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zeldazipple
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2004
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If this is in the wrong place by all means move it. I put it here because it's not Muppet related.
This is something I been working on for a while, and I need some advice on how to make it look better. I plan to publish this someday but I want it to look somewhat ok before I send it to a publisher.
What I bascially would like is for someone to give me an honest opinon on what they think. You won't hurt my feelings as long as you're nice about it.
This is page 1 so far.
The Leap Child
Written by Zelda Zipple
(c)2006 Steppup Productions
Disclaimer: These characters were created by me, and have been copyrighted. Please do not use any of this with out permission from the author.
The Zipples find themselves captured by Xuxa. A mean and often cruel Sorsouress who lives in a castle not too far from Lynksville. She knows one of them is the leap child but she doesn't know which one. She captures Zelda, Zack, Zinn and Gotho, and has them locked in her dungeon by one of her henchmen. At first Xuxa comes on as nice, and cures Zack of an illness he had since he was 13 that caused him to be partially paralyzed in one leg. The only way he could walk is with the help of a heavy meatle leg brace that he keeps well hidden underneath his pant leg. He walks with a limp that he tried very hard to keep hidden. Most of the time he seems to be He's positive and cheerful no matter what life throws at him. Xuxa's cure came with a great price which he didn't find out until she did her part and told him later that he had to do something for her in return, and that was to tell her which one of the Zipples was the leap child. If he did she would allow him to stay cured if he didn't he would be worse off then he is right now. He at first told her he rather be dead then betray his friends. Xuxa couldn't just kill him, not right away just in case he was the leap child. Xuxa looked almost exactly like a human only exception was that she was really small, and had an almost aniami appearance. She's a shape shifter, and can transform herself into many things. Most Zipples can't change their form, some of them change quite a bit from the time they are children 'till they become adults, and sometimes they don't even look like the same species.
" No matter. " She said. " I'll find out sooner or later it's only a matter of time.
With that she swiftly turned away.
" I'll be heading to my study to figure out exactly how to dispose of you. Or maybe I'll turn you into slaves I haven't decided yet. "
The guard closed cell door and locked it with the key. Xuxa's footstep could he heard going down the hall, everyone listen 'til they heard a loud distant slam when they were sure she wasn't going to be coming back for a while.
TBC
This is something I been working on for a while, and I need some advice on how to make it look better. I plan to publish this someday but I want it to look somewhat ok before I send it to a publisher.
What I bascially would like is for someone to give me an honest opinon on what they think. You won't hurt my feelings as long as you're nice about it.
This is page 1 so far.
The Leap Child
Written by Zelda Zipple
(c)2006 Steppup Productions
Disclaimer: These characters were created by me, and have been copyrighted. Please do not use any of this with out permission from the author.
The Zipples find themselves captured by Xuxa. A mean and often cruel Sorsouress who lives in a castle not too far from Lynksville. She knows one of them is the leap child but she doesn't know which one. She captures Zelda, Zack, Zinn and Gotho, and has them locked in her dungeon by one of her henchmen. At first Xuxa comes on as nice, and cures Zack of an illness he had since he was 13 that caused him to be partially paralyzed in one leg. The only way he could walk is with the help of a heavy meatle leg brace that he keeps well hidden underneath his pant leg. He walks with a limp that he tried very hard to keep hidden. Most of the time he seems to be He's positive and cheerful no matter what life throws at him. Xuxa's cure came with a great price which he didn't find out until she did her part and told him later that he had to do something for her in return, and that was to tell her which one of the Zipples was the leap child. If he did she would allow him to stay cured if he didn't he would be worse off then he is right now. He at first told her he rather be dead then betray his friends. Xuxa couldn't just kill him, not right away just in case he was the leap child. Xuxa looked almost exactly like a human only exception was that she was really small, and had an almost aniami appearance. She's a shape shifter, and can transform herself into many things. Most Zipples can't change their form, some of them change quite a bit from the time they are children 'till they become adults, and sometimes they don't even look like the same species.
" No matter. " She said. " I'll find out sooner or later it's only a matter of time.
With that she swiftly turned away.
" I'll be heading to my study to figure out exactly how to dispose of you. Or maybe I'll turn you into slaves I haven't decided yet. "
The guard closed cell door and locked it with the key. Xuxa's footstep could he heard going down the hall, everyone listen 'til they heard a loud distant slam when they were sure she wasn't going to be coming back for a while.
TBC
I believe you have a brilliant imagination and your story has enormous potential 
and I do apologize once again that I didn't get around to reading your thread earlier dear friend.