Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

Muppetfan44

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
945
Reaction score
235
All I can is AWWWW!

and this too: I loved the reference to the Mark Hamill episode of TMS, very clever and very muppety!

Keep up the great work, I can't wait to read more!
 

theprawncracker

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2004
Messages
13,202
Reaction score
534
Chapter 20

A fishing rod leaned up against the wooden barricades of the porch and the line danced in the wind as it hung gracefully in the air.

The stars glistened in the eyes of Mom the Frog as Dad slipped his hand into hers suavely.

“Mm, and who said the city doesn’t have the same atmosphere as the swamp,” Mom mused quietly, laying her head on Dad’s shoulder.

“Well,” Dad said defensively, “we don’t have our log.”

“We’re on a bench,” Mom said, “it’s made of wood… I think we’re close enough.”

“How can you say that?” Dad asked. “Don’t you remember the first time we found that log?”

“How could I forget?” said Mom. “You were in your awkward anthropomorphic stage still—one arm was longer than the other!”

Dad scrunched up his face like a certain other frog he was very close to. “So I matured slowly,” Dad said. “I found the log though, didn’t I?”

“You did, yes,” nodded Mom. “But you also pushed me off the log, if I remember correctly.”

“There was a mosquito on you! I was trying to swat it off,” Dad said, defending his past actions.

“You couldn’t have just eaten it?” Mom asked with a smirk.

“It was our first date,” said Dad. “You expected me to bring out the tongue that soon?”

The two frogs laughed to themselves quietly and Mom squeezed Dad’s hand tight. “How long ago was that?” she asked softly.

Dad blew the air out of his lungs and laughed lightly. “A long time,” he said.

“Mm,” said Mom. “Is it still too soon?”

Dad’s eyes lit up and he leaned in towards Mom.

The door to the porch burst open and a vivacious red monster came running out gleefully. “Hi there!” Elmo said happily.

Dad and Mom straightened up and smiled. “Hello there,” Mom said.

“Elmo’s name is Elmo,” said the monster. “Are you green frog’s mommy and daddy?”

“We are,” Dad said, “and we’ve met before, Elmo.”

“Oh, Elmo knows,” Elmo said. “But Elmo’s mommy always told Elmo to introduce himself to grown-ups!”

Mom smiled. “That’s a good idea,” she said.

“But Elmo wanted to ask Kermit’s mommy and daddy a question,” Elmo said.

“Go right ahead,” Dad said.

“Oh, thank you!” Elmo said, running forward and climbing up on the bench in between the two frogs. “Elmo would like to know about the day Mommy the Frog and Daddy the Frog got married!”

Dad smiled and gave mom a look of mild annoyance. “Well… it was a hot day in the swamp…”

“Um, Dad the Frog?” Elmo interrupted.

“Yes Elmo?”

“Did Elmo interrupt something?”

Dad looked at Mom and Mom smiled at Dad. “No Elmo,” Dad said with a smile. “Nothing that can’t be picked up later.”

~-~-~-~-~

Kermit held a tall glass of champagne in his hand and stood with his arm around Miss Piggy’s waist. The two of them were making small talk with some random big-name star who wanted to approach Kermit about a cameo in the new movie—but Kermit, of course, directed the course of conversation a-way from that topic while Piggy was around.

Unfortunately, Kermit did this directing by conversing about a rather embarrassing subject.

“There’re how many eggs?” the actor asked.

“Oh thousands,” Kermit said with an enthusiastic smile. “All laid in the nearest plot of water we can find.”

The big name star let out a sigh of disbelief. “Ya don’t say,” he said. “Miss Piggy… what do you—”

“Watch it B-list, or you’ll drop down to the D-list in a swing of moi’s arm,” Miss Piggy growled at the actor, keeping her private matters, appropriately, private.

The man gulped loudly. “D-list?” he asked nervously.

Death list,” Piggy’s voice rumbled from low in her throat as she lifted herself up higher in intimidation.

Kermit squirmed and pulled his arm out from Piggy’s waist. “Piggy, honey, why don’t you go mingle with Barbara and the others,” Kermit said, waving his arm in the direction of Barbara Walters and the cast members of “The View.”

Miss Piggy laughed lightly. “Kermie dear, doesn’t moi get enough clucking hens at home?” she asked.

