PIGS IN SPACE: Karnlyn Carnage (FanFic)

Fozzie Bear

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This is simultaneously being released at forums of interest:

COMING SOON from Muppets Fan Kevin L. Williams (creator of Muley the Mule--yeah, shameless plug: www.picturetrail.com/muleythemule and www.cafepress.com/muleythemule), a brand new novelette about our three hapless heroes aboard the Spaceship Swinetrek, and the adventure they embark upon in order to save the universe.

I will save the chapter titles until the whole story is posted so as not to give away the tale, and then collectively I’ll post a chapter page at the end of the story and some Director’s Cut information.

Keep your eyes peeled here for future postings!

~Kev
 

Beth C

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As a fellow fanfic writer, I can't wait to read this. It sounds like it will be a great read.

How many chapters are there going to be?

~Beth C
 

Fozzie Bear

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As a tribute to Star Wars, there'll be 9 Episodes (which was the intention of George Lucas on the Star Wars saga).
==============================
EPISODE ONE
THE NEW DOPES


And now… PIGS IN SPACE!

Starring the indomitable Captain Link Hogthrob; the flappable First Mate Miss Piggy; and, the inexplicable, Dr. Julius Strangepork.

When Last We Left The Spaceship Swinetrek It Was Once Upon A Time, In Some Galaxy Too Far Away To Mention Exactly HOW Far, So We’ll Focus On A Different Ship of the Swinefleet…

In the boundaries of the Rangmor Sector lay the planets Ignoramou and Xapflarp. On the planet Ignoramou exists a powerful substance, one ounce of which could power an entire Starfleet of ships, called Karnlyn.

Karnlyn became a cause of battle between the Ignoramou planet (allied with the Rangmorian Xapflarpians) against powerful, villainous sectors from other star systems. In one star system exists the Pukebia Sector, which harbored the Vomitians who, with a battalion that slightly outnumbered those of both the Rangmorian Ignoramous and Xapflarpians combined, were in search of the Karnlyn for their Emperor under the leadership of Lord Purjebinj--a sinister being who radiated with evil.

Nearly destroyed, the Rangmorians called for help from the Star System F-909 Apopomomnies, who swiftly came into the battle (hoping to attain, as a reward, a portion of the Karnlyn) and began helping wipe out some of the Vomitian ships; but, back-up arrived and the Vomitians were once again outnumbering and over-powering the other armies.

A final plea was made across the galaxies to summon earth’s own Swinefleet who were based in a nearby star system. The Swinefleet was on a mission to explore the outer regions of space, and had become a powerful fighting force itself. The Rangmorian Ignoramous offered Karnlyn to the Swinefleet who, needing fuel, accepted and decided to send a ship of goodwill ambassadors to meet with the Vomitians, but ended up in battle with one of the Vomitian ships and, being badly damaged, attempted a retreat--only to be chased by the evil doers.

“Mayday! Mayday!” Shouted the Captain as a photon explosion nearly missed the ship, shaking it. “MAYDAY!!”

On the local home base, built on an undisclosed territory known as Styopia, the control center heard the Captain’s fearful shouts.

“Loud and clear! Location and situation?” Shouted a sergeant who had been called into the control center.

The captain yelled back into his microphone, “Rangmor Sector, abandoning goodwill ambassador mission, under attack, Vomitian ships have-AAAHHHH…”

Static filled the incoming speakers. Not a good sign at all.

An older, larger, powerful looking creature in a suit covered with medals and badges was the highly decorated General Bay Kenn who had already arrived and overheard all of the events, nearly swallowing his cigar. He was a selfish man who would not allow anything to come between him and winning whatever battle, no matter the cost of lives; however, guilt did sink in a few minutes at such a loss, but only a few minutes. “That’s three crews now,” the General remarked with a snort, scratching his salt and pepper hair.

Sending back up would have been helpful--could have been helpful--but, the Vomitians were ruthless creatures, and would have battled any number of ships until all were destroyed. The General knew there would only be one crew in all of the Swinefleet who could possibly enter the Rangmor Sector and either bring peace to the galaxy, or win the battle against the Vomitians. But, that crew was too valuable to the cause--too responsible to lose-it included himself and his master crewmen that he trained himself.

