cjd874
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I've seen a lot of YouTube comments (and possibly a few comments on this forum) about what it would have been like if David Bowie (who was in Jim Henson's Labyrinth production) had been on the Muppet Show...so without further ado...
(probably around Season 2)
Cold Open:
(knocking on the door, Scooter enters)
Scooter: David Bowie! 15 seconds 'til curtain, Mr. Bowie!
David: Thank you, Scooter. (DB has a fork in his hand & is eating out of a bowl.)
Scooter: Say, Mr. Bowie, what are you eating?
David: Oh, the Swedish Chef made something called vegetable surprise.
Scooter: Oh...well, why does he call it that?
The vegetables (coming to life, shouting): SURPRISE!!!! (I envision a Muppet eggplant, two tomatoes, a cauliflower, an onion, scallions, and a head of lettuce.)
David: I really should have seen that coming.
(Scooter & DB stare at the camera.)
Kermit: It's the Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Mr. DAVID BOWIE!!!! YAAAAYYY!!! (audience bursts into applause and cheers and the theme song plays)
Statler: Hopefully, there'll be some ch-ch-changes to this show!
It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppet-ational...
THIS IS WHAT WE CALL THE MUPPET SHOW!!!!!
Gonzo's horn: a paper airplane flies out of his horn.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Good evening, and here we are again with another great Muppet Show for you tonight! And our special guest star is the odd yet wonderful singer, Mr. David Bowie! So let's get things started with a little space travel! Ladies and gentlemen, David Bowie! Yaaaaaahhhh!!! (audience screams with delight as we see Bowie in Ziggy-Stardust makeup playing an acoustic guitar)
Musical Number:
David Bowie sings a shortened version of "Space Oddity" against superimposed footage of the Swinetrek lifting off and traveling through space. Along the way, they see several meteors, planets, and Koozebanians. Captain Link finally sets foot on the moon and soon he, First Mate Piggy and Dr. Strangepork are floating on the moon happily. Huge applause at the end.)
Balcony:
Waldorf: That wasn't half bad! Hey Statler, what did you think?
Statler: Huh-huh, what?
Waldorf: I asked you if you liked that last number.
Statler: Oh, well...
Waldorf: Did you or didn't you?
Statler: Well, let's say that I spaced out!
Both: Doooooh-hohohohoho!!!
Backstage Scene #1:
Kermit: All right, nice job. (Link, Strangepork & Piggy walk past KTF and Sam storms in.)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie! That was wonderful. David Bowie is amazing! You know, I was practically floating on cloud nine!
Link: No, you were floating on the moon, silly! (laughter from audience)
Strangepork: I was surprised that you could actually float in space! Hee hee hee hee hee! (Link laughs along with Strangepork, and audience cracks up again)
Miss Piggy: Cool it, you turkeys! (Strangepork & Link shut up & exit with Miss Piggy.)
Kermit (to audience): Actually, I was kinda surprised that she could float, too. (laughter)
(Floyd struts in.)
Floyd: Hey, Kermit. ¿Qué pasa?
Kermit: Oh, hi Floyd.
Floyd: Yeah, what's up, little green boss man?
Kermit: Well, I'm just going over the acts tonight.
Floyd: Hm. D'you mind if I take a look?
Kermit: Not at all. (they look at the list of acts) Let's see...we have the Swedish Chef next...oh... (goes to intercom) Swedish Chef! You're next. Get on stage! (as the Chef goes onstage, KTF goes back to list) Let's see. We also have another number from David, and then--- (Sam the Eagle enters, looking even more stern than usual. He approaches Kermit and Floyd.)
Sam: KERMIT! Of all the people in the entertainment industry, you HAD to book that SICKO, Mr. Bowie. Sometimes I question your judgment.
Kermit: Well, Sam, David is very popular right now. He's a big star, and it's really great for the show, y'know.
Sam (slapping his hand on KTF's shoulder): Kermit! This man's profession is NOT cultural in the least! I will not stand for this nonsense. You must make some drastic changes to this show, or else I---
Floyd: Hey, man, don't you mean CH-CH-CH-CH-Changes? (Janice, Scooter, Fozzie, and Gonzo pop up and sing)
J, SC, FB, GZ & Floyd: Tuuurrrn and face the strain! Ch-Ch-Changes!!!
Sam: ALL RIGHT!! ALL RIGHT!! WILL YOU STOP!! Get out, please! (everyone laughs and walks away) Ugh! Do you SEE what I mean, Kermit? Mr. Bowie is a complete WEIRDO!
Kermit: Well, Sam, I'm sorry, but he's our guest right now. I mean, we can't get rid of him in the middle of the show. That's just how show business goes.
Sam: Kermit, listen to me: I will find a way to get that horrifying freak out of here, if it's the LAST thing I do! Humph! (storms off as Floyd enters again)
Floyd: Hey, Kermit, what just went down?
Kermit: Well, Floyd, I think I ruffled Sam's feathers.
Floyd: What else is new? (Floyd blinks and he exchanges slightly worried glances with Kermit.)
