Wedding Day Blues, Part I


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Mar 26, 2012
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Hey folks! So, yes I seriously missed yesterday's Monday post, but I have a good reason. 1. I had work to do, 2. I talked to a friend of mine, and 3. I was working on this.

So to be fair, I actually meant to start this way back in December and then meant to do it in February, until finally, something said "just write this!" So...I did. You'll notice that this is part one, that's cause I originally thought up part 2 and then came up with this as a prologue to said part 2.

Not technically a part of the Pool Hall series, but it will eventually feature your favorite Pool mistress and it does sorta take place sometime between 5 Ball and 4 Ball. Anyway, here's something new for you!

Part I:
New York Minute

Christmas in New York was always a magical time within the US, especially those who lived or visited the city. There was snow and lights everywhere, with people milling about Times Square and keeping warm in their designer jackets and boots.

It had been a long time since the Muppets had been in the NYC, even though Kermit would occasionally visit the crew from Sesame Street when he was able; just as they loved the state of California, they were equally fond of the Big Apple. Their last time as a group had been when they had filmed The Muppets Take Manhattan, however most of them didn’t need additional escorts to head to their second favorite state; Piggy of course enjoyed the fashion and culture of both city and state, usually going up for some fashion or modeling gig.

For their big return, Kermit had wanted to do a live show, a two-hour event that would give a little back to one of their favorite cities and of course, enthrall their legions of fans.

This was their final night, a week before Christmas, and Kermit had wanted to end their month tour in New York with something very special. They had lined up several different guest stars, four stars for four weeks, with four shows during the month; the turn out had been incredible, in both attendance and ticket sales, a real boost and a testament to just how much the public and their fans truly liked them.

It wasn’t just the fans that Kermit wanted to impress that night; it had taken six months, but this was the night he finally made good on a decision he had made all the way back at the beginning of the year. He had planned, waited, planned, and waited some more until the night had finally come. But he had to get through this night first. This last show was one that was all Muppets, all night. For their final show of the tour, they brought out the showstoppers, the foot tappers, the laugh riots, and everything that made them The Muppets.

More often than not, they went over the two hour mark - sometimes way over - but they were having so much fun, as they always did, when putting on a live show. If they thought the audience were going to complain, they were completely wrong; in most cases, the audience usually begged for them to keep going, with the very thought of the night ending garnered groans and displays of utter sadness.

Their final night in New York had the requirements of the group dressing in their best; this was the night that Kermit would introduce those who had been featured, along with everyone else who helped to make the Muppets…well, the Muppets. This was also the part of the show where his plan would come to fruition.

Walking on stage, dressed in a nice tux and waving to the audience, Kermit stopped center stage to glorious applause. “Thank you, thank you,” he began. “Thank you very much. Firstly, I’d like to thank all of our guest stars who helped us with bringing you the show you all deserved.” Again, the audience applauded the MC for his kind words. “We also wouldn’t have even put on this show if it wasn’t for you, our fans,” he continued.

“Many celebrities will state they have the best fans in the world, but you know what? I can honestly say that the Muppets have the best and greatest fans in the whole universe!”

It took Kermit a good five minutes to calm the crowd down, but it was definitely worth it. He meant it and he knew the others felt the same way; they couldn’t ask for better fans than the ones they had, with many of them growing up with them from the very beginning and then turning around and introducing their own families to their shows, their movies, and their antics.

“As you know,” he replied. “This is our last night in the Big Apple!” The cries of disappointment rang through the auditorium. “I know, I know,” the frog said, smiling sadly at the fans. “But don’t think you’re getting rid of us completely; I’m sure we can find time in our schedule to come back next year!” And sadness quickly turned to happiness once again.

“Just in case you forgot, here are some of those troublemakers you all love so much. First up, he’s your funny man of fun, your comic of comedy, that funny bear of stand up, Fozzie Bear!”

Dressed equally in a tuxedo and his signature pork pie hat, the comic known as Fozzie Bear came out from stage left, waving enthusiastically to the crowd. He made his way to Kermit, griping him a tight and excited hug, which managed to lift the frog from the stage floor.

“He is the crown prince of performing arts,” Kermit started.

“The saint of suicidal acts,” Fozzie chimed in.

“He is your king of the insane, the ridiculous, and the death defying art of dangers,” the frog finished. “He’s the reason our insurance is so high at the theater and why we keep emergency services on speed dial, he is the Great Gonzo!”

The current performance artist and former prince of plumbing, the Great Gonzo also exited the backstage from the left, just as the previous two Muppets did. Though he was also dressed in a tuxedo, his jacket was white with purple stripes and a purple bow tie; even in his dress, Gonzo was nothing but unique. Greeting the other two, Gonzo played to the applause that the audience gave him.

“If it’s a lesson in music history you need,” Kermit began. “He’s your puppy professor. The king of the ivory keys, he’s your favorite pianist and mine, give some applause to Rowlf the Dog!”

Rowlf the Dog, the Muppet pianist and undeniably one of the saner members of the troupe, walked on stage, waving to the audience and taking his expected bows. Upon reaching one of his oldest and dearest friends, his offered a paw, getting a flipper and a hearty handshake before patting the MC on the back and getting pulled into a typical Fozzie bear hug.

“Our next lunatic, I mean act,” Kermit chuckled. “He’s one guy you might not see on stage, but he does a lot of stuff behind the scenes.”

“He’s the reason we sometimes stay on schedule,” Fozzie mentioned.

“And how we get the guests we manage to keep on our good side,” Rowlf joked.

“And the reason the frog even knows what’s on his calendar,” quipped Gonzo.

“He’s also the reason why the rumors of my marriage plans have been greatly exaggerated,” the frog added. “Voted most likely to take over the Muppets themselves or the world, please welcome to the stage Mr. Scooter Grosse!”

Andrew Martin Grosse, known as Scooter to friends, came to the stage, dressed as the others. The applause for him was as enthusiastic as the others, though the four already on stage noted that there seemed to be more women who were calling his name than they had gotten. Scooter, who had at one point been one of the youngest members of their little gang, had grown from the fourteen year old to a successful businessman in his own right, even when the thoughts of following in the footsteps of his famous uncle had never once crossed his mind.

Since their return to the public eye, Scooter had been shown to be a former employee of Google, along with a fan favorite speaker at the popular TED Talks; one show in particular proved that the geeky go-fer was every bit the romantic guy every girl wanted, especially when it was learned he had been romantic in order to profess his love for his girlfriend.

However, despite all the fame and success that he had gained, Scooter would always been a kid to the rest of them, something that was evident when the red head was jumped and pulled into a hug and then a noogie.

“This next person,” the frog began. “Is quite close to me. As the, ahem, ‘heir apparent’ to my MC duties, you might remember him when he was about yay high; of course, he’s starting to tower over me…he is everything I could ever hope to instill into a child and it certainly helped that his parents let me have him at such a young age.”

