TMS Script - Cat Stevens! (by Gorgon Heap & kathy26)

Gorgon Heap

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I originally started off working on two other outlines, and only got back into this one because I was debating which one to use a certain song in. I started coming up with whole scenes and when I was only a few Kermit intros, backstage scenes and S&W comments away from a whole script, I decided to finish the whole thing!


SPECIAL GUEST STAR: CAT STEVENS

STYLE: Mid-Season Five (circa Jean-Pierre Rampal, Paul Simon episodes)

COLD OPENING: Pops is filling a bird feeder when the door opens. Cat Stevens enters.

Pops: “Who’re you?”

Cat: “I’m Cat Stevens. I’m going to be the guest on the show tonight.”

Pops: “Cat Stevens! The singer! Oh, that’s a relief.”

Cat: “A relief?”

Pops: “Yeah, we thought it might be somebody else.”
(hollers offscreen)
“Hey, you can come out now! He’s not a real cat!”

(Birds (bluebirds, Rockin’ Robin, small pink-haired “Take a Chance” bird) enter cheering.)

Cat: “Well, this explains the scratching post on my makeup table and the litterbox under the sink.”

(Cat and the birds laugh.)

OPENING THEME: Gonzo’s trumpet makes a bird call. The small pink Woodpecker flies in, sits on Gonzo’s head, and starts pecking. Gonzo’s eyes bulge.

CURTAIN:Kermit enters.

Kermit: “Thank you! Thank you! And welcome again to The Muppet Show! And we have a fantastic show for you tonight because our guest star is one of the world’s great singer-songwriters Mr. Cat Stevens! Yes! But first! Here is an opening number featuring the combined talents of our own ever-popular rock band, Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem, with that jug-band extraordinaire, Lubbock Lou & his Jughuggers. Ladies and gentlemen, “Sweet City Woman”.”

OPENING NUMBER: “Sweet City Woman” - the Electric Mayhem plays with the jug band (Dr. Teeth, Janice, Floyd, Animal, Slim Wilson, Zeke, Lubbock Lou, Bubba)

Slim: “Well, I'm on my way
To the city lights,
To the pretty face
That shines her light on the city nights


Floyd: “And I gotta catch a noon train,
I gotta be there on time.
Oh, it feels so good to know she waits at the end of the line.


All: “Sweet, sweet city woman,

Slim: “I can see your face, I can hear your voice,

All: “I can almost touch you.
Sweet, sweet city woman,


Zeke: “And the banjo and me, we got a feel for –

All: “-- singing, yeah, yeah.

Jug-band: “Bon, c'est bon, bon, bon, c'est bon, bon
Bon, c'est bon, bon, bon, bon, bon.


Electric Mayhem: “Bon, c'est bon, bon, bon, c'est bon, bon
Bon, c'est bon, bon, bon, bon, bon.


All: “So long, ma.
So long, pa.
So long, neighbors and friends.


Janice: “Like a country morning,
All snuggled in dew,


Zeke: “Ah, she's got a way to make a man feel shiny and new

Bubba: “And she sing in the evening
Old, familiar tunes


Dr. Teeth: “And she feeds me love and tenderness and macaroons.

All: “Sweet, sweet city woman,

Floyd: “I can see your face, I can hear your voice,

All: “I can almost touch you.

Sweet, sweet city woman,

Zeke: “And the banjo and me, we got a feel for –-"

All: “-- singing.

(Instrumental break.)

All: “Sweet, sweet city woman
Oh she's my sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet city woman
oh my sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.


Animal: “Everybody!

All: “Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet city woman.


(CUT TO Statler & Waldorf’s box.)

Waldorf: “That was swell!”

Statler: “That was great!”

S & W: (singing) “Gonna have the whole world on a plate!”

(S & W laugh.)

BACKSTAGE:The band returns from the stage.

Kermit: “Good number! Way to go.”

(Rizzo enters.)

Rizzo: “Mr. Kermit!”

Kermit: “Yes, what is it, Rizzo?”

