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The Muppet
Show Live - Act I
Transcribed
by Phillip and Cindy Chapman
Fan Commentary in green italics by
Tom Holste and Phillip Chapman
Fan Art by Chris Smigliano
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1. INTRODUCTION - SAL
With the traditional red Muppet Show curtain
as a backdrop, a spotlight appears on Sal the Monkey behind a podium
at center-stage.
SAL
All right!
All right! Quite down everybody! I got a few announcements here,
so listen up!
First of all,
I've seen what you're about to see and I just want to say: "I'm
sorry."… Second, we've never done a live Muppet Show
before, and tonight you're gonna find out why. There's no retakes,
no edits, no nuthin. They must be nuts… Now, you folks here
in the pricey seats. Not only did you pay good money for this,
but we're puttin' you to work. You're doin' special effects for
the Muppet News sketches. Ya got your props. When you see your
cue up on the stage, throw the prop. I'm warnin' ya: pay attention
and don't mess it up! Oh yea, and everybody turn off your cell
phones. I hate those things.
During Sal's introduction, he mentioned
that Lionel Richie couldn't attend. Sal said, "Lionel Richie
will not be performing tonight due to illness." To which Sal
replied, "Gee, I wish I'd thought of that."
Okay, one
last thing: we got this here video clip. It's a rare tape that
Jim Henson made to sell the Muppet Show. It kinda sets the mood.
So enjoy it, y'hear! Have a good show, and don't come to me for
refunds. Amen.
(CALLING OFF)
Roll Tape!
In the script, Sal simply introduces the
film by Jim Henson. At the show, Brian ad-libbed a little, having
the clueless Sal refer to him as "some guy named Jim Henson".
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2. VIDEO: MUPPET SHOW PITCH TAPE (2:52)
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3. STATLER & WALDORF
MUSIC:
DRUMROLL (LIVE)
(FOLLOW SPOTS
PLAY AROUND THE CURTAIN, FINALLY LANDING ON THE BALCONY BOX WHERE
WE FIND…)
(LIGHTS UP
ON THE BALCONY BOX, WITH THE TWO HECKLERS)
WALDORF
Say, Statler,
do you think "The Muppet Show" will be any better live?
STATLER
At our age,
it's good to be around anything live. (THEY LAUGH)
WALDORF
Well, at least
it's only for one night.
STATLER
Year, but
that's the same thing they told us 25 years ago…
STATLER/WALDORF
Ho-ho-ho!!
(BEAT) OH NO!!!!!!
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4. MUPPET SHOW OPEN - LIVE
(CUE TABS
TO OPEN REVEALING "MUPPET SHOW LOGO" SIGN)
(KERMIT POPS
THROUGH THE "O" IN "SHOW")
KERMIT
(Off-Screen)
It's the Muppet
show… LIVE! With our very special guest stars Brooke Shields
and Paul Williams and lots of surprises. Yaaaay!!!
(APPLAUSE)
(SCREEN DESCENDS
OVER LOGO AND WE ROLL INTO:)
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5. VIDEO: MUPPET SHOW TITLE SEQUENCE
THE
MUPPETS
This is what
we call the Muppet Show!
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6. BACKSTAGE
(KERMIT AND
ROWLF ARE BACKSTAGE. ROWLF HOLDS A CLIPBOARD)
KERMIT
Well this
is it, Rowlf. Let's go through that checklist one last time. Props?
ROWLF
Check
KERMIT
Special effects?
ROWLF
Check.
KERMIT
Music?
ROWLF
Check.
KERMIT
Wardrobe?
ROWLF
Check.
KERMIT
Oh good. Then
we're ready!
ROWLF
Yup, as soon
as you write some checks we can buy those things.
KERMIT
Sheesh!
MUSIC:
PLAYON KERMIT (LIVE)
ROWLF
Good luck.
(BACKSTAGE
GOES DARK)
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7. WELCOME - KERMIT
(KERMIT ENTERS
THE ONSTAGE AREA)
KERMIT
Thank you,
thank you and welcome to The Muppet Show. I am Kermit the Frog
and thank you so much for coming. Y'know, back in 1966, I appeared
on this very stage on the old "Hollywood Palace" TV
show and it was so successful, it only took 35 years before I
was invited back. Anyway, in celebration of the 25th Anniversary
of The Muppet Show, tonight you're going to see the show as never
before. You'll even get to see who's doing it.
