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Fanfiction Idea: My Aunt and the Muppet Monsters

muppetsahoy

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I'm working on a faux-teleplay for a lost episode of the Muppet show in which the Muppet monsters trick my Aunt Shari into being their dinner. No one knows Muppet humor better than you guys! I'd love to hear your ideas on how this show would play out, and I'll post what I have already written of the pretend teleplay. Thanks!
 
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muppetsahoy

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The Muppet Show: Season 2, Episode 9 (Unaired) (Guest Host: Aunt Shari)​

Excerpts from the final shooting teleplay of a lost episode of the early 2000s Muppet Show reboot, starring Aunt Shari. The Muppet cast was characteristically off-script, and improvised lines have been included.


1. INT. DRESSING ROOM

SHARI is perusing her wardrobe and costumes for the show. She is dressed in a blue long-sleeve shirt and pocketless jeans. She is wearing a concerned grimace, and subtly shaking her head in disbelief. KERMIT hurriedly enters the room, looking down at a clipboard.

KERMIT
On in five, Mrs. Shari. Or is it Aunt Shari?

SHARI
Um – whatever you guys want. Kermit, this is really my wardrobe for the show?

KERMIT
Yes, Mrs. Shari, it should be. Is there a problem?
SHARI removes an article of clothing from the rack, and presents it to KERMIT. It’s a very small, pink leotard. The audience erupts in laughter.

SHARI
Yes, this.
KERMIT’s expression changes to a mixture of concern and confusion. He looks down at his clipboard.

KERMIT
What sketch is that for? That’s not on my list.

SHARI
I have no idea. I’m still waiting for the rewrites.

KERMIT
What rewrites? I wasn’t told there were any rewrites!
2. INT. THE HALL OUTSIDE THE DRESSING ROOM

SWEETUMS and DOGLION are walking together down the hall outside of SHARI’s dressing room. SWEETUMS is flipping through a script, smiling mischievously, and DOGLION is trying to read it. DOGLION seems concerned.

DOGLION
You sure my part is in it?

SWEETUMS
Yes, dummy! I told Carl!

DOGLION
Carl can barely read, and you expect him to do the rewrites.
The audience laughs. SWEETUMS and DOGLION are outside of the dressing room now.

SWEETUMS
Shhh! I hear Kermit.

KERMIT (O.S.)
But I didn’t approve of any rewrites.

SHARI (O.S.)
Well, that’s what that big one said. What’s his name? The green guy, with the horns – and the smile.

KERMIT (O.S.)
Big Mean Carl?!
The audience erupts in laughter. SWEETUMS and DOGLION look at each other with concern. GONZO saunters by the two giant monsters, trying to pass them in the hallway.

GONZO
‘Scuse me fellas! On in five!
A mischievous smiles creeps across SWEETUMS' face. SWEETUMS grabs GONZO, picks him up, and hurls him down the hall. We hear a cacophony as Gonzo lands on a pile of garbage off-screen.

GONZO (O.S.)
Owww!
3. INT. SHARI’S DRESSING ROOM

The audience laughs. SHARI is standing, arms crossed, clearly annoyed, holding the small pink leotard at her side. KERMIT, hearing the commotion outside the room, spins around.

KERMIT
What was that? Oh boy. I’m sorry, Mrs. Shari. I need to…. I’ll be right back.

SHARI
Okay, Kermit. Just, please, get me a script. And a costume that will get around my behind.
The audience erupts in laughter. KERMIT starts to hurry out of the dressing room.

KERMIT
Of course, Mrs. – Aunt Shari. Of course. I’m sorry about this, really – very sorry!
KERMIT leaves the dressing room. SHARI smiles and shakes her head. She examines the pink leotard, then looks down at herself.

SHARI
Yeah, no way.
The audience erupts in laughter. SWEETUMS and DOGLION enter the dressing room. SWEETUMS is smiling mischievously, and DOGLION is trailing behind, ogling and gawking at SHARI.

SHARI
Oh, hey guys.

SWEETUMS
Hi, Aunt Shari. How are you?

SHARI
Oh, just swell! On in less than five, and waiting for a script. How are you?

SWEETUMS
Oh, I’m very well, thank you! Good news! Here are the rewrites!
SWEETUMS hands SHARI the script rewrites, cautiously. The audience laughs sparingly. SHARI grabs the script.

SHARI
Thank – you!
SHARI flips through the script, furrowing her brow in concentration. SWEETUMS and DOGLION look on, nervously.

SWEETUMS
Um, the lines will be on the teleprompter, so – you don’t really need to memorize anything.

SHARI
Yeah, yeah – that’s fine. I just want to get an idea of….
SHARI stops on a particular page; her expression changes to confusion, mixed with apprehension. SWEETUMS smiles nervously, politely.