Rizzo: “The rats of the Muppet Theater have appointed me as their spokesrat and have asked me to deliver this official protest.”

(He holds up a piece of paper.)

Kermit: “Official protest? You just made an official protest last week over the “Pied Piper” number. What’s this about?”

Rizzo: “We’re upset that you’ve hired Cat Stevens to be the guest star on the show tonight. I mean, we rats are already a downtrodden species without your hiring cats as guest stars.”

Kermit: “Wait a minute. Rizzo, Cat Stevens isn’t a cat, he’s a human.”

Rizzo: “Oh.”

Kermit: “So does that put an end to this silly protest?”

Rizzo: “Well, there is ONE more thing.”

Kermit: “What’s that?”

Rizzo: “How come you only book human guest stars on the show? When are we going to see some famous rats as guest stars?”

Kermit: “Famous rats? Like who?”

Rizzo: “Ratalie Wood?”

(Audience laughter.)

Rizzo: “Rodent Redford?”

Kermit: “RIZZO, WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!”

(Rizzo runs away. Kermit shakes his head and exits to the stage.)

CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

Kermit: “Uh, with us tonight is one of the world’s truly great recording artists. And so here he is with one of my favorites, ladies and gentlemen, Cat Stevens!”

SONG: “Peace Train” – Cat on a train driven by Fozzie (same as Gladys Knight’s “Friendship Train” but with yellow lit background) with Floyd playing bass.

Cat: “Now I've been happy lately
Thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be
Something good has begun

Oh, I've been smiling lately
Dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be
Someday it's going to come


(The chorus appears and joins in: Lew Zealand, Swedish Chef, chicken, penguin, alligator, J.G. Frackle, Pinocchio, Geisha, Russian Whatnot, Viking pig, green Whatnot pirate, French accordion player, and Whatnot Eskimo.)

All: “'Cause out --

Cat: “-- on the edge of darkness
There ride the Peace Train
Oh, Peace Train take this country
Come take me home again


All: “Now I've --

Cat: “-- been smiling lately,
Thinkin' about the good things to come
And I believe it could be,
Something good has begun
Oh, Peace Train sounding louder


All: “Glide on the Peace Train

Cat: “Come on now Peace Train
Yes, Peace Train holy roller


All: “Everyone jump up on the Peace Train

Cat: “Come on now, Peace Train

All: “Get --”

Cat: “your bags together,
Go bring your good friends, too
'Cause it's getting nearer,
It soon will be with you
Now come and join the living,”


All: “It's not so far from you

Cat: “And it's getting nearer,
Soon it will all be true
Oh, Peace Train sounding louder


All: “Glide on the Peace Train

Cat: “Come on now Peace Train
Peace Train


Now I've been crying lately,
Thinkin' about the world as it is
Why must we go on hating,
Why can't we live in bliss


'Cause out on the edge of darkness,
There rides a Peace Train
Oh, Peace Train take this country,
Come take me home again
Oh, Peace Train sounding louder


All: “Glide on the Peace Train

Cat: “Come on now, Peace Train
Yes, Peace Train holy roller


All: “Everyone jump up on the Peace Train
Come on, come on, come on


All: “Yes, come on, peace train
Yes, it's the peace
--”

All: “-- train!”

(APPLAUSE. Cat smiles “thank you”, accepts applause.)

Statler: “So, Cat Stevens is doing The Muppet Show.”

Waldorf: “He’d better be careful. He might lose one of his nine lives!”

(S & W laugh.)

MUPPET NEWS: Newsman enters.

Newsman: "Here is a Muppet Newsflash! Dateline: Reno, Nevada. An embarrassing situation developed today at the Reno Exhibition Air Show when a rivalry broke out between two of the stunt pilots. What was supposed to be a tightly choreographed flight routine quickly escalated into what spectators described as a real dogfight."

(Dogs (Wolfhound, Muppy, Baskerville, Rover Joe) enter and attack the Newsman.)

CANTEEN: Cat sits on a stool with his guitar while Rowlf sits at the rehearsal piano.