The Vomitians would have to be spun off kilter, and would need to be confused before the correct crew of the Swinefleet could win this battle for the Rangmorians, and the General knew exactly which crew would be great for the job of decoys. They were sometimes known as the “big guns,” because one of them would shoot off her mouth.

An appointment was made for the following day at 1200 hours on the base, and General Kenn had sent for Lieutenant Colonel Stypeg to gather the Top Secret Documents about the Battle of Rangmor and meet with him in a room hidden behind the library of the Swinefleet base. Also to attend: the “big guns.”

In the drab gray meeting room, Gen. Bay Kenn had taken his seat at the head of a long brown table lined with black chairs. Universal maps of galaxies and star systems, and photos of planets and aliens, covered the walls of the room with a screen at one end of the room and a projector at the opposite end.

Lt. Col. Stypeg appeared. He was a slender man-pig dressed in his uniform, clean and pressed, and carried an envelope that was taped at all edges and marked “Top Secret.” The bags under his eyes were proof that he was up all night awaiting the documents of that file, but he maintained the stance and behavior of a well-rested man.

The two men saluted one another.

“Lieutenant Colonel,” snorted Gen. Kenn, “our, eh, crew will be here any moment. They are to understand only the documents provided in that file, and nothing more. When we deliver the information to them, all they need to know is what we tell them, and nothing more. All other information is to be withheld completely and confidentially. No one, besides us, is to know the actual truths of this battle as far as this crew is concerned.”

“Yes sir,” responded Lt. Col. Stypeg.

It was then that a rap came upon the door.

“Enter!” Lt. Col. Stypeg ordered.

The door opened, and a private entered the room. The private wore a gray uniform much like a pair of cover-alls, and it had a slight lavender tint to it. Its silky material seemed to glow, as did the silvery boots and gloves he wore. A pig’s head located in a circle with a lightning bolt through it, the emblem of the Swinefleet, was printed on the front of the cover-alls.

“Gen. Kenn; Lt. Col. Stypeg,” the private began, saluting, “the crew of the Swinetrek, sirs.”

The General and Lt. Col. both rose from their seats and looked to the door.

First entered the ship’s captain, Capt. Link Hogthrob. A tall, handsome (for a pig) creature whose cover-alls uniform were tinted a slate blue, also shiny from the silken material from which it was made and topped with silvery gloves, belt, and boots. He also wore a cape of a silvery material.

“Good day, General. Lt. Col.,” saluted Capt. Hogthrob.

The other two men saluted, and continued to salute as the next member of the Swinetrek entered. Dressed similar to the private, the ship’s Science Officer entered. He was an older pig, much shorter than most of those in the room but about the same size as most of the privates. With a strip of gray hair circling around the back of his head and his sharp, gold glasses, Dr. Julius Strangepork, who was also responsible for the navigation and electronics of the Swinetrek, entered the room.

“Good morning to you, officers!”

All four men were preparing to take a seat when a shrill voice was heard from the hall leading to the meeting room from the library.

“Get your grimy mitts off my arm, you shrimp of a twit!”

A thud was heard, and a few seconds later a leg appeared at the door, followed by an arm and then a body that was curvaceous and firm. Leaning on the doorframe, First Mate Miss Piggy swung herself into view and flitted her hair in the air.

“I’m here, boys!” She said sweetly. Then, she saw the General and Lt. Col.--whom nobody told her would be there--so she immediately stood at attention and saluted. “Sorry, sirs!”

Her long blond hair hung over her lavender silk uniform, a sleeveless top connected to a miniskirt by a silver utility belt. Her legs, which sunk into knee-high slivery boots, were covered in white silk stockings. She also had on silvery gloves similar to those of the Captain and Science Officer.

First Mate Piggy walked over and sat down by her Captain, then whispered, “We’re gonna have to talk, lain-brain!”

Putting his hand to his mouth, Capt. Link began to get nervous, “Oohhhh!”

It was then that the General stood and began talking to the crew of the Swinetrek. “Captain, you may have heard about the goings on in the Rangmor Sector--about the battles against the Pukebia Vomitians and their evil Lord Purjebinj because of the Rangmorian Fuel Source, Karnlyn?”

“Um, noooo,” Link said in his deep, but slow, voice. “That news hasn’t come to us.”

The Lt. Col. Stypeg walked around the table and stood over Link, “You haven’t heard ANYthing about the Rangmorian Sector?”