Kermit smirked. “Why don’t you go see if you can teach them a lesson in class,” the frog said with perfect pitch and production that it could convince a fly to bird and a bird to fly, if just for a second.

“Mmm,” Piggy hummed lightly. “You’re good frog,” she said. “But I saw through your act after you said ‘honey.’”

“But you’re still going over there, yes?” Kermit asked.

“Of course,” Piggy said airily. “A modern diva such as moi’s self, must always entertain everyone at a party with moi’s presence. Ta ta dear,” Piggy said, pecking Kermit on his cheek as she strolled casually past.

“How do you do it, Kermit?” the still dumbfounded star asked.

“You learn to just go along with these things,” Kermit said with a smile. “So you’re interested in a cameo! Let me tell you what I have of the plot so far…”

~-~-~-~-~

“So, Mick, tell me, ya think you can up my paycheck due to… rodent relations?”

“Please, Mickey no has time for jou, hokay! Mickey is way to busy to waste his time on de vermin—Mickey is only interested in de truly talented king prawns, hokay!”

“Pft! De only shrimp Mickey’s int’rested in is da ones on the buffet!”

“King prawn, hokay!”

“Whatevah.”

“So wha’-do-jou say, Mickey, baby, jou want me in jour next big romantic comedy or what?”

“Puh-lease, you in a real movie? I’ve seen windows with more talent d’en you!”

“Si, si, but d’ey are a pane to watch! Jou get it Mickey?”

“Uh, listen, fellas—” Mickey Mouse started to say, but was, of course, interrupted.

“Mick, c’mon,” said Rizzo, “we’re basically family!”

“Mickey, Mickey, Mickey,” Pepe protested, “he’s a rat! Jou are a mouse, hokay. No relation, baby. Now, about de romantic comedy… I was t’inking maybe pairing me alongside Ashley Tisdale, hokay, she has de pretty… features.”

“And he ain’t talkin’ about da feature films,” Rizzo told Mickey.

Mickey messed with his cufflinks, trying to seem preoccupied. “Fellas, I really don’t—”

“No, no, I un’erstand,” Pepe said. “Jou’re busy Mickey, I get it! I know esactly how d’at is, hokay. Jou take jour time t’inking about it, hokay. Pepe isn’t going anywhere.”

“Unfortunately,” Rizzo muttered.

Pepe whipped around to face Rizzo. “Why? Why jou got to do d’at, Ritzo?” Pepe asked. “I will smack jou! I will smack jou—”

“Oh give it a rest, will ya?” said Rizzo, rolling his eyes.

Pepe’s face tensed and he suddenly leapt up from the floor and tackled Rizzo right into one of the salad holders on the buffet.

As the prawn and the rat engaged in their scuffle, Mickey slipped away, as fast and as inconspicuously as he could.

Rizzo looked up and spat a cherry tomato out of his mouth. “Hey, he’s gone!”

“Figures,” Pepe muttered, pulling a lettuce leaf out of his tux pocket. “Want to go find de duck?”

“Are you nuts?” Rizzo asked. “I can’t understand a word he says!”

“No, not nuts,” Pepe said. “Quacked, hokay!”

Rizzo stared at Pepe, and then punched his arm. “You have got to stop havin’ lunch with Fozzie,” said the rat, climbing out of the buffet and walking off.

“Hey! Hey! Wait for me, hokay! Jou’re not getting a movie deal without me co-starring!”

~-~-~-~-~

“Oh yes, Barbara, mon cher,” Piggy said to Barbara Walters. “Vous just look gorgeous in white! And what is your opinion on pink?”

“Miss Piggy, everyone knows you’re looking for another bridesmaid,” Barbara Walters told the pig.

Miss Piggy frowned. “Oh, you thought moi—ah ha! Ah ha ha ha,” Piggy laughed. “No, dear, you see, moi just has this old dress that simply makes moi’s hips look… boorish!”

“Don’t you mean boar-ish?” Whoopi Goldberg asked, garnering a laugh from those within earshot.

Miss Piggy shot a glare at Whoopi. You’re on thin ice, dreads, she thought. “But Barbara, vous would look wonderful in it, I’m sure!” Miss Piggy glanced at an invisible clock she pretended was on the wall behind Barbara Walters’ head. “Oh, dear, look at the time! Moi simply must be going! I told that stereotypically hot-bodied male superstar I’d give him a dance! Ta ta ladies!”