(KERMIT LOOKS
DOWN, TO STEVE:)
Isn't that
right, Steve?
(STEVE NODS)
He's a hired
hand. A little Muppet humor there…
Anyway, we
asked your suggestions about an opening number. And in spite of
what you told us, we're going to do one anyway. It's a class we
first did on The Ed Sullivan Show - "Mahna-Mahna!"
(KERMIT EXITS)
Kermit's exact comment durring the performance
about Steve being underneath him was, "Don't pay attention to him
- he's just a hired hand."
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8. SONG: MAHNA MAHNA (track)
MUSIC:
"MAHNA-MAHNA" (TRACK) (2:22)
(MAHNA-MAHNA
IS PERFORMED. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF KERMIT'S ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE,
THE NUMBER IS PERFORMED TO THE ORIGINAL RECORDING FROM THE MUPPET
SHOW EPISODE OR RECORD ALBUM)
Mahna
Mahna was definitely one of the high points of the live show. Not
just because they performed one of the most popular Muppet songs
of all time, but because Mahna Mahna's left eye was loose and it
bounced around throughout the performance.
SNOWTHS
DO-DO DO DO-DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO-DO
(-2-) Drums
Mahna-Mahna
MAHNA-MAHNA
Snowths
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-6-) SCATS
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-6-) SCATS
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-4-) SCATS
(-2-) DRUMS
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO-DO
DO DO DO-DO DO-DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-6-) SCATS
(-1-) HARD
DRUMS
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
SNOWTHS
DO DO DO DO
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-1-) DRUMS
MAHNA-MAHNA
MAHNA-MAHNA
(-1-) TRUMPETS
(NEAR THE
END OF THE SONG, MAHNA-MAHNA EXITS THROUGH A RED LIGHT OUT ONTO
THE STREET)
VIDEO :
"MAHNA-MAHNA IN HOLLYWOOD (:15)
When Mahna Mahna exits the stage towards
the end, they switched to a video on the big screen of Mahna exiting
the theatre, getting into a limo and cruising around Hollywood.
While the limo was driving down the road,
Mahna stuck his head out the window with his fur blowing wildly
in the wind. He also sipped on a drink from In & Out Burgers, and
finally pulled up to a pay phone to call the Snowths!
(MAHNA-MAHNA
PICKS UP A PAY PHONE, DIALS, AND WAITS FOR RINGING)
(GO TO BLACK)
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9. BACKSTAGE
(LIGHTS UP
ON BACKSTAGE AREA AS SNOWTHS ENTER)
SFX: PHONE
RINGS
(KERMIT ANSWERS
IT AND HOLDS PHONE TO SNOWTHS)
KERMIT
It's for you…
MAHNA-MAHNA
(Off-Screen)
(LIVE THROUGH
PHONE)
MAHNA-MAHNA!
When Kermit answered the phone with Mahna
Mahna on the other end he said, "Hello? …Just a minute." In the
script, he doesn't say anything until he returns on-stage and tells
the Snowths, "It's for you."
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10. MUPPET NEWSFLASH - "GOLF BALL"
(THE MUPPET
NEWSMAN IS ROLLED IN ON CART, CARRYING HIS SCRIPT)
SUPER:
CUE AUDIENCE TO GET PROP #1 READY (ON SCROLL)
NEWSMAN
This is a
Muppet News Weather Update! The Hollywood area is being pelted
by a hailstorm. Witnesses report hailstones as large as golf balls.
Golf balls? That's absurd.
(A FUSSILADE
OF HOLLOW PLASTIC GOLF BALLS THROWN FROM THE AUDIENCE HITS THE
NEWSCASTER, WHO GOES UNDER HIS DESK, THEN POPS UP)
NEWSMAN
(CONT'D)
When will
I learn?