“No,” Link said. “Should I have?”

Dr. Strangepork spoke up, “We’ve been on scientific missions exploring outer space, General. If it isn’t about science stuff, we don’t hear about it.”

The General looked over at First Mate Piggy, and she was playing with her hair. “Even you haven’t heard about the Rangmorian Sector?”

Miss Piggy looked up at the General, “I’m sorry, sir. Were you talking to me?”

The General motioned for the Lt. Col. to come closer, and in a whisper he said, “This is great! We can tell them anything for sure now.”

The Lt. Col. finally spoke up, “Sir, the crew of the Swinetrek may not be the smartest crew in the Swinefleet, but they are good at what they do, which is exploring. Sure, they may get lost once in a while costing our department millions of dollars, and they confuse some of the most simplest missions, but they are an asset to us.”

“How?” Asked the General. “After what you just told me, how are they an asset?” The Lt. Col. stood silent for a moment and then Gen. Kenn turned to the crew of the Swinetrek, “Capt. Hogthrob and crew, the Rangmorian Sector have come under attack by a miniscule army known as the Vomitians. We have been unable to contact the Vomitians as ambassadors of peace, so it will be your job to go to Pukebia, home planet of the Vomitians, and directly talk to their leader, Lord Purjebinj. There, you’ll bring tidings of good will and convince him to withdraw his armies from the Rangmor Sector.”

“Sounds easy enough,” said Link. “When should we depart?”

“I have to get my hair done at 4 p.m. today,” said Piggy. “It’ll have to be after that.”

“You leave at 3 pm today,” said the General.

“I knew that was coming,” Piggy snorted.

Lt. Col. Stypeg walked by a map on the wall and pointed at it with a laser, “Captain Hogthrob, collect the rest of your crew and then head northeasterly 40 degrees. You will see the Spatula Galaxy in the distance, but turn to your right (20 degrees) at the lone moon. Head straight on and that is where you will find the Pukebia Sector. They will contact you first, at which time you will explain who you are and your mission to them, but you will only go into detail with Lord Purjebinj.”

“Aye aye, sir,” Capt. Link said to the General. as he, Piggy, and Strangepork left the room.

When the door had been closed, the Lt. Col. turned to the General, “They are certainly doomed! How is this plan supposed to work?”

“Lt. Col.,” the General began, “Lord Purjebinj will not expect us to send a crew directly to his planet, especially not one to request only to speak directly to him! He’ll think that if we have a ship that close to him, that there’ll be more and when he calls for back up from the other ships in the Rangmorian Sector, we, along with the Ignoramous, Xapflarpians, and the Apopomomnies shall swoop in, overtake the remaining Vomitian ships, then as a solid single force attack Pukebia and win this battle!”

“But, that still puts the Swinetrek crew in mortal danger.”

“A small price to pay for victory, Lt. Col. A small price to pay,” the General grinned. “Want a donut?”

With less than 2 hours left until departure, Captain Link Hogthrob walked across the base and called on his crewmen and women to get on board the Swinetrek, and had typed up (with many typos) a memo explaining their mission:

Memmo: Mission
From: Your Illustrius Capt. Link Hogthrob
Date: Today
When: In a coupl eof hours.

Today we ebmark on a mission to the Vomitian planet, Pukebia, where unner tidings of good Will we plan to discusss the matter and with their leader Lrod Purjebinj who will let us win.

Arrrive at the Swinetrek at 1500 hrs for take off.

Length of mission: unknow

By now, of course, the crew of the Swinetrek already learned to understand his misspellings in his messages. Listening to him talk was still a challenge.
 

Whatever

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Kev, you already know I think it's fabulous.
Ha, now I get to watch everyone else waiting for the installment, while I've read it to the end already :smile: !
 

Fozzie Bear

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I'm always so nervous if someone'll like my stuff or not.

================================

EPISODE TWO
A TRAVEL TO A DESOLATE PLACE


And now…PIGS IN SPACE! Starring the incomparable Captain Link Hogthrob; the daunting and dainty First Mate Miss Piggy; and the unexplainable Dr. Julius Strangepork.

When Last We Left The Crew Of The Swinetrek, They Were Preparing For A Mission.

