Dinosaurs: Casting Pearl

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Chapter 1: The Obligatory Origin Story

Pearl Sinclair awoke with a skull-splitting headache. Although it was night, even the starlight was too bright for her. She shielded her eyes with her hands.

What had happened to her?

She rolled out of her bed and nearly crashed through her trailer’s walls. She grunted and stumbled around in her small bedroom until she could fumble successfully for the door. She entered the bathroom and sat on the toilet in the pitch blackness.

“Unnnh,” she groaned, cringing at the sudden loudness amidst the silence. “That’s the absolute last time I put them berries in my whiskey for flavor,” she noted with a Southern drawl. Soon, though, she raised her head up with a confused look on her face. “Now, just hold on a minute … I didn’t even drink whiskey last night!” She waited until her head cleared and stood up, looking at herself in the small dirty mirror on the wall above her white ceramic sink. She was a heavy-set gal, with emerald scales, pink lipstick on her lips, purple eyeshadow, and thick black eyelashes. She wore a simple pale blue cotton nightgown. She licked her lips briefly and shook her head.

She walked out of the bathroom and headed left down the short hallway, past the small living room-slash-dining area, and grabbed a pot of coffee in the kitchen on the far side of the trailer. “Fifty-three years old,” she mumbled to herself, “an’ I get stuck with the mother of all hangovers. Ugh.” She swished around the small amount of day-old coffee, shrugged, and chugged it down straight from the coffeepot.

Quickly, she spewed it out all over the kitchen counter.

It was whiskey.

She dropped the glass coffeepot on the counter and stumbled backwards, her eyes wide open. Whiskey? How could it be whiskey?

She gasped. The wooden walls of her trailer were sprouting leaves all over where she had spit out the magically appearing liquor.

She ran as fast as she could out of the trailer, still in her nightgown, over to a meadow where her friend Monica DeVertebrae slept at night, as there were no nearby caves that could hold a bright blue Apatosaurus her size.

“Monica! Monica! Come quick! My trailer’s done lost all its sense!”

Monica groaned and stood, blinking several times at the panicked megalosaur female below her. “Your trailer’s done what?” she asked groggily.

“I think it’s possessed or somethin’, darlin’,” Pearl exclaimed fearfully, beckoning Monica to follow her. “You gotta come see this. My trailer’s growin’ leaves!”

“Well, that’s an intriguing feature,” Monica noted dryly as she followed.

“And my coffee turned into whiskey!”

Monica stared at her running friend. “How much did you have last night?”

Pearl shook her head, panting, as she approached her trailer and stopped. “I … I didn’t have any whiskey at all, Monica,” she told her female companion. “I swear it was coffee when I picked it up. It wasn’t fresh, but it sure as heck shouldn’t have been whiskey!” She pointed to the still-open door. Monica carefully placed her head inside and looked around a bit before taking it back out and glancing at Pearl with disbelief.

“Pearl … did you get some of that Chia stuff and put it on your walls?”

Pearl shook her head, clutching her chest. “I got whole boxes of that stuff under my bed … but what on Earth’d make me put it on the walls? And why would whiskey make them leaves appear like that?”

Monica sighed and sat down on her back haunches. “Pearl – look, it’s not even dawn yet. Let’s get some more sleep, shall we?”

“Are you nuts? I can’t sleep in a trailer like that!” Pearl protested.

“Well, let’s look at this logically: what happened recently?” Monica asked. It was far too early in the morning for mysteries … and, quite frankly, this would be something Earl and Roy would have yelled about. They had always been involved in stupid, logic-less adventures.

Pearl stroked her double-chin, pondering everything that had happened over the last few months. “Well,” she began finally, “all I did yesterday was play some songs on my guitar, thinkin’ ‘bout Earl.” She sighed sadly. “I mean, I know in my heart he’ll always be with me, but still … sometimes I just get a hankerin’ for a sad country ballad.”

“So there’s nothing you can even remotely think of to explain these strange occurrences?” Monica continued, wishing she could go back to sleep.

Pearl shook her head again. “Ain’t nothin’ been happenin’ over these last few months, ‘cept Robbie gettin’ hitched.” She looked up at her large friend. “You wouldn’t happen to have any explanations, would you?”

Monica stared up at the starry sky. “I think you may still be having post-traumatic stress disorder. The last few years have been really hard on you. It’s been hard on all of us, really.”

Pearl stared at Monica. “Girl, even if my brain’s a coupla cards short of a deck, that still doesn’t explain why my trailer’s actin’ funny.”

Monica glanced at Pearl with a smirk. “Maybe the problem isn’t with your trailer. Maybe it’s with you.”

“You already called me crazy.”

Monica shook her head. “No, no … what I mean is … didn’t something weird happen to your brother Earl? Wasn’t he involved in some stupid sci-fi Wesayso stunt that one time?”

