Oh listen, if you want to talk about girl problems like that, when I was in Grade 7, there was this Grade 8 girl, who was like TWICE my size in more ways than one (and you know I'm not exactly Slim Jim here), and she pretty much stalked me whenever she saw me in the hallways - if I didn't run for it, I found myself being lifted off the ground, about to have my back broken because she'd squeeze me so hard, claiming to the rest of the kids in the hallway that this was her husband... talk about humiliation...
I don't know WHAT happened, but there was that one fateful day when she grabbed me, and the next thing I know, she pushed me the ground, telling me that she didn't love me anymore, and that she wanted me to sign the divorce papers ASAP.
Even the assistant principal thought all of this was funny.