“This mission is being prepared for,” Capt. Hogthrob said as he stood with pen and paper, reading over the checklist, “Have we got all our supplies on board, Private Pighead?”

“Indeed, Captain,” Private Pighead responded. Pighead had an oval shaped head, much wider in his jowls, and he had a slightly sleepy look to his eyes, not unlike the eyes of his Captain. “Only a matter of a few minutes before we’re fully stocked and the Swinetrek will be ready for blast-off.”

“Good,” said the Captain, looking around. “Who’s got the paper towels?”

First Mate Miss Piggy had walked over and stood next to Capt. Link as some of the privates boarded the Swinetrek carrying her load of supplies.

“What is that, First Mate Piggy?” asked the Captain in his deep, breathy voice.

“Oh,” Miss Piggy began, “That is just moi’s important supplies: hair spray, shampoo, blush, beauty cream, zit removers…”

“Mm-hmm,” began Capt. Hogthrob. “Should I help them to be sure they have all of that on board? We wouldn’t want you caught without any of that.”

“Of course not, mon capitan!” Then, it began to dawn on her, “Waitaminnit! What are you trying to say?”

Dr. Strangepork walked up with his student, Craniac, who was studying to become the Science Officer aboard one of the other research ships. Craniac was much shorter than any of the pigs (he was not a pig and that made him exceptional to the entire Swinefleet), and was odd-looking in that his head looked like a Jell-O mold, or a brain with a mouth. However, since an infant when Dr. Strangepork found him abandoned on a lone planet, he had grown up around the pigs and they all welcomed him as one of their own.

“After doing further research, it is my inclination that we will travel first at 40 degrees from the Northwest at turbo-light speed until we reach Pukebia Sector,” Strangepork announced. “Once there, we should be within distance to contact their leader, talk him into being more peaceful, and then book it back home!”

“Mm-hmm,” Hogthrob responded, “sounds like a plan to me!”

“Oh, brother!” Miss Piggy snorted, “You’re the Captain! You should make the plans and decisions.”

“Rightly so, First Mate Miss Piggy,” announced Captain Hogthrob. “We’ll do what he said.”

Miss Piggy buried her face in her hands, “How’d I end up with these weirdoes?”

“After all,” Link continued, “he is Navigation Officer.”

Strangepork looked at Piggy and smiled, and she mocked a smile back at him then walked away, throwing her hair back over her shoulder.

“Everybody: On board the Swinetrek!” called Captain Hogthrob, walking up the plank and into the mouth of the ship followed by the crew and supplies. “Next stop: Pukebia!”

“No,” said Strangepork. “Next stop: potty break! We have a long trip ahead of us!”

And so it was. The crew of the Swinetrek had used the bathroom, boarded and prepared for take-off. With a blast of fire from the jets, the Swinetrek rose from the ground and flew toward the skies.

"This part always makes me nervous," First Mate Piggy announced.

"Why is that, Miss Piggy?" asked Dr. Strangepork.

"Look who's driving!"

"Who?" asked Capt. Link.

"Obviously," Miss Piggy began, "the 'missing Link!'"

Piggy and Strangepork laughed it up as Link thought about it, but obviously missed the joke. Into space they flew, reaching the outer edge of orbit of Styopia.

"Engage hyperspace when ready, Captain," Strangepork said.

Captain Link looked at a button on the control panel in front of him, "Oh, Light speed, will you marry me?" Then, he burst into a round of laughter. "Get it?!"

“Oh, you’re such a ham, Link!” Dr. Strangepork laughed, but Miss Piggy frowned at the joke, "Got it, but don't want it. Get going, sausage brains."
A warning was issued for everyone on board the Swinetrek to take his or her seats, or hold on for dear life, due to the oncoming hyperspace speed, and then the button was pressed. In a flash of light, the Swinetrek was out of sight.

Back at the home base on Styopia, Gen. Kenn was watching the radar screens after the Swinetrek took off. "What are those idiots doing?! That's their OLD course! They're supposed to be going the other way! Turn them around!!"

"Attention Swinetrek Crew," the soldier said into a microphone, "you are going opposite the correct course of direction, please turn your ship 90 degrees to your right."

They watched the little blip on the radar begin making a turn--a very WIDE turn as it would be at light speed--and then the blip disappeared.

"Where's the ship?" asked General Bay Kenn.

