- Mar 26, 2012
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I know what you're thinking.
Gina, you've got two outstandings and you're writing another one? Well, to answer that, no. I'm not actually. See, when I get a story in my mind, it's in there until 1. I'm forced to write it down regardless of what I'm doing or 2. it leaves my brain in the dead of night like some cat burgular or residents at the Happiness Hotel.
And because some of these ideas are actually good, I don't want them to just vanish you know? But, in many cases, I don't have a story per se, but an idea that is funny or touching and I just don't have anywhere to put it. The Muppets here seem to be prime for just about any idea that I can come up with, which of course is great unless I can't think of a story for it. So, I decided, why not bring said idea to the masses and then YOU guys can tell me if I've got a story or not.
Or heck, if you wanna make a story, be my guest.
So this little piece of the Mup Cen forums I'm gonna devote to all those ridiculous ideas that I don't know what to do with. And yes, I got several. Some of these are parodies - after The Great Beartender, I've been on a Designing Women kick and several of those episodes seem to be Muppet stories waiting to happen. Also after hearing about the office sequel to Muppets 2011, I got these ideas in my head.
And some of these are noodle incidents - stories that popped up from no where (like the '75 petting zoo incident with Gonzo, what happened during breakfast that got the fab four kicked out of a restaurant, why Fozzie's banned from sharp instruments, etc)
Anyway, here's our first installment!
Genre: Parody; one shot?
Idea From: Designing Women episode, "Foreign Affairs"
What should have been a normal day at Muppet Theatre was anything but.
That is to say that, a normal day at the theater and certainly with the Muppets was relative as to how you looked at it; the normal aspects of running a vaudeville like show in a theater, while also filming said show for television audiences could always be a hectic type of atmosphere. Add to it the cast of characters that made up the troupe and show itself and there was always a mix of trouble.
Today however, director, producer, and leader of the Muppets Kermit the Frog wasn’t just dealing with the zaniness that was his cast and crew, but something on a bigger scale. That something was a bed that was situated backstage.
Recently, one of the vacant lots up from the theater and that of Muppet Studios had been bought and turned into a furniture store. That in itself wasn’t anything bad, however it seemed that the store had a similar address to that of the studios; so in the last few weeks, the furniture that should have been delivered to the furniture store ended up being delivered to the theater instead.
A table or chair hadn’t been too bad, but apparently a new client of the store was going all out in ordering larger and more custom made pieces. Last week, it was a leopard print sectional that had found its way backstage, much to the delight of everyone who sat on it; today, it was the large water bed like furniture that was not only driving Kermit to distractions, but that of the others too.
“Why is there a bed here?” asked comic Fozzie Bear. Fozzie had been making his way to the stage in order to rehearse his act for their upcoming show, but had stopped short when he saw the bed.
“It’s that stupid furniture store up the street,” Kermit complained. “Every time they get an order, it ends up coming to us. I’ve already called them three times this morning with no response. I have half a mind to go down there and tell them what they can do with all the furniture that keeps being sent here.”
Fozzie gulped. He had seen Kermit get mad enough times to know that who ever was in charge at that store was going to regret not taking this bed back. The bear could only hope that his frog could last until the end of the day; that wish of course was immediately broken when their resident performance artist, Gonzo the Great saw the bed.
“Hey awesome!” he exclaimed, immediately jumping in the bed. The surface moved with him, causing him to rise up and sink back down. “I love these things!”
“Gonzo, get off of there!”
“Kermit,” the daredevil continued, unheeded by the warning. “Why haven’t you thought about putting one of these in here before? Not that I’m knocking the change of heart, but…”
“Why is there a bed back here?”
Scooter Grosse, the stage manager and assistant for the theater, had just come from doing some errands to discover a giant bed in the backstage area. And he was fairly sure that hadn’t been there when he left last night.
“Scooter,” the frog complained, one part exasperated by there being a bigger distraction backstage than usual and the fact that, per usual, Gonzo had gotten caught up in it. “Call that furniture store up the street and tell them to come pick up this monstrosity from our premises.”
“Aw, let him try it out first,” Gonzo replied, taking a relaxing position on the bed itself. “Scooter, come over here and sit down.”
“Scooter, do not get on that bed,” Kermit warned.