“Which of course never stopped us for ruining things for him!” Scooter piped up.

“I’ll have to ask for all the young ladies out there to keep calm,” Kermit said. “Because here he is, my nephew, Robin the Frog.”
Robin, who was definitely not a child nor a stranger to gathering female attention, made his way on stage by sliding across it and striking a pose. Not content at merely waving at the audience, especially when girls were screaming his name and that they loved him, he blew kisses to the crowd.

“I would like to add,” Kermit added. “That he may be my nephew, he didn’t learn that from me. And speak of the diva -”

Without needing to finish the sentence, the crowd started again in their applause.

“You’d better just announce her, Kermit,” Gonzo started. “The crowd is growing wild.”

“Alright, alright,” the frog groused. “I can take a hint; I think we all know who you all really came to see. Our very own porcine princess, she makes the rest of us look good while looking magnificent; she can out charm anyone in this room…”

“And if she can’t, she’ll just out chop ya!” shouted Fozzie.

“If I thought Scooter capable of taking over the world, she’s more likely to be pulling his puppet strings…”

“I have no strings to hold me down,” Scooter sang, staging his own near prat fall before Rowlf and Gonzo caught him.

“I’ll have to ask all the gentlemen not to look directly at her,” Kermit began. “Or you’ll leave here with just the shirt on your back…”

“Maybe!” Gonzo cowed.

“She is our divine diva, the one and thankfully the only, Miss Piggy!”

Miss Piggy, the Muppets’ leading lady and star extraordinaire, made her entrance the way the audience expected her to – showing one smooth out from around the corner, before peeking out to wild applause. Wearing a white ball gown that accentuated her girlish figure, the divine Miss P, waved and blew kisses to the fans, all the while winking at the various catcalls she heard. Turning to her male counterparts, the diva placed a hand on her heart and made a theatrical swoon –

Five of the six were on their knees, bowing to her, proclaiming that they weren’t worthy and other platitudes declaring her greatness in all things diva and Muppet.

Kermit, the only one not pandering to her royal highness, nonetheless wasn’t stopping the crowd – or his cohorts – from giving the pig her rightful due as part and parcel of their little gang. If Kermit could’ve gone back in time and told his younger self that one day, he and a group of the craziest people he had ever met would be standing on the stage of one of New York’s premiere auditoriums, he just may have.

And it wasn’t the time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last; the NYC was their home away from home. The city held some of the most beautiful and most historic of all the United States; they had filmed a few movies here, as well as a few stage shows and while they loved LA and Hollywood, New York was the place they went to relax. And when not in the US, Europe was their country away, with at least London for him being his other favorite place to visit.

If telling his younger self that they were world class and bonafide celebrities didn’t get him, telling him that he was head over heels in love with their leading lady might.

Kermit had lost track of how many times they were at odds with each other, which equally meant he also couldn’t remember how many they had made up; what he did remember was the seven very lonely years in which they had truly been apart. It was those years apart that brought him to a startling place in his life – everything had fallen around him, no friends, no girl, no studios, and no fans.

Decades ago, he started a journey towards fame and fortune and along the way he had met some of the best friends he had ever had and what seemed like a surreal and sudden moment, all of that was gone. And when it seemed like all his hopes and dreams would fade away, some plucky young kid comes about and does what the frog had thought would be impossible.

It had only been a few short years since the Muppets had been back together and though it may have seemed, to the outside world anyway, that things had gone back the way they had always been, they hadn’t. Well, not really. It wasn’t to say they were at each other’s throats, but there was some definite tension within the group for a while, especially between him and Piggy.

But over the years, things had finally balanced out for not only the group, but Kermit’s romantic life. He endured the jokes of them being ‘only a piece of paper away from being official’ because he knew it was out of love and caring; he had quickly learned that the Muppets were and would always be loyal to each other, even if it meant the group had to be split down the middle to do it.

Piggy was of course greeted by her fellow thespians, passing right by the show’s host and goosing him as she stepped into a hug by Rowlf.

“Behave,” Kermit murmured, throwing a backwards glance at her. “Actually,” he replied, louder. “I hope you all don’t mind, but I figure as long as Piggy’s out here, I’d give her a present.”

“A present?” the diva asked, smiling at her beau. “I love presents!”

“I know you do,” he nodded. Signaling for a stagehand, a young stage pig came from stage right, carrying a medium wrapped present, handing it to Piggy, before running off.

“What’s this?”

“That’s your Christmas present.”

“A box?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Just what I’ve always wanted.”

Chuckling sarcastically, Kermit replied, “Open ze box.”

It was true, Piggy loved presents, and she most definitely loved presents from Kermit. This was completely unexpected, especially when she was sure they had promised to do their gift giving in Beverly Hills, at home, and on Christmas as they always did. The package had been wrapped with loving care, meaning Kermit had gotten someone to wrap it for him; done in a lovely and shiny blue paper with silver stars, Piggy almost didn’t have the heart to actually rip it off.

But there was a present inside…

Tearing at it, she managed to uncover a white box with a lid and upon opening said box, she discovered…another box. “Another box,” she deadpanned. “Oh you shouldn’t have. Really.”

“Open that box.”

Huffing, Piggy did as she was told, taking the pretty silver paper off the second box to discover another, but obviously smaller, white box. As before, she opened the box and discovered…yet another and smaller box. Not saying a word, she glared at Kermit.

“I swear to you there’s a present in there!” he cried, gulping and catching himself from taking a step back. He was never going to take gift-wrapping advice from Fozzie ever again.

Third times the charm, as they say, so Piggy removed this third box, this one wrapped in gold, and began to tear at it the way she would probably later be tearing at the frog. And of course, there was a white box hidden underneath. Taking the top off she found…a much smaller, velvet box.

Piggy lived in the high fashioned world and had been in that world for quite some time. And as a woman of her varying tastes, the diva knew a jewelry box when she saw one; immediately her mind cancelled out that it was a necklace, though it would be like the frog to pick up a necklace and place it in a ring box. Removing the smaller box, she again gave Kermit a look, though it wasn’t as annoyed as it was before.

“If I open this and find another box…”

Turning to the comedian, Kermit said, “I told you she wouldn’t find that funny. And yes, darlin’, I promise you that is the last box. No more boxes.”

“You’re sure?”


“You’re positive?”


“You’re promising me?”

“Just open the box.”

Giving the frog the benefit of the doubt, Piggy once again opened a box and was clearly expecting another, yet even smaller box.

She certainly wasn’t expecting what she found inside.

Knowing a jewelry box was one thing and having a pretty good idea what was in it was another and Piggy usually wasn’t wrong about either, until now. Fully expecting a nice little necklace, the diva was actually stunned silent when her eyes gazed upon the most beautiful ring. An obvious gold band was snuggled into the velvet padding and sitting on top was the nicest diamond she had probably ever seen.