Rowlf: " You know, Cat, when they told me you were gonna be on the show, I was shocked."

Cat: "Oh?"

Rowlf: "Yeah. I'd never worked with a cat before. People, yes, but cats, never!"

Cat: "Well, I've never worked with a dog before, but I figure so long as nobody tries to chase me up a tree, we'll get along just fine."

Rowlf: "Hey listen, you've got nothin' to worry about. I'm a trained professional."

Cat: "Let me guess: paper trained?"

(Rowlf chuckles.)

Rowlf: "But seriously, I'm a conservatory and obedience school graduate! I play in any key, and my Bach is worse than my bite. But anyway, I was hoping I could accompany you on "Wild World". It's one of my favorites."

Cat: "Well, thank you, Rowlf. That's nice of you to say but I hadn't planned on singing that tonight."

Rowlf: "Aw, that's too bad. Me and the other dogs learned to play back-up on it."

Cat: "Oh, really?"

Rowlf: "Yeah, and you have no idea how hard it is to teach an old dog new tricks!"

Cat: Okay, Rowlf. I'll do it for you."

Rowlf: "Oh, wonderful! Hey, guys! Come on in here!”

(Mutt, Afghan Hound, Lyle and French Poodle enter.)

Cat: “Ready?”

(He counts off. Cat plays and sings “Wild World” accompanied by Rowlf on piano, Mutt on bass, Afghan Hound on guitar, Lyle on drums and French Poodle on tambourine.)

Cat: “La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la-a
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la-a
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la


Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby, I'm grieving


But if you want to leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there


Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl


You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
'Cause I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl


But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
Well


Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
And I'll always remember you like a child, girl


(Instrumental break. Rowlf riffs.)

Cat: “Baby I love you
But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware


Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
And I'll always remember you like a child, girl


Oh baby baby it's a wild world
And it's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
And I'll always remember you like a child, girl


(APPLAUSE. Cat grins and nods to the dogs. Mutt and French Poodle cuddle up to him.)

UK SPOT: “A Policeman’s Lot” – in front of a red-orange lit curtain (a la Doug Henning, Mac Davis closing numbers) Link & Fozzie (in cop uniforms) sing Gilbert & Sullivan.

Link: (singing) “When a felon's not engaged in his employment

Fozzie: “His employment

Link: “Or maturing his felonious little plan

Fozzie: “little plan

Link: “His capacity for innocent enjoyment

Fozzie: “’cent enjoyment”

Link: “Is just as great as any honest man”

Fozzie: “Honest man
Our feelings we with difficulty smother”


Link: “-culty smother”

Fozzie: “When constabulary duties to be done”

Link: “to be done”

Fozzie: “Taking one consideration with another”

Link: (hamming it up) “with another”

Fozzie: “That was good!”

Link: “Thank you.”

Fozzie: “A policeman's lot is not a happy one”

Link & Fozzie: “Oo
When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman's lot is not a happy one”


Fozzie: “Happy one”

(After the first verse, a gang of hoodlums enter behind them: Banana Nose Maldanado, the assaulting pig from the Roger Miller episode, the red Frackle spy from the Roger Moore episode, and a gangster from the James Coburn episode. Link & Fozzie don’t notice them.)

Link: “When the enterprising burglar's not a-burgling”

Hoodlums: “not a'burgling”

(Fozzie turns around. Link stays eyes front.)

Link: “When the cutthroat isn't occupied in crime”

Fozzie: “Sir?”

Hoodlums: "-pied in crime"

(Fozzie talks over Link, who pays no attention.)

Fozzie: “Sir, could you turn around and --”

Link: “He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling”

(The hoodlums grab Fozzie and shove him around.)

Fozzie: “WHOA!”

Hoodlums: “brook a'gurgling”

(The pig tweaks Fozzie’s nose. Fozzie screams.)

Link: “And listen to the merry village chime”

Hoodlums: “village chime”

Fozzie: “SIR!”

(The hoodlums shove Fozzie around.)