2B continued: Swedish Chef, Veterinarian's Hospital, and Sam's attempts to get rid of Bowie...
(probably around Season 2)
Cold Open:
(knocking on the door, Scooter enters)
Scooter: David Bowie! 15 seconds 'til curtain, Mr. Bowie!
David: Thank you, Scooter. (DB has a fork in his hand & is eating out of a bowl.)
Scooter: Say, Mr. Bowie, what are you eating?
David: Oh, the Swedish Chef made something called vegetable surprise.
Scooter: Oh...well, why does he call it that?
The vegetables (coming to life, shouting): SURPRISE!!!! (I envision a Muppet eggplant, two tomatoes, a cauliflower, an onion, scallions, and a head of lettuce.)
David: I really should have seen that coming.
(Scooter & DB stare at the camera.)
Kermit: It's the Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Mr. DAVID BOWIE!!!! YAAAAYYY!!! (audience bursts into applause and cheers and the theme song plays)
Statler: Hopefully, there'll be some ch-ch-changes to this show!
It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppet-ational...
THIS IS WHAT WE CALL THE MUPPET SHOW!!!!!
Gonzo's horn: a paper airplane flies out of his horn.
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Good evening, and here we are again with another great Muppet Show for you tonight! And our special guest star is the odd yet wonderful singer, Mr. David Bowie! So let's get things started with a little space travel! Ladies and gentlemen, David Bowie! Yaaaaaahhhh!!! (audience screams with delight as we see Bowie in Ziggy-Stardust makeup playing an acoustic guitar)
Musical Number:
David Bowie sings a shortened version of "Space Oddity" against superimposed footage of the Swinetrek lifting off and traveling through space. Along the way, they see several meteors, planets, and Koozebanians. Captain Link finally sets foot on the moon and soon he, First Mate Piggy and Dr. Strangepork are floating on the moon happily. Huge applause at the end.)
Balcony:
Waldorf: That wasn't half bad! Hey Statler, what did you think?
Statler: Huh-huh, what?
Waldorf: I asked you if you liked that last number.
Statler: Oh, well...
Waldorf: Did you or didn't you?
Statler: Well, let's say that I spaced out!
Both: Doooooh-hohohohoho!!!
Backstage Scene #1:
Kermit: All right, nice job. (Link, Strangepork & Piggy walk past KTF and Sam storms in.)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie! That was wonderful. David Bowie is amazing! You know, I was practically floating on cloud nine!
Link: No, you were floating on the moon, silly! (laughter from audience)
Strangepork: I was surprised that you could actually float in space! Hee hee hee hee hee! (Link laughs along with Strangepork, and audience cracks up again)
Miss Piggy: Cool it, you turkeys! (Strangepork & Link shut up & exit with Miss Piggy.)
Kermit (to audience): Actually, I was kinda surprised that she could float, too. (laughter)
(Floyd struts in.)
Floyd: Hey, Kermit. ¿Qué pasa?
Kermit: Oh, hi Floyd.
Floyd: Yeah, what's up, little green boss man?
Kermit: Well, I'm just going over the acts tonight.
Floyd: Hm. D'you mind if I take a look?
Kermit: Not at all. (they look at the list of acts) Let's see...we have the Swedish Chef next...oh... (goes to intercom) Swedish Chef! You're next. Get on stage! (as the Chef goes onstage, KTF goes back to list) Let's see. We also have another number from David, and then--- (Sam the Eagle enters, looking even more stern than usual. He approaches Kermit and Floyd.)
Sam: KERMIT! Of all the people in the entertainment industry, you HAD to book that SICKO, Mr. Bowie. Sometimes I question your judgment.
Kermit: Well, Sam, David is very popular right now. He's a big star, and it's really great for the show, y'know.
Sam (slapping his hand on KTF's shoulder): Kermit! This man's profession is NOT cultural in the least! I will not stand for this nonsense. You must make some drastic changes to this show, or else I---
Floyd: Hey, man, don't you mean CH-CH-CH-CH-Changes? (Janice, Scooter, Fozzie, and Gonzo pop up and sing)
J, SC, FB, GZ & Floyd: Tuuurrrn and face the strain! Ch-Ch-Changes!!!
Sam: ALL RIGHT!! ALL RIGHT!! WILL YOU STOP!! Get out, please! (everyone laughs and walks away) Ugh! Do you SEE what I mean, Kermit? Mr. Bowie is a complete WEIRDO!
Kermit: Well, Sam, I'm sorry, but he's our guest right now. I mean, we can't get rid of him in the middle of the show. That's just how show business goes.
Sam: Kermit, listen to me: I will find a way to get that horrifying freak out of here, if it's the LAST thing I do! Humph! (storms off as Floyd enters again)
Floyd: Hey, Kermit, what just went down?
Kermit: Well, Floyd, I think I ruffled Sam's feathers.
Floyd: What else is new? (Floyd blinks and he exchanges slightly worried glances with Kermit.)
2B continued: Swedish Chef, Veterinarian's Hospital, and Sam's attempts to get rid of Bowie...