“Is…is this…” she stuttered. “ Is this supposed to go…on…on my right hand?”

“Left hand, if you please,” Kermit informed her. “I refuse to marry you if you put that on your right hand.”

That statement alone, even more than the obvious box, managed to quiet everyone in the audience. Could it be? Was this it? Had they heard right?

“Say what?”

“You heard me.”

If there had ever been a more interesting standoff between these two, it was at that very moment. The power couple by all rights and privileges had proved time and time again, that no matter how much they yelled and screamed at each other, there was no denying they were destined to be together. Many a year – read, decades – had gone by with speculation on the two, with would they or wouldn’t they rumors dogging them like Rowlf went after a bone.

Was Kermit afraid of commitment? Had Piggy pushed him so far out of her heart he didn’t care?

Were these two just like every Hollywood couple in existence? Destined to be together for a short time before imploding on each other?

There was truth in television and if their fans truly knew just how bad their breakup was, they would never hear the end of it.

Gonzo, never one for seriousness, threw a friendly arm around the frog’s shoulders. While he had known about this and had been on the team to set this all up, he couldn’t hide his enthusiasm that - OMG finally! – this day had come. “No Kermit,” he began, looking out on the faces of an equally stunned and gleeful audience. “I don’t think we did. Now, far be it for me to interrupt, but just what exactly are your intentions with this particular gift?”

Kermit broke his current stare with Piggy to focus on Gonzo, who was on his other side. This was not planned; rather, his giving Piggy a ring for Christmas was planned, but the weirdo calling him out on it was not. And Gonzo was well aware of that fact. If there was anyone who equally pushed and challenged the frog on his affection with the pig, it was him. A case of two friends fighting over one girl had started this, but over the years it had become very clear that while Gonzo was more than happy to let the better frog win, it didn’t mean he approved of the way said frog treated the former girl of his lustful dreams.

Gonzo had certainly set him straight one night, admitting to Kermit that there was a group of Muppets who, while loyal to Kermit, were every bit as loyal to Piggy too, maybe even more than the frog himself. The stuntman hadn’t held back his words either, telling the frog he had been an idiot and a jerk for treating Piggy the way he had and, by the way, if given the chance, he would’ve done a much better job of being her boyfriend, too.

While it had been blunt, Kermit had always appreciated that about Gonzo; the weirdo would do anything, they all would, if it meant protecting Kermit, however it didn’t mean he couldn’t set the frog straight on a few matters.

Gonzo knew Kermit loved Piggy, couldn’t live without her, but if the frog was going to present her with an engagement ring well before Christmas and in front of a live audience, he had better be able to say what he wanted then and there, with no regrets.

“My intentions, Gonzo?” Kermit asked. “My intentions, which even by my own count are way overdue, is to do this.” Facing Piggy once more, Kermit took a breath and sent a quick elbow into the weirdo’s side, effectively causing him to drop the friendly arm and tone.

“I love you,” he began. “And I have always loved you. No one knows me better than you, no one can drive me crazier than you, and…my life has never been the same since I met you. I don’t think there’s anything more to say except…”

Lowering himself down to one knee, Kermit asked, “Miss Piggy, will you marry me?”

The audience did all they could to hold in squeals of glee or whistles or applause, as they waited for the question to be answered. Piggy wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or not. How many times had she dreamt this? Oh, not on stage in front of an audience, but the scenario of Kermit actually proposing to her? And now…she was too stunned to even breathe.

Scooter, who had always been attuned to the needs of both Kermit and Piggy, quickly moved up beside, placing a steady hand on her lower back.

“Survey says…”


Twisted Tails

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Apr 5, 2012
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Oooooh, somebody's getting marieddddd! I'm a K+P fan and I love it. SQUEEEEE! Robin, Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Scooter... the whole gang... just wants to make me squeal. (chuckles) Write more!


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Oct 27, 2011
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Gina, you are officially my day maker... Everything Kermit said to her... Oh... SQUEEE!!! And she's speechless! SHE'S SPEECHLESS!!!

Gina please do more. I love what has happened here, but the title of this story scares me... Please more!


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Mar 18, 2012
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AWWWW so cute!! I can't wait to read more! Please post more soon! :big_grin:


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Mar 26, 2012
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Happy TGIF everyone! Glad everyone's liking this first part; it'll probably be short, but it is an intro into the much longer part 2!

Here are some notes - as I mentioned last chapter, this isn't a part of any series, however it does have some tie in aspects with the last entry in the Pool Hall series and has a bit of the Mondays thrown in for good measure. Also, I know how much you guys love it, so I brought back the text messages! Also, the contact feature mentioned later - I believe - is a Android feature for newer phones (such as my Google Nexus).

Oh, and so you know, Kermit will be starting off this next chapter with a voiceover. Kermit?


:smile: Hold on a minute. We’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here; let’s start this at the beginning…

Ten months earlier

Kermit the Frog was having the best day ever.

Forgetting the fact that his day literally began in the afternoon, Kermit could still say that this day was going great, especially for a Monday. The night before they had held a very special Valentine’s celebration for the fans and audience of the Muppet Show; the show had been a dedication to all those they held dear, those who they had recently lost, and above all, their faithful fans all around the world.

It had been an extra special night for his assistant, Scooter Grosse; the young red head had used his performances to profess his love for his girlfriend, Amanda Cosgrove, a Whatnot he had met four months earlier when he had discovered her place of business was holding a pool tournament and had impetuously volunteered the use of the Muppet Theatre.

He had been hooked the first time he had seen her.

The week leading up to their show, Scooter had gone to certain people to ask their opinions on the matter, with Kermit being his last stop before making up his mind. The frog had known the Muppet for quite some time and while he had seen Scooter’s share of crushes, this was certainly the first time that the red head had admitted a girl had finally won his heart.

The occurrence of Scooter’s plans had been coupled with the surprise wedding announcement of Gonzo and longtime girlfriend, Camilla Clücks. It wasn’t to say that Kermit had ever doubted his friend’s feelings on the matter, it was just that he hadn’t imagined Gonzo as the type of guy to get married. Even now, only several hours after finding out, the frog was still surprised; this was a guy who had tried to eat a tire to Flight of the Bumble Bee, an artist who had tried to balance a piano on his nose while walking across a tightrope…

In conclusion, Gonzo was a lunatic.

And, compared to Kermit, a better boyfriend to his girlfriend.

Kermit had his own romantic situation, one that had crept up, jumped him from behind, and had tied to him the proverbial train tracks. For years, decades, he had had been pursued by the Muppets’ leading lady and for decades, they had gone between friends, lovers, frienemies, and confusing interspecies couple. Was Kermit the Frog a commitment phobe? Of course; he was a male frog after all and what male wanted to sacrifice his freedom and habits to spend the rest of their lives with the same person, day in and day out?

