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Back to the Rock Season 2
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(Murray is on the street)
Murray: Hi, I'm Murray from Sesame Street, and I'd like to know, what's the word on the street?
Grouch Passer-By: Scram!
Murray: What does "scram" mean?
Grouch Passer-By: Get lost!
Murray: Oh.
Grouch Passer-By #2: Actually, the word on the street should be "HUMBUGH!"
Murray: What does h...
Grouch Passer-By #2: Get lost! I'm going to be late to the pageant!
Murray: Oh, I love pageants! Where is it?
Grouch Passer-By #2: Follow me and GET LOST!
(scene fades to an exterior of a theater, "The Grouch Palace". There is a long line of grouches gladly complaining in line... And Mr. Johnson is first in line)
Mr. Johnson: Oh, finally. I don't know why I agreed to go to see this pageant... But a few of my friends recommended it.
(he sees that Grover is the ticket taker)
Grover: Good evening. How many tickets would you like, sir?
Mr. Johnson: Oh, no! It's you!
Grover: That is right, sir.
Mr. Johnson: I wouldn't have expected you to work at any grouch establishments! (mood lightens up a bit) Hmm, maybe that's why I came...
Grover: I am just as surprised as you are, but the grouches thought I have what it takes to be an ideal grouch employee.
Grouch Manager: That's right. He may be too friendly, but he makes the customers feel grouchy!
(inside the auditorium...)
Maria: I'm surprised.
Luis: The show hasn't started yet.
Maria: I mean I'm surprised that the seats aren't broken.
(Bert gets in his seat and falls)
Luis: Hmm, well, one is broken.
Bert: I don't know why we came here... we don't owe Oscar any favors.
Ernie: But he asked us to see it. I only wish they had a better seelction of refreshments.
Bert: Tell me about it. The oatmeal was full of rocks.
Cookie Monster: Me tried their cookies... Those nastiest cookies me ever tasted! Bleech!
Big Bird: I wish they had birdseed.
(the lights go off and a drumroll is heard)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to start. Feel free to talk as loud as you want. And now, here is the author of tonight's pageant, Oscar the Grouch!
(members of the audience alternately boo and applaud)
Oscar: Well, as you all know, I hate christmas. So tonight's pageant is about the kind of holiday grouches need to celebrate.
(the grouches in the audience cheer)
And now let's start the show.
(Oscar leaves the stage, and the curtains raise. A villiage is shown, with various grouches, some looking through building windows, some on the street. A mix of bad rock and rap music is heard, as the grouches sing very off-key)
Grouches: Christmas! Haunnukka! Kwanza! Holidays! Holidays! Holidays! Humbugh!
Grouch Child #1: I want presents! Lots of presents!
Grouch Child #2: If I can't have presents I'll scream.
Grouch Child #3: I'll scream either way.
(all the grouches on-stage scream)
(a musical fanfare is heard, and a big light flashes)
Grouch #1: Hark! A light! This'll keep everyone from screaming!
(Bruno shows up, dressed in a messy Santa Claus outfit. He holds a big bag of presents over his shoulder)
Bruno: Ho ho ho!
Grouch #2: It's Santa!
Grouch Child #1: I want presents!
Grouch Child #3: Me, too!
Grouch Children: Gimmie gimmie gimmie!
(Bruno opens the bag and tosses the contents onto the street. The contents are wrappers, cans, bottles, banana peels, and other trash. The grouch citizens cheer)
Grouch Child #4: Hey! Where's my Red Rider B B Gun?
Grouch Child #5: Where's my Hairless Barbie?
Poor Grouch: I wanted a lump of coal!
(Bruno leaves the stage, and comes back, holding a stack of presents, similar to how he holds a trash can)
Grouches: MORE! YAYYYYY!
(a grouch sticks his head out a window of the second floor of a building, and take shte present on top, which causes the presents to spill. Various grouches unwrap the presents, toss the presents away, and play wiht the wraping paper)
Grouch #3: This is the best grouch holiday ever! And that makes it the worst!
(the curtaisn close. Every grouch in the audience cheers. Bruno, still in santa suit but not wearing the beard, come son-stage carryign Oscar in Oscar's trash can)
Oscar: Well, that's the end of the pageant.
Non-Grouch Audience Member: That pageant was kind of short for a fifty-dollar play!
Oscar: Hey! No refunds! (turns to Bruno) Well, Bruno, take a bow.
(Bruno bows, causing Oscar to almost fall out of his trash can)
Oscar: Well, Happy holidays!
(the audience boos)
Oscar: Heh heh heh. I like angering people who prefer "merry christmas" to "happy holidays".
(in the balcony are grouch versions of Statler and Waldorf)
Grouch Statler: That play wasn't bad enough to win a razzie.
Grouch Waldorf: It wasn't GOOD enough to wina razzie!