(GO TO BLACK
AS THE CART GETS WHEELED OFF AND VIDEO SCREEN DESCENDS)
According to the script, after being hit
by the golf balls the Newsman falls under the desk, then pops up
and says, "When will I learn?" During the actual show, the Newsman
leans on his arm and says, "You'd think after 25 years, I would
have learned!"
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11.
VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "VETS HOSPITAL (SICK BUNNY)" (1:37)
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12. BACKSTAGE
(LIGHTS UP
IN BACKSTAGE AREA. KERMIT WALKS BY PEPE)
PEPE
Excuse me,
Kermin?
KERMIT
Oh, hi Pepe.
Have you seen Miss Piggy anywhere?
PEPE
No. No Piggy.
But, Kermin, I need your help with the problem, okay?
KERMIT
What problem?
PEPE
I have never
done a show live, okay. I have the stage frights.
KERMIT
Oh, when I
feel like that, I just imagine the audience in their underwear.
PEPE
Kermin! That
is voyeuristical! Well
gee, I mean, it's just…
(BUNSEN HONEYDEW
AND BEAKER ENTER. BUNSEN HOLDS A BOX WITH A PICTURE OF GLASSES
ON IT. BEAKER MEEPS, ECHOING WHAT BUNSEN SAYS)
Contrary to the script, due to the fact
that Kevin Clash was performing Beaker's head, Beaker didn't "meep"
a word while onstage.
BUNSEN
Have no fear,
Mr. Kermit. We at Muppet Labs have an invention that will solve
everything for your friend Pee-pee.
PEPE
It's Pepe,
okay.
KERMIT
What do you
have, Doctor Honeydew?
BUNSEN
A small rash
on the tip of my pinky toe, which I suspect is caused by chafing.
However there is a distinct…
KERMIT
I mean: what
invention do you have?
BUNSEN
…Oh,
yes. Silly me. You've all heard of DVD technology.
Someone from the balcony unexpectedly
cheered in response. Without missing a beat, all the characters
turned to look at the audience and Bunsen remarked, "Well, he's
heard of it, anyway!"
BUNSEN
Now thanks
to Muppet Labs' new BVD technology, imagining the audience in
their skivvies is a thing of the past.
PEPE
You are loco,
okay?
In the performance, Pepe ad-libbed and
replied, "You are a very sick man, okay."
BUNSEN
On the contrary!
With these special glasses, you can through underwear rendering
the audience completely naked!
PEPE
Oh, this is
much better, okay.
BUNSEN
Give it a
try, Peepee
PEPE
Pepe.
BUNSEN
Here, let's
go down below for a moment where we can rig the glasses to your
face.
(TO
KERMIT)
Stall, please.
(BUNSEN AND
PEPE DUCK DOWN AND WE LIGHT THE BOTTOM OF THE BACKSTAGE AREA SO
THE PUPPETEERS AND WORKSHOP PEOPLE CAN BE SEEN)
KERMIT
Well, here's
one example of why we never did the show live. This is where the
videotape edit would be. But it does give you a chance to see
our great Muppet Workshop people in the trenches. Nice work, Jane.
BUNSEN
All set.
(BUNSEN AND
BEAKER EXIT)
In the script, Bunsen and Beaker exit
together. When Bunsen left at the show though, Kevin Clash and Drew
Massey operating Beaker seemed to forget to have him exit as well.
Kermit actually had to remind Beaker to leave.
KERMIT
How are the
glasses, Pepe?
PEPE
They are amazing
ok. I see you with no pants.
KERMIT
Pepe, I never
wear pants.
PEPE
Shame on you,
Kermin.
KERMIT
(INDICATING AUDIENCE)
Try
looking out there.
(THE BACKSTAGE
SCRIM GOES TO BLACK AS PEPE PEEK AROUND THE CURTAIN TO SEE THE
AUDIENCE AND SLOWLY REGISTER AMAZEMENT)
PEPE
Wo-ho-ho!
(KERMIT COMES
OUT NEXT TO HIM)
KERMIT
Does it help?
PEPE
Well, it doesn't
hurt, okay. Hey, lady! Yes, you in the front row. Ever date a
king prawn? We are the bottom feeders, if you know what I mean!
Heheh!
KERMIT
Pepe!