But there comes a point in every man’s life when even they can’t deny that they had found that person, the one, and that previous week had been the moment in which Kermit had come to the decision that, yep, that crazy pig of his was most definitely the one.

It had been a realization he actually had much, much earlier, right around the time the group had gotten back together after a very long hiatus away from each other. Kermit had spent seven years watching over a house he was supposed to be living in with that crazy pig, doing everything he could to put her out his mind the way he had attempted to put her out his life. But as with anything having to do with Miss Piggy, she was not easily ignored.

She had built the home, the furniture had been chosen and bought by her, the décor was hers, their bedroom had memories of the two of them, and of course, the Peanut Gallery – as she had affectionately named it – held one of her portraits.

He had once told Gonzo that he had rather live in a house full of memories than to be bereft of them completely.

The countdown to Kermit’s complete commitment had started when Piggy – and the others – had returned and this time, he wasn’t going to waste any more time. Except, he actually had wasted a bit of time; due to the tumultuous conclusion of their relationship, they had started all over again, from the ground up so to speak. This time around, they were older, wiser, and both of them knew what they wanted, at least Kermit did; by the time the Valentine’s Day show had come around, Kermit was coming to his own decision and with both Scooter and Gonzo doing what any decent boyfriend would do, the frog realized that unless he wanted a repeat of earlier, he needed to make up his mind.

And for the first time in a long time, his head and his heart were on the same page.

That Monday morning he had spent a delicious time of it in bed, nice and warm, and cuddled up with his favorite warmth factory, at least until he realized he was in bed alone; that was what woke him and then led him into the kitchen, where Piggy and Scooter were having some ungodly conversation about love bites and whether or not frogs could bite.

Shaking off the conversation and doing his best to divert it when Piggy tried to bring it up again during lunch, Kermit had spent his afternoon with two of his favorite people. He and Scooter restarted the conversation they tried to have the night before, while he and Piggy got in their teasing for his choice of residence the night before; when the red head said goodbye, it wasn’t hard to figure where he would be heading.

Full of food twice over, Kermit enjoyed the sunny day that had appeared during the late morning. As was their custom when the sun was out, the trio had enjoyed their meal outside on the patio, loving the feel of the sun beating down and chasing some of the winter weather away. As a frog, Kermit lived for these days, taking to eating outside before stretching out on one of the patio chairs and basking in the glowing warmth.

And that’s where he was now, laying on the closest chair, eyes closed, and a slight smile on his face. “Just what are you smiling about?”

“Why wouldn’t I be smilin’, darlin’?” he drawled. Kermit didn’t really have much of the Mississippi accent that most would expect, but it didn’t mean that he had gotten rid of it completely; there were cases in which even he couldn’t stop himself.

“It’s a nice sunny day, I’m full of food, and I’m lying on a comfortable chair.”

“You’re quite chipper for a Monday,” Piggy noted.

“Perhaps that’s more about how I spent my Sunday night,” he quipped, turning one eye on her.

It hadn’t just been their romantic night before that put the frog in such a glorious mood; events of late had been leading up to a moment, perhaps the moment, and Kermit had been shrewdly aware of it for some time. And those events were leading up to a plan, he just knew it.

Piggy, not being privy to the thoughts of one Kermit the Frog, smirked at his cavalier attitude; her frog had been in such good spirits as of late that she didn’t want to tempt fate if she could help it. Leaning over, she dropped an affectionate kiss on top his head, stating, “Don’t stay out here too long or you’ll end up looking like Christmas in July.”

“Yes dear.”

That earned him an affectionate swat on the head before the diva headed off with her coffee in order to get fully dressed for the day. While the frog had been in thought, Piggy’s last comment seemed to be ringing in his ears; Christmas in July, huh? he thought, completely opening his eyes and sitting up slightly. What was it about that sentence that was so interesting?

And then, like a ton of bricks, it hit him. The very conclusion to the various thoughts, plans, and ideas he had gotten into his head for the last few months. It was perfect, of course it was! Talk about killing two birds with one stone, however he couldn’t possibly do this alone; no, he would need help. Piggy loved Christmas almost as much as he did and if he thought she’d be placated with the knowledge he was hiding something really big, he was so wrong.

She would find out.

But this couldn’t wait until Christmas! And by then, who knew what could happen? No, he needed to start planning now and putting everything into place because if he didn’t, he’d waste time until it was really too late.

But first, he needed his phone.

Not one to jump onboard the tech bandwagon, Kermit did see the need for a cell phone a practical solution to the life of a beloved icon such as himself. Granted, he didn’t need the fancy smartphone that both Piggy and Scooter had insisted, pleaded, and begged him to get, but if it would shut them up, he was more than willing to get them off his back. Not that he truly put that phone to good use; more often than not, it was never on his person when he needed it, he never had it on when he should have, and when it was on, he hardly ever answered.

Oh, the days in which people spoke face to face!

But he was getting better, honest! And he was trying to learn what it was that his phone did and how he could use; however, in this case, all he needed was to call someone. And as luck would have it, his phone was sitting nice and cozy on the patio table – he had inadvertently left it out there when he taken a call from his nephew Robin and he just hadn’t thought to bring it back in.

Throwing a look through the windows to see if Piggy was anywhere in the vicinity, Kermit quickly got up, grabbed the phone, and plopped himself back in his previous position. His battery was still full and he quickly found the icon that would bring him to his contacts; thankfully, this particular version of phone had the option of starring contacts, those that you would frequently call, and Kermit had his laid out in alphabetical order.

He wasn’t sure who it was that changed the names of the people in his contacts – his money was on Piggy – but they had done it in such a way that A Divine Miss P was first and foremost, with Andy Westside, Comic Bear, Electric Mayhem, Mupp Theatre, Robbie, Rowlfie, Walter, and The Weirdo following her. Thankfully, there were pictures with each name, though the names were descriptive enough that he knew who everyone was. Selecting the contact known as ‘The Weirdo’, Kermit waited for the other end to connect.

“Ahoy, ahoy.”

“Mr. Clücks,” he said, cheerfully. “It’s The Frog.”

“I await the day I can call you Mister Piggy,” came the response.

“You may not have to wait long.”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say,” Kermit affirmed. “You busy tomorrow?”

“Probably not,” Gonzo replied. “Why? You doing this tomorrow? Kinda sudden doncha think?”

“Not that,” Kermit whined. “But I do want to have a meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Sure, I’m in.”


“Same Muppet time, same Muppet station?”

“If you start singing the theme to Batman, so help me, Gonzo…”

As soon as Kermit said it, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. One never issued challenges to the stunt weirdo and got away with them and it was certainly never great for a person’s health, usually Gonzo’s, but when caught in the surrounding area…

And on cue, Gonzo began to sing the theme to the 1960’s cult TV show starring Adam West and Burt Ward.

