Dealing with depression and anxiety

[dwayne1115]

so i havent really posted anything much of substance for quite some time but i feel like this might be a good place to get advice

So some backstory:

I graduated college in may. My whole second semester of my final year was spent doing an internship in a middle school classroom. During this time, my dad was unemployed, my grandmother was in the hospital, my mom was extremely sick, and I had an overwhelming amount of pressure from multiple sources that I pretty much shut down.

I was having almost daily emotional breakdowns in class, which is not good, and by the time I got home I was so emotionally drained that I just couldnt put forth the effort to care about anything.

I did end up going to a few counselling sessions which did admittedly help, even if I was petrified to make the initial appointment.

And now...things are better, mostly, except my mom is really getting on me about getting a job or going to grad school.

I am TERRIFIED of getting a job. I know that sounds silly but...I just am. I can't even really pinpoint a reason but the thought of getting a job just really really scares me.

If I go to grad school, Im going to have to go for a masters in education, and quite honestly, im scared of that too. I'm scared I'm going to relapse and be the emotional mess that I was back in march and april. That was not a fun time for me.

But I have tried to explain this to my parents and they basically just berate me and put me down, making fun of my insecurities.

So I just...I don't know what to do at this point. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I know I need to get a job. Grad school lets me go a little longer but im also going to be forced into doing something that i dont want to do (I've been telling my parents for years education isnt for me, but they only yelled at me and said that i could drop out of school and be a loser and work at walmart.)

I sometimes wonder if my fear of going to people for help stems from the fact my parents and how they react. Why I'm so scared to tell the truth to people and lie so that other people hear what they want to hear, even if it ultimately is bad for me.

I hope this post makes sense. I dont know if I sucessfully got my concerns across. Its currently 2:30 am and I'm not exactly fully awake right now x.x

I understand where you are coming from. Fro me the thought of rejection is what always hindered me from getting a job. The thing that always helped push me to get a job was this thought: "I may not be the best at what I do, but I love what I do. If I don't do what I love then I will never be truly be happy." This is what keeps me going day in and day out.

 

[CensoredAlso]

Thanks for the advice and support. Yeah, I'm just ashamed that back then, I didn't really think that stuff I taped over could be worth something useful in the future. And I was just a kid back then, so I probably didn't know much better. Heck, in some cases, I probably was watching a recording of a show I liked, then later I recorded something off TV over it without even realizing I was recording over it. And when it comes to the tapes with game show episodes, I was really excited to find all those boxes of tapes in my storage unit for the first time, and I thought I hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, I didn't get much of what I anticipated (several of the tapes had movies recorded off Cinemax and HBO in 1987-1991, plus various gymnastics/Olympic events). I did find several game shows (like Jeopardy!, Wheel of Fortune, Love Connection, Family Feud, and The New Newlywed Game), and there are a few full recordings of those shows, but a lot more of them were either taped over and/or incomplete. Oh well.

I still wish time travel was possible...it would fix everything.

I literally could have written this post myself, I completely feel your pain! Back then all I could think of was the next recording, I wasn't careful enough. I still have one 80s recording which I'm very careful with.

One good thing, my friends know of my frustration and have donated their own VHSs to me (since I still have a VCR and they don't). Including, most recently, two different copies of Muppet Family Christmas, including commercials! The commercials are always what I seek the most. When you think about it, no one commercial block is ever entirely the same. They're even more rare and valuable than the shows and specials when you're trying to recreate a place and time.

 

[CensoredAlso]

But I have tried to explain this to my parents and they basically just berate me and put me down, making fun of my insecurities.

Oh God, yes. I remember trying to share my concerns with my parents and just being met with over the top scoldings. They were so terrified of my not doing well. Mind you, I never gave them any reason to be.

Grad school lets me go a little longer but im also going to be forced into doing something that i dont want to do (I've been telling my parents for years education isnt for me, but they only yelled at me and said that i could drop out of school and be a loser and work at walmart.)

If you can't see yourself doing education long term, then maybe spending the money and time on Grad school isn't for you right now. There's no rule that you have to do Grad school right after college. A lot of people go back later. Is there anything else you do want to concentrate on? Your parents are at least right that you're going to need a job. If you had viable alternatives, they might get off your back.