PEPE
I am never
taking these off.
KERMIT
Fine…
Just help me look for Miss Piggy.
PEPE
Piggy? I am
taking these off, okay.
(GO TO BLACK)
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| 13. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "FOZZIE
VENT ACT" |
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14. GONZO COMEDY SKETCH (Jon Voight)
(LIGHTS UP
ON GONZO AT CENTER STAGE)
GONZO
Ladies and
gentlemen, to those of you seated nearby, I am the Great Gonzo.
And to those of you sitting up in the balcony, I am Antonio Banderas.
Now many of you know me as a daredevil performance artiste, but
I also have a classical side. And tonight, it is my pleasure to
present the first ever live performance by my All-Chicken Vocal
Ensemble. Ladies!
(ENTER CHICKENS
FROM BOTH WINGS)
Thank you!!
I regret to announce that one of our best cluckers, Henrietta,
is moulting. However, a close personal friend of mine has agreed
to take her place. Please welcome Academy Award winner, Jon Voight!
(JON VOIGHT
ENTERS, WERING A CHICKEN/TURKEY SUIT. HE CARRIES SHEET MUSIC)
(APPLAUSE)
GONZO
You're not
a chicken, you're a turkey.
JON
Yeah, and
so is the sketch.
GONZO
Ohh, aren't
we in a fowl mood.
JON
By the way,
I'm a brown chicken.
GONZO
They don't
care.
JON
Can we just
get this over with.
GONZO
One other
thing. I love you in "Jim Henson's Jack and the Beanstalk."
JON
Y'know, it's
available on video on DVD. Should I have them the 800 number?
GONZO
That might
be too much.
JON
Yeah. We wouldn't
want to go too far.
GONZO
Then let's
begin. All right we're gonna tune up girls!
(THEY GO DOWN
THE LINE, EACH CHICKEN CLUCKING UNTIL WE COME TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
(FLAT)
Cluck.
GONZO
(TO JON)
… a little
more vibratto.
JON
(FLAT)
Cluck.
GONZO
A little better.
(TO
AUDIENCE)
Ladies and
gentlemen, "The Blue Danube Waltz". Ready and one and
two….
(HE GIVES
THE DOWNBEAT)
CHICKENS
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
(GONZO POINTS
TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
(NONCOMMITTAL)
Cluck-cluck.
Cluck-cluck.
CHICKENS
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
(GONZO POINTS
TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
Cluck-cluck.
Cluck-cluck.
CHICKENS
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
(GONZO POINTS
TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
(GETTING INTO IT)
Cluck-cluck.
Cluck-cluck.
CHICKENS
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
(GONZO POINTS
TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
(WITH GUSTO)
Cluck-cluck.
Cluck-cluck.
GONZO
Here's the
big finish!!!
CHICKENS
Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk…
Bawk-bawk-bawk…
(GONZO POINTS
TO JON VOIGHT)
JON
Cluck-cluck.
CHICKENS
Bawk
JON
Cluck-cluck.
CHICKENS
Bawk
Jon/Chickens
(WITH LOTS OF ENERGY)
Bawk/Cluck!!!!!!!
GONZO
(TO
AUDIENCE)
Thank you!
Thank you!!!
JON
How did I
do?
GONZO
Great. In
fact, there's a guy here from NBC I want you to meet.
JON
Just let me
get dressed.
GONZO
No, stay in
the suit.
JON
But NBC has
the Peacock.
GONZO
That could
be a problem.
(JON EXITS.
GONZO FOLLOWS)
GONZO
Well, there's
a guy from Animal Planet…
(GO TO BLACK)
One last-minute change still made it into
the script. Gonzo identifies Jon Voight as a turkey, Voight then
calls the sketch a turkey, and Gonzo says, "Oh, aren't we in
a fowl mood." In the original, Voight just says, "Can
we get this over with?" Then Gonzo mentions "Jack and
the Beanstalk." Voight asks if they should plug the 800 number
for the video and the DVD, and Gonzo says, "That might be too
much. Then let's begin. All right, we're gonna tune up, girls!"
However, there's a page revision in the
script itself, and this is the way it was performed at the gala.
