Anger, Court, and Mayhem!!!

[ryhoyarbie]

"Ladies and gentlemen, here is a Muppet News Flash," The Muppet Newsman said as he ran quickly to the anchor desk. "The following fan fic is written by fellow Muppet Central member Ryan Yarbrough, aka Ryhoyarbie. I have to inform you all to stop reading this fan fic now for it may cause you to lose brain cells and digress into stupidity."

"Hey, wait a minute, you can't say that. You want me to lose people who might read this?" I said questioning the Newsman.

"Yes, for it will be a horrible story involving nothing, nothing, nothing," the Muppet Newsman said.

"You know what, I wrote you in here just to give you a bit part in this story," I said.

"A bit part? Who'd want to be in this story anyway?" questioned the Newsman.

"If that's how it's going to be, I'll just stop writing for you," I angrily said.

"Fine, that's how it should be. I don't want to be in your story," said the Newsman.

"Well since you like insulting me, there's only one thing left to do," I said.

"What are you going to do, drop an anvil on my head?" questioned the Newsman.

"Well, since you asked for it," I said.

An anvil came crashing from the top and hit the Muppet Newsman on the head and knocked him on the ground.

"Nobody, ain't dissing my story. Not unless they want anvils to come flying and knocking them out!" I said. "Now let's get on with the show........"

______________________________________________________________




It was the end of another show at the muppet theater. All the audience had left and majority of the muppets had left to go back to the boarding house and get some sleep. Kermit, along with Clifford, Bobo, Zippity Zap, Pepe, Johnny Fiama, and Sal Manilla stayed behind to close down the theater.

Kermit was at his desk back stage writing some things down on a notebook before calling it quits. Clifford and the rest of the other muppets entered the backstage.

"I tell you she was going for me," said Bobo.

"No, no, no, you got its all wrong, okay," said Pepe. "She was goings for me because I'm one sexy king prawn baby!!"

"Man, you all got it wrong, she was going for me," Clifford said.

The muppets started arguing with each other until Kermit turned to them and looked at them.

"Alright, we'll settle this my way. Kermit who was Piggy trying to hit, Bobo, Pepe, or Clifford?" questioned Johnny.

"Ummm........" Kermit said trying to come up with an answer.

"Hey when Johnny Fiama asks you a question, he expects you to answer it, Sal said to Kermit.

"Sal, be quiet before I stop paying you and kick you out on the streets," Kermit said trying to scare off Sal and his antics.

"Sorry sir," Sal sheepishly said as he backed away. "Hey I was only kidding boss, like how you were kidding too, right?"

"Ya............maybe!" Kermit said with a devious smile.

"So Kermit, which person was Miss Piggy trying to hit?" Johnny said restating the question and trying to settle the argument.

"I believe it was all three of you all that Piggy was trying to hit," Kermit answered.

"Ha ha! I knew it. I won," Zippity Zap said excitedly.

"Man, you didn't win anything," Clifford said to Zippity Zap.

"Then why did I bet then. I feel so used around here," said a frustrated Zippity Zap.

"Hey Kermit, has Miss Piggy always been this upset?" Bobo asked Kermit.

"It has been worse before around here," Kermit said.

"Worse? I dont like the sound of that," Pepe said as he shook his head. "Unbelievable okay.

"So what happened, did Piggy knock everybody out and put them in the hospital?" Clifford said.

"Oooo, a hospital. Those nurses are dead sexys for me, okay! Pepe likes it!" Pepe said.

Clifford slapped Pepe upside the head.

"Stop being so disgusting shrimp," Clifford said trying to stop Pepe's sexual fantasies.

"How many times do I have to tell you people, I'm not a shrimp, I'm a king prawn!' Pepe said trying to correct Clifford.

"When you act like that you're going to be regarded as a shrimp, you nasty, sickminded seafood appetizer," Clifford said.

Kermit shook his head and sighed. Bobo wanted to know the answer and decided to ask Kermit what happened with Piggy.

"So what happened with Miss Piggy?" Bobo curiously asked.

"Well I remember this one time that stood out in my mind when Piggy was really mad. In fact, we had to go to court just to settle the issue," Kermit said.

Everybody was now curious as to the events of what happened with Piggy.

"Wait, did you have to go to court?" Sal asked.

"Oh no, this wasn't about me and Piggy, it was a fight between Piggy and Floyd," Kermit added.

