I just wanted to briefly say that I know where you are coming from. You didn't mention if subbing was something you were doing until you landed a full-time job, so I don't know if that's your goal. However, I will tell you from experience that even as an experienced teacher, it's hard to step into the substitute's position. I did things a bit backwards, as I taught elementary school and also worked as a media specialist/librarian for eight years. Due to some wacky changes in my life and my husband's employment position which takes him out of town for weeks at a time, I suddenly found that working full time was not going to be an option if I wanted to be with him. So, subbing was the only choice that would work for me. Not only is it flexible (I could work when and where I want), but it's in demand and the pay isn't *that* bad.
The thing that was difficult at times was the lack of not knowing what kind of situation I was going to face every day. Was I going to step into a room where the teacher didn't even make lesson plans or even leave a plan book? (It's happened, but just once. I don't want to scare you.) Was I going to have a class full of kids who were going to be well behaved or would I face a lot of behavioral challenges? I've had them all at both elementary and middle school level.
When I taught full time, I had my act down and the kids knew what to expect of me. Even though I was pretty easy going, for the most part, they respected me as an authority figure. However, as someone mentioned earlier, with subbing, you don't have that respect. It takes quite a bit of time to establish.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that your subbing experiences in no way will reflect how you will be as a teacher when you have your very own classroom. Hang in there, and realize that you're not alone. There are a lot of people who understand what you're going through. Before you know it, you'll have that rockin' teaching position with your very own desk and a shiny red apple to boot. Most importantly, you'll have a classroom full of kids who know what's expected of them from you, their teacher. I have a feeling your blood pressure will eventually return back to normal.
Big hugs. I soooo know what you are going through. Feel free to drop me a message if you want to chat....or vent.