Pearl stared at Monica dryly. “One time?”

Monica chuckled. “Maybe you also inherited a gene that makes bizarre and highly unlikely events happen to you,” she continued, now slightly amused at the thought. “I saw him on TV ….”

Pearl nodded. “I did too – Captain Impressive, he called himself.” She chuckled with nostaligia. “Never was too clever with names. Fran was the one who named the kids up ‘til … up ‘til,” her voice began to waiver, “the little darlin’ came along.”

“I thought the Elders named the kids?”

Pearl nodded again. “Yeah, but you gotta call ‘em somethin’ ‘round the house until you get an appointment with an Elder,” she replied. “Earl never was the creative type, at least not after that little run-in with Fran’s brother in high school.”

“He wasn’t always struggling to put on his own shirt?” Monica teased.

Pearl grit her teeth and clenched her fists briefly. She sighed, however, and laughed it off. “Yeah, he could be kinda slow. He wasn’t always that way, of course. Daddy always got after him for making some of the best grades in school.”

“What about you?”

Pearl smiled knowingly. “Let’s just say I took a likin’ to Social Studies, mahself.” She sighed happily. “Namely, studyin’ the many ways to socialize with males.”

They laughed a bit together, sharing in the sudden nostalgic mood.

“But, seriously,” Pearl continued, “you’re not honestly suggestin’ I’ve become some sort of superhero, are you? I mean, who ever heard of a female superhero?”

“I think the humans come up with them quite regularly,” Monica answered with a tone of approval in her voice. “From what I’ve been reading, humans worshipped femininity before the patriarchal system supplied the very same glass ceiling we were always cursed with.”

Pearl nodded slightly. “Hard to believe they’ve come so far, ain’t it?” she asked Monica.

“So what do you plan to do with your powers, if that’s what’s really going on?” Monica asked with a smirk.

Pearl shrugged. “I don’t reckon turnin’ coffee into whiskey is pretty useful in the world-savin’ market,” she mused. “An’ havin’ a magic trailer that sprouts leaves when I spit on it is only good for turnin’ a few heads, is all.”

Monica stood up. “Well, you could always go amaze and astound those ‘modern’ humans. I bet they haven’t had a good laugh in awhile.”

Pearl shrugged. “I ain’t some cheap floozy, Monica.”

Monica laughed. “Well, it’s not like you gained the power to snap your fingers and generate world peace. If there is a higher force in the universe, it seems to like giving out party gags more than anything else.”

Author’s Note: I don’t own Dinosaurs. You can thank Disney and the Hensons for that little gem. This is gonna be rated Teen for language, violence, etc. Nothing too major, as this is another attempt at comedy.
 

Fragglemuppet

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2005
Messages
4,103
Reaction score
212
And I think you're doing a great job with it so far! I know there must be more to this powers thing, if that's what's really going on, and I can't wait to see how it developes. And I love Monica for her openness and forward thinking, both in the show and in this story!
:smile:
 

The Count

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
31,234
Reaction score
2,919
Nice start... I believe the expression is "Curioser and curioser". Please, continue.
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Well, in the spirit of parody, her "powers" are going to remain a little weird. There might be some powerful purposes behind them ... but for now, they're just gags.

I try to balance out Monica. While I respect her feminism, my main criticism of her is that she can get so absorbed in female rights that she fails to appreciate males (see: when she and Roy get married in Green Card -- okay, actually their entire relationship). In my fic Fridge Day, Spike is the one who lets her have it, accusing her of hypocrisy.

edit: This is, at least right now, going to be like a cross of Earl, Don't Be a Hero and The Greatest Story Ever Sold (I think that's the Potato-ism one).
 

Fragglemuppet

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2005
Messages
4,103
Reaction score
212
Sounds interesting. I've seen Earl Don't Be a Hero, but not any of the ones involving Roy and Monica.
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Well, Roy fell in love with Monica when she first appeared. However, she was recently divorced (this was the ep where Earl & Fran's marriage license expires) and really, I don't see how she ever improved. Not that I can talk, as I still have issues too, but I'm not so obsessed I can't see when someone IS being nice. Roy would have cut off his own head to please Monica and she rebuffed him at every turn. They got married in Green Card so she wouldn't have to be exiled with the rest of the 4-footers, but the best she could do after it was over was agree to hang out with him sometimes.
 

Fragglemuppet

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2005
Messages
4,103
Reaction score
212
Yes, I did see the one where they met, but that meeting was so brief that I didn't count it when I said I hadn't seen any of them, but that was the only one. Please continue when you can!
:smile:
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Well, it was a brief subplot. Anyway, I'll continue this after next Monday, as I need to focus on my final.
 