 

[charlietheowl]

so i havent really posted anything much of substance for quite some time but i feel like this might be a good place to get advice

So some backstory:

I graduated college in may. My whole second semester of my final year was spent doing an internship in a middle school classroom. During this time, my dad was unemployed, my grandmother was in the hospital, my mom was extremely sick, and I had an overwhelming amount of pressure from multiple sources that I pretty much shut down.

I was having almost daily emotional breakdowns in class, which is not good, and by the time I got home I was so emotionally drained that I just couldnt put forth the effort to care about anything.

I did end up going to a few counselling sessions which did admittedly help, even if I was petrified to make the initial appointment.

And now...things are better, mostly, except my mom is really getting on me about getting a job or going to grad school.

I am TERRIFIED of getting a job. I know that sounds silly but...I just am. I can't even really pinpoint a reason but the thought of getting a job just really really scares me.

If I go to grad school, Im going to have to go for a masters in education, and quite honestly, im scared of that too. I'm scared I'm going to relapse and be the emotional mess that I was back in march and april. That was not a fun time for me.

But I have tried to explain this to my parents and they basically just berate me and put me down, making fun of my insecurities.

So I just...I don't know what to do at this point. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I know I need to get a job. Grad school lets me go a little longer but im also going to be forced into doing something that i dont want to do (I've been telling my parents for years education isnt for me, but they only yelled at me and said that i could drop out of school and be a loser and work at walmart.)

I sometimes wonder if my fear of going to people for help stems from the fact my parents and how they react. Why I'm so scared to tell the truth to people and lie so that other people hear what they want to hear, even if it ultimately is bad for me.

I hope this post makes sense. I dont know if I sucessfully got my concerns across. Its currently 2:30 am and I'm not exactly fully awake right now x.x

I don't blame you for being anxious about the future and all that it holds, and you sound like you're in a tough spot regarding either working or going to grad school. It seems clear that education might not be for you, based on your feelings and experiences in the classroom this past year. So I don't think then that going to graduate school would be a good idea unless there's a way to take your education degree (I'm guessing you also had another concentration like English or history too?) and put it towards another field, like counseling or family studies.

Finding a job is also hard, because you're at the mercy of the job market and the field. I was unemployed for a long time and it was frustrating. So if you do decide to pursue that level, hopefully your parents would be understanding that it might take some time.

I wish I could offer better advice for you, but the truth of the matter is you're in a very tough situation, having to make a big decision in your life without the support from your parents that you would want. It's hard to gain the courage to make a decision when you don't really have anyone to have your back. Could you perhaps return to counseling to help with this decision?

I hope you're doing okay.

 

[fuzzygobo]

so i havent really posted anything much of substance for quite some time but i feel like this might be a good place to get advice

So some backstory:

I graduated college in may. My whole second semester of my final year was spent doing an internship in a middle school classroom. During this time, my dad was unemployed, my grandmother was in the hospital, my mom was extremely sick, and I had an overwhelming amount of pressure from multiple sources that I pretty much shut down.

I was having almost daily emotional breakdowns in class, which is not good, and by the time I got home I was so emotionally drained that I just couldnt put forth the effort to care about anything.

I did end up going to a few counselling sessions which did admittedly help, even if I was petrified to make the initial appointment.

And now...things are better, mostly, except my mom is really getting on me about getting a job or going to grad school.

I am TERRIFIED of getting a job. I know that sounds silly but...I just am. I can't even really pinpoint a reason but the thought of getting a job just really really scares me.

If I go to grad school, Im going to have to go for a masters in education, and quite honestly, im scared of that too. I'm scared I'm going to relapse and be the emotional mess that I was back in march and april. That was not a fun time for me.

But I have tried to explain this to my parents and they basically just berate me and put me down, making fun of my insecurities.

So I just...I don't know what to do at this point. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I know I need to get a job. Grad school lets me go a little longer but im also going to be forced into doing something that i dont want to do (I've been telling my parents for years education isnt for me, but they only yelled at me and said that i could drop out of school and be a loser and work at walmart.)