"Come in, Swinetrek," called the soldier. "Come in, Captain Link Hogthrob."

On board the Swinetrek, screams galore burst forth from First Mate Miss Piggy as the ship began making a turn at the hands of Captain Hogthrob.
"What are you doing, pork loin?!" she screamed.

"You heard home base, Miss Piggy," Link said. "They told us to turn."

"I'd like to point out, Captain, that this turn is very dangerous for this speed!" reported Dr. Strangepork. "Going so far off course, we could wreck into a comet or meteor, or even a planet! Oy! Should we hit another planet it could be misconstrued as an attack--we're talking about interplanetary war here, Captain."

"It's okay, Dr. Strangepork," the Captain said in his deep breathy voice. "I'll take full responsibility for it."

“Captain,” Julius said, “if we wreck into a planet you’ll be Spam!”

"LOOK OUT!" Shouted Miss Piggy.

Sure enough, they were headed straight for a planet, and there was only enough time for Hogthrob to lower the "steering thingy" causing the ship to miss the planet.

"Are you drinking?" shouted Miss Piggy.

"No, I'm fine," said the Captain. "I don't know what you're screaming about. Dr. Strangepork is doing just fine."

But, upon inspection, fear had caused Dr. Strangepork to pass out.

Miss Piggy rolled her eyes, "He's out cold, Link."

"Well, at least he isn't yelling at me."

"Well, what do you expect me to do?! You're turning off course at light-speed, ding-dong! You'd scream, too, if I did it!"

"Of course I would! There's no need for you to be driving this ship or sit in my seat."

"Never mind," growled Miss Piggy. She began to run her fingers through her hair to get it back in place.

Dr. Strangepork began to wake up, "Oh, what happened?"

Miss Piggy quickly pointed at Link, "That did."

Soon enough, the ship began slowing down, and the Swinetrek was further off course than any of them thought they were. They began passing some planets that weren't on the charts, so, being the crew which normally researches the unknown territories of space, they diverted from their mission and landed on a planet with bluish gray rock and a red sky. They had seen some scurrying creatures below, and decided there must be breathable air here.

The mouth of the Swinetrek opened and Link, Piggy, and Strangepork all walked out onto the rocky planet.

"Odd sort of place, isn't it?" Link asked. "Look at all the golf ball holes."

"Indeed!" agreed Strangepork.

"Those aren't golf ball holes, you twit! They're craters." Miss Piggy snapped.

"Craters?" Link asked.

"Yeah," she responded, "Like the one in your head."

"Oh," the Captain answered.

"LOOK!" shouted Strangepork, pointed to a pink, cone headed creature with blue eyes that was watching them, then disappeared into a crater.

"AAHH!" Miss Piggy shouted. "Don't let it mess up my hair!"

"It's only looking at us, you two," said the Captain, soothingly.

Then, another head popped up closer to them and shouted, "Merdlidop!"

"AAHHH! Don't let it mess up my hair," shouted the Captain.

"Can it, Hogthrob!" Miss Piggy exclaimed after watching the pink creatures. "They only seem to be staying in those craters there."

"Don't fear, Captain! I have the Disolvotron!" Said Julius, referring to a gun he invented that would make the intended targets dissolve into thin air.

Then, across the field of stone, they saw two creatures--one which was red with a long nose (a female by her voice), and the other a fat ball of orange which screamed out some kind of mating call "Galley Oh Hoop Hoop". The female screeched out with a laughing sound and then the two creatures ran full-forced into one another, followed by a great explosion, and a single little mix of the prior two remaining in the spot. They had made a baby, a small red creature with scales and wide-open eyes.

"Oh! I know where we are now,” Strangepork announced excitedly. "We are on Koozebane."

"Is that a little like wolf bane?" Link asked, poking his thumb in his mouth, "I don't want to meet any witches!"

"Greetings, travelers," came a voice from behind, causing all three leaders of the Swinetrek to jump and yelp.

"Don't DO that!" Said the Captain.

"Welcome to Koozebane,” came the voice, upon closer inspection was revealed to be a red fluid in a jar, with a face no less. "I am Spooble, and would like to invite you over to my place."

"Oh, how nice!" Said Miss Piggy.