After Gonzo's "fowl" comment, Voight clarifies: "By
the way, I'm a brown chicken." Gonzo: "They don't care."
Then comes Jon's line, "Can we just get this over with?"
After discussing "Jack and the Beanstalk" and Gonzo says,
"That might be too much," Voight sarcastically replies,
"Yeah, we wouldn't want to go too far." At that point,
Gonzo says, "Then let's begin." This is the only case
where the script contains both versions, with the revised pages
printed on a different color paper.
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15. SONG: "BEIN' GREEN"
(A CART CARRYING
KERMIT, WHO IS SITTING ON A CRATE WHEELS OUT)
(LIGHTING
CHANGE)
MUSIC:
"BEIN' GREEN" (LIVE)
KERMIT
It's not that
easy bein' green
having to spend each day the color of the leaves
when I think it could be nicer
bein' red or yellow or gold
or something much more colorful like that
It's not easy bein' green
It seems you blend in with so many
Other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over
'cause you're not standing out like
flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky
But green
is the color of spring
And green can be cool
And friendly like
And green
can be big like a mountain
Or important like a river
Or tall like a tree
When green
is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why
But why wonder, why wonder
I'm green and it'll do find
It's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be
(APPLAUSE)
SONG:
"SAY YOU, SAY ME"
Originally scheduled to perform that evening,
Lionel Richie was going to sing one of his most loved favorites
from the early '80's, "Say You, Say Me". As Sal mentioned
in the introduction, Lionel Richie did not appear due to "family
illness".
Even though, this next part
wasn't included in the script we received. This is a paraphrase
from several sources of what the Lionel Richie sketch was planned
to be like.
(Lionel
Richie comes out and compliments Kermit's singing)
Lionel
You
know someday we should perform a duet together.
KERMIT
You're
right, but when?
LIONEL
Yeah,
it's the holidays and we are all so busy.
KERMIT
(just dawned on him)
Hey,
I've got a crazy idea! Since we've got an
orchestra back there and an audience out here...
LIONEL
...Why
don't we sing a song together now!
KERMIT
We
could even do the song we rehearsed.
Lionel
Exactly.
SONG:
"SAY YOU, SAY ME"
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16. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "JAVA"
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17. MUPPET NEWSFLASH - "FOOTBALL"
(CART WITH
THE NEWSMAN AT DESK)
NEWSMAN
This is a
Muppet Newsflash! In the world of sports today, Rich Gannon quarter
back for the Oakland Raiders threw 250 touchdown passes today…
SUPER:
GET READY WITH PROP #2
NEWSMAN
(CHECKS
HIS SCRIPT)
250
Touchdown passes. That's impossible!
(DOZENS OF
NERF FOOTBALLS ARE THROWN AT THE NEWSMAN FROM THE AUDIENCE)
(HE FAINTS)
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18. SONG: "WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOW BUSINESS"
with Video
(AS ETHEL
FINISHES HER POGNANT INTRO TO "THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW
BUSINESS", WE KICK INTO:)
ETHEL
MERMAN
The costumes,
the scenery, the make-up, the props
The audience that lifts you when you're down
The headaches, the heartaches, the backaches, the flops
The sheriff who escorts you out of town
The opening when your heart beats like a drum
The closing when the customers won't come
(VIDEO MONTAGE
CONTINUES OF GUEST STARS AS CHARACTERS ENTER AND FILL THE STAGE)
MUSIC:
"WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOW BUSINESS" (LIVE)
KERMIT
There's no
business like who business
And we worked with the Pros
(LEW ZEALAND
ENTERS CARRYING A FISH)
LEW
ZEALAND
Comics had
them rolling in the aisle
GONZO
The greatest
acts that you have ever seen
LEW
ZEALAND
Show folks
who would go that extra mile
KERMIT
Back with
the dial
Stopped at Thirteen!
SAL
Our guest
stars were the best stars
CLIFFORD
Doing anything
for a laugh
GONZO
Troupers who
would go out each and ev'ry night
LEW
ZEALAND
And never
duck when my fish took flight
(LEW THROWS FISH)
KERMIT
Good Ol' Senor
Wences when he said
ALL
"S'allright!"
