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1. INTRODUCTION - SAL

With the traditional red Muppet Show curtain as a backdrop, a spotlight appears on Sal the Monkey behind a podium at center-stage.

SAL

All right! All right! Quite down everybody! I got a few announcements here, so listen up!

First of all, I've seen what you're about to see and I just want to say: "I'm sorry."… Second, we've never done a live Muppet Show before, and tonight you're gonna find out why. There's no retakes, no edits, no nuthin. They must be nuts… Now, you folks here in the pricey seats. Not only did you pay good money for this, but we're puttin' you to work. You're doin' special effects for the Muppet News sketches. Ya got your props. When you see your cue up on the stage, throw the prop. I'm warnin' ya: pay attention and don't mess it up! Oh yea, and everybody turn off your cell phones. I hate those things.

During Sal's introduction, he mentioned that Lionel Richie couldn't attend. Sal said, "Lionel Richie will not be performing tonight due to illness." To which Sal replied, "Gee, I wish I'd thought of that."

Okay, one last thing: we got this here video clip. It's a rare tape that Jim Henson made to sell the Muppet Show. It kinda sets the mood. So enjoy it, y'hear! Have a good show, and don't come to me for refunds. Amen.

(CALLING OFF) Roll Tape!

In the script, Sal simply introduces the film by Jim Henson. At the show, Brian ad-libbed a little, having the clueless Sal refer to him as "some guy named Jim Henson".

2. VIDEO: MUPPET SHOW PITCH TAPE (2:52)

3. STATLER & WALDORF

MUSIC: DRUMROLL (LIVE)

(FOLLOW SPOTS PLAY AROUND THE CURTAIN, FINALLY LANDING ON THE BALCONY BOX WHERE WE FIND…)

(LIGHTS UP ON THE BALCONY BOX, WITH THE TWO HECKLERS)

WALDORF

Say, Statler, do you think "The Muppet Show" will be any better live?

STATLER

At our age, it's good to be around anything live. (THEY LAUGH)

WALDORF

Well, at least it's only for one night.

STATLER

Year, but that's the same thing they told us 25 years ago…

STATLER/WALDORF

Ho-ho-ho!! (BEAT) OH NO!!!!!!

4. MUPPET SHOW OPEN - LIVE

(CUE TABS TO OPEN REVEALING "MUPPET SHOW LOGO" SIGN)

(KERMIT POPS THROUGH THE "O" IN "SHOW")

KERMIT (Off-Screen)

It's the Muppet show… LIVE! With our very special guest stars Brooke Shields and Paul Williams and lots of surprises. Yaaaay!!!

(APPLAUSE)

(SCREEN DESCENDS OVER LOGO AND WE ROLL INTO:)

5. VIDEO: MUPPET SHOW TITLE SEQUENCE

THE MUPPETS

This is what we call the Muppet Show!

6. BACKSTAGE

(KERMIT AND ROWLF ARE BACKSTAGE. ROWLF HOLDS A CLIPBOARD)

KERMIT

Well this is it, Rowlf. Let's go through that checklist one last time. Props?

ROWLF

Check

KERMIT

Special effects?

ROWLF

Check.

KERMIT

Music?

ROWLF

Check.

KERMIT

Wardrobe?

ROWLF

Check.

KERMIT

Oh good. Then we're ready!

ROWLF

Yup, as soon as you write some checks we can buy those things.

KERMIT

Sheesh!

MUSIC: PLAYON KERMIT (LIVE)

ROWLF

Good luck.

(BACKSTAGE GOES DARK)

7. WELCOME - KERMIT

(KERMIT ENTERS THE ONSTAGE AREA)

KERMIT

Thank you, thank you and welcome to The Muppet Show. I am Kermit the Frog and thank you so much for coming. Y'know, back in 1966, I appeared on this very stage on the old "Hollywood Palace" TV show and it was so successful, it only took 35 years before I was invited back. Anyway, in celebration of the 25th Anniversary of The Muppet Show, tonight you're going to see the show as never before. You'll even get to see who's doing it.