SWEETUMS
Something wrong, Aunt Shari?

SHARI
The, um, exercise sketch….

SWEETUMS
Yes, yes. The writers are very proud of that one.

SHARI
Um, Yeah. I guess that explains the leotard.

SWEETUMS
So, then....you should get ready, and into costume.

DOGLION:
Oh yeah! Put on the spandex, Aunt Shari!
SWEETUMS looks back at DOGLION and scowls. The audience laughs.

SWEETUMS
(laughing nervously)
Because….we’re on in two.

SHARI
Right, but….
SHARI, reading the script intently, flips the page.

SWEETUMS
And you don’t want to miss your cue! You’re going to do great, Aunt Shari! Best host ever!
SWEETUMS hurries DOGLION out of the room. SHARI doesn’t look up, but her expression changes to outrage and disbelief.

SHARI
I’m what?! Hold on!

SWEETUMS (O.S.)
See you out there!
SHARI continues reading the page to herself.

SHARI
(reading excerpts of the script silently, to herself)
Oh, no! Not happening!

KERMIT (O.S.)
On in two, Mrs. Aunt Shari! Break a leg!

SHARI
Wait, Kermit!
KERMIT doesn’t answer. SHARI grimaces, looks down at the leotard, and then out toward the fourth wall/audience.

SHARI
I knew this show was a bad idea.
The audience erupts in laughter
 

muppetsahoy

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Thanks, Gorgon. Working on it now. Not sure whether I should allow the Muppet monsters to have Aunt Shari for dinner! HAHAH. She gives good presents HAHAHAHA.
 

muppetsahoy

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The Muppet Show: Season 2, Episode 9 (Unaired) (Guest Host: Aunt Shari)

Excerpts from the final shooting teleplay of a lost episode of the early 2000s Muppet Show reboot, starring Aunt Shari. The Muppet cast was characteristically off-script, and improvised lines have been included.

This segment of the teleplay picks up after the opening theme and Kermit's introduction..


1. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF DRESSING ROOM

SHARI, waiting for her cue, is wearing the embarrassingly tight pink leotard and adjusting it nervously. The audience is laughing. She seems annoyed as she reads the script delivered to her by the monsters. SCOOTER, looking over a clipboard, also appears at the end of the hallway. As he passes SHARI, he looks up from his clipboard, realizes it's her, then tries to run-away, unnoticed.

SHARI
Oh, hey, Scooter!

SCOOTER
(with a worried expression)
Uh, yes, Mrs. Shari.

SHARI
You're the writer here, right?

SCOOTER
(looking more concerned)
Uh, yes, I am. Sometimes. Most of the time. Sometimes.

SHARI
Did you write this?​

The audience laughs. SHARI hands SCOOTER the script. He takes it reluctantly. At the end of the hallway, behind SHARI and SCOOTER, SWEETUMS peaks his head out from around the corner. He furrows his brow angrily as he eavesdrops the pair's conversation.

SCOOTER
Oh, that. Well, I – um...
SCOOTER looks around nervously. He spots SWEETUMS, who points at him and scowls.

SCOOTER
Yes. Yes, I did.
The audience erupts in laughter.

SHARI
Why?!

SCOOTER
Well, um...
SCOOTER looks back at SWEETUMS nervously. SWEETUMS furrows his brow.

SCOOTER
It's what the fans want.
The audience laughs.

SHARI
(shaking the script in front of SCOOTER)
This, is what the fans want?

SCOOTER
Oh, most definitely, Mrs. Shari. And you're the best person for it!
SHARI adjusts the leotard angrily.

SHARI
Oh, obviously.​

KERMIT is hurrying down the hall, opposite SHARI and SCOOTER. SWEETUMS ducks back behind the corner, out of sight. KERMIT stops and pauses to look at SHARI, in her costume.

KERMIT
(nervously)
Looking...good, Mrs. Shari.

SHARI
Don't start, Kermit.

KERMIT
Oh, I didn't mean anything by...

SHARI
Just.... Which way is set G?

KERMIT and SCOOTER
(simultaneously)
Set G?

SHARI
Yes, it says here, "Location: Set G."
SWEETUMS pokes his head around the corner again. He's smiling widely.

KERMIT
We don't have a set G.

SHARI
Well, it says it right here in the.... Oh, just forget it.​

SHARI storms off down the hall. SWEETUMS ducks back behind the corner. KERMIT and SCOOTER look at each with concerned expressions.

KERMIT
Let me guess. Another aerobics instructor sketch from the monsters.

SCOOTER
They threatened to shoot me out the cannon, Kermit.
The audience laughs.

KERMIT
Well, she does look good in costume.
More laughter.
 
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