Miss Piggy took leave from the Viewers and wandered aimlessly around the perimeters of the dance floor. “Where is Scooter?” she asked no one in particular.

“Just saw ‘im miss,” said a bartender wiping out a glass at the bar Piggy happened to ask no one in particular next to. “Yellow kid with glasses and a blotch of hair?”

“Mm-hm, that’s him,” Miss Piggy said.

“Yeah, he just stopped by with some gal—hoo, was she a fox!” declared the bartender. “He came by and got a couple ginger ales for ‘em and went out on the alcove—alone.”

Miss Piggy processed this information and smiled, thanking the bartender. She made her way to the large, all glass wall on the end of the building and peered out into the night.

On the large alcove she saw Scooter and some tall woman in an annoyingly flashy green dress staring and pointing up at the sky.

“Hmm,” said Piggy. “To meddle or not to meddle…”

“I wouldn’t, if I were you.”

She whipped around to face Beauregard, who jumped back and waved slightly at her. “Hello,” Beau said.

Piggy sighed with relief. “Beauregard, don’t scare moi like that,” she said.

“Sorry,” said Beau. “I didn’t mean to. I was just saying you shouldn’t meddle with Scooter.”

“I wasn’t really going to,” Miss Piggy said.

“Oh, okay,” Beauregard said.

“Erm, Beau,” said Piggy. “If… if vous are in here… where is the limo?”

“Oh, I parked it right outside!” Beauregard said proudly. “I got a perfect spot! Really close to the building! You know, it was right where we all got out!”

“Come again?”

~-~-~-~-~

Waldo was bored.

Lying low and dodging super-sized vacuum cleaners wasn’t his idea of a good time.

He’d thought that once he got to the theater he’d be free to roam and have a good time.

He hadn’t, however, calculated for Bunsen and Beaker coming back to the theater too, and bringing their vacuum.

But now Waldo was alone in the play-house.

Or so he thought.

The obnoxious blue bug flew out from a crevice in a wall backstage (there were plenty to hide in) and buzzed around in search of something exciting to do.

Behind him, something heavy dropped with a thud.

Waldo spun around, turning into a baseball bat, and staring into the darkness behind him. “I—I have a bat! And I know how to use it!” he said, his voice trembling.

When nothing in the darkness moved, Waldo decided he was just hearing things and resumed his fun search.

Two beady yellow eyes opened in the shadows and followed Waldo as he flew.

Waldo stopped and hovered in front of a brightly colored cast poster and the eyes lurched forward slowly and carefully. When the eyes (and the body they happened to be attached to) stopped, directly behind Waldo. Slowly, the eyes rose up and then—

The glass came down in a flash and Waldo was trapped. He buzzed around insanely, desperately searching for a way out. On top, he was blocked by the bottom of the glass (ironic, no?) and on bottom, a clammy, rough blue hand blocked his path.

Waldo decided it would be best to try a different approach—so he turned into a lit candle and held the flame on the hand.

It didn’t budge.

The glass rose and Waldo became face to face with the yellow eyes. The creature’s free hand struck a match and raised it up to its face, so Waldo could see the wrinkled blue snout and sneering yellow teeth.

“Hello,” Uncle Deadly said. “You are a pest and I am the exterminator. Welcome to the show.” An evil grin spread slowly across Uncle Deadly’s face.

“B-but how did the flame not—” Waldo rambled.

“It doesn’t hurt,” said Uncle Deadly, “because I’m dead.”

Waldo swallowed loudly. “That’s a good reason,” he said.

“Thank you,” Uncle Deadly said. “But I don’t need a reason. I’m dead.”

~-~-~-~-~

“Well thanks Steve, I’ll definitely see what I can do about a cameo for you,” Kermit said, shaking the hand of a shorter man with slicked back black hair. “Good luck with your show!”

As the man walked away, Mickey Mouse walked up to the frog. “Meeting some new faces, Kermit?” asked the mouse.

Kermit smiled. “Well they’re meeting me,” he said. “How many people know about this movie?”

“Nearly everyone here,” Mickey said. “Except Miss Piggy of course.”

“Ya know, I meant to ask you Mickey, how are you keeping people from asking her about it?” Kermit asked.

“I printed it on the invitations,” Mickey said with a proud shrug.

“Thanks Mickey,” Kermit said.

“No problem.”

“I hope Animal isn’t causing too much trouble,” said Kermit apologetically. “I had no idea he was coming until we got here.”