“I will uninvite you to my big day,” Kermit interrupted.

“Kermit,” the weirdo said. “If you do that, who’s going to be your best man?”


“Cold and harsh, Frog,” Gonzo said. “Cold and harsh.”

Kermit sighed, good naturedly. “Nine o’clock okay with you?”

“Sure,” the weirdo replied. “However, I always pictured you to have a mid-afternoon or night wedding, maybe…hello? Kermit? Hello?”

Sometimes, most times, there was only so much you could take of the Great Gonzo and if Kermit didn’t love him like the brother he had never thought to adopt…almost instantly, his phone made a strange beep. It took him a few moments to realize that it was the sound of his phone telling him he had gotten a message; another few moments more was spent trying to figure out how to get said message, but once he did, Kermit could only shake his head.

The Weirdo: You do know this will only make things worse on you. I’m not gonna be ignored, Kermit!

Kermit: You’re weird.

The Weirdo: Thank you! And you know what that’s from, right?

Kermit: What?

The Weirdo: The quote. I’m not gonna be ignored.

Kermit: um…

The Weirdo: 0.o really? Really, you seriously don’t know?

Kermit: no.

The Weirdo: The movie that scared the pants back on guys!?

Kermit: You mean scared the pants back on you?

The Weirdo: Precisely.

Kermit: I have no idea.

The Weirdo: Fatal Attraction. And you call yourself an educator.


Well-Known Member
Oct 27, 2011
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LOL Gonzo ending. :smile:
I.can't wait to see how this glorious moment got started.
More please.


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Mar 26, 2012
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Good morning, world and all that inhabit it! That sounds much chipper than I'm feeling :grr::sigh: But apparently, our favorite froggy friend is having the best day ever! Here's an extra long chapter for you!


Kermit may not have enjoyed being pushed into the twenty-first century, but it certainly had its perks; by the time Piggy had finished her shower and had gotten dressed, Kermit had managed to call all the important folks he needed and scheduled an impromptu meeting for tomorrow morning. Luckily for him, he had actually managed to leave Scooter last, which he had planned for in the case Piggy suddenly snuck up on him.

Having planned a meeting and taken in some sun, the frog left his cozy spot in order to come back indoors through the patio doors to the kitchen. He immediately cleared the table, putting away the leftovers from the delivery they had ordered earlier and he had just sat down at their booth table when Piggy emerged from the back rooms, freshly showered and dressed as casually as she dared.

“Enjoy your shower?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” she retorted, making her way towards the last cup of coffee that sat within their coffee pot.

“Bet it was lonely in there, all by yourself.”

Mustering as much fake sarcasm as she dared, Piggy deadpanned, “Dreadfully so.” Pouring out a cup, she replied, “Once again, Mon Cher, you seem to be a particularly good mood for a Monday.”

“And once again, sweet pea, perhaps it was how I spent my Sunday night.” This time, his counter came with the smug act of sticking his tongue out at her. “But now that I am awake and alert, I of course have to ask where our dear nephew is.”

That was certainly new; while Piggy had been insisting on Kermit’s nephew Robin to call her Aunt Piggy since he was a toddler, Kermit had never so much as included her in that endeavor. Oh now, with Robin being a teenager and having an official home with them, times had changed and the young frog had no qualms about calling Piggy his aunt, but this had been the first time – ever really – that Kermit had used the term, even in this type of roundabout way.

There was no doubt, she thought and figured, that Kermit knew she loved Robin just as much as he did and when he had been broached by his brother, Robin’s father, about the younger frog living with them for a time, the diva hadn’t hesitated in throwing in her say and support that Robin would always have a home with them; heck, she had him in mind when she built the house, knowing that he may one day come back to stay with his favorite uncle.

“He is doing what most young people do on a Monday,” she said. “He went to school. I found a lovely note he wrote this morning to inform us of that. Sweet kid, that frog.”

“Gets it from his father,” Kermit noted. “Not me. I’m a rebel.”

“Uh huh.”

“I am!” he insisted. “I’m so not nice, I make…I make…um…I make Frankenstein look nice, okay that was a bad example, the point is I’m a rebel and I’m the scourge of the…west. Yeah!”

Patting him on the head, Piggy sighed, “Kermit, even when you’re on the verge of an epic meltdown, you’re still adorably sweet.”

“You’re trying to flatter me,” he said. “It’s working. I like that.”

“I know, dearheart.” Planting a kiss on the top of his head, she began to walk off, saying, “Well I’m off.”

“Where you headed?”

“Remember that note our dear nephew wrote?”


“Well included with it was the plea that one of his awesome caregivers would give him a ride home.”

“And…you’re gonna do that?”

“Sure,” she said. “And maybe we’ll do something afterwards; you’ll have the whole house to yourself.”


“Do call or text if something happens.”


And with that, Kermit watched as she headed out to the garage for a car and took off towards the gate and then off to Robin’s school. This was perfect; as though it was almost as if the most perfect of situations had been cast . With Piggy out of the house, it meant Kermit could start to really put his plan into place, but he would need a plan first. All he knew was that he had made a decision, a huge one at that, but it was something he wasn’t just going to jump in to; he had waited this long, a few more months wouldn’t be too bad, right?

And there was probably a lot he needed to do. This, this wasn’t just a simple shopping excursion; he already knew that if Piggy were to get wind of him shopping without her, it would put her on alert and the last thing he wanted was for her to discover he’d been shopping in a jewelry store of all places. No, he would need Scooter’s help on this for sure.

There was the physical gift, but he would need to plan out when and where this would actually happen. Her birthday was four months to the day yesterday and while that would have been a great day, Kermit didn’t want to steal the thunder away from her special day already. No, her birthday was out. The only other big holidays after that were the Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and…of course!

That was the reason her comment about Christmas in July had struck him. Christmas was Piggy’s favorite time of the year, as it was for all of them, and what better time to prove to her that he really did love her. It was perfect! Until he wondered if he should give her this gift the day of Christmas or not; she would be expecting other gifts, right? Maybe?

Standing from the perch he had taken at the time, Kermit started to pace. He always found pacing helped him think and right now, he needed to think. He had already called the people he needed to help him, he had picked a time – somewhat – on when he wanted to do this, but he had no idea where. Perhaps the where would help him with the when and the how because he needed a how, that was for sure; no, this was good. This was making some sense.

He had a who, a what, and a when, sorta, and now he needed a where and a how. And maybe a why. No, he didn’t need a why, he knew why. But would Piggy want a why? Well…that was stupid, she would know why. Right?

Suddenly, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.


Tuesdays were normally not days in which the Muppets met, though on occasion, you could find a few of them within the theater proper rehearsing for new gigs or a new act in which to showcase on the next show.