"Granted, I'll need you to carry me,” said the Koozebanian Spooble. "I was once carried here to watch the shooting stars by a Foob, but he is a shape-shifter and ultimately turned himself into a rock. That's him over there, the blue rock, and he can't seem to turn himself back for some reason or other."

"Oh?" Strangepork picked up the rock. "I should like to study this rock, then. Perhaps we can help."

First Mate Piggy picked up the Spooble and carried him based on his directions. The Merdilidops seemed to be following them, popping up out of the craters like prairie dogs ever so often.

"What are those pink guys?" Miss Piggy asked the Spooble.

"Oh, they're the Merdlidops. They have a Queen named Phyllis,” said the Koozebanian Spooble. "The Merdlidops are not very numerous, and are near extinction."

"Why is that?" Asked Strangepork.

"Well, long ago we had a lush landscape that was unsurpassed by any other planet,” the Spooble explained. "All our nutrients were gathered into one area, in like an ocean, and it became a powerful fuel substance. Then, an army force came down and began to borrow some of our fuel, but ultimately attacked us. I used to be as solid as you all are now, but I was shot by some kind of ray that liquefied me, as were lots of others of my own tribe. Now, we all sit on a shelf in our house in jars."

"Oh, you poor dear,” Miss Piggy said, a tear coming out of her eye. "That's the most awful thing I've ever heard of."

"I'll say,” said the Captain. "How do you go to the bathroom?”

First Mate Piggy groaned, but Strangepork giggled.

"We survive, ma’am,” said the Spooble. “The only problem with the Merdlidops is that they are often blowing smoke from their heads. It’s kind of their means of protection. Scares some of the other Koozebanians away. They’re also very territorial."

Strangepork had called back to the ship to get some of the Technology and Science crew to exit the Swinetrek and collect some soil and rocks.
Once they neared the Spooble's home, a green wolf-like creature appeared from behind the stone abode.

"Look out!" Screamed Link.
 

G-MAN

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This is funny, I love how you brought into play all of the Koosebanians, that was so cool.
 

Fozzie Bear

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Thanks. There's more surprises to come, even from a place that isn't necessarily TMS related!
======================

EPISODE THREE
STARTING OVER


And now…PIGS IN SPACE! Starring the striking Captain Link Hogthrob; the stunning First Mate Miss Piggy; and the eccentric Dr. Julius Strangepork.

When last we left the crew of the Swinetrek, a green wolf-looking creature on Planet Koozebane confronted them.

"Look out!" Screamed Link. “A green wolf-looking creature is confronting us!”

"It won’t hurt you. That's one of those Foobs,” said the Spooble. "Make sure you know exactly where everyone is so you won't get confused if he becomes one of you. Shape-shifter, you know."

Suddenly, the blue Foob “rock” in Strangepork's hands began to tremor, and then with a popping sound turned back into a Foob, looked at Strangepork, and then everyone found themselves looking at two Juliuses.

"What the hey?!" Shouted Link. He turned to ask Miss Piggy for help, but then found two of her standing there. "Uh-oh! As if one wasn't bad enough!" Confusion set in quickly for the Captain (which happened often). "Okay, now, who is who here, and who isn't?"

"Dimwit! You should be able to tell that!" Miss Piggy sometimes just couldn't stand his ignorance. "I'm the one holding the jar of Spooble and Dr. Strangepork is the one with the Disolvotron gun."

"Oh," said the Captain. "Carry on." As they walked inside the stone hut, the Foobs both became Capt. Hogthrob, and when he noticed them he stopped short. "Say, you handsome twins look familiar. Have we met before?" Then, the Foob “Hogthrobs” looked at one another and ran off. Link entered the house, “Not very friendly guys-“

The house was dusty and filthy since there isn’t much housekeeping one can do when he or she is trapped in a jar in a liquefied state. Miss Piggy set the Spooble on a shelf with the other members of his family. They were different colors of fluid, all with faces and voices, and all in jars. After they were greeted, they were invited to have a drink, but carefully as none of Spooble's family wished to be accidentally drunk. Instead, Strangepork was able to reach into a bucket outside and gather some of the Koozebanian rainwater that had fallen.

The water was unlike anything the three pigs had ever had before in their life. Earth's spring water, when it's fresh, clean and cool, is very sweet and refreshing. They had even drank some of the water from Styopia, which was kind of salty tasting, but clean and, after straining, refreshing. But, the Koozebanian rainwater, unlike the other two, was completely different.