Let's go on with the show!
KERMIT
There's no
business like show business
CLIFFORD
It's all business
PEPE
No show.
KERMIT
Once we were
the strangest thing on TV
LEW
ZEALAND
Why folks
found us odd, I do not know
GONZO
Now if you
want to see a bunch of weirdos
Reali-ty shows are where you go
KERMIT
There's no
business like Muppet Show business
We'd do it again
Thanks to all the guest stars
GONZO
They were
one of us
LEW
ZEALAND
Not one of
them ever made a fuss
KERMIT
Carol even
dressed as an asparagus!
ALL
Let's go on
with the show!
Let's go on with the show!!!!!!!
(APPLAUSE)
(EVERYONE
EXITS EXCEPT GONZO)
During the "Show Business" number,
originally a whole menagerie of characters were supposed to be onstage
while the video clips ran. According to Karen Prell, the decision
was made not to bring the puppets on-stage because it distracted
from the video montage, and there were also several other numbers
that featured a bunch of characters. The song was still performed
live backstage with the group singing into a microphone.
Also, this revised version of "There's
No Business Like Show Business" is referred to in the script
as "What Happened to Show Business."
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19. INTRO: JOE PASQUALE
GONZO
Hello, again.
Y'know, one of favorite things about "The Muppet Show"
was giving a break to talented newcomes. Tonight, we'd like to
continue that tradition by introducing someone I recently discovered
in England. This is his first and with your help it can be his
last appearance here in America. Ladies and Gentleman, the astounding
and baffling Joe Pasquale!
(APPLAUSE)
Gonzo's introduction of Joe Pasquale originally
read "This is his first and with your help it can be his last appearance
in America." The line was slightly altered in the performance: "This
is his first appearance in America…and with your help, it can be
his last." This change properly put the punch line at the end of
the sentence.
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20. GONZO & JOE PASQUALE SKETCH
(ENTER JOE
PASQUALE)
1) OLD FOLKS
HOME GAG.
2) CARD TRICK
W/ AUDIENCE.
3) IMPRESSIONS
- ROBOT PEEING.
4) STEVE WONDER
AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.
5) STEP LADDER.
6) BUCKETS
OF DOOM.
7) TRIBUTE
TO JOHNNY MATHIS W/ CANDELABRA.
8) GRANDAD
AND MONKEY ON BIKE STORY W/ SONG.
Joe Pasquale's routine was slightly shortened
from the script, which mentions an "Old Folks' Home Gag" and a "Card
Trick with Audience" that were never performed. The script doesn't
go into any more detail about it though.
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21. VIDEO: MUPPET MOMENT - "MUPPET LABS"
They showed the "Banana Sharpener"
sketch were Bunsen throws sharpened bananas to Beaker like he's
a target on a dart board.
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22. SONG: "IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS
(KERMIT ENERS,
WEARING A CHRISTMAS SCARF)
KERMIT
Ladies and
gentlemen, I want to take a moment to thank you all for coming
tonight. It's fun to bring everyone together and put on a show,
but the real reason we're here is to support Save The Children
and the work they do helping kids around the world. Now more than
ever we know how imp0ortant that work is. So tonight, let's remember
the children and celebrate their spirit.
MUSIC:
"IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS" (LIVE)
KERMIT
It's in the
singing of a street corner choir
It's going home and getting warm by the fire
It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas
ROBIN
A cup of kindness
that we share with another
A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother
In all the places you find love
It feels like Christmas
CLIFFORD/SWEETUMS
It is the
season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear
GONZO/SAL
It is the
season of the spirit
The message, if we hear it
Is make it last all year
(-2-) BAROUQUE
PEPE
It's in the
giving of a gift to another
A pair of mittens that were made by your mother
It's all the ways that we show love
That feels like Christmas
SAL
A part of
childhood we'll always remember
It is the summer of the sould in December
Yes when you do your best for love
It feels like Christmas
ALL
It is the
season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear
It is the season of the spirit
The message, if we hear it
Is make it last all you
SPFX: SNOW.