As the saying went, the theater had eyes and ears everywhere and it wasn’t because the Muppets routinely hired rats and large furry monsters as part of their stage crew; no, it was pretty much a guarantee that if something was said in the theater, it would get around. And like some comic version of the classic game of Telephone, the end result was never what was originally said.

That was one of the reasons any high priority meetings took place out of the theater and on the studio lot proper. Office Row was a nickname given to a series of offices that were lined up along the studio lot, yet set behind the familiar attractions that most tourists came to see. Along with office row was the main building in which production and props were held in storage, with quick access between both the lot and that of the theater.

It was also the place where the famed Muppet Round Table gathered.

The Muppet Round Table was in itself an oxymoron – neither were scores of Muppets seated around it, but it wasn’t even a round table. The name had been coined when Electric Mayhem bassist Floyd Pepper had one day exclaimed, “everyone assemble at the Muppet round table!” when a script change had been called for on the set for one of their shows. Soon, it became almost mandatory to shout, “To the Muppet Round Table!” when something needed to be changed.

Ultimately, and collectively, the Muppet Round Table would be known for the seven people who met on a weekly basis to discuss what was happening on the show. Again, almost like the round table, it was an exercise the seven normally did while backstage until the pressure of doing both movies and a live television show made it almost a requirement to actually set up a time and place where they could discuss things without being constantly interrupted.

The Muppet Round Table was actually a long rectangular, wooden table that – over the years – had been defaced so many times, no one bothered to clean it or cover it or even buy another. The markings were just a part of the table, to the point of signifying who sat at what position:

On the left hand side of the table, various notes and sayings were etched in and it also seemed to hold the majority of nicks and scrapes; several knife marks were in the usual place that the Great Gonzo sat, his normal demonstrating place of any new knife trick he had.

Next to him were several lines of jokes, set ups, or punchlines that denoted the normal place held by Muppet comic Fozzie Bear. A couple of Gonzo’s knife marks had clearly gone astray into the set ups of Fozzie’s jokes.

The left hand corner was reserved for Andrew ‘Scooter’ Grosse, Kermit’s assistant, stage manager for the Muppet Theatre and show, as well as the senior production manager for all of their movies. Kermit’s right hand man through and through, he should have technically been sitting at Kermit’s right side, if that wasn’t the designated place for Miss Piggy.

Scooter’s little section of table showcased his love for things sci-fi and geeky – a hand written “Make it so” was stenciled next to a decal of the Star Wars logo, which sat next to a picture of the TARDIS. The stencil had been there for years, but the Star Wars logo had recently been replaced and the TARDIS recently added. In the past, before the advent of the Internet and mainstream use of computers, Scooter and Kermit would pass long messages to each other via post it notes.

Many had since been lost in travel and transit, but their use was still seen by the sticky residue that not only came from the post its themselves, but sometimes the tape used to keep them on the table.

Across from Scooter was usually Piggy, her seat (and that of Kermit’s) had been littered with “K+P” hearts, as well as notes to herself, written in colored sharpie, many which she had borrowed from the person usually to her right. That person was Rowlf the Dog, the pianist and unofficial musical historian and professor for the group.

Rowlf and that of Electric Mayhem band leader and keyboardist, Dr. Teeth, had their seating areas covered with music notes and lyrics; a portion of the song Can You Picture That? from their first movie had been written down and some collaboration between both musicians seemed to happen on that table.

Everything was tied together by the giant logo in the center that read, Muppet Round Table.

These seven would usually meet on Mondays, the morning after the previous show to start going over what would be needed for that week’s show, but today only five of them showed up. Kermit had only wanted Scooter, Fozzie, Rowlf, and Gonzo there, though he did have plans for the Mayhem to maybe provide some live music and of course, Piggy couldn’t come or even know about what was happening. Fozzie, Gonzo, and Rowlf each held special places in his heart, not to say that the others didn’t, however in the terms that someone would describe a best friend, if the frog had to pick, these were his three.

Rowlf had been the very first person, very first friend, he had gotten upon arriving in Hollywood. The two had a mutual friend in one Jim Henson, a man who would bring them together for a promo that would eventually become Sesame Street and while Kermit had gone on to the street, he never forgot the piano playing dog. The two would meet up on occasion and when Kermit had decided he wanted to do his own show, he already knew he would ask Rowlf to help him.

Fozzie hadn’t initially been someone Kermit thought he’d bond with, but there was something about the childlike wonder and determination that made everyone just like him. Despite being a comic, the bear’s jokes mostly fell flat, but he certainly didn’t let that stop him; by the time the group had reached their second season, Fozzie had made a career out of being the loveable, comedic sidekick to any straight man.

And more often than not, that straight man was Kermit, making the frog a career straight, and usually only sane, man.

The same could not be said for Gonzo. How and why Gonzo was his best friend, Kermit still didn’t know. A certifiable lunatic, Gonzo had actually been his romantic rival for Piggy, despite the diva never showing the performance artist the same interest she had shown him; but like Fozzie, Gonzo had a persistence about him and was actually quite insightful.

To this day, Kermit didn’t know if it was luck or unconscious thought, but the weirdo usually did have some of the more insightful and emotionally pulling musical numbers in their entire history.

Maybe that was why he held Gonzo in such high regards; where Rowlf could give him some great advice in a partial manner and Fozzie could always be counted on to boost his spirits, Gonzo never shied away from telling people what he really thought sometimes. He wasn’t one to sugar coat things, especially when he thought you were in the wrong.

And the frog would probably never forget the night Gonzo clocked him one, even going so far in saying that he’d been wanting to do it for years.

Gonzo had really given a reality check that night, not that he hadn’t already had one, and the weirdo had never been shy in telling Kermit the more he sidestepped his feelings on the matter, the more angry and desperate Piggy was going to get until finally, she’d be gone.

Boy, had he been right!

And that brought him to Scooter.

Words couldn’t begin to express Kermit’s feelings on his young assistant; if someone had told him that first day meeting that Scooter was going to grow up and be one of the most important members of the Muppets and important people in Kermit’s life, he would’ve scoffed. Honestly, if Scooter hadn’t been JP Grosse’s nephew, the frog wouldn’t have let him in the door after lunch and probably would’ve had Sweetums throw him out if the monster saw him.

But Scooter Grosse had a lot of potential and when left to actually express it, he had proven he was where he needed to be and where he belonged.

Kermit was well aware the red head had managed to wrap himself around Piggy’s fingers; the schemes those two had put him through was almost legend and anywhere else, would have been grounds to having them both fired – even though he did fire Piggy once and look how long that lasted. Scooter could be just as devious as the diva and he was nearly convinced that he had learned all of that from her, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t hold Scooter in high regards as well.