I sometimes wonder if my fear of going to people for help stems from the fact my parents and how they react. Why I'm so scared to tell the truth to people and lie so that other people hear what they want to hear, even if it ultimately is bad for me.

I hope this post makes sense. I dont know if I sucessfully got my concerns across. Its currently 2:30 am and I'm not exactly fully awake right now x.x

Getting through college is tough enough even under the best of circumstances. You got stuck with so much more on your plate, so it's understandable having these breakdowns.

But getting a job to provide for your family, or curing the sick, does not fall squarely on you.All you can do is your best. No one can ask for more.

And asking for support is not a sign of weakness or anything to be afraid of. It takes a lot of courage to lay things out to others like you did, and there's no shame in that.

The only ones who will be judgemental are the ones who don't care.
I'll keep you in my prayers, and if you ever need to discuss things deeper, Dr. Fuzzy's door is open. No appointment, walk-ins welcome.

 

[animalrescuer]

I know the feeling. Pretty much for a whole week a couple weeks ago, I was sad, angry and depressed that I still don't have a job. When that happens, I always feel like I let my whole family down, pretty much everyone in my family has a job but me! All the hard work I've done in college and studying I've done to pass the VTNE and the state licensing exam for nothing! Now there's additional pressure to find a job because I won't have health insurance when I turn 26 next year, I already don't have dental and vision insurance anymore! My parents are paying for my dental and eye checkups! It's mainly my mom that's really pressuring me to find something even if it's not in the animal field. I always get rejected because of my near lack of experience. I just wish someone will give me a chance after 3 long years of looking. Right now, I don't see that happening. I still volunteer at a nearby animal shelter, but I don't if that's enough.

 

[charlietheowl]

I know the feeling. Pretty much for a whole week a couple weeks ago, I was sad, angry and depressed that I still don't have a job. When that happens, I always feel like I let my whole family down, pretty much everyone in my family has a job but me! All the hard work I've done in college and studying I've done to pass the VTNE and the state licensing exam for nothing! Now there's additional pressure to find a job because I won't have health insurance when I turn 26 next year, I already don't have dental and vision insurance anymore! My parents are paying for my dental and eye checkups! It's mainly my mom that's really pressuring me to find something even if it's not in the animal field. I always get rejected because of my near lack of experience. I just wish someone will give me a chance after 3 long years of looking. Right now, I don't see that happening. I still volunteer at a nearby animal shelter, but I don't if that's enough.

Stinks about the insurance issue. I'm in the same boat, kind of, as I'll be 26 next year and currently don't have health insurance through work, just my parents. Hopefully I'll be made permanent full-time before then to avoid being uninsured entirely.

It also stinks about your lack of luck in the job field. Have you made any applications to non-animal related jobs? I know it's not what you want to do, but working is better than not working.

 

[Mo Frackle]

Boy, am I lousy at making conversation. Maybe I'm too wrapped up in the "gotta think of something clever/interesting to say" mindset. Definitely makes it hard to build rapport with people.

Any advice?

 

[animalrescuer]

Stinks about the insurance issue. I'm in the same boat, kind of, as I'll be 26 next year and currently don't have health insurance through work, just my parents. Hopefully I'll be made permanent full-time before then to avoid being uninsured entirely.

It also stinks about your lack of luck in the job field. Have you made any applications to non-animal related jobs? I know it's not what you want to do, but working is better than not working.

I did, I applied online for Target, Books-a-million, Starbucks and at least one local business and either I never hear from them or I get rejected over email. Online applications are a huge pain!

 

[fuzzygobo]

Boy, am I lousy at making conversation. Maybe I'm too wrapped up in the "gotta think of something clever/interesting to say" mindset. Definitely makes it hard to build rapport with people.

Any advice?

Just break the ice and ask "How are you doing?" If you try too hard, or try to come off talking smooth, people will see right through that. The best you can be is yourself... with a little confidence. Whoever you talk to, get to know a little about their interests. LISTEN to them.
It might take a few tries, but it'll click.

And by the way, be yourself.
And if all else fails, be yourself.