Beat the Time with Forgetful Jones

[mikealan]

Here is yet another Beat the Time fan-fic, which has similar context from the Sesame Street Start-To-Read book Bert and the Missing Mop Mix-Up.

(Beat the Time logo appears on the screen. Game-show music from Beat the Time with the Count and Here Is Your Life: Forgetful Jones plays off-screen.)
Announcer: It's time once again for America's favorite stunt-show, Beat...the...Time! And here is America's favorite stunt-show host, Guy Smiley!
(scene switches to a game-show studio. Guy Smiley enters the studio through the curtains with a brief struggle.)
Guy Smiley: Yes, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (game-show music fades away) This is Guy Smiley, America's favorite stunt-show host of America's favorite stunt-show, "Beat the Time", an all-time classic game-show where contestants perform their wacky stunts! And now before we begin, let's meet our today's contestant, the you-know-who cowboy who's got the "Forgetfulness Disability", Mr. Forgetful Jones of Sesame Street! Come on out, Forgetful!
(Forgetful Jones enters the studio.)
Forgetful Jones: Yee-haa! Howdy, friend! You must be, uh...what's your name? Mr. Twinkies? No! Bob Saget? Alex Trebeck? Not that one!
Guy Smiley: Forgetful Jones, I'm Guy Smiley, America's favorite stunt-show host!
Forgetful Jones: Oh! Now I get your name! I'm just trying to tell you that I'm excited to play, uh,....what's the name of this show? Break the TV? Bite the Tacos? No! Not that one!
Guy Smiley: Mr. Forgetful Jones, see this wall clock right there? (points at the wall clock)
Forgetful Jones: Uh, yes.
Guy Smiley: That clock right there has to do with time and this game-show you're playing is Beat the Time!
Forgetful Jones: Oh! Yeah! Right! This IS Beat the Time! Hee hee hee! I forgot! (to TV camera) Hi Clementine! Hi Buster!
Guy Smiley: So tell me, Forgetful, are you ready for this wacky stunt?
Forgetful Jones: I sure am, Gumbo!
Guy Smiley: It's Guy! Guy Smiley!
Forgetful Jones: Oh.
Guy Smiley: Listen carefully, Forgetful...
Forgetful Jones: Yeah, I'm listening.
Guy Smiley: All you will have to do is to find something that cleans your floor well with water!
Forgetful Jones: Something that cleans my floor well with water?
Guy Smiley: You got it! But you've only got 60 seconds on the clock before time runs out!
Forgetful Jones: OK, I'll try my best.
Guy Smiley: Don't try your best, Forgetful! You must find it immediately! Ready? 3..2..1...GO ALREADY!
Forgetful Jones: (screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs out of the studio)
Guy Smiley: Will he do it? Forgetful Jones has to find something that cleans his floor well with water! (looking at the wall clock briefly) Now, he's got 56 seconds left! Can he do it?
(Forgetful Jones re-enters the studio, carrying a map.)
Forgetful Jones: Oh! I remember what I use to clean my floor with water! Hee hee hee! Yep! It's a map!
Guy Smiley: No, I'm sorry, Forgetful Jones. A map is not used to clean your floor with water! It's for finding streets and places you want to go!
Forgetful Jones: DOH! Gee whiz! I forgot!
Guy Smiley: Now, hurry Forgetful! You've got 53 seconds left!
(Forgetful runs off. A green Anything Muppet man enters.)
Green Anything Muppet Man (Jerry Nelson): Hey! That clumsy cowboy stole my map! I need it to find out where I can get to the museum!
Guy Smiley: Yes, but you must get off the stage....
Green Anything Muppet Man: Say, you must be America's favorite game-show host, Guy Smiley!
Guy Smiley: Yes I am!
Green Anything Muppet Man: Is this Beat the Time? I've never played here before!
Guy Smiley: Yes, but you gotta get off the stage immediately, (pushes green AM man off the studio) because Forgetful Jones has to find something that cleans his floor well with water!
(Forgetful re-enters the studio again, carrying a mat from kindergarten.)
Forgetful Jones: Oh! I know! I know! It's a mat! Yeah! It does clean my floor with water! Hee hee hee! I used to sleep on it in kindergarten!
Guy Smiley: No, Forgetful Jones! A mat does NOT clean your floor with water! Now you've got 47 seconds left!
Forgetful Jones: But Mr....
Guy Smiley: Just GO ALREADY!
(Forgetful runs off again.)
Guy Smiley: (staring at the mat) Hmm, this must be the mat from kindergarten...
(an angry Betty Lou-like Hot Pink Anything Muppet girl enters)
Angry Hot Pink Anything Muppet Girl (Camille Bonura): I knew it! That stupid cowboy just stole my mat, the one that I want to sleep on! Give it back!
Guy Smiley: (gives mat back to little girl AM) Oh, there you go, little girl, but you gotta get off the stage, (pushes little girl AM off the stage) because Forgetful Jones still has to find something that cleans his floor well with water!
(Forgetful re-enters again, this time carrying a baseball mitt.)
Forgetful Jones: I remember what to use to clean my floor with water! It's a mitt!
Guy Smiley: Are you crazy? That mitt is for putting it on your hand to play baseball!
Forgetful Jones: DOH! I wish I knew about that!
Guy Smiley: Now hurry! You've got 40 seconds left!
