Dealing with Fair-Weather Friends

[Princeton]

I need y'all's advice about how to deal with a fair-weather friend. Her name's Anna and we did a show together three years ago. We were never 'besties' but we got along well enough. Later that year I got in a big fight with one of her friends, Donna. Since then, Anna has socialized more with Donna than me, which is fine except I think that Donna's feeding Anna full of stories about me that aren't true. I've only seen Anna in the flesh twice since my fight with Donna, and both times she's been very friendly. But when it comes to 'check-in' e-mails or trying to set up a social occasion, she blows me off. So, if I try to explain my frustrations to her, she might write me off. But at the same time, I don't want to write her off because we're in a very small theater community and I'll probably have to work with her again. What do you guys think I should do?

 

[newsmanfan]

---------------
Um...well...first off, don't ever use REAL names of people online unless you have their permission to do so...major faux paus.

What evidence do you actually have that D is feeding A untrue info about you? I'd beware of third-party gossip. Talk directly to A or to BOTH of them, and NOT in a confrontational way, but in a "hey, I heard you said thus-and-so about me, is that true?" way. If it's not true, you'll have exposed someone else being mean.

Sounds more like A doesn't dislike you, if she's friendly in person. Unless you have real proof that she doesn't like you, or that D is being snotty, why get all in a twist over any of this? Don't allow ridiculous gossip to dictate your social life. Either A is your friend or she's not -- she may simply be a casual acquaintance who doesn't really want to explore a deeper friendship with you, and nothing is wrong with that. Everybody's different, dude. Sounds like you're taking this far too seriously.
----------------------

 

[Princeton]

---------------
Um...well...first off, don't ever use REAL names of people online unless you have their permission to do so...major faux paus.

What evidence do you actually have that D is feeding A untrue info about you? I'd beware of third-party gossip. Talk directly to A or to BOTH of them, and NOT in a confrontational way, but in a "hey, I heard you said thus-and-so about me, is that true?" way. If it's not true, you'll have exposed someone else being mean.

Worry not, Newsie; these are aliases. Anyway, I know for a fact I can't talk to Donna; I've spent the past two years trying to patch things up. As far as Anna, this is probably a bigger deal to me than it is to her, so she might call off the friendship just for over-reacting.