(KERMIT LOOKS DOWN, TO STEVE:)

Isn't that right, Steve?

(STEVE NODS)

He's a hired hand. A little Muppet humor there…

Anyway, we asked your suggestions about an opening number. And in spite of what you told us, we're going to do one anyway. It's a class we first did on The Ed Sullivan Show - "Mahna-Mahna!"

(KERMIT EXITS)

Kermit's exact comment durring the performance about Steve being underneath him was, "Don't pay attention to him - he's just a hired hand."

8. SONG: MAHNA MAHNA (track)

MUSIC: "MAHNA-MAHNA" (TRACK) (2:22)

(MAHNA-MAHNA IS PERFORMED. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF KERMIT'S ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE, THE NUMBER IS PERFORMED TO THE ORIGINAL RECORDING FROM THE MUPPET SHOW EPISODE OR RECORD ALBUM)

Mahna Mahna was definitely one of the high points of the live show. Not just because they performed one of the most popular Muppet songs of all time, but because Mahna Mahna's left eye was loose and it bounced around throughout the performance.

SNOWTHS

DO-DO DO DO-DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO-DO

(-2-) Drums

Mahna-Mahna
MAHNA-MAHNA

Snowths
DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-6-) SCATS

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-6-) SCATS

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-4-) SCATS

(-2-) DRUMS

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-6-) SCATS

(-1-) HARD DRUMS

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

SNOWTHS

DO DO DO DO

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-1-) DRUMS

MAHNA-MAHNA

MAHNA-MAHNA

(-1-) TRUMPETS

(NEAR THE END OF THE SONG, MAHNA-MAHNA EXITS THROUGH A RED LIGHT OUT ONTO THE STREET)

VIDEO : "MAHNA-MAHNA IN HOLLYWOOD (:15)

When Mahna Mahna exits the stage towards the end, they switched to a video on the big screen of Mahna exiting the theatre, getting into a limo and cruising around Hollywood.

While the limo was driving down the road, Mahna stuck his head out the window with his fur blowing wildly in the wind. He also sipped on a drink from In & Out Burgers, and finally pulled up to a pay phone to call the Snowths!

(MAHNA-MAHNA PICKS UP A PAY PHONE, DIALS, AND WAITS FOR RINGING)

(GO TO BLACK)

9. BACKSTAGE

(LIGHTS UP ON BACKSTAGE AREA AS SNOWTHS ENTER)

SFX: PHONE RINGS

(KERMIT ANSWERS IT AND HOLDS PHONE TO SNOWTHS)

KERMIT

It's for you…

MAHNA-MAHNA (Off-Screen)

(LIVE THROUGH PHONE)

MAHNA-MAHNA!

When Kermit answered the phone with Mahna Mahna on the other end he said, "Hello? …Just a minute." In the script, he doesn't say anything until he returns on-stage and tells the Snowths, "It's for you."

10. MUPPET NEWSFLASH - "GOLF BALL"

(THE MUPPET NEWSMAN IS ROLLED IN ON CART, CARRYING HIS SCRIPT)

SUPER: CUE AUDIENCE TO GET PROP #1 READY (ON SCROLL)

NEWSMAN

This is a Muppet News Weather Update! The Hollywood area is being pelted by a hailstorm. Witnesses report hailstones as large as golf balls. Golf balls? That's absurd.

(A FUSSILADE OF HOLLOW PLASTIC GOLF BALLS THROWN FROM THE AUDIENCE HITS THE NEWSCASTER, WHO GOES UNDER HIS DESK, THEN POPS UP)

NEWSMAN (CONT'D)

When will I learn?

(GO TO BLACK AS THE CART GETS WHEELED OFF AND VIDEO SCREEN DESCENDS)

According to the script, after being hit by the golf balls the Newsman falls under the desk, then pops up and says, "When will I learn?" During the actual show, the Newsman leans on his arm and says, "You'd think after 25 years, I would have learned!"

11. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "VETS HOSPITAL (SICK BUNNY)" (1:37)

12. BACKSTAGE

(LIGHTS UP IN BACKSTAGE AREA. KERMIT WALKS BY PEPE)

PEPE

Excuse me, Kermin?

KERMIT

Oh, hi Pepe. Have you seen Miss Piggy anywhere?

PEPE

No. No Piggy. But, Kermin, I need your help with the problem, okay?

KERMIT

What problem?

PEPE

I have never done a show live, okay. I have the stage frights.

KERMIT

Oh, when I feel like that, I just imagine the audience in their underwear.

PEPE

Kermin! That is voyeuristical! Well gee, I mean, it's just…

(BUNSEN HONEYDEW AND BEAKER ENTER. BUNSEN HOLDS A BOX WITH A PICTURE OF GLASSES ON IT. BEAKER MEEPS, ECHOING WHAT BUNSEN SAYS)

Contrary to the script, due to the fact that Kevin Clash was performing Beaker's head, Beaker didn't "meep" a word while onstage.

BUNSEN

Have no fear, Mr. Kermit. We at Muppet Labs have an invention that will solve everything for your friend Pee-pee.

PEPE

It's Pepe, okay.

KERMIT

What do you have, Doctor Honeydew?

BUNSEN

A small rash on the tip of my pinky toe, which I suspect is caused by chafing. However there is a distinct…

KERMIT

I mean: what invention do you have?

BUNSEN

…Oh, yes. Silly me. You've all heard of DVD technology.

Someone from the balcony unexpectedly cheered in response. Without missing a beat, all the characters turned to look at the audience and Bunsen remarked, "Well, he's heard of it, anyway!"

BUNSEN

Now thanks to Muppet Labs' new BVD technology, imagining the audience in their skivvies is a thing of the past.

PEPE

You are loco, okay?

In the performance, Pepe ad-libbed and replied, "You are a very sick man, okay."

BUNSEN

On the contrary! With these special glasses, you can through underwear rendering the audience completely naked!

PEPE

Oh, this is much better, okay.

BUNSEN

Give it a try, Peepee

PEPE

Pepe.

BUNSEN

Here, let's go down below for a moment where we can rig the glasses to your face.

(TO KERMIT)

Stall, please.

(BUNSEN AND PEPE DUCK DOWN AND WE LIGHT THE BOTTOM OF THE BACKSTAGE AREA SO THE PUPPETEERS AND WORKSHOP PEOPLE CAN BE SEEN)

KERMIT

Well, here's one example of why we never did the show live. This is where the videotape edit would be. But it does give you a chance to see our great Muppet Workshop people in the trenches. Nice work, Jane.

BUNSEN

All set.

(BUNSEN AND BEAKER EXIT)

In the script, Bunsen and Beaker exit together. When Bunsen left at the show though, Kevin Clash and Drew Massey operating Beaker seemed to forget to have him exit as well. Kermit actually had to remind Beaker to leave.

KERMIT

How are the glasses, Pepe?

PEPE

They are amazing ok. I see you with no pants.

KERMIT

Pepe, I never wear pants.

PEPE

Shame on you, Kermin.

KERMIT
(INDICATING AUDIENCE)

Try looking out there.

(THE BACKSTAGE SCRIM GOES TO BLACK AS PEPE PEEK AROUND THE CURTAIN TO SEE THE AUDIENCE AND SLOWLY REGISTER AMAZEMENT)

PEPE

Wo-ho-ho!

(KERMIT COMES OUT NEXT TO HIM)

KERMIT

Does it help?

PEPE

Well, it doesn't hurt, okay. Hey, lady! Yes, you in the front row. Ever date a king prawn? We are the bottom feeders, if you know what I mean! Heheh!

KERMIT

Pepe!

PEPE

I am never taking these off.

KERMIT

Fine… Just help me look for Miss Piggy.