“Don’t listen to him,” Gonzo retorted. “Just have a seat. You can call the furniture place while you sit.”
It literally felt like a conversation between the devil and angel on his shoulders, but Scooter couldn’t deny that the bed looked comfortable. And certainly, sitting down wouldn’t be too bad, right? Taking his chances with the devil, Scooter took a seat on the side of the bed and was immediately at ease.
It felt as though he sat down on a cloud and before he realized it, he was lying next to Gonzo on their floating distraction. “This is seriously nice,” he sighed.
“Isn’t it?” Gonzo said. “I love these things. So contoured to put you at ease and relax you. Comfy, yeah?”
“I’d consider getting one of these.”
“You should, they’re great. I wasn’t sure they even still made them. Tough market to go through, you know?”
“Oh yeah,” Gonzo nodded. “Well, at least in an American market.”
“You know,” replied a voice from the other side. “For once, I’d like to walk in here and not feel as though I’ve walked on to the ward of a mental hospital.”
Looking up, the two bedridden Muppets were greeted by the troupe’s leading lady, Miss Piggy. Having come in to rehearse her own act, the diva was met with an increasingly irritated frog and a large bed blocking nearly half of the backstage area.
“What is this?”
“It’s an Arabian nights gel bed,” Gonzo explained, sitting up slightly. “They’re great for your back. Here,” Moving his way to the end of the bed, the weirdo patted the area where he had been. “Try it, you’ll like it.”
“Really Piggy,” Scooter replied, snugging deeper in the comforts of the gel. “It’s really relaxing.”
“No,” she said again, looking at the assistant. “It’s just weird.”
“Will you stop complaining and get in bed with me?” Gonzo huffed, heedless of the way that particular sentence sounded.
Neither Piggy nor Kermit could ignore it, however. “I don’t ever want to hear that sentence from you again,” Kermit replied, turning to look at the weirdo.
“That makes two of us,” Piggy muttered.
“Whatever,” Gonzo sighed. “Piggy, just get in.”
Heaving her own sigh, Piggy reluctantly got in bed, taking the space next to Scooter, and was immediately taken away from the softness and comfort of the design. As though she was riding on waves of bliss, the diva too snuggled in.
“This…is…great!” she exclaimed. “Kermit, we need a bed like this.”
“No we don’t.”
Kermit turned around and tried to get to back to work, trying his best to ignore the three people he actually needed to be working today. Sometimes he was convinced that the theater was a magnet for the weird and insane, as though a portal to the Twilight Zone was just swirling around somewhere, hidden so they couldn’t find it, but there all the same.
Coming off stage was the Electric Mayhem, the official band of the Muppet Show. Kermit always tried to get them a number in the show, as it seemed their act was the only sane thing that tended to happen around there. The group began to head down to their cantina, all except the lead guitarist Janice, whose curiousity at seeing a bed backstage pushed back the idea of food.
“You’re probably wondering why we’re in this bed together,” Gonzo stated, seeing the looks the band members gave the relaxing trio.
“No,” replied band leader Dr. Teeth and that of the bassist Floyd Pepper. Used to the weird and odd happening, neither decided to ponder nor comment on what they had seen, instead following their drummer and sax player down towards questionable food.
Janice was not quite so lucky. “Okay,” she chuckled. “Like, I give. What’s up with the bed backstage?”
“It’s so relaxing,” Scooter said.
“Hey Jani, come over here,” Gonzo replied, waving the blonde over. “You have to try this.”
“Gonzo,” Kermit interrupted, turning another irritated gaze on the weirdo. “Will you stop inviting people to get into bed with you?”
By the time it had left his mouth, the frog knew he had just set himself up for comebacks he wasn’t in the mood to hear. And right on cue, the daredevil smirked at him. “Gee Kermit,” he said, smiling devilishly. “I haven’t done that since I got myself a steady girlfriend.”
“Please,” Piggy retorted. “Even that didn’t stop you.”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“Okay,” Kermit sighed, turning back around and focusing on the desk in front of him, as well as the work he needed to do on it. “I’m not talking to you people anymore.”
“Great,” Gonzo said. “Janice, come over here and try this.”
Shrugging, the blonde walked over and got into the bed, taking the other side of Scooter; she was usually up for trying something at least once and this time did not disappoint. “Like whoa.”