Mickey laughed. “No trouble at all Kermit! We always like having your family here!”

Kermit laughed as well. “You should try coming over to our house.”

“I’d love to!” Mickey said sincerely.

“And we’d love to have you,” Kermit said. “But with the Sesame Street gang around… we can’t mix licenses ya know.”

Mickey nodded. “Good call.”

“Kermie!”

Kermit and Mickey turned to look at Piggy, who was dragging Beauregard behind her by his hand.

“Oh, Mickey mon cher! What a surprise seeing vous here!” Miss Piggy said. “Lovely party, dear!”

Mickey blushed. “Thank you Miss Piggy.”

“Kermie,” Piggy said, turning now to face the frog. “We have a teensy problem, dear.”

Kermit frowned. “What else is new?” he asked.

Beau, here, left the limo parked out in front of the building and it was towed,” Piggy said, shoving Beau in front of Kermit.

“What!” shouted Kermit.

Mickey patted Kermit on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it Kermit, I’ll take care of your ride home.”

Kermit whipped around to face Mickey. “You will? Really? How can we possibly—”

Mickey looked around shiftily. “Just keep Animal away from the bar and we’ll call it even.”

Kermit, Miss Piggy, Beauregard, and Mickey all turned their heads toward the bar where Animal was jumping up and down wildly. “RUM! RUM!”

Kermit and Mickey looked at each other. “No problem. Beau, think you can…?”

“I’m on it, Kermit!” Beau said, saluting the frog and toddling off towards Animal.

“Problem solved,” Kermit said.

“One more problem, Kermie,” Miss Piggy said.

“What’s that?” Kermit asked.

“Vous have only danced with moi once,” Piggy said, rubbing up against Kermit sensually. “Do vous see the problem?”

“I do,” Mickey offered.

Kermit smirked and extended his arm for Piggy to take. “We’ll talk later, Mickey,” he said.

Mickey nodded. “Have fun you two!” he said, waving the happy couple off as they went to reclaim the dance floor again.
 

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,234
Reaction score
2,919
*Lurks in the shadows, hungry to devour the buzzing blue bug thing. Oh, and more story too please.
Evil cackle as the CGI creation meets its doom.
 

Muppetfan44

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
945
Reaction score
235
A very long and wonderful chapter as always!

Post more soon!
 

theprawncracker

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2004
Messages
13,202
Reaction score
534
Chapter 21

Ernie tapped Bert’s very rigid shoulder. Bert groaned and turned around. “What Ernie?” asked Bert, obviously, as always, annoyed.

“Oh Bert I just wanted to ask you, Bert, if you think Uncle Deadly would take me up to the roof tonight,” Ernie said.

The Muppets filed into the Muppet Theater from the bus of the Electric Mayhem as the night outside drew to a close.

“I don’t know Ernie,” Bert said. “I guess if you ask him maybe he will.”

“Heh, good luck with that,” Floyd said, overhearing the conversation. “Uncle D.’s not exactly the most social of us Muppets.”

“Yeah,” added Clifford, “you’d be hard-pressed to find him before he finds—”

From the ceiling, a figure cloaked not only by his own cloak, but by a shadow, dropped to floor making the preschool characters and those others with weak constitutions jump.

“…you,” said Clifford, put-off, but not surprised, by the falling figure.

“He’s good at that,” Skeeter said.

“Oh Uncle Deadly!” Ernie said cheerfully, coming out of the group. “Hi there, it’s me Ernie, remember? I heard that you like to go up on the roof! Do you think you could take me up there with you sometime, please?”

Uncle Deadly stared up from the shadowy pile that was his body. “You really know how to ruin a moment, you know that?” he said to Ernie, straightening his crooked body up from the floor.

“You have no idea,” Bert said as he and the rest of the Muppets made their way to their bed-seats in the aisles.

Uncle Deadly watched in disappointment as his audience dispersed around him. He glared at Ernie and searched his head around wildly. “Where is Kermit?” he asked.

“Gone man,” Clifford told the phantom as he fluffed his pillow in preparation for another uncomfortable sleep. “Mickey Mouse invited the frog and his closest friends to some party.”

“Pity,” Uncle Deadly said. “I suppose that leaves… Rowlf in charge then?”

“Rowlf is at the party,” Grover said helpfully as he walked past.

