The Bible and Love and Christians

[Drtooth]

Ok I don't mean to be unsympathetic. I honestly don't. But no matter what pressure you feel, there is no excuse for lying to a woman and marrying her just to keep up appearances. It only spreads more pain. I get that families and society will make life difficult for you if you're not in a traditional relationship. But guess what, everyone has problems. It's still no excuse to use a woman like that. If you do, you're already a loser...

Yes and no... usually people who do this come from VERY unforgiving families and they're often too afraid to come out. And to say that it's lying to JUST a woman is only part of the story. A woman can easily do the same for a man. It's just some of the toxic vibe that our society norms force us to do. Though, I would indeed blame the parents and family MORE than the one lying. Often times, they don't just lie to their partner, but to themselves. This is why the anti-gay "therapy" practice is so dangerous... it leads to more sham marriages like that.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Yes and no... usually people who do this come from VERY unforgiving families and they're often too afraid to come out. And to say that it's lying to JUST a woman is only part of the story. A woman can easily do the same for a man. It's just some of the toxic vibe that our society norms force us to do. Though, I would indeed blame the parents and family MORE than the one lying. Often times, they don't just lie to their partner, but to themselves. This is why the anti-gay "therapy" practice is so dangerous... it leads to more sham marriages like that.

I know what it's like to feel unforgiving pressure to conform. But I don't complain that I was "forced" to do something. No one forces me to do anything I don't want to do. And in this day and age and in this country, no one can force you to marry. There are many homosexuals who choose not to get married to the opposite sex. I'm sure many of them do end up isolated from their families but at least they have remained true to themselves and didn't cave into the pressure to keep up appearances with a sham marriage.

But yes I should have said women could do it as well; I thought of that afterward.

 

[frogboy4]

Yes and no... usually people who do this come from VERY unforgiving families and they're often too afraid to come out. And to say that it's lying to JUST a woman is only part of the story. A woman can easily do the same for a man. It's just some of the toxic vibe that our society norms force us to do. Though, I would indeed blame the parents and family MORE than the one lying. Often times, they don't just lie to their partner, but to themselves. This is why the anti-gay "therapy" practice is so dangerous... it leads to more sham marriages like that.

I have a strong feeling that clueless people who support gay-to-straight conversion therapies wouldn't enthusiastically support these alleged "ex-gays" marrying their loved ones and that's the point. The hypocrisy and revelation that the practice is as dishonest as it is harmful. I've met a lot of gays who went the hetero-family route first. The pain that kind of deception causes is unimaginable. It leaves a lot of broken people in its wake.

 

[Drtooth]

Even without factoring gays in, even straight people have pressure and wind up in sham marriages. I mean, it's no doubt people confuse lust with love, and wind up rushing into relationships... then of course women who feel the pressure that if they don't, they;ll be miserable and alone and their friends will all laugh at them behind their backs.

We have to break free from society's self inflicted uniformity, or at least learn to examine it.

To be fair, a lot of couples go through times they do not see coming at all... and a lot of them find themselves married to people who change for the worse. Sometimes either the husband or wife becomes gradually abusive. If something terrible happens in a marriage, it IS a just cause for divorce.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Even without factoring gays in, even straight people have pressure and wind up in sham marriages. I mean, it's no doubt people confuse lust with love, and wind up rushing into relationships... then of course women who feel the pressure that if they don't, they;ll be miserable and alone and their friends will all laugh at them behind their backs.

Right, it can happen to anyone. I just don't like anyone, gay or straight, saying "society or my family made me do it!" We all have to take responsibility for our own actions.

 

[frogboy4]

Right, it can happen to anyone. I just don't like anyone, gay or straight, saying "society or my family made me do it!" We all have to take responsibility for our own actions.

Never underestimate the good-intentioned people we know trying to push us toward or drive a wedge between us and our partners. I don't listen to any of it. I choose to be single it surprises me how many people find something wrong with that. I guess it's that horrible Jerry Maguire "you complete me" sentiment. If you're not a whole enough person already - stay the frog away from me!

 

[CensoredAlso]

They really do need more movies that have the main character single in the end and that's OK, lol. Or at least not the end of the world. Like that old '60s movie Alfie, it's good that he's left alone in the end because it allows him to rethink his playboy lifestyle.

And yeah I agree, you need to be a complete person before you commit to someone. Not hope that they will complete you, lol. Buffy actually got that across very well. She couldn't really have a successful relationship because she was still figuring out who she was herself.

 

[beaker]

And yeah I agree, you need to be a complete person before you commit to someone. Not hope that they will complete you, lol. Buffy actually got that across very well. She couldn't really have a successful relationship because she was still figuring out who she was herself.

YES. People need to work on themselves and be happy with themselves before
they can expect to love or be loved in a romantic situation. The media and society constantly bombards us with the notion that someone is "less than" if they aren't with a "special someone"...yet look how many people are STUCK in deadend/loveless/lopsided relationships...often with drama and or unwanted kids.

 

[Drtooth]

Right, it can happen to anyone. I just don't like anyone, gay or straight, saying "society or my family made me do it!" We all have to take responsibility for our own actions.

I'll split the difference and say it's EVERYONE'S fault. Society's for putting these things on us, and ourselves for accepting them. the parents of someone who's gay for not accepting them if they came out, and that person for having to lie to himself.... the fault of the friends that rub how they're getting married in their single friend's face, and that single friend for settling.

Yeah... and I dig that whole thing about unhappy marriages and kids the couples barely wanted. You can always tell something's up if the woman has a vibe of being one of the popular girls in school (or ... can I say loose? Would that be offensive? because I KNEW people) but has noticeable weight gained and has a slight look of pure ugh on their faces when they have to bring them out in public.

 

[RedPiggy]

It also annoys me how so many politicians rail against gay equality until coming out for it once out of office.

They only feel safe coming out for it after they're nobodies again AND have Secret Service protection (which is something I've never quite understood ... after you're out of a government job ... why should we care if you're alive?).

Even without factoring gays in, even straight people have pressure and wind up in sham marriages. I mean, it's no doubt people confuse lust with love, and wind up rushing into relationships... then of course women who feel the pressure that if they don't, they;ll be miserable and alone and their friends will all laugh at them behind their backs.

My mother, IMHO, has a "Fisher-Price" concept of marriage. I truly feel that she must have walked into the marriage with my father thinking it was just like playing house as a kid.