Link: “When the ‘coster's finished jumping on his mother”

Hoodlums: “on his mother”

Fozzie: “Sir, I could use your help!”

(Red Frackle takes Fozzie’s hat, throws it down, and steps on it.)

Fozzie: “Hey!”

Link: “He loves to lie a-basking in the sun”

Hoodlums: “in the sun”

Fozzie: “That’s my hat.”

(He leans down to pick it up. Banana Nose Maldanado kicks Fozzie, who falls over with a scream and a crash.)

Link: “Taking one consideration with another”

Hoodlums: (with gusto) “with another”

Link: “Very nice, Patrol Bear.”

Gangster: “T’anks!”

Link: (voice tearing up) “A policeman's lot is not a happy one”

Hoodlums: “Oo”

Link: “When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman's lot is not a happy one”


(Fozzie gets up, hat on, and tries to get Link’s attention. The hoodlums pile on him and beat him up. They take turns singing the echoes, all over Fozzie’s screams and protests.)

Link: “When the drunkard shows no sign of where the drink went”

Frackle: “where da’ drink went”

Link: “He nobly bids all alcohol farewell”

Gangster: “-hol farewell”

Link: “When the juvenile delinquent to the clink went”

Banana Nose Maldanado: “to da’ clink went”

Link: “He hung his mother's picture in his cell”

(The hoodlums pause their beating of Fozzie, placing their hands over their hearts in honor of their mothers.)

Hoodlums: (in four-part harmony) “in his cell”

Link: “When the card shark's finished wiping out his brother”

Pig: “out his brother”

Link: “He buys a rattle for his little son”

Hoodlums: “little son”

Link: (voice overly tearing up) “Taking one consideration with another”

Hoodlums: (in glorious four-part harmony) “with another”

(Still crying, Link nods in approval. He pulls out a handkerchief and loudly blows his nose.)

Link: (crying so much as to be halting) “A policeman's lot is not a happy one”

Hoodlums: (in glorious four-part harmony) “Oo”

Link & Hoodlums: “When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman's lot is not a happy one”


Hoodlums: “happy one”

(As the coda plays, the hoodlums exit, leaving Fozzie a crumpled mess. Fozzie staggers over to Link, hardly able to stand. Link turns to Fozzie, oblivious to all that’s happened. Fozzie tries to speak and, too weak to do so, faints. Link looks at Fozzie on the floor, then at the camera. He shakes his head.)

SONG: “Moonshadow” - Cat sings in front of a dark blue lit background, with the Whatnot Monster (from “All of Me”, in full body and with a facelift) dancing happily in an insert (tall oval with frame and black background). His body parts disappear with the music and reappear when the next part disappears (all tape stops unless indicated)

Cat: “Oh, I'm bein' followed by a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin’ and hoppin' on a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow


(Whatnot Monster’s hands disappear.)

Cat: “And if I ever lose my hands,
Lose my plough, lose my land,
Oh if I ever lose my hands,
Oh if... I won't have to work no more.”


(Whatnot Monster’s hands are back. His eyes float up and away.)

Cat: “And if I ever lose my eyes,
If my colors all run dry,
Yes if I ever lose my eyes,
Oh if... I won't have to cry no more.


(Whatnot Monster’s eyes float back to him. He dances to the music.)

Cat: “Yes, I'm bein' followed by a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin' and hoppin' on a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow”


(Whatnot Monster’s legs disappear. His upper half floats above.)

Cat: “And if I ever lose my legs,
I won't moan, and I won't beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs,
Oh if... I won't have to walk no more.”


(Whatnot Monster’s legs are back. His lips disappear.)

Cat: “And if I ever lose my mouth,
All my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth,
Oh if... I won't have to talk...”


(Whatnot Monster is whole again, dancing.)

Cat: “Did it take long to find me? I asked the faithful light.
Did it take long to find me? And are you gonna stay the night?

I'm bein' followed by a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin' and hoppin' on a moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow


Moonshadow, moonshadow,
Moonshadow, moonshadow”


(APPLAUSE.)