Uncle Deadly nodded then looked up at Clifford with a slight frown. “You then?”

Clifford shrugged and flipped his sunglasses off his nose and tossed them into the seat next to him. “I suppose,” he said.

“An even greater pity,” Uncle Deadly mumbled. “Well… what can you tell me about this?” Deadly reached his hand into his ripped coat and pulled out the glass container Waldo was being held in and displayed it in front of Clifford, holding it in the palm of his hand.

Clifford leaned down and peered through the glass. “What is it?” he asked.

“A pest,” said Uncle Deadly.

Waldo buzzed around the cage wildly and whacked against the glass sides. “I have the right to a lawyer! I wasn’t read my Miranda Rights! I plead the Fifth!” the 3D creature declared.

“A pest?” Clifford tapped the glass lightly. Waldo morphed quickly into a tiny Tasmanian devil and gnarled its teeth at Clifford who drew back quickly. “How come you don’t catch any of the other pests around here?”

“Unions,” Uncle Deadly said simply.

Clifford nodded. “Well I have no idea what this thing is. I guess just throw it out on the streets.”

“Gladly,” said Uncle Deadly, revealing a wicked grin.

“Hold it!” Waldo shouted. “You can’t throw me out I have friends here! Bean! Bean Bunny!”

“Bean?” Clifford and Uncle Deadly asked in unison.

The bunny popped up next to Uncle Deadly making the phantom sneer at him. “Hi there! I heard you saying my name! How can I be of cute assistance?” Bean asked.

Uncle Deadly presented the glass case to Bean. “This thing claims to know you.”

Bean’s eyes lit up. “Oh!” he shouted. ‘That’s my friend Waldo!” He knocked on the glass and smiled. “Hi there pal!”

“Bean, ya gotta get me outta here!” Waldo pleaded. “This guy’s been torturing me! And it was dark!”

Bean squinted. “Oh dear,” he said. “Is that true Uncle Deadly?”

“Mostly,” Uncle Deadly said. “It was very dark.”

“Well that’s not very nice,” Bean said.

“No,” Uncle Deadly said.

“Will you let Waldo go then?” Bean asked with pleading eyes that could pierce through Pierce (Brosnan).

“No,” said Uncle Deadly again. (He was certainly no Pierce Brosnan. After all, he was much more handsome.)

“Excuse me, Uncle Lively?”


Uncle Deadly whipped around and put his snout against the round face of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. “Deadly,” he sneered.

Bunsen vibrated like a cell-phone (on vibrate) and adjusted his glasses nervously. “Yes, that breath of yours certainly is…”

“What do you want?” Uncle Deadly asked. He shot a glare at Beaker who toddled behind Bunsen. The red-haired assistant screeched loudly and retreated his face up to his nose into his shirt.

“Waldo, actually,” Bunsen said.

Uncle Deadly drew back slightly. “Why?” he asked.

“He’s a gift,” Bunsen said. Beaker nodded (if you could call what he was doing with his head inside his shirt nodding).

“No he’s not,” Elmo said with a giggle (and a yawn, it was past the spunky furry red monster’s bedtime).

“Yeah,” said Zoe. “A gift is wrapped in a big bow and pretty paper!”

“Usually, yes,” Bunsen said to the kids, “and Waldo can do that, but for our purposes he’s simply going to explode.”

Explode?” Telly asked, extremely nervously.

“Why yes,” Bunsen said. “He will explode into an array of lovely fireworks.”

“B-but won’t that hurt him?” asked Baby Bear.

Bunsen scratched his head and looked at Beaker, then turned back to the growing crowd. “Yes. Very much so, I assume,” he said.

“Wonderful,” Uncle Deadly mumbled.

“That doesn’t sound very nice,” Big Bird said.

“No,” Bunsen said with a sad shake of his head. “But the fireworks will be wonderful.”

“Sparks are gonna fly, baby!” Dr. Teeth laughed.

“But you’re going to hurt him!” Zoe said, moving closer to Waldo. Uncle Deadly pulled the container back defensively.

“Yes, but we can always make a new Waldo!” Bunsen said.

“A new one?” Elmo asked. “Elmo doesn’t understand.”

“It’s quite simple really, Beakie and I kept the schematics for Waldo’s initial design and all we have to do is re-input the data and create a new Waldo, identical to this one!” Bunsen explained.

“Sounds like Attack of the Clones,” Clifford said.