WE MAKE IT SNOW. THE EFFECT LOOKS PERFECT ON THE TV SCREENS, THOUGH
IN THE THEATER WE CAN SEE THE STAGEHANDS THROWING THE SNOW. THE
GLITTER BALLS SPIN.
SWEETUMS
It's in the
singin of a street corner choir
CLIFFORD
It's getting
home and getting warm by the fire
GONZO
It's true
wherever you find love it feels like Christmas
KERMIT/ROBIN
It's true
wherever you find love, it feels like
ALL
Christmas
It feels like Christmas
It feels like Christmas
It feels like Christmas
(APPLAUSE)
(CURTAIN)
In the actual show, immediately after
"It Feels Like Christmas," Kermit said something to the effect of,
"We've got to take an intermission. Don't go anywhere!"
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23. INTRO: AUCTION
In the script, Clifford and Rizzo were
supposed to come out to do the auction immediately after "It Feels
Like Christmas" so the following dialogue was cut from the show
as the auction ended up being directly after intermission.
(CLIFFORD
APPEARS THROUGH THE CURTAIN)
CLIFFORD
Hey there,
my name is Clifford. I wasn't on the Muppet Show, so don't start
asking: "Was he that Swedish guy who used to do all the cooking?"
(RIZZO POPS
OUT)
RIZZO
You sure that
wasn't you?
CLIFFORD
Don't dis
me, Rat. Listen, we're going to begin intermission, but don't
get up yet…
RIZZO
Yeah, even
if you gotta go to the bathroom real, real bad.
CLIFFORD
(TO RIZZO)
Very classy.
RIZZO
It's a gift.
CLIFFORD
First, we're
going to auction of rare Muppet memorabilia to benefit Save The
Children. Dig deep into your pockets and be generous.
RIZZO
You have enough
money, you can buy this show, okay? Hey, NBC, y'hear that?
CLIFFORD
(PERSERVERING)
Now, it's
our pleasure to introduce tonight's special celebrity auctioneer…
RIZZO
Us!
(APPLAUSE)
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24. AUCTION
(PERHAPS SWEETUMS
JOINS THE CELEBRITY AUCTION, ROAMING THE AUDIENCE URGING PEOPLE
TO BID)
ITEMS TO BID
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
1) JIM HENSON
AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE
2) GONZO'S NOSE
3) FOZZIE'S RUBBER CHICKEN
4) KERMIT'S FOOTPRINT & SIGNATURE IN CEMENT
5) MISS PIGGY'S SHADOW BOX
WILD LINES
FOR SWEETUMS DURING AUCTION:
SWEETUMS
-- Will you
take me home?
-- Will you
buy that for me?
-- Would you
like to hear me sing? No? Then let's keep bidding.
-- I'm harmless…
as long as you keep bidding.
-- Let's keep
it moving before Kermit finds out I took this stuff.
-- Would make
a great Hannakah gift… Christmas, Kwanza, it's perfect for
all denominations.
-- The faster
you bid the faster we get to intermission.
At one point Rizzo says, "If you
got enough money, you can buy this show, okay? Hey, NBC, you hear
that?" Rizzo said the first part during the performance but
not the NBC comment. There's also no mention of Claudia Black appearing
in the script. On the higher priced items, Claudia was offering
a date to the highest bidder.
At one point during the bidding for the
Miss Piggy Shadow box among fans in the balcony, as the bidding
went higher and higher, Rizzo asked, "Are you from Muppet Central?"
Bill Kastak ended up with the Miss Piggy Shadow Box for more than
$1800.
Sweetums had a number of potential lines
listed above, but he didn't end up using any of them. He said something
to the effect of "We've still got a lot more to go," though
only the 5 items mentioned in the script were auctioned.
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25. TOSS TO INTERMISSION
NAME
TO COME
Thank you
for your generosity. The Muppets will be back with the second
half after this brief intermission.
MUSIC:
PLAYOFF "MUPPET SHOW THEME" (LIVE)
Then a line that wasn't assigned to any
character ("Name to Come") was, "Thank you for your
generosity. The Muppets will be back after this brief intermission."
After the intermission, Maria Bello gave her speech, including talking
about her own involvement with Save the Children.
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Read
Act II
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