The Lost Episode of M*A*S*H

[D'Snowth]

FRANK: Margaret? Margaret it's me... Frank!

MARGARET: Oh what do you want?

FRANK: Margaret, do you know what just happened to me?

MARGARET: I'm not interested Frank.

FRANK: Pierce and Hunnicutt layered my cot with super glue!

MARGARET: What are you talking about?

FRANK: Open the door, and I'll prove it to you!

MARGARET: What?

FRANK: The mattress and the covers are glued to my backside, open up and see for yourself!

MARGARET: *Sighs* Oh alright...

*Margaret gets up and opens the door, only to have Frank rush into her arms*

FRANK: Oh Margaret...

MARGARET: FRANK! YOU WEASEL! GET OUT OF HERE!

FRANK: MARGARET! I ACHE FOR YOU! I YEARN FOR YOU! I NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO!

MARGARET: FRANK! *Punches Frank*

FRANK: *Falls to the floor crying* NO FAIR! NO FAIR! NO FAIR! YOU HIT ME!

MARGARET: *Kicks Frank* GET OUT OF HERE FRANK, OR I'LL TELL DONALD!

FRANK: DON'T TELL DONALD! DON'T DONALD!

MARGARET: OUT!

FRANK: MARGARET! PLEASE!

*Margaret grabs Frank by the back of his shirt, and the seat of his pants and literally throws him out of her tent*

MARGARET: AND STAY OUT, FERRET FACE! *Locks the door*

*Meanwhile in the Mess Tent, Hawkeye, B.J., and the rest of the staff throw a party for one of the staff sergeants*

HAWKEYE: For she's a jolly fellow...

HAWKEYE and B.J.: For she's a jolly good fellow...

EVERYONE ELSE: For's she's a jolly good fellow...

BEAKIE: I'll never be denied!

EVERYONE ELSE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAKIE!

 

[Beakerfan]

LOL! XD Thanks Snowth!

*goes to find Major Winchester*

*secretly wonders if he's going to pop out of a cake*

 

[D'Snowth]

*Continuing...*

CHARLES: Ah, there you are my dear... *Kisses Beakie's hand* And a happy birthday to you.

BEAKIE: Why thank you, Major Winchester...

CHARLES: Oh, no-no-no, please, call Charles.

BEAKIE: Very well... "Chahles"...

CHARLES: *Chuckles* Very witty. My dear, I was wondering if you might be busy this evening?

BEAKIE: Oh, not really... you?

CHARLES: Not a-tall, I was wondering if you might be interested in having a special dinner this evening in celebration of your special day?

BEAKIE: With you?

CHARLES: It would be an honor.

HAWKEYE: *Walks over* Oh, if you're looking to having a special dinner this evening, Beej and I have reserved a lovely little spot down by the minefield.

B.J.: It's a blast!

HAWKEYE: Oh, you're punny!

B.J.: Only when you're around!

CHARLES: Please forgive them, they're idiots.

HAWKEYE: I think he's trying to tell us something Beej...

 

[D'Snowth]

BEAKIE: Charles, I'd love to join you for dinner this evening.

CHARLES: Splendid, a wonderful girl like you certainly deserves a nice dinner on your special day.

HAWKEYE: Precisely, how would you like to spend the weekend in Tokyo?

BEAKIE: With Charles? I'd love to.

CHARLES: Ah, thank you Pierce, I do believe I'll see Colonel Potter about that.

HAWKEYE: I do believe I've struck out.

B.J.: Better luck next time.

*Later in the Officers' Club*

BEAKIE: Are you alright Major Houlihan?

MARGARET: *Drunk* Of course, why wouldn't I be?

BEAKIE: You seem a little distraught.

MARGARET: *Drunk* That Ferret Face... if he really loved me like he says he does, then he would let me go, but you know how emotionally and mentally insecure he is... he just can't message the grasp... you know what I mean?

BEAKIE: Yes, as a matter of fact I do...

FRANK: *Walks in* Margaret?

MARGARET: *To Beakie* Just pretend he isn't there.

BEAKIE: Right...

FRANK: *Walks up to the bar* Margaret?

MARGARET: *To Beakie* So anyway, I had to M.P.s him, and the kill are still looking for me.

BEAKIE: You don't say.

FRANK: Margaret, are you ignoring me?

MARGARET: When's the last time I've mentioned my fiance, Lieutenant Donald Colonel Penobscott, Lieutenant?

BEAKIE: About three minutes ago.

MARGARET: That's three minutes wasted... *Laughs* And I'm wasted too!

BEAKIE: *Laughs*

FRANK: Margaret!

 

[Oscarfan]

Boy, if I watched M*A*S*H at all, I'd get this.

 

[D'Snowth]

I doubt any true M*A*S*H fan other than Beakie actually gets this.

BTW Beakie, I don't believe Charles will pop out of your cake, but I sent you a YouTube video of David Ogden Stiers, I'm sure you'll love!

 

[D'Snowth]

Aww, nobody cares about Beakie's birthday this year.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Of course we do! That why we said happy birthday to her in her Birthday thread.

 

[D'Snowth]

THIS is her birthday thread; I just didn't happen to be impatient and posted long before the actual day came to beat anyone else from starting it.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Well it wasn't very obvious it was.