BACKSTAGE: Kermit calls into the intercom as the Whatnot Monster returns from the stage.

Kermit: “Swedish Chef on stage next!”
(to Monster)
“Nice work out there. Good dexterity.”

Whatnot Monster: “Thanks, Frog!”

(He turns to exit.)

Kermit: “Keep it up and you’ll get a head.”

(Kermit chuckles to himself. Whatnot Monster gets in face.)

Whatnot Monster: “That supposed to be funny?”

Kermit: “Uh, uh, no sir!”

(Whatnot Monster exits. Beauregard enters, carrying a bag of cat litter.)

Beauregard: “Excuse me, Mr. Kermit!”

Kermit: “Bo! What is this?”

Beauregard: “Oh, it’s a bag of kitty litter.”

Kermit: “I know what it is. What’s this about?”

Beauregard: “Oh, it’s about, uh –-“

(He strains heavily to put it down on Kermit’s desk. He looks over to read the label.)

Beauregard: “It’s about twenty-five pounds!”

(Beauregard nods.)

Kermit: “Fine, but what’s it doing on my desk?”

Beauregard: “Oh, it’s uh –-“

(Beauregard looks over the bag.)

Beauregard: “It’s not doing anything. It’s just kind of lying there!”

Kermit: “Bo, will you get this bag of cat litter off my desk, please?!

Beauregard: “Okay.”

(Beauregard strains, lifting it with a grunt.)

Beauregard: “Where should I put it?”

Kermit: “Any place but my desk.”

Beauregard: “Okay!”

(Beauregard drops it on Kermit’s flipper.)

Kermit: “Ow!”

Beauregard: “Oh, did I not get this right?”

Kermit: “Bo, will you take this off my flipper, please?!”

Beauregard: “Oh, can do, Boss.”

(Beauregard slides the bag off of Kermit’s flipper. Kermit sighs in relief.)

Kermit: “Thank you. Now, let’s try this again. What is the bag of kitty litter for?”

Beauregard: “Oh, it’s for our very special guest star! I’ve forgotten his name. Something like, uh… Steven the Cat?”

Kermit: “It’s Cat Stevens, Bo, and he’s not a cat, he’s a human.”

Beauregard: “Oh.”

Kermit: “So, why don’t you take this bag of kitty litter here and just get rid of it?”

Beauregard: “You mean just throw it in the garbage?”

Kermit: “Sure, unless you wanna try and find someone here who’ll take it.”

(Gaffer pops up and meows.)

Kermit: “Well! Sometimes, things just work themselves out.”

(Kermit exits. Beauregard pets Gaffer.)

SWEDISH CHEF: The Swedish Chef sings his theme with a small alligator in front of him, “singing” along with alligator noises on “bork, bork, bork!”

Chef: (announces he’s making gator tail)

(Gator nods.)

Chef: “We have de gator.”

(Chef pats it affectionately)

Chef: “Good, good gator! Nice gator!”

(Chef kisses the gator, who sighs contentedly.)

Chef: “Und noo –-“

(He lowers the gator’s head to the table and grabs its tail.)

Chef: “ -- de tail.”

(Chef brandishes a cleaver in his other hand. The gator does a double-take, and squawks for help.)

Chef: (yells at gator, smacks it on the nose)

(Chef winds up the cleaver. Behind him, a low growling noise rumbles up. Chef stops, listens. The big gator slithers up next to him. Chef stops.)

Chef: “Noo! Noo noo noo!”

(Big gator grabs Chef in his jaws. Chef struggles and exclaims all the way as the gator drags him off stage right. Small gator laughs and mugs for the audience.)

Waldorf: "What did you think of that?"

Statler: “No surprises here, the Chef's ALWAYS in bad taste!"

(S & W laugh.)

BACKSTAGE: Chef enters (sans gator), shouting at Kermit.

Kermit: “Chef, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: never cook anything that could eat YOU!"

(The Chef grumbles and walks away. Lew Zealand enters.)

Lew: “Oh, Mr. the Frog! I have a very important request.”

Kermit: “What is it, Lew?”