“Better than attack of the drones!” Statler said from the balcony (he was wearing a lovely nightgown).

“We attack every night, you old fool!” Waldorf added (wearing a matching nightgown).

Elmo and Telly looked at each other. “Elmo still doesn’t understand,” Elmo decided.

“That’s probably for the best,” Bunsen said.

“This is sick and wrong!” Waldo shouted. “There can’t be more than one me! I’m one of a kind!”

“Not for long,” Bunsen said earnestly.

“That’s not fair!” said Bean.

“No, it’s science!” Bunsen said proudly.

Waldo put his face up against the glass and shouted, “Fight for freedom!” as loud as he could.

Bean jumped on top of Uncle Deadly, who wrapped his claws around Bean and tossed him back. Waldo watched this, and fumed (literally). “He can’t hurt preschool characters!” Waldo told Elmo and the others.

“Come on,” Elmo shouted. “Let’s go!”

Uncle Deadly watched in horror as fur flew towards him in the forms of monsters and a bear.

Elmo wrapped his arms tightly around Uncle Deadly’s arm holding the glass container. Telly grabbed onto the phantom’s tail. Baby Bear tugged at Uncle Deadly’s other arm. Zoe and Rosita jumped onto Uncle Deadly’s back and he fell to the aisle’s floor.

The glass container that Waldo was in rolled out of Deadly’s clawed hand and Waldo spun with it. Bean jumped up from where Uncle Deadly threw him and grabbed the glass case and broke it on the floor.

Waldo burst from the glass and morphed quickly into an exuberant yell (don’t ask me how that happens).

Beneath the piles of fur on the bodies of the three to six year olds, Uncle Deadly sighed.

~-~-~-~-~

The party cleaned up smoothly (mostly because Beauregard insisted on cleaning up afterwards) and the guests dispersed to their respective homes.

The Muppets, however, sat patiently waiting for Mickey to come tell them their ride was ready to go.

Rowlf yawned. He wasn’t used to being out this late. Silently, Rowlf felt old.

“Where is d’is ride jou promised, froggy Kermin?” Pepe asked Kermit swiftly.

“Yeah I’ve gotta get home,” said Rizzo.

“Why do you need to get home?” Gonzo asked.

“It’s almost midnight,” Rizzo declared. “Can’t miss da midnight snack!”

Rowlf shifted his weight, crossing his legs (still uncomfortably pantalooned). He may be old, but at least he’s learned to be patient.

Maybe patience came with old age.

Patience and dementia, thought Rowlf. So you’ll forget your own name—but at least you won’t get riled up about it!

“Mickey said the car should be here shortly guys,” Kermit said, tugging at his bow-tie until it dangled on his chest. “Besides, Scooter’s not even ready to go yet.” The frog pointed out ahead of him.

The Muppets looked over at the dance floor. While Kermit’s froggy legs were in pain from his dancing earlier in the night, Scooter’s legs were obviously fine, as they sent the teenager scooting (no pun intended—for once) across the dance floor with his green dress-clad female partner along for the ride. They were, Rowlf decided, undoubtedly tearing up the dance floor.

Rowlf was impressed.

Mostly because the band was still playing for only two dancers after all of the other guests had left the party.

But Rowlf never liked specifics.

“Eh, why should we wait for him?” Rizzo asked. “D’ere’s ten of us, we could take him.”

“We’re waiting for him because he actually has a date,” Kermit told the rat.

“D’at’s cutting it low to de belt, hokay, Kermin,” Pepe said.

“Yeah, and you have a date,” said Rizzo, “why ain’t you out d’ere dancin’?”

Kermit lifted up his bare-flipper (he’d ditched the shoes long before) and showed it to Pepe and Rizzo. The flipper was, uncharacteristically, reddish.

“D’is es a good reason, hokay,” Pepe said.

Fozzie scratched his head. “Aren’t frogs supposed to have cold feet?” he asked.

“Moi had to warm them up before the wedding,” Miss Piggy said, wrapping herself around Kermit’s arm and nuzzling her head onto his shoulder.

“Oh, that’s great Miss Piggy!” said Gonzo happily. “Would you mind doing mine next?” he asked, slinging his feathery bare feet onto the table right in front of Piggy’s face.

Rowlf chuckled and shook his head along with the others as Piggy wiped the table of Gonzo’s feet with a swing of her arm.

