Grover enter)
MR. JOHNSON: Hey! Now that I'm getting much angrier as possible, that blue weirdo just stole my Super-Deluxe Sandwich, the sandwich I always want the most to eat!
GROVER: Yeah! He stole what I was supposed to give to this customer right here! (To Gonzo) You just cannot take it from us without asking us with permission!
GONZO: Oh, sorry.
MR. JOHNSON: (getting much angry, at Gonzo) GIVE IT BACK!
(Game-show music plays. Mr. Johnson and Grover begin to chase Gonzo)
GUY SMILEY: Well I hope you really enjoyed this game, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next time for another exciting and fun-filled game of "Beat the Time", and this is Guy Smiley saying, "Have a nice lunch!" (notices the chase going on as Beat the Time logo flashes on the screen) (yelling at Mr. Johnson and Grover) WILL YOU GUYS GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! IT'S ONLY A GAME!
End of sketch
(The scene is the game-show set, which is similar to the one with Grover.)
ANNOUNCER: It's time once again for another fun-filled game of everybody's favorite long-running stunt show, "Beat...the Time!" (cuckoo noise. Beat the Time title is shown on the screen.)
(Audience cheers just before the title fades away)
ANNOUNCER: And here is the host of our show, Mr. Guy Smiley!
(Audience cheers again as Guy Smiley enters the studio while walking through the curtains with a brief grunt. Game-show music plays.)
GUY SMILEY: Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (very enthusiastic while waving his arms up high) And welcome to Episode 18,514 of our forty-sixth season of "Beat the Time", our longest running show where the contestants have lots of fun! (as the game-show music fades away) I am Guy Smiley, America's favorite game-show host. And now, let's meet today's contestant, Mr. Gonzo the Great of "The Muppet Show!"
(Audience roars as Gonzo enters the studio with a brief and quick "Thank you!")
GONZO: At last! They chose me to be on this week's show! (To Guy) Oh, hi Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Hello there, Gonzo! Are you ready for your impossible stunt?
GONZO: I'm ready, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Good! Because if you do it on time before the buzzer, you will win a fantastic prize. You got that?
GONZO: Yeah.
GUY SMILEY: Good. In order to win the game, you will have to find five different sandwiches.
GONZO: I have to WHAT? I thought there's gonna be a wild and terrific stunt.
GUY SMILEY: Well, this won't be a wild stunt, Gonzo. You will just have to find five different sandwiches, you got that?
GONZO: Well, OK.
GUY SMILEY: OK! But you've only got 55 seconds on the clock before time runs out and before it reaches the buzzer! So, are you ready?
GONZO: You bet, Guy!
(drum roll)
GUY SMILEY: All right! (very fast) On your mark, get set, GO!
(Time-clocking music from the original Beat the Time with Cookie Monster plays.)
GONZO: Can I start now?
GUY SMILEY: Yes you can! Just go already! (very quick) Go, go, go!
GONZO: AAAAAAAHHHHH! (runs out of the studio)
GUY SMILEY: Will he do it? The Great Gonzo has to find five different sandwiches. Yes and he has 51 seconds to find them!
(Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich)
GONZO: I've got peanut-butter-and-jelly, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! Peanut-butter-and-jelly is one sandwich that was invented. Now you gotta find four more.
(As Gonzo runs out of the studio again, a Small Orange Anything Muppet boy (from the "Take My Hand" song segment) enters the studio.)
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Hey! I'm hungry! That blue creature with a hooked nose just stole my peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich!
GUY SMILEY: Here's your sandwich, little boy! But you will have to get off the stage. We're doing a television show right here.
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Hey, are you Guy Smiley?
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed) Yes I am Guy Smiley but you must get out!
SMALL ORANGE BOY: Is this Beat the Time? (to camera) Hi Mom!
GUY SMILEY: (pushing Small Orange AM boy off-stage) You must get out of here right now because The Great Gonzo has 43 seconds left to find four more different sandwiches!
(as Guy speaks, Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a chicken salad sandwich.)
GONZO: I've got chicken salad, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful, wonderful! That's two different sandwiches, (as Gonzo runs out the studio again) but right now you must find three more in order to win a prize.
(A Large Pink Live-Hand Anything Muppet woman enters)
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Excuse me sir, but that weird blue creature in a purple suit just took my chicken salad sandwich! I need that for lunch!
GUY SMILEY: Listen lady, it's only a game but you have to get off the stage before the-
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Say! You must be Guy Smiley, America's favorite game-show host!
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed again) Yes! I know! I know!