Just as Kermit’s feelings for his nephew went well beyond that of a simple uncle, Scooter was way more than just an assistant, employee, and friend and he knew beyond a doubt Piggy felt the same way. Maybe one day, should Scooter ever get married or become a father, Kermit might just have to tell the kid how much he meant to him.

These four people each had a place in Kermit’s heart that went well beyond the realm of friendship and into family. Even when he saw his family on a semi-regular basis, the frog couldn't wait to get back in order to share his family news with his other family. Kermit had brothers – well over a thousand – but these four knew him better than his actual siblings did and there was no way he would be able to plan this without them.


Well-Known Member
Oct 27, 2011
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Kermit and his over chipper-ness! :big_grin:

I love how you described Piggy (And Kermit's) Chair, and...

Ignore my slight insanity.

More please!


Well-Known Member
Mar 26, 2012
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Lo peeps! Sorry for the lateness on this, but I wanted to make sure I got the start of planning involved in this. Here is the next chap in New York Minute!


“Alright Frog, you call us in on a Tuesday and yet, only four of us are here. Something’s up.”

Rowlf the Dog had always been perceptive, even when he was just a pup. He always loved people watching, trying to get a feel for folks before they even opened their mouths; he had done a lot of that as a pianist and it seemed to be the type of aura that he put out.

A lot of people came to him either to talk out their issues to a little blues in C minor or to get his take on a problem they couldn’t shake.

Rowlf had known Kermit for a long time, the longest of the whole group, and he knew when the frog had something on his mind and when Gonzo knew something. First, Gonzo couldn’t seem to get rid of his goofy smile, which he usually had when he either had a really great and dangerous stunt he wanted to do, when he was extremely happy, or when he knew something the others didn’t.

And then there was the fact that they were having a meeting on a Tuesday. That just never happened and in many cases, it didn’t happen without the Doc being there and there was never a reason that Piggy wouldn’t be there either, even when she and the frog were on the outs.

“Straight to the point and right as always, Rowlf,” Kermit began. “Gentlemen, I’ve come to a decision. It was…a rather difficult decision and it certainly took me a while to actually settle on the course of action I’m planning, but after deep thought and…a change in…attitude, I have finally decided what it is I want.”

“Oh no!” Fozzie lamented. “It’s me. It’s me, isn’t it, Kermit? You’re firing me, aren’t you?”


“I’m so sorry, Kermit!” the bear cried, reaching over Scooter to grab the frog’s hand. “Whatever it is, whatever I’ve done, I’ll do, I promise! Please don’t cast me out into the cold dark world!”

“Fozzie, what are you talking about?” Kermit asked, struggling to pull himself free. Of course, the more he struggled, the tighter Fozzie’s grip became until he was practically across the table. “Fozzie, let go of me! I’m not firing you; I’m not firing anyone!”

“Oh!” Immediately letting go, the comic replied, “Please continue then.”

Kermit barely contained the urge to roll his eyes, watching as Scooter pushed a very relieved bear back into the chair next to him. He did consider these guys his best friends and brothers in arms…

“As I was saying,” Kermit continued, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “I’ve come to a decision, a major decision and…I’ve gathered you all here to…tell you and…ask what you think.”

“You’re stopping the show,” Fozzie interrupted. “You’re leaving the show!”

“Stop jumping to conclusions,” Gonzo hissed, smacking the bear on the arm. “It’s good news, not bad news.”

“Okay Boss,” Scooter spoke up. “What’s the big decision then?”

Taking another breath, Kermit said, “I want to ask Piggy to marry me.”

Though Gonzo had known about this since the day before, to actually and actively hear the words was still stunning and it was apparent that it stunned the others too for a time. When a moment stretched to about the two minute mark, the frog couldn’t help but be a little apprehensive.

He had, essentially, gathered together – in a room – three people who had been very much in Piggy’s corner when the two of them had hit the skids. Even though the pianist and the diva had their own falling out, the two never stayed mad at each other, and while Rowlf hadn’t exactly made his feelings known on the matter, he treated Piggy the way an older brother would treat his kid sister and that Kermit never had a doubt about.

Scooter was very much the same; while neither would probably voice the thought out loud, Kermit’s assistant was very much his girlfriend’s best friend. They had planned, schemed, and orchestrated more marriage mishaps against him than should be legally allowed or required. It had taken Kermit years to realize that was the reason Scooter had been so distant and defiant with him in those last months.

He may have been Kermit’s assistant and right hand man, but Scooter was every bit Piggy’s boy through and through.

Even Gonzo, who most would assume Piggy hated with a passion, had always shown – in his own way – that he would protect the diva as best as he could, even if it meant protecting her from Kermit’s heartless comments and petty thoughts. It had been Gonzo that set Kermit straight, on a lot of things, including the fact that if he didn’t watch his step this time around, Gonzo’s fist wouldn’t be the only one that would land on his face.

At the time, Fozzie seemed like Kermit’s only lifeline. The director and boss had never thought to imagine that the in and out fighting he and Piggy got into split the group into either Team Pig or Team Frog; Kermit had naturally assumed everyone would side with him in the matter. And when they didn’t, it felt like he had been literally abandoned by those he considered part of his extended family.

All except Fozzie, his best bear friend through thick and thin. In hindsight, he probably shouldn’t have burdened the comic with his relationship problems, but Kermit had been feeling lost for years and the constant arguing with Piggy was taking its toll and sometimes he felt as though Fozzie was the only person he could go to.

“Well, it’s about time.”

After what felt like an eternity of waiting for thoughts, questions, and comments, the sentence was uttered, but Kermit wasn’t sure who said it first, because they all said it.

“This wasn’t an easy decision, you know!” he protested and receiving glares for it in return. “You saw what happened last time.”

“Gee, whose fault was that?” Rowlf asked.

“And here I thought you’d all be happy.”

“Kermit, we didn’t say we weren’t happy, but…”

“But what, Scooter?”

“Hey, hey,” Gonzo interrupted, trying to get cooler heads to prevail. “Lay off him. The frog’s right; this is a huge decision and he has come to us – his friends – to share in this monumental occasion. He knows he was a heartless, petty, self-serving jerk…”

“Please,” Kermit deadpanned. “Stop singing my praises, Gonzo.”

“But he’s obviously come to the conclusion that his jerky ways are the reason his girlfriend left him and almost didn’t come back.”

“I don’t even know why I bother inviting any of you anywhere.”

“You guys…” Fozzie whispered, a look of awe on his face. “Do you know what this means?”

Rowlf turned to smile at Kermit, before patting him on the shoulder. “Sure do.”

“I win the pool!”

“Wait, what?” asked Gonzo.

“What?” asked Kermit, turning to look at the bear.

“No, no,” the weirdo insisted. “I call shenanigans on this. There’s no way he could’ve predicted this.”