"What IS this junk?! Blah!" Link exclaimed, spitting water out of his mouth.

Both Piggy and Strangepork had spat their water onto the floor as well. After wiping their tongues off on their gloves to get rid of the taste of the awful rainwater, First Mate Piggy Spoke up, "Who was this army that attacked you all?"

“And what did they put in your water?” asked Julius.

The Spooble looked at his family and all whispered to one another, and then turned to the Swinetrek Crew, "We are unsure of this. However, if you go down into the craters you will be taken before Queen Phyllis of the Merdlidops and she should know. Many of her people were destroyed during the last battle."

"That's why they're not as numerous as they should be?" Asked Link.

"Correct,” answered the Spooble. "All you have to do to get an audience with her is to simply jump into the craters, and her people will immediately take you before her. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard."

After thanks for the visit and information, the crew left in search of a crater where one of the Merdlidops was last seen. Another male and female Koozebanian creature was seen mating, and two little red bulbs appeared after the explosion.

"Awww! Twins!" Shouted Strangepork. "Wonderful!"

Suddenly, a large pink furry hand reached out and grabbed Dr. Strangepork by the ankle and dragged him into the crater.

“Oh, Capitan! Aren’t the twins adorable?” Miss Piggy asked.

“Yes,” said Link. “They look alike, too!”

Miss Piggy started looking around, “Where’s Strangepork?”

“I don’t know,” Link said, also looking around. “He was here a second ago.”

Another large pink furry hand grabbed Miss Piggy and yanked her into another crater before she could even mutter a word or scream.

“I didn’t see him walk away, did you?” Link asked.

There was no answer, so he looked back to where Piggy was standing.

“I didn’t think-oh, dear!” Link shouted! “I’m all alone!” Then, he stuck his thumb in his mouth and sat down to cry, but was immediately yanked into a crater where he found Piggy and Strangepork all tied up. “Yay! I’m not alone anymore! Hey, what’s going on?” He soon found himself all tied up at the moment.

Blindfolded, bound, and gagged, the three members of the Swinetrek were taken tunnel after tunnel, deep into the innermost recesses of Koozebane, where they finally heard a sound as though a huge stone were being rolled aside. When the blindfolds were removed, they found themselves in the throne room of the Merdlidop Queen.

Piggy was thinking hard about having been captured, “You better hope you didn’t mess up my hair, Mophead. Oh, Mon Capitan, I do hope we aren’t stuck down here forever!”

“Well the rest of the crew will miss us from the ship and come look for us,” Capt. Hogthrob assured the others. “All we have to do is let them know we’re being held captive.”

“How do you plan to do that?” Strangepork asked.

Link thought really hard for a few seconds and then began shouting, “Help! Help!!”

“Oh, can it, Captain Hogthrob,” Piggy said. “We’re captured, we’re deep inside this planet. They’ll never hear us down here.”

“Should I scream louder?”

“No,” Piggy and Julius said.

“You know, I have pillows that look like you guys,” First Mate Piggy told her captor.

“MERDLIDOP!” Came the response.

“Yeah, whatever,” Piggy said.

Strangepork had been thinking hard about having been captured, “I hope their Queen says more than ‘merdlidop,’ or we’re in trouble!”

Held in place, as like prisoners by the large pink, furry hands of the citizens of there, they watched as another Merdlidop, looked the same as all the others except with a large orange nose, entered the room and sat upon a stone chair. It was Queen Phyllis.

“Merdlidop!” She said in a stern voice.

“We’re in trouble!” Strangepork shouted. “Speak-ie you English?”

“Harumph!” Queen Phyllis snorted.

Link perked up, “Oh! She’s one of us! Just-furrier.”

“Greetings travelers,” Queen Phyllis said, assessing the captives.

“Oh, goody!” Link exclaimed. “She DOES talk a real language!”

Queen Phyllis’ eyes fell on Link who, by his uniform, most obviously had to be the leader of them all. After all, HE had a cape! “Why do you trespass my realm?”

“We’re on a mission to study the un-chartered reaches of space!” Link replied.

“We are NOT!” Strangepork said. “We are on a diplomatic mission to ask the Vomitians to cease and desist their attacks upon the Rangmorians.”