Lew: “Well, I would like you to ask our guest, Mr. Cat Stevens, NOT to disturb my fish.”

Kermit: “Uh, Lew, as I’ve explained to nearly everyone else tonight, CAT STEVENS IS NOT A CAT!”

(Kermit huffs.)

Lew: “I know that.”

Kermit: “You do?”

Lew: “Yeah!”

Kermit: “Then why did you want him to keep away from your fish?”

Lew: “Because I just put them down for their nap. Kind of tricky since they sleep with their eyes open! Hehe!”

Kermit: “Ok, I will tell him. And Lew, I’m sorry about all that.”

Lew: “Oh, that’s all right, Mr. the Frog! Boy, imagine anyone thinking Mr. Cat Stevens was a real cat! What kind of weirdo would make a mistake like that?”

(Lew exits. Kermit turns to the camera.)

Kermit: “Apparently, every kind of weirdo except one.”

(Kermit sighs.)

CURTAIN: Kermit enters to his ‘ta-da’ music cue.

Kermit: “Uh, ladies and gentlemen, tonight has been one of those shows that tells me I need to take a night off. So, let's all spend "Another Saturday Night" with our very special guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Cat Stevens!"

SONG: “Another Saturday Night” – Cat in a carnival setting, watching Muppet couples go by (including Link & Annie Sue, Wayne & Wanda, Whatnot couples) and joined in harmony by carnies and the female singers on the choruses.

Cat: “Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


I got in town a month ago
I've seen a lot of girls since then
If I can meet 'em I can get 'em
But as yet I haven't met 'em
That's how I’m in the state I'm in
Oh


All: “Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


Cat: “Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine


(During the following, Doug Henning’s Assistant enters.)

Cat: “Instead of being my deliverance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein
Oo, Lord!


(Doug Henning’s Assistant exits.)

All: “Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


(Instrumental break with Lips on the trumpet riff.)

Cat: “It's hard on a fella
When he don't know his way around
If I don't find me a honey
To help me spend my money
I'm gonna have to blow this town
Oh, no, another --


All: “-- Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful, ooh
I'm in an awful way
He's in an awful way
I'm in an awful, ooh
I'm in an awful way
He's in an awful way


(At the end, there’s a crashing sound offscreen right. Everyone turns to look. Mean Mama has burst through one of the tents.)

Mean Mama: “Yoo-hoo! I’m available!”

Cat: (beat) “I’ll take a raincheck.”

(Mean Mama chases him back and forth. The Female Singers shrug and take their bows.)

CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

Kermit: “Okay! Well, we've just about come down to the end of another one, but before we go, let us say thank you to a wonderful guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Cat Stevens! Yaaay!”

(Cat enters.)

Cat: “Thank you, Kermit. I’ve had a wonderful time working with all of you frogs, and dogs –-“

(Rowlf, Mutt, and French Poodle enter.)

Cat: “And cats –-“

(Gaffer and Catgut enter.)

Cat: “And rats –-“

(Rizzo and two rats enter.)

Cat: “And birds –-“

(Two bluebirds enter.)

Cat: “And –-“

(The animals start growling at each other.)

Kermit: “Don’t look now, but I think the fur’s about to fly!”

(The animals all start chasing each other around noisily.)

Kermit: “We’ll see you next time on The Muppet Show!”

(Cat and Kermit try to dodge the chaos.)

Statler: "Better get out your umbrella. I heard it's raining cats and dogs outside!"

(Gaffer pops up and meows. Mutt pops up, barking, and chases her away.)

Waldorf: "Not much better in here!"


Comments welcome.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
 

Gorgon Heap

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And because I forgot it in the original post, the cast list of who plays the random/one-shot characters:
  • Jerry: Slim Wilson, Gangster, Whatnot Monster
  • Richard: Bubba (jug player)
  • Dave: Lubbock Lou, Banana Nose Maldanado, big Crocodile
  • Steve: Zeke (banjo player), Spy (Red Frackle)
  • Karen Prell: small crocodile
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
 
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