PEPE

Piggy? I am taking these off, okay.

(GO TO BLACK)

14. GONZO COMEDY SKETCH (Jon Voight)

(LIGHTS UP ON GONZO AT CENTER STAGE)

GONZO

Ladies and gentlemen, to those of you seated nearby, I am the Great Gonzo. And to those of you sitting up in the balcony, I am Antonio Banderas. Now many of you know me as a daredevil performance artiste, but I also have a classical side. And tonight, it is my pleasure to present the first ever live performance by my All-Chicken Vocal Ensemble. Ladies!

(ENTER CHICKENS FROM BOTH WINGS)

Thank you!! I regret to announce that one of our best cluckers, Henrietta, is moulting. However, a close personal friend of mine has agreed to take her place. Please welcome Academy Award winner, Jon Voight!

(JON VOIGHT ENTERS, WERING A CHICKEN/TURKEY SUIT. HE CARRIES SHEET MUSIC)

(APPLAUSE)

GONZO

You're not a chicken, you're a turkey.

JON

Yeah, and so is the sketch.

GONZO

Ohh, aren't we in a fowl mood.

JON

By the way, I'm a brown chicken.

GONZO

They don't care.

JON

Can we just get this over with.

GONZO

One other thing. I love you in "Jim Henson's Jack and the Beanstalk."

JON

Y'know, it's available on video on DVD. Should I have them the 800 number?

GONZO

That might be too much.

JON

Yeah. We wouldn't want to go too far.

GONZO

Then let's begin. All right we're gonna tune up girls!

(THEY GO DOWN THE LINE, EACH CHICKEN CLUCKING UNTIL WE COME TO JON VOIGHT)

JON
(FLAT)

Cluck.

GONZO
(TO JON)

… a little more vibratto.

JON
(FLAT)

Cluck.

GONZO

A little better.

(TO AUDIENCE)

Ladies and gentlemen, "The Blue Danube Waltz". Ready and one and two….

(HE GIVES THE DOWNBEAT)

CHICKENS

Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…

(GONZO POINTS TO JON VOIGHT)

JON
(NONCOMMITTAL)

Cluck-cluck. Cluck-cluck.

CHICKENS

Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…

(GONZO POINTS TO JON VOIGHT)

JON

Cluck-cluck. Cluck-cluck.

CHICKENS

Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…

(GONZO POINTS TO JON VOIGHT)

JON
(GETTING INTO IT)

Cluck-cluck. Cluck-cluck.

CHICKENS

Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…

(GONZO POINTS TO JON VOIGHT)

JON
(WITH GUSTO)

Cluck-cluck. Cluck-cluck.

GONZO

Here's the big finish!!!

CHICKENS

Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
Bawk-bawk-bawk…

(GONZO POINTS TO JON VOIGHT)

JON

Cluck-cluck.

CHICKENS

Bawk

JON

Cluck-cluck.

CHICKENS

Bawk

Jon/Chickens
(WITH LOTS OF ENERGY)

Bawk/Cluck!!!!!!!

GONZO
(TO AUDIENCE)

Thank you! Thank you!!!

JON

How did I do?

GONZO

Great. In fact, there's a guy here from NBC I want you to meet.

JON

Just let me get dressed.

GONZO

No, stay in the suit.

JON

But NBC has the Peacock.

GONZO

That could be a problem.

(JON EXITS. GONZO FOLLOWS)

GONZO

Well, there's a guy from Animal Planet…

(GO TO BLACK)

One last-minute change still made it into the script. Gonzo identifies Jon Voight as a turkey, Voight then calls the sketch a turkey, and Gonzo says, "Oh, aren't we in a fowl mood." In the original, Voight just says, "Can we get this over with?" Then Gonzo mentions "Jack and the Beanstalk." Voight asks if they should plug the 800 number for the video and the DVD, and Gonzo says, "That might be too much. Then let's begin. All right, we're gonna tune up, girls!"

