Alright. I haven't done one of these in a while...
Starting with chapter one:
"Because it feels like Christmas."
It's in the singing of a street-corner choir...
"Hypothermia." Piped up Robin.
"No, no, that's hibernation."
<Snicker!> I love that mix-up. And yet, in a way... Robin wasn't far off!
And, since you did request constructive criticism...
"Hypothermia," piped up Robin. is easier and less jarring to read than
"Hypothermia." Piped up Robin. To put it all grammatically, consider the dialogue in quotation marks to be a subordinating clause of the sentence: "Blah blah something-or-other yadda yadda
," said So-and-so. (For example.)
"The way I figure it, if we go wholesale on the tree, do only plastic ornaments, one color lights, and I mention that my uncle owns the tree farm, we should be able to fit it into the budget."
Goodness, what DOESN'T that boy's uncle own? Ah, that does sound like Scooter, though.
And, on the constructive criticism side... starting a new paragraph when a new person starts talking is incredibly helpful to your reader for keeping track of who is and is not speaking. I know you've been having formatting troubles, but if you could please make a priority of that, I would very much appreciate it.
Gut inspureshun tu hefe-a tu be-a cuukeeng fuud fur Chreestmus!"
Mock-Swedish Translator, na ja? I remember when I used to use that. Forget how I got out of the habit... It's alright as a starting point, but it's ultimately too intelligible to be accurate for Chef. My advice is to trust yourself. You've got a decent grasp on how the other Muppets talk; you can probably do better for Chef than a computerized generator. Don't start from a real English sentence--just get a general idea of what you want Chef to say, let a few key words be somewhat recognizable, and use "shmur de hur"-like gibberish for the rest. Just a tip. <pats We Got Us on the back>
In other news... I love the detail that they have to buy new ornaments every year. I presume they keep getting broken/eaten/blown up/destroyed in all ways imaginable and some unimaginable? Excellent.
Finally able face the cold and escape the rush of early morning, Kermit sat on his favorite seat on the front porch and watched his breath in the frosty air. The day was bright, and fog was lifting off the street and white-tipped grass. He pulled his robe tighter around him as a soft but cold breeze stirred the air and made shapes in the mist.
Have I mentioned that I love your descriptions? Because I love your descriptions.
And the whole scene between Kermit and Piggy... Kermit all squirmy and blushy, and all the togetherness talk... It makes me very happy.
Now, Chapter Two!
“Sure, and a chorus line of girls...uh, for a big Jingle Bell Rock number!” Put in Scooter.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh, Scooter. Big number. That's ALL you're thinking about. Uh-huh. Totally. Yup. NO other motives WHAT so ever... Uh-huh. <snicker>
The show was going well, the rent was payed...or was it?
Kudos to you. First time I read this, I liked it very much as just general absent-mindedness. You know, an odd thought, "Oh, I should double-check that later..." And a nice detail, at that. But it was totally foreshadowing!
And then the landlady... <Gulp!> Ah, geez. I know she needs to make money, too, but... Sheesh.
The Muppets milled around uselessly, not wanting to sit down and look idle, not able to ignore the situation and go about things as usual. Kermit watched them: watched them eye the things they'd treasured in that house for years. Rowlf's piano in it's cozy place in the corner, Gonzo's cannon shoved halfway into the overflowing closet, the band's instruments in their various cases stacked against the wall, Scooter's skateboard in it's hazardous place by the door...
I love this. I love the details here, and the tension, and how you
show us how everyone is hurting.
“Well,” He said first. “I guess you know what's going on—“
“I don't.” Robin asked simply, and somehow his small voice and it's question hurt Kermit's ears.
<Whimper!> Gah! Pain! <Whimper!> (Well done, young grasshopper.
)
The Christmas tree they had bought, the biggest, most cheerful one on the lot, was now forgotten in the back of the bus. The Christmas ornaments in the tattered boxes were just another thing to be hauled over to the old theater. The winter day had lost it's spirit—the lingering scent of the peppermint coffee had drifted off. Now it was only cold, outside of the house.
<Whimper!!!> Oh, gosh, I LOVE your descriptions... This paragraph says SO much. Just a collection of details, but isn't it amazing how much you can tell with that collection of details? The pain, the sadness, the loss of hope... And yet, the fact that the cold is outside of the house, and not inside. SO well done. Gosh I love it. This paragraph is an excellent example of why I love to write, and why I'm guessing you do, too.
That evening was even more beautiful than the morning, but colder. Purple and orange painted the streaks of cloud, and stars shown fiery and bright in contrast to the deep blue of the twilight sky. Kermit shivered as he watched the view, taking a minute to be idle, to rest.
So similar to and different from the scene of Kermit taking in the morning! I'd guess that evening was colder than the morning in more ways than one...
There were more cheerful murmurs now—things were less tense. Being together helped that. Kermit had come to know that as long as people were together, no fight was too big, no circumstance too shattering, to be healed by time and togetherness with warm people.
LOVE!
And I ALSO love the Kermit/Fozzie interaction. SO much. Very nicely done.
Chapter Three! No more boldface! Congratulations! Ah, and this Henry fellow seems to be love-struck. How adorable.
“The girl Beau, I've never seen her before.”
“Oh—that's a girl. She sings.”
<snicker>
Love all the dialogue you have of Muppets determining sleeping arrangements. And then this...
It wasn't the first time life had shown him it's easy come, easy go policy the hard way. And he had learned how to cope: That was half of life. The other half was learning how to enjoy yourself while you did so.
Oh, wise. Quite wise indeed. LOVE. On so many levels.
“N-no, no thanks. I've...gotta get those wreathes set up. Thanks—anyway.” He hurried off, wondering why the freezing cold theater suddenly felt so hot.
Ah-ha! I have found a solution to the freezing theater problem! ...Or at least, Henry has. <Snicker>
Chapter Four! YAAAY!
I LOVE the conversation between Robin and Alice. (You may notice that I tend to love just about anything involving Robin... <cough>) Him insisting that she's one of them... Her hoping that she IS one of them... That last sentence at the end of the scene, showing hints of loneliness. Very nice. (And it involves Robin. <cough> <ahem> Yes. I'm totally unbiased here. Yup.)
Kermit waking up in the middle of the night, looking at all his friends... Excellent. I can certainly sympathize with insomnia... And I love him picturing Miss Piggy sleeping. And then the CONVERSATION WITH UNCLE DEADLY! Oh, it is SO good. SO very good. Kermit reflecting, thinking about Jim... And then THIS.
The phantom nodded slowly, and meaningfully. Then he pointed towards the menagerie snoring on the floor.“You have good people there frog.....noisy, irrelivant and trespassing, but good. That is going to make the difference in the long run, not how well things turn out for you. Good people would only willfully choose a worthy leader. They chose you. The only way you could disappoint them would be to give up the job.”
Two major things here. One: noisy, irrelevant and trespassing, but good. I love Uncle Deadly's opinion of the Muppets. Two: "The only way you could disappoint them would be to give up the job." That is SO true, and SO important for just about any sort of leader to remember.
Bottom line? This is really, really great stuff, and I can't wait to read more! So, MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Back to the Rock Season 2
Sesame Street Season 54
The Muppets Mayhem premieres
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
In a perfect world--
So...does she like the new chapter (s)? Unspeakably disappointed? Too flattered to point out the flaws? I'm dying here! But take your time, oh wise one....
Meanwhile, I'm off to dance for joy in the cold, and then to write more. Inspiration, inspiration, inspiration!
Any hoo, I've missed you and I can't wait to read more on Thursday!! Love you Sweetie!!!
Bon voyage!