“Nice?” Piggy asked.
“Like we totally need this in the studio,” the guitarist gushed. “Where did we get this?”
“I dunno,” the weirdo shrugged. “Something about the furniture store up the street. But I say we totally buy it from them. Whadda think, Kermit?”
“I’m not listening.”
“So awesome,” Janice sighed. “Like, what is this for anyway?”
“The bed?” Gonzo asked. “Or the gel?”
“All of it.”
“Oh,” the daredevil began. “Well, it’s supposed to be good for your back, cause of the gel and stuff. Trust me, the stuff is soothing. Camilla and I had one when I wrenched my back on this job once; talk about your relaxing afternoons.”
“Like, I’m so sure it was the bed that was relaxing.”
Gonzo smirked at the blonde. “Oh, the bed helped.”
“Sounds like you need all the help you can get, Gonzo,” quipped Piggy.
“Believe me, Princess,” the daredevil winked. “The bed was the added bonus.”
“Do you all really think this is an appropriate conversation to be discussing in front of Scooter?” Kermit complained, throwing separate looks at the parties involved.
“Andrew’s a big boy now,” Piggy replied, throwing a motherly arm around Scooter. “It’s important he learns these things from people he knows and trusts.”
“You know, when the guys and I lived in this apartment building,” Janice went on to say. “And like, there was this couple who lived across the hall from us and I swear, they were like rabbits. Totally surprised when they even left the apartment.”
“You know, I never believe those couples who say they’re with each other all time,” Piggy mentioned. “You have to have a break at some point. Girl’s gotta eat.”
“Not if you bring the food to her,” Gonzo pointed.
“Really?” Kermit replied, annoyed that no matter what he seemed to do, he could still hear their conversation behind him. “This is the conversation you’re going to have today?”
“We’re changing the subject.”
By then, Gonzo had started bouncing slightly at the end, which caused small ripples and waves to move throughout the bed frame, causing the girls to giggle in delight. “Like, it’s totally fun having a bed in the office,” Janice laughed.
“Yeah,” the weirdo said, holding his arms out as he began to crest on the mini waves. “It’s kinda like surfing, but without the water and the fear of drowning.”
“You know, if I’m disturbing you all by working,” the frog muttered. “I’ll turn off the lights and go home.”
“Come on, Kermit!” Gonzo insisted. “Get in here. It’s a great bed! It’s supposed to help you relax and relate to people in a whole new way.”
“I don’t want to relate to any of you in a whole new way.”
“I’ll remember that for later,” Piggy retorted.
Scooter, who had by this time fallen fast asleep, turned over and threw an arm around the person nearest to him, which happened to be Janice. “Well, Scooter’s certainly relaxed and wants to relate to us in a whole new way,” Gonzo joked.
“Aw, leave him alone,” the guitarist chastised. Patting said arm across her body, she continued with, “He was up all late last night trying to type up a proposal with no Internet. He called me to find out the definition of ‘antidesiccants’.”
Both Gonzo and Piggy looked at her. “Why did he call you?” the diva asked.
“Because I know the definition of antidesiccants,” Janice replied. “It’s the compounds which are applied to plants to reduce dehydration and drying.”
Again, the daredevil and diva stared. “That’s incredible,” Gonzo whispered. “Why do you know that?”
“I know all the word oddities and their definitions.”
“Cause I like learning,” the guitarist. “And like, they’re weird and weird stuff fascinates me.”
“That’s amazing,” Piggy said, in awe. “Completely random and insane, but amazing none the less.”
“Love you, baby,” murmured a sleeping assistant.
Piggy smiled before leaning over him and saying, “And we love you.”
“Hey girls,” Gonzo chuckled. “Come down here. Come down here and we’ll displace all the gel so when Scooter wakes up, he’ll be on this great big mound.”
“Alright, that’s it,” said Kermit, turning from the, obviously, only place of sanity. “I want everyone out of that bed. Right now.”
Blurry eyed and still a bit sleepy, Scooter woke when he realized he wasn’t cuddling a pillow or Mila Kunis. “What’s going on?”
“Daddy Kermit’s kicking us off the gel bed,” replied Piggy, as she too stood.
“I’m serious!” the frog cried. “Everyone off that bed! Scooter!”
“Call that furniture store, call them right now and have them take this back. Today.”