However, there's a page revision in the script itself, and this is the way it was performed at the gala. After Gonzo's "fowl" comment, Voight clarifies: "By the way, I'm a brown chicken." Gonzo: "They don't care." Then comes Jon's line, "Can we just get this over with?" After discussing "Jack and the Beanstalk" and Gonzo says, "That might be too much," Voight sarcastically replies, "Yeah, we wouldn't want to go too far." At that point, Gonzo says, "Then let's begin." This is the only case where the script contains both versions, with the revised pages printed on a different color paper.

15. SONG: "BEIN' GREEN"

(A CART CARRYING KERMIT, WHO IS SITTING ON A CRATE WHEELS OUT)

(LIGHTING CHANGE)

MUSIC: "BEIN' GREEN" (LIVE)

KERMIT

It's not that easy bein' green
having to spend each day the color of the leaves
when I think it could be nicer
bein' red or yellow or gold
or something much more colorful like that
It's not easy bein' green
It seems you blend in with so many
Other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over
'cause you're not standing out like
flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky

But green is the color of spring
And green can be cool
And friendly like

And green can be big like a mountain
Or important like a river
Or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why
But why wonder, why wonder
I'm green and it'll do find
It's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be

(APPLAUSE)

SONG: "SAY YOU, SAY ME"

Originally scheduled to perform that evening, Lionel Richie was going to sing one of his most loved favorites from the early '80's, "Say You, Say Me". As Sal mentioned in the introduction, Lionel Richie did not appear due to "family illness".

Even though, this next part wasn't included in the script we received. This is a paraphrase from several sources of what the Lionel Richie sketch was planned to be like.

(Lionel Richie comes out and compliments Kermit's singing)

Lionel

You know someday we should perform a duet together.

KERMIT

You're right, but when?

LIONEL

Yeah, it's the holidays and we are all so busy.

KERMIT
(just dawned on him)

Hey, I've got a crazy idea! Since we've got an
orchestra back there and an audience out here...

LIONEL

...Why don't we sing a song together now!

KERMIT

We could even do the song we rehearsed.

Lionel

Exactly.

SONG: "SAY YOU, SAY ME"

16. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "JAVA"

17. MUPPET NEWSFLASH - "FOOTBALL"

(CART WITH THE NEWSMAN AT DESK)

NEWSMAN

This is a Muppet Newsflash! In the world of sports today, Rich Gannon quarter back for the Oakland Raiders threw 250 touchdown passes today…

SUPER: GET READY WITH PROP #2

NEWSMAN
(CHECKS HIS SCRIPT)

250 Touchdown passes. That's impossible!

(DOZENS OF NERF FOOTBALLS ARE THROWN AT THE NEWSMAN FROM THE AUDIENCE)

(HE FAINTS)

18. SONG: "WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOW BUSINESS" with Video

(AS ETHEL FINISHES HER POGNANT INTRO TO "THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS", WE KICK INTO:)

ETHEL MERMAN

The costumes, the scenery, the make-up, the props
The audience that lifts you when you're down
The headaches, the heartaches, the backaches, the flops
The sheriff who escorts you out of town
The opening when your heart beats like a drum
The closing when the customers won't come

(VIDEO MONTAGE CONTINUES OF GUEST STARS AS CHARACTERS ENTER AND FILL THE STAGE)

MUSIC: "WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOW BUSINESS" (LIVE)

KERMIT

There's no business like who business
And we worked with the Pros

(LEW ZEALAND ENTERS CARRYING A FISH)

LEW ZEALAND

Comics had them rolling in the aisle

GONZO

The greatest acts that you have ever seen

LEW ZEALAND

Show folks who would go that extra mile

KERMIT

Back with the dial
Stopped at Thirteen!

SAL

Our guest stars were the best stars

CLIFFORD

Doing anything for a laugh

GONZO

Troupers who would go out each and ev'ry night

LEW ZEALAND

And never duck when my fish took flight
(LEW THROWS FISH)

KERMIT

Good Ol' Senor Wences when he said

ALL

"S'allright!"
Let's go on with the show!