“Hmph, fine,” Gonzo said, disgruntled. “I’m more of a leg man anyway!”

“I prefer thighs,” Rizzo said.

“White meat or dark?” asked Rowlf.

Camilla lunged and squawked loudly at Rowlf, restraining her beak (for now).

“Uh oh, Rowlf’s in the dog house now,” Fozzie said.

“More like hen house,” Kermit added.

“Cock-a-doodle-do!” Animal shouted.

Beauregard looked at his watch. “Is it time to wake up already? I must’ve forgotten to sleep again!” he said.

Kermit yawned. Causing Miss Piggy to yawn daintily. Fozzie opened wide and let out a large yawn. Gonzo yawned once, and smacked his lips afterwards. Followed by Animal, Rizzo, Pepe, Camilla, and Rowlf, respectively.

Beauregard blinked. “I think everyone forgot to sleep.”

Finally, the gang saw Mickey Mouse walking towards their table. He’d replaced his dress-shoes with his classic yellow shoes and looked a lot more comfortable.

“Sorry about the wait fellas,” Mickey told the Muppets. “I had a few things to take care of—and I just had to get out of those shoes.”

“I know the feeling,” Rowlf said, taking off his own shoes. If Mickey Mouse could do it, no reason he couldn’t too.

Mickey laughed. “Well are you guys all set to go?” he asked.

“Nearly,” Kermit said. “We’ve just got a go-going go-fer still on the dance floor.”

“Would you like me to ask the band to stop playing?” Mickey asked.

Kermit shook his head. “No, I think we can get him off.”

“How?”

“We brought something irresistible,” Kermit said.

Mickey looked confused. “Kermit,” he whispered, “have you seen the girl he’s with?”

Kermit smiled. “I didn’t mean irresistible like that. Animal fetch!” Kermit told the beast.

Animal leapt up from his crouched position. “Fetch!” he shouted. “Go-fer go-fer!” he chanted as he ran out onto the dance floor.

Scooter looked behind him. Fear filled the eyes of the bespectacled go-fer. “Animal, no, wait!” he begged.

It was too late (of course). Animal wrapped his arms around Scooter in what looked like a very painful hug and dragged him away from the green-dress clad beauty.

“Wait—I never got your number!” Scooter called to her. He squirmed around in Animal’s tight grasp. “You know where I work!” he called to her. “Come find me! Call me! E-mail! Something!” he begged her.

Animal stopped in front of Kermit and bounced up and down with Scooter still in his grasp. “Fetch! Scooter! Ahaha!” he laughed.

“Maybe I should hire him as my go-fer,” Kermit said with a smirk to Scooter.

Scooter frowned and glared at his boss. “Can we just go?” he asked.

~-~-~-~-~

“—twenty-nine! Thirty! Thirty seats!” The Count counted. “Ah ah ah!” he laughed as thunder crashed inside the Muppet Theater.

The thirty seats The Count was talking about were the thirty seats Bunsen and Beaker had sucked in, torn, or otherwise dismantled with their deluxe vacuum cleaners.

Unfortunately, Waldo was not disguised as one of those seats.

Waldo laughed wildly as he spun through the air, avoiding the suction. “You guys suck!” he shouted at them, laughing harder.

Clifford rubbed his forehead and turned to Grover. “Pretend you didn’t hear that,” he told him.

Grover nodded. “Right, just like I am supposed to pretend we are not all kept up past our bedtime,” he said.

Clifford sighed. “Exactly.”

~-~-~-~-~

The transportation Mickey arranged was nowhere near as classy as the limousine the Muppets had earlier.

In fact… it was a whole new world.

The world of the limousine was lavish and leather and lovely.

While the world of the taxi cab they’d been given for their trip home was lousy and lacking and lacerated (the seats that is).

Miss Piggy, as you could guess, was not happy about this.

She sat, up against the door, with her arms crossed and her frog smashed against her.

Crowding eleven Muppets into a single taxi was no easy feat. (Thankfully, the most disagreeable feet of all, Gonzo and Animal’s, volunteered to sit in the trunk.) As it stood (sat?) now, Scooter and Beauregard were cramped in the front seat next to the driver (who, by no means, was not a small man) and Miss Piggy, Kermit, Fozzie, Pepe, Rizzo, Camilla, and Rowlf, were all snug as seven bugs in one rug in the back seat.