LARGE PINK LIVE-HAND WOMAN: Can I be on your next show?
GUY SMILEY: (pushing Large Pink Live-Hand AM woman off-stage) No you can't and The Great Gonzo has gotta find three more sandwiches and he's got 35 seconds to find them! Can he do it?
(Gonzo re-enters the studio again, carrying two grilled-cheese-and-tomato sandwiches)
GONZO: I've got grilled-cheese-and-tomato, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Good job, Gonzo! That's three different sandwiches and I see that you got two of the same third sandwiches but you've got to find two more, you understand?
GONZO: OK, Guy!
(as Gonzo runs out of the studio again, two purple Anything Muppet girls, both made by the Purple Anything Muppet pattern enter the studio)
PURPLE GIRL 1: Hey! That weird long-nosed creature just took my grilled-cheese-and-tomato sandwich! I need that for lunch!
PURPLE GIRL 2: Mine too!
GUY SMILEY: Listen you girls, take those sandwiches and get out of here!
PURPLE GIRL 1: Wait a minute, are you Guy Smiley?
GUY SMILEY: (getting annoyed again) Yes, yes, YES!
PURPLE GIRL 2: Can we have your autograph?
GUY SMILEY: No you can't, (pushing two purple girls off-stage) because this is Beat the Time and The Great Gonzo has gotta find two more sandwiches for 23 seconds!
(Gonzo re-enters the studio again, carrying a turkey-and-lettuce sandwich)
GONZO: I've got turkey-and-lettuce, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wonderful! That's four different sandwiches that were invented!
GONZO: Now I go find one more sandwich, Guy! (runs out the studio again)
GUY SMILEY: You bet! You've only got one more sandwich to find.
(an angry Orange Gold Anything Muppet man from the Monsterpiece Theater: 12 Angry Men sketch enters)
ORANGE GOLD MAN: Hey! That weird creature with a long nose stole my turkey-and-lettuce sandwich! Boy, that makes me really angry!
GUY SMILEY: Well, it's only a game. Gonzo just borrowed it from you!
ORANGE GOLD MAN: Oh, yeah? Whenever I see that creature who took my sandwich, I'll hurt him!
GUY SMILEY: Well you can't hurt him and YOU HAVE TO GET OFF THE STAGE BECAUSE WE ARE PLAYING A GAME! (pushing Orange Gold AM man off-stage) GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! Now The Great Gonzo has 14 seconds to find one more sandwich! Will he do it on time?
(Gonzo re-enters the studio, carrying a big sandwich from Charlie's Restaurants)
GONZO: I've got a big different one, Guy!
GUY SMILEY: Wait a minute! What does it have? Time is almost running out! Come on!
GONZO: Well, it's got everything like lettuce, tomatoes, mayoneisse, mustard, ketchup, baloney, turkey, ham, spices, cheese, pickles and hot sauce!
GUY SMILEY: But you brought in four different ones that have some of the same stuff!
GONZO: No, Guy! You don't understand! It's the Big Super-Deluxe Sandwich! It's got everything on it! I took it from Charlie's!
GUY SMILEY: YES! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! NOW I UNDERSTAND!
GONZO: So that means-
GUY SMILEY: That means you win the game on time before the buzzer!
(Audience cheers)
GONZO: YES! So what do I win?
GUY SMILEY: Well now that you found five different sandwiches, you win a trip to the Wild World of Weirdness Amusement Park!
GONZO: WOW! A trip to the Wild World of Weirdness Amusement Park? AMAZING! I can't wait to tell Kermit!
GUY SMILEY: You will as soon as you have a chance to see him.
(As the audience cheers, Mr. Johnson (aka Fat Blue) and Grover enter)
MR. JOHNSON: Hey! Now that I'm getting much angrier as possible, that blue weirdo just stole my Super-Deluxe Sandwich, the sandwich I always want the most to eat!
GROVER: Yeah! He stole what I was supposed to give to this customer right here! (To Gonzo) You just cannot take it from us without asking us with permission!
GONZO: Oh, sorry.
MR. JOHNSON: (getting much angry, at Gonzo) GIVE IT BACK!
(Game-show music plays. Mr. Johnson and Grover begin to chase Gonzo)
GUY SMILEY: Well I hope you really enjoyed this game, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next time for another exciting and fun-filled game of "Beat the Time", and this is Guy Smiley saying, "Have a nice lunch!" (notices the chase going on as Beat the Time logo flashes on the screen) (yelling at Mr. Johnson and Grover) WILL YOU GUYS GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! IT'S ONLY A GAME!
End of sketch