(Forgetful runs off again. Telly Monster runs into the studio in a rush.)
Telly Monster: Hey, Mr. Guy Smiley, Forgetful Jones just stole my mitt! I need it to play baseball!
Guy Smiley: Do you know him?
Telly Monster: Of course I know him!
Guy Smiley: Well, you must get off the stage right now because Forgetful Jones still has to find something that cleans his floor well with water! SO GO!
Telly Monster: (screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (runs off)
(Forgetful re-enters the studio again, carrying a mitten.)
Forgetful Jones: Hee hee hee! I've got something to clean my floor with water! That's right! It's a mitten!
Guy Smiley: NO! A mitten is used to wear on your hand during snowy days!
Forgetful Jones: Oh, no! I forgot again!
Guy Smiley: Oh yes you did! You still have to find something that cleans your floor with water again! (looks at the clock very briefly) Now you've got 33 seconds left!
Forgetful Jones: 33 seconds?
Guy Smiley: JUST GO ALREADY!
(Forgetful runs off again. A green Anything Muppet girl in snow clothes enters the studio.)
Green Anything Muppet Girl (Fran Brill): Hey! That cowboy stole my left mitten! I don't want my left hand to get cold in winter days!
Guy Smiley: I'm sorry, but you have to get off the stage...
Green Anything Muppet Girl: Say! Are you Guy Smiley?
Guy Smiley: Yes I am!
Green Anything Muppet Girl: Can I be on your next week's game-show, Guy?
Guy Smiley: No you can't, (pushes green AM girl off the stage) because Forgetful Jones has to find something that cleans his floor with water and he's got 25 seconds left!
(Forgetful re-enters the studio again, carrying Little Murray Sparkles.)
Forgetful Jones: Here it is! Here's something that cleans my floor well with water! It's a kitten!
Guy Smiley: Forgetful Jones, you're bringing in almost everything that doesn't clean the floor with water! Can't you remember the right thing that does that?
Forgetful Jones: I'm trying to remember!
Guy Smiley: Well, hurry! You've only got 18 seconds left! So RUN!
(Forgetful runs off again. Elizabeth enters the studio.)
Elizabeth: Hey! That cowboy stole my poor Little Sparkles! He's my favorite cat!
Guy Smiley: Well, listen, little girl, you have to get off the stage immediately...
Elizabeth: Say, are you America's favorite game-show host, Guy Smiley? I've never been playing on your game-shows before!
Guy Smiley: Yes, but you must get off the stage! (gives Little Sparkles to Elizabeth and push them off the stage.) (looking at the clock) Uh-oh! Forgetful Jones only has 13 seconds left to find something that cleans his floor with water! Can he do it on time? (begins to count down) 13...12...11...10...9...8....7...
(Forgetful re-enters the studio again, finally carrying a mop)
Forgetful Jones: Here I am again! I remembered something that cleans my floor well with water! It's a, uh, I don't know!
Guy Smiley: But Forgetful Jones, I saw what you are carrying! It's something that cleans your floor with water!
Forgetful Jones: Uh, what is it?
Guy Smiley: Forgetful Jones, it's a MOP!
Forgetful Jones: A MOP?
Guy Smiley: YES! THAT'S THE THING THAT CLEANS YOUR FLOOR WITH WATER! AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Forgetful Jones: I'M RIGHT?
Guy Smiley: YES!
Forgetful Jones: YIIIIIIPPPPEEEEEE!
Guy Smiley: Wonderful! Wonderful! Now that you've finally got a mop, which is a thing that cleans your floor with water, you win a trip to the Guy Smiley School of Thinking and Writing Skills for Cowboys With Disabilities to help you keep your amazing memories forever!
Forgetful Jones: I win a trip to where?
Guy Smiley: A trip to the Guy Smiley School of Thinking and Writing Skills for Cowboys With Disabilities! Can't you forget that place to go to!
(Ernie and Bert enter the studio.)
Bert: Hey! Now that I'm really mad as possible, Forgetful Jones stole our mop, the only mop we have to make everything in our apartment clean!
Ernie: Yeah, he stole it while I was trying to help my ol' buddy Bert clean up our messes with it! How can we make everything clean without it?
Bert: I don't know...
(Telly Monster, Elizabeth, green Anything Muppet man, green Anything Muppet girl and angry hot pink Anything Muppet girl re-enter the studio.)
Angry Hot Pink Anything Muppet Girl: There he is! That's the cowboy who stole our things! Let's get him!
(Game-show music starts playing again. Ernie, Bert, Telly, Elizabeth, green Anything Muppet man, green Anything Muppet girl and angry hot pink Anything Muppet girl begin to chase Forgetful Jones.)
Forgetful Jones: (screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guy Smiley: Well, that's all the time we have for now. Tune in next week for another episode of America's favorite stunt-show, "Beat the Time!" (notices the chase going on.) Hey! Are you all getting off the stage? Get off! Get off!

End of sketch

 

[GuySmileyfan]

Very funny!

 

[mikealan]

Very funny!

Thank you so much!

 

[LittleJerry92]

Boy has it been MONTHS since we've made a beat the time sketch!

 

[LittleJerry92]

Anyway,that's very funny,thanks for making it!