Rizzo decided it would be easier (on him, mostly) if he relocated himself to the floor of the cab. He didn’t care how disgusting it may be, he’s a rat, and he was more than used to it.

“Where to mac?” the taxi driver grunted in Scooter’s direction.

The go-fer sighed. “I’d be happy staying right here,” he said.

Kermit reached his head forward. “The Muppet Theater, please,” he said to the driver.

“A little late to be catchin’ a show ain’t it?” the driver asked as he pulled out onto the road.

“When you’re with us the show never stops,” Kermit told him.

The driver smirked. “Is that paid for on one ticket?” he asked.

Kermit smiled. “Thankfully yes,” he said.

“Kermie,” Miss Piggy said to her frog. “Moi am impressed,” she said. “Vous didn’t have a single glass of champagne.”

“Oh sure I did,” Kermit said.

“Yes, but you didn’t drink any of it,” Piggy said.

“Well…” Kermit squirmed, caught. “I was saving myself for later.”

“When would that be, frog?” Piggy asked.

“Well, I was planning on it being now,” Kermit said. “But without the limo…”

“Oh, Kermit, that reminds me!” Beauregard said, turning around. “I grabbed your bottle from the limousine when I left.” Beau produced a slender, dark green bottle of champagne from his coat and handed it back to Kermit.

Kermit smiled. “Well Beau, you saved something tonight.”

“Kermie, you devilish thing!” Miss Piggy laughed airily. “Champagne?”

“Mm-hm,” Kermit said, displaying the bottle for everyone. “Unfortunately we don’t have any glasses.”

The taxi driver grunted in what may have been a laugh. “Check the glove compartment kid,” he told Scooter.

Scooter did so, and pulled out eight wine glasses. “Why do you—”

“Be prepared for anything and everything,” the driver said.

“He knows us too well,” Rowlf said.

Scooter handed out the glasses. They were one short.

“That’s okay,” Kermit said. “Miss Piggy and I can share one.”

The frog uncorked the bubbly, sending foam out into the taxi. The Muppets laughed as Kermit poured the drink. Everyone raised their glasses into the air. Kermit smiled and looked around at his family (and the taxi driver). “To family,” he said.

“To your wedding,” Rowlf added before drinking.

“To Kermit!” Fozzie said. “And Miss Piggy!”

Kermit blushed and Piggy grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly. “To us,” Miss Piggy said.

“Brawk bawk!” Camilla added.

“Oh enough already, can we just drink?” Rizzo asked.

Kermit shrugged. “Bottom’s up!” he said.

The Muppets took drinks from their glasses and lowered them again. “I think we got the seating right,” Rowlf said.

Everyone turned and looked at the dog awkwardly. “Gonzo and Animal wound up in the trunk—without any alcohol in their systems!” Rowlf explained.

In a dirty taxi cab in the wee hours of the morning on a dimly lit highway outside of Hollywood, the Muppets laughed together.
 

Colbynfriends

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2008
Messages
1,480
Reaction score
193
Wow prawncracker, i just started reading this story a few days ago, i'm already hooked. this story is so good and epic, its just amazing. like WhiteRabbit said, i can't wait for the next chapter
 

theprawncracker

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2004
Messages
13,202
Reaction score
534
Wow prawncracker, i just started reading this story a few days ago, i'm already hooked. this story is so good and epic, its just amazing. like WhiteRabbit said, i can't wait for the next chapter
Haha! Thanks Colby! It's great having you reading too! I love it when I attract new fan-fic readers! Glad you're enjoying it my friend! :big_grin: :crazy:
 

AnimatedC9000

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
824
Reaction score
153
I actually read the first chapter that was posted while I was gone at the hotel that Dad and I stayed at the night before I went to camp. It had WiFi connection!

Anyway, what a great two chapters! (grammilary incorrect, I know [is "grammilarly" even a word?]) And no attacking the preschool characters! They're, like, immune to violence. That's a great handicap to have.

And I can't wait for the next chapter, either!

~ AnimatedC
 

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,234
Reaction score
2,919
*Picketing outside...

What do we want?
More story!
When do we want it?
Posted now!

*Shocks Prawn with my ? nagging stick for more to be posted.
(FB poking reference).
 

Muppetfan44

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
945
Reaction score
235
hooray for post picketing!

I totally agree with the count!

*Lights penguin cannon with nagging stick*:zany:

post more soon please!
 
Top