KERMIT

There's no business like show business

CLIFFORD

It's all business

PEPE

No show.

KERMIT

Once we were the strangest thing on TV

LEW ZEALAND

Why folks found us odd, I do not know

GONZO

Now if you want to see a bunch of weirdos
Reali-ty shows are where you go

KERMIT

There's no business like Muppet Show business
We'd do it again
Thanks to all the guest stars

GONZO

They were one of us

LEW ZEALAND

Not one of them ever made a fuss

KERMIT

Carol even dressed as an asparagus!

ALL

Let's go on with the show!
Let's go on with the show!!!!!!!

(APPLAUSE)

(EVERYONE EXITS EXCEPT GONZO)

During the "Show Business" number, originally a whole menagerie of characters were supposed to be onstage while the video clips ran. According to Karen Prell, the decision was made not to bring the puppets on-stage because it distracted from the video montage, and there were also several other numbers that featured a bunch of characters. The song was still performed live backstage with the group singing into a microphone.

Also, this revised version of "There's No Business Like Show Business" is referred to in the script as "What Happened to Show Business."

19. INTRO: JOE PASQUALE

GONZO

Hello, again. Y'know, one of favorite things about "The Muppet Show" was giving a break to talented newcomes. Tonight, we'd like to continue that tradition by introducing someone I recently discovered in England. This is his first and with your help it can be his last appearance here in America. Ladies and Gentleman, the astounding and baffling Joe Pasquale!

(APPLAUSE)

Gonzo's introduction of Joe Pasquale originally read "This is his first and with your help it can be his last appearance in America." The line was slightly altered in the performance: "This is his first appearance in America…and with your help, it can be his last." This change properly put the punch line at the end of the sentence.

20. GONZO & JOE PASQUALE SKETCH

(ENTER JOE PASQUALE)

1) OLD FOLKS HOME GAG.

2) CARD TRICK W/ AUDIENCE.

3) IMPRESSIONS - ROBOT PEEING.

4) STEVE WONDER AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.

5) STEP LADDER.

6) BUCKETS OF DOOM.

7) TRIBUTE TO JOHNNY MATHIS W/ CANDELABRA.

8) GRANDAD AND MONKEY ON BIKE STORY W/ SONG.

Joe Pasquale's routine was slightly shortened from the script, which mentions an "Old Folks' Home Gag" and a "Card Trick with Audience" that were never performed. The script doesn't go into any more detail about it though.

21. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "MUPPET LABS"

They showed the "Banana Sharpener" sketch were Bunsen throws sharpened bananas to Beaker like he's a target on a dart board.

22. SONG: "IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS

(KERMIT ENERS, WEARING A CHRISTMAS SCARF)

KERMIT

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to take a moment to thank you all for coming tonight. It's fun to bring everyone together and put on a show, but the real reason we're here is to support Save The Children and the work they do helping kids around the world. Now more than ever we know how imp0ortant that work is. So tonight, let's remember the children and celebrate their spirit.

MUSIC: "IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS" (LIVE)

KERMIT

It's in the singing of a street corner choir
It's going home and getting warm by the fire
It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas

ROBIN

A cup of kindness that we share with another
A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother
In all the places you find love
It feels like Christmas

CLIFFORD/SWEETUMS

It is the season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear

GONZO/SAL

It is the season of the spirit
The message, if we hear it
Is make it last all year

(-2-) BAROUQUE

PEPE

It's in the giving of a gift to another
A pair of mittens that were made by your mother
It's all the ways that we show love
That feels like Christmas

SAL

A part of childhood we'll always remember
It is the summer of the sould in December
Yes when you do your best for love
It feels like Christmas

ALL

It is the season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear
It is the season of the spirit
The message, if we hear it
Is make it last all you

SPFX: SNOW. WE MAKE IT SNOW. THE EFFECT LOOKS PERFECT ON THE TV SCREENS, THOUGH IN THE THEATER WE CAN SEE THE STAGEHANDS THROWING THE SNOW. THE GLITTER BALLS SPIN.