Scooter, as official keeper of Muppet Betting Pools, took out his tablet and began to look it up. Even he was a bit skeptical, but then again, the group had so many bets running in terms of the frog and pig, he couldn’t really keep them all straight at this point. Bringing up the ‘Day the Frog Finally Comes to the Decision to Propose’ list, he studied it closely.

“Huh,” he replied. “Fozzie’s right, Gonzo. He actually did pick the day after Valentine’s 2013.” Turning to look at the comic, he said, “That’s uncanny.”

“Do I know my best frog or what?” the bear beamed.

“Well, what did I pick?” Gonzo asked, feeling and looking a bit deflated. They had started these bets decades ago, meaning that there was some serious money to be had if anyone managed to pinpoint everything on that list.

“You went with the ‘in case the world ends in 2012’,” the assistant replied. “On the fourth day of never.”

“November, Scooter,” the weirdo quickly corrected, chuckling nervously when he received a glare from Kermit. “I…I clearly said the fourth of November.” He laughed quickly, before mouthing to Kermit, “He’s hard of hearing.” Again, sputtering out a laugh, Gonzo smiled and said, “I think I speak for all of us when I say, first, congrats. It really is about time and it only took you…what year is this?”

“Very funny.”

“Secondly,” the stunt weirdo continued. “On a more…serious note, I think it extremely important that you have, as you say, completely and utterly thought about this and that your intentions are completely and utterly genuine. Because I would hate to think what could possibly happen to you if they were not.”


“Listen, Kermit,” Rowlf replied, standing from his normal seat and taking Piggy’s next to him. “We care about you, that is a simple fact and something that will never change. With that said, we care about Piggy too and we’re warning you here and now that you need to be careful with her.”

Kermit laughed. Not out of malice or even in the event that he thought the whole thing funny, which – in a sense – he did, but this was more of a nervous laugh and one born out of surprised shock. “What is this?” he asked, a bit worried. “The big brother speech?”

He expected the others to laugh along with him, a bit of teasing to their friend who had decided to frog up and make an honest pig out of his leading lady. That’s what he expected. What he didn’t expect was the serious faces of four of his closest friends, sitting around a table with easy access for throttling him if they so choose.

Even Fozzie, his comic bear in arms, was looking at him as though Kermit had put him in a position he never wanted to be in in the first place.

“You too!?”

“Kermit,” Fozzie began, standing as patriotically as could. “My friend, my frog…you’re the best frog friend a bear could have and just know that I say that with the utmost respect and love a guy can have for another guy of a completely different species.”

“Thank you,” Kermit replied. “I think.”

Taking a deep breath, Fozzie started again. “You’ve been a jerk to Piggy over the years,” he said. “And you may not have cared at the moment that you were hurting her feelings, but well…you weren’t the one who usually had to see it nor were you the first to respond to the damage control we have in place at the theatre. So…you know, to hear that you wanna marry Piggy is great – it’s fantastic! – but you don’t really have a good track record when it comes to actually proving what you’re saying is true.”

Kermit opened his mouth to disagree with that statement, but he quickly shut his mouth. The truth in the matter was that Fozzie was right; he had been a jerk to her – they had both been huge jerks to each other over the years – and he didn’t really have a good track record for being the world’s best boyfriend. World’s worst maybe…

“I know,” he sighed. “Fozzie, I know and…guys, I…listen. I know I haven’t been the best to Piggy. Believe me, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton have nothing on us when it comes to disagreements, but – and as cliché as this may sound – this time is different. I let seven years go by without her before realizing that she was all I ever needed and wanted; I can’t lose her again and I don’t plan to.

“I love her. Completely, totally, irrevocably, and utterly in love with her.”

If Kermit had been surprised at the depths at which his friends would defend their leading lady, the quartet was equally, if not more, shocked at hearing the frog speak so openly about his feelings on the matter. Kermit had been and still was notoriously private, especially when it came to his love life - that was one of the contentions between him and Piggy – so to hear him flat out deliver a speech in which he literally stated he couldn’t, ever again, live without the diva was telling just how serious he was.

Patting his friend on the shoulder, Rowlf whispered, “That’s all we needed to hear.”

A sniffle caused Scooter to turn to his left and ask, “Fozzie, are you crying?”

“No,” the comic sniffled, dabbing his eyes with one end of his tie. “You know this room is full of pollen and other allergic things that my delicate immune system can’t handle.”

“Well, I know you didn’t bring us all together just to tell us what we knew was coming,” Gonzo replied, making soothing gestures with Fozzie. “Eventually. So what did you want us for?”

“Right,” Kermit nodded, taking deep breaths himself. He hadn’t planned on giving such a eulogy on his feelings or realization about Piggy, but after he had done, it left him feeling quite stunned at his own words and emotions. “So I want to propose. And it’s Piggy, so you know that I can’t just…propose. This is…this is something big and something she’s been waiting for and deserved for quite some time.”

“So you want grandiose?” Scooter asked, knowingly.

“Exactly,” replied the frog. “Piggy’s the best and she deserves it in turn. Now the problem I have is…well, I have many problems.”

“You said it,” Gonzo mumbled.

Proposing problems,” Kermit retorted. “I don’t plan to take anything to chance and I want to make sure this is something she’ll remember.”

“You finally proposing?” Gonzo asked.

“She’ll remember,” quipped Scooter.

“Why did I bother calling you all in here?”

“No worries, Kermit,” Rowlf said, sensing the point that Kermit was trying to make. “You got problems, we got answers. Obviously, this needs to be done as best and as quietly as possible. The last thing we need is Piggy thinking something’s out of the ordinary, especially when she’s likely to want to investigate and detect and we can’t have that. You know, she’ll find out.”

“Well, first thing’s first,” Scooter added. Turning to Kermit, “You need a ring. And you need to make sure that Piggy doesn’t know you’re looking for a ring or else the whole jig is up. Which is where I come in.”

“It’s also the reason you’re the manager,” Kermit said, patting Scooter on the arm.

“Evil overlord,” the red head retorted, making a statement on a long running joke between them. “No worries, Boss, finding a ring will be easy.”

“All you need to do is find a place to do it!” Fozzie exclaimed.

“That’s problem number two,” the frog admitted. “Not only do I not know where I want to do this, I don’t know when. Well, I mean…I came up with Christmas, but I don’t want to propose on Christmas. And then I’m wondering if maybe that’s too long of a wait; I mean, who knows what could happen between now and Christmas? She might not even want to marry me!”

“I don’t think that would ever happen,” Rowlf replied. “Okay, so we need a ring, a place, and a time. Right. We can do this. In fact, this works out perfectly; we’ll be able to get an idea of what your schedules are.”

“How’re we gonna do that?” asked Fozzie. “Piggy isn’t here.”

“We don’t need Piggy.”

As one, four of the group turned to look at the red head in glasses that sat next to Kermit.

“We have her assistant.”