(the grouch Statler and Waldorf laugh)
The End
Murray: Hi, I'm Murray from Sesame Street, and I'd like to know, what's the word on the street?
Grouch Passer-By: Scram!
Murray: What does "scram" mean?
Grouch Passer-By: Get lost!
Murray: Oh.
Grouch Passer-By #2: Actually, the word on the street should be "HUMBUGH!"
Murray: What does h...
Grouch Passer-By #2: Get lost! I'm going to be late to the pageant!
Murray: Oh, I love pageants! Where is it?
Grouch Passer-By #2: Follow me and GET LOST!
(scene fades to an exterior of a theater, "The Grouch Palace". There is a long line of grouches gladly complaining in line... And Mr. Johnson is first in line)
Mr. Johnson: Oh, finally. I don't know why I agreed to go to see this pageant... But a few of my friends recommended it.
(he sees that Grover is the ticket taker)
Grover: Good evening. How many tickets would you like, sir?
Mr. Johnson: Oh, no! It's you!
Grover: That is right, sir.
Mr. Johnson: I wouldn't have expected you to work at any grouch establishments! (mood lightens up a bit) Hmm, maybe that's why I came...
Grover: I am just as surprised as you are, but the grouches thought I have what it takes to be an ideal grouch employee.
Grouch Manager: That's right. He may be too friendly, but he makes the customers feel grouchy!
(inside the auditorium...)
Maria: I'm surprised.
Luis: The show hasn't started yet.
Maria: I mean I'm surprised that the seats aren't broken.
(Bert gets in his seat and falls)
Luis: Hmm, well, one is broken.
Bert: I don't know why we came here... we don't owe Oscar any favors.
Ernie: But he asked us to see it. I only wish they had a better seelction of refreshments.
Bert: Tell me about it. The oatmeal was full of rocks.
Cookie Monster: Me tried their cookies... Those nastiest cookies me ever tasted! Bleech!
Big Bird: I wish they had birdseed.
(the lights go off and a drumroll is heard)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to start. Feel free to talk as loud as you want. And now, here is the author of tonight's pageant, Oscar the Grouch!
(members of the audience alternately boo and applaud)
Oscar: Well, as you all know, I hate christmas. So tonight's pageant is about the kind of holiday grouches need to celebrate.
(the grouches in the audience cheer)
And now let's start the show.
(Oscar leaves the stage, and the curtains raise. A villiage is shown, with various grouches, some looking through building windows, some on the street. A mix of bad rock and rap music is heard, as the grouches sing very off-key)
Grouches: Christmas! Haunnukka! Kwanza! Holidays! Holidays! Holidays! Humbugh!
Grouch Child #1: I want presents! Lots of presents!
Grouch Child #2: If I can't have presents I'll scream.
Grouch Child #3: I'll scream either way.
(all the grouches on-stage scream)
(a musical fanfare is heard, and a big light flashes)
Grouch #1: Hark! A light! This'll keep everyone from screaming!
(Bruno shows up, dressed in a messy Santa Claus outfit. He holds a big bag of presents over his shoulder)
Bruno: Ho ho ho!
Grouch #2: It's Santa!
Grouch Child #1: I want presents!
Grouch Child #3: Me, too!
Grouch Children: Gimmie gimmie gimmie!
(Bruno opens the bag and tosses the contents onto the street. The contents are wrappers, cans, bottles, banana peels, and other trash. The grouch citizens cheer)
Grouch Child #4: Hey! Where's my Red Rider B B Gun?
Grouch Child #5: Where's my Hairless Barbie?
Poor Grouch: I wanted a lump of coal!
(Bruno leaves the stage, and comes back, holding a stack of presents, similar to how he holds a trash can)
Grouches: MORE! YAYYYYY!
(a grouch sticks his head out a window of the second floor of a building, and take shte present on top, which causes the presents to spill. Various grouches unwrap the presents, toss the presents away, and play wiht the wraping paper)
Grouch #3: This is the best grouch holiday ever! And that makes it the worst!
(the curtaisn close. Every grouch in the audience cheers. Bruno, still in santa suit but not wearing the beard, come son-stage carryign Oscar in Oscar's trash can)
Oscar: Well, that's the end of the pageant.
Non-Grouch Audience Member: That pageant was kind of short for a fifty-dollar play!
Oscar: Hey! No refunds! (turns to Bruno) Well, Bruno, take a bow.
(Bruno bows, causing Oscar to almost fall out of his trash can)
Oscar: Well, Happy holidays!
(the audience boos)
Oscar: Heh heh heh. I like angering people who prefer "merry christmas" to "happy holidays".
(in the balcony are grouch versions of Statler and Waldorf)
Grouch Statler: That play wasn't bad enough to win a razzie.
Grouch Waldorf: It wasn't GOOD enough to wina razzie!
(the grouch Statler and Waldorf laugh)
The End