SWEETUMS

It's in the singin of a street corner choir

CLIFFORD

It's getting home and getting warm by the fire

GONZO

It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas

KERMIT/ROBIN

It's true wherever you find love, it feels like

ALL

Christmas
It feels like Christmas
It feels like Christmas
It feels like Christmas

(APPLAUSE)

(CURTAIN)

In the actual show, immediately after "It Feels Like Christmas," Kermit said something to the effect of, "We've got to take an intermission. Don't go anywhere!"

23. INTRO: AUCTION

In the script, Clifford and Rizzo were supposed to come out to do the auction immediately after "It Feels Like Christmas" so the following dialogue was cut from the show as the auction ended up being directly after intermission.

(CLIFFORD APPEARS THROUGH THE CURTAIN)

CLIFFORD

Hey there, my name is Clifford. I wasn't on the Muppet Show, so don't start asking: "Was he that Swedish guy who used to do all the cooking?"

(RIZZO POPS OUT)

RIZZO

You sure that wasn't you?

CLIFFORD

Don't dis me, Rat. Listen, we're going to begin intermission, but don't get up yet…

RIZZO

Yeah, even if you gotta go to the bathroom real, real bad.

CLIFFORD
(TO RIZZO)

Very classy.

RIZZO

It's a gift.

CLIFFORD

First, we're going to auction of rare Muppet memorabilia to benefit Save The Children. Dig deep into your pockets and be generous.

RIZZO

You have enough money, you can buy this show, okay? Hey, NBC, y'hear that?

CLIFFORD
(PERSERVERING)

Now, it's our pleasure to introduce tonight's special celebrity auctioneer…

RIZZO

Us!

(APPLAUSE)

24. AUCTION

(PERHAPS SWEETUMS JOINS THE CELEBRITY AUCTION, ROAMING THE AUDIENCE URGING PEOPLE TO BID)

ITEMS TO BID IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

1) JIM HENSON AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE
2) GONZO'S NOSE
3) FOZZIE'S RUBBER CHICKEN
4) KERMIT'S FOOTPRINT & SIGNATURE IN CEMENT
5) MISS PIGGY'S SHADOW BOX

WILD LINES FOR SWEETUMS DURING AUCTION:

SWEETUMS

-- Will you take me home?

-- Will you buy that for me?

-- Would you like to hear me sing? No? Then let's keep bidding.

-- I'm harmless… as long as you keep bidding.

-- Let's keep it moving before Kermit finds out I took this stuff.

-- Would make a great Hannakah gift… Christmas, Kwanza, it's perfect for all denominations.

-- The faster you bid the faster we get to intermission.

At one point Rizzo says, "If you got enough money, you can buy this show, okay? Hey, NBC, you hear that?" Rizzo said the first part during the performance but not the NBC comment. There's also no mention of Claudia Black appearing in the script. On the higher priced items, Claudia was offering a date to the highest bidder.

At one point during the bidding for the Miss Piggy Shadow box among fans in the balcony, as the bidding went higher and higher, Rizzo asked, "Are you from Muppet Central?" Bill Kastak ended up with the Miss Piggy Shadow Box for more than $1800.

Sweetums had a number of potential lines listed above, but he didn't end up using any of them. He said something to the effect of "We've still got a lot more to go," though only the 5 items mentioned in the script were auctioned.

25. TOSS TO INTERMISSION

NAME TO COME

Thank you for your generosity. The Muppets will be back with the second half after this brief intermission.

MUSIC: PLAYOFF "MUPPET SHOW THEME" (LIVE)

Then a line that wasn't assigned to any character ("Name to Come") was, "Thank you for your generosity. The Muppets will be back after this brief intermission." After the intermission, Maria Bello gave her speech, including talking about her own involvement with Save the Children.

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Act II