“Oh, yeah,” Link said, rolling his eyes. “That, too!”

Queen Phyllis ordered the guards to release the captives, and then surveyed the three prisoners again, “So, only the three of you are expected to halt an entire army? It was that army which destroyed my people.”

“Then it WAS the Vomitians that attacked Koozebane all those years ago!” Strangepork assessed.

“Yes, it was,” Queen Phyllis replied. “They destroyed nearly all of those in my own race and only exactly five are now allowed to explore the upper crust and who have met an earthling and a talking frog. Both were relatively simple in mind. One broke his radio, and the frog always talked to a simple black box with one eye. You see, many years ago it was creatures such as yourselves that came here to our planet-before the Vomitians destroyed it and made it into rock by taking all our natural resources.”

Strangepork’s brain began working, “Oh, yes! Koozebane was the furthest the Swinefleet research team got before turning back home in those days! I remember reading about it in the Swinefleet Historical Documents.”

“Link,” Piggy began. “Do you plan to ask them what we need to know; or are we going to stand here like pigs in a blanket?”

“Don’t fear, First Mate Piggy,” Link said in his calm, deep voice. “I will ask them.”

“When?” Piggy snorted.

“First Mate Piggy,” he replied, “I am the Captain of this crew, and I will determine when the time is right.”

Miss Piggy frowned at being talked ‘down to.’ “WELL?”

Link pushed his hand through the ropes that bound him, and looked at his intergalactic timekeeper, “Not yet.”

“Oh,” began Strangepork, “the suspense is KILLING me!”

Piggy and Queen Phyllis looked at one another. Her snout curled up, First Mate Piggy growled, “Oh, brother!”

“Not yet,” Link said, watching the seconds pass.

In an overly dramatic tone, Strangepork exclaimed, “When will it happen?!”

“Oh, can it, you two!” Piggy shouted prepared to ask Queen Phyllis what they needed to know when Link, looking at his timekeeper, shouted out: “NOW! Oh, Queen Phyllis, we know the evil Vomitians attacked your planet, and we ask you to let us know the direction to their planet so we can carry out our diplomatic mission.”

“That was actually very anti-climatic, Link,” Strangepork said.
Phyllis explained that, as she heard it, the Vomitian ships came from the south and returned into that same direction.

“Very well,” Link said. “South is where we’ll go.”

“Be careful,” Queen Phyllis said. “We attempted to be welcoming and friendly, and then diplomatic, and they used our compassion against us as our defenses were not yet fully at arms. They are very ruthless and destructive.”

“Never fear,” Link said, “WE have a secret weapon!”

“We do?” Strangepork asked.

“Yes,” Link said. “We have Miss Piggy!”

Of course, this flattered her and she smiled and struck a pose for her Captain.

“My friends,” Queen Phyllis began, “I have a few contacts in the galaxies with whom I have great friendly relations with, and I beseech that should you or your people ever have a necessity for our presence, or even just to come back and visit, feel free to contact us. Partake of this rock,” and she broke off a chunk of a glowing stone, “and tap upon it if you wish to contact us. We will respond.”

As it would turn out, the cone-headed pink creatures were actually telepathic, and could read minds but as they were very patient creatures also she had listened to everything the visitors had to say. Phyllis ordered her guards to carry the crew back to their ship through the tunnels and they saw hundreds more Merdlidops (even baby ones).

“Looks like they’ll have their kind back in full swing before long,” Piggy said.
Suddenly, all three of them found themselves flying out of the craters and landing near the Swinetrek. Oddly, there were suddenly three or four little Swinetreks sitting about.

“Oh! Look!” Piggy shouted. “Our ship’s had babies?!”

“Hey, how can I drive something that small?” Link asked. “I hope they grow bigger.”

“I don’t think those are baby ships,” Strangepork said. “I think those are the Foobs.”

Sure enough, the little ships began to change shapes and were soon enough looking like the Swinetrek’s crew. Piggy decided if they hold hands then they won’t get confused with the imposters, and were soon onboard their ship and blasting off into space, flying toward the southern route of the galaxy toward a planet that no explorers have ever set foot on and lived to tell about it.
 

G-MAN

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Finally the Foobs make an appearence that was priceless ROTFLMAO:smile:
 
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