RedPiggy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2008
Messages
5,125
Reaction score
400
Because it's too early in the morning to study...

Chapter 2: The Saloon

A month had passed since Pearl Sinclair had developed superpowers, such as making any drink into whiskey and making anything wooden sprout leaves with her saliva. Despite Monica’s contention that she should go amaze modern humans, Pearl didn’t feel comfortable with it. Exploiting her new abilities in such a crass way just seemed too … too … well, crass.

So, she decided to open her very own saloon.

She had one built near a river so she could always have a fresh supply of whiskey. She learned the leaves that sprouted from her other power gave drinks a nice flavor, so she kept a couple of wooden planks in the back of the saloon so she could make as many leaves as she wanted.

The saloon was on the far west side of New Pangaea, a region magically teleported to a time when humans, not dinosaurs, ruled the earth. It was a lush tropical paradise with majestic mountains, lots of greenery, and sparkling rivers and lakes. This was how some dinosaurs had survived the Great Freeze, when Wesayso bombed a bunch of volcanoes and threw their world into a dead realm of darkness and cold.

From what she had heard, the humans called the year 2012.

At any rate, Pearl was setting up for the nightly opening when a robed figure walked through the swinging Old Western-style doors. The dinosaur was obviously an Elder. He gently took off his hood, his scales a weird shade of green in the lighting.

Pearl grinned when she saw him. “Why, Robbie! What a right pleasant surprise, seein’ you here!” She glanced around. “Is Wendy skulkin’ ‘round, too?”

“Hey, Aunt Pearl,” Robert Sinclair greeted her in a voice deeper than when he was a teenager. He was cheerful. “I heard you were opening a saloon.”

Pearl nodded. “Yep. Been thinkin’ of ownin’ one for awhile now, but I just now got the means to pull it off.” She stared for a moment at her nephew. “Lemme guess: you’re here on ‘official’ business, right?”

Robbie chuckled. “Well, there is the matter of getting the usual permits … but it’s not an issue of national security or anything. I will need the paperwork done by the end of the month, though.”

Pearl smiled weakly. “Well, I’ve got the paperwork in the back, but I fell asleep a coupla nights ago an’ drooled on it.”

Robbie grinned and shook his head. “It’s not a problem. Paper dries, you know.”

Pearl sighed. “No, Rob – it’s a mite more complicated than that. Come on back, an’ I’ll show ya.”

Robbie followed Pearl into the back.

Pearl sat down on a sturdy stool behind her desk and picked off some leaves. She looked up at Robbie. “So, um, Robbie – how’re things now that you’re twenty-five?”

Robbie smirked as he sat down in front of her. “Good. May 24th doesn’t sting like it used to. Of course, then Wendy and I got married. I’d say it’s been a productive three months.”

“I hope you didn’t mind mah asking,” Pearl continued with a smile. “It’s just I hardly get word out from you two nowadays.”

Robbie nodded and stared at the paperwork, seeing a bunch of leaves sprouting from them. “So, uh … why are there leaves on the permit application?”

Pearl looked at the leafy paperwork and sighed. “Well, now, that’s what I wanted to show ya, Rob. ‘Bout a month ago, I learned I had some, um, new abilities.” She looked up. “I guess you’ve noticed there ain’t no booze in this here saloon. Thing is, I don’t need any. I plan on just sellin’ whiskey, ‘cause I can just make that water over yonder in the river turn into whiskey whenever I want.”

“Uh-huh.”

Pearl smiled and nodded. “Naturally, I wouldn’t pollute the whole river. I’ll gather it up and take the stuff in here before I work my mojo.”

“Yeah,” Robbie added, speaking in a disbelieving monotone, “that’s the important thing.” He twiddled his thumbs. “So – let me understand something: you have superpowers … and … you’re using them to open a bar?”

Pearl nodded. “Of course, sugah – I’d never exploit myself for fame an’ glory.” She smiled. “A girl’s gotta have her dignity.”

Robbie chuckled. “Yeah. Dignity’s important.” He scratched the side of his head, like his father used to do when trying to come up with something to say. “You know what? I’ve been thinking of going paperless anyway. Let me get you a computer and you can email me the application digitally. Computers aren’t made of paper, so you won’t have to worry about raking out the leaves.” He smiled, trying to make this whole conversation seem normal and casual. He stood up. “I can send out a tutor, too.”

Pearl shook her head. “I ain’t so old I can’t find mah way around new-fangled doo-dads, Rob,” she laughed. “It’s awfully sweet of ya to think of me, though.”

Robbie nodded. “Not a problem, Aunt Pearl. Just let me know if you need anything else.”

Pearl nodded back. “I sure will, darlin’. Tell your wife I said ‘hi’.”

Robbie turned. “Will do.” He left Pearl sitting there, astounded at how he had turned out.
 
Top