The muppets gathered around Kermit as he started talking about what happened.

"Oh I love story time," said Bobo.

"I love story time when I'm with a woman telling me her own stories about what she would do to me," Pepe said.

Clifford slapped Pepe on the back of the head, and then Johnny slapped Pepe on the back of the head too.

"Hey! That hurts okay," Pepe said as he was trying to rub the back of his head to stop the pain.

"Next time don't act stupid," Johnny said.

"Ya, listen to Johnny. Johnny is always right," Sal said to Pepe.

Johnny slapped Sal on the back of the head.

"Hey, that hurts," Sal said rubbing the back of his head.

"Shut up Sal," Johnny commanded.

"Could we please get on with the story?" questioned Zippity Zap as he was looking at his watch. "I want to hear this before 'Hurricane Piggy' strikes again and knocks us all out."

"Okay. Well this story takes place before you all showed up, even before we did the 'Jim Henson Hour' show Clifford," said Kermit. "It was somewhere back in the 80's, around 1985 or so...."


*I'll end the thing right here for now*....
ryan

 

[theprawncracker]

Ohhh! Now I wanna know what happened!

 

[ryhoyarbie]

1 reply and 16 hits???........Not good.............

ryan

 

[TogetherAgain]

Alright. First of all, the whole dialogue between you and the Newsman was PRICELESS! Oh man, it was SOOOOOOOO funny and I really, really, REALLY needed a laugh. Hugs to you for that!
And now you have me absolutely captivated in at least- at LEAST two story lines here. I wanna know what happened back around '85 or so that sent Miss Piggy and Floyd to court. And I wanna know what made her blow up this time. And I wanna know ASAP!!!!

 

[Fragglemuppet]

If Lisa says she wants to know, then you'd better tell her!

Uh, Lisa, I am on your payrole, right?

Ryan, you call that a good story? I've read eviction notices funnier than that!
*waits for anvil*
Just kidding, Ryan. I loved the story, and if you can't tell from my post, I also found the dialogue at the beginning hilarious! Yay for bit parts!

 

[ryhoyarbie]

Kermit continued with his narration........

"It was one crazy year. Hair bands and major bands and singers like Duran Duran, Billy Idol, The Ramons, The Cars, and others were popular with the people. Movies like Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Indianna Jones, Star Wars, Star Trek, and other movies were really popular. The economy wan't all that gret and gas prices were at a all time high yet people reelected Reagan as the president. And then there was us. We had the Muppets Take Manhatten that came out a year before, along with a new cartoon show The Muppet Babies that also debuted a year before. Life for the Muppets were busier than ever back here in the muppet theater," Kermit narrated informing the rest of the muppets of the history that was going on in 1985.

The flash back begins from the present to the past, 1985, and we see lights that are at the top of a ceiling. Then we come down from the lights to the Electric Mayhem featuring Dr. Teeth on the keyboard, Floyd on low bass guitar, Jance on the guitar, Zoot on the saxaphone, Lips on trumpet, and Animal on the drums. The band was playing "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama. Janice had the lead singing role. Her har was in the 80's style pony tail she wore in the Manhatten movie.

"It's a cruel, cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, cruel summer
Now you're gone," Janice sang the last part of the song.

The audience applauded the band.

"Certainly a cruel summer for us," Waldorf remarked.

"Ya, we have to be here watching this show all the time," Statler added.

"Dohohohohohohohoho....." laughed the two old men.

The Electric Mayhem walked to the back stage and saw Piggy in purple and blue workout clothes and was also wearing a purple handband and working out while watching a exercise show on a small television on Kermit's desk. Piggy still retained her curly hair look she had in the Manhatten movie.

"And one and two and one and two and..." Piggy said as she was moving back and forth in a quick pace.

The Electric Mayhem watched with joy as they saw Piggy trying to exercise. Floyd decided to have a little fun. Animal looked at Piggy and started doing the exercises with her. Piggy ignored Animal.

"Uh oh, everybody run. The pig is actually trying to do exercise," Floyd said.

The band started to laugh.

Piggy ignored Floyd and continued to exercise.

"So how much are you trying to lose, a couple of hundred pounds? A ton perhaps!" Floyd added who then had a smile on his face.

Piggy stopped her exercise and looked at Floyd and have him a sharp look. Animal also stopped exercising and looked at Piggy.

"More, more, more!" shouted Animal. "Need to lose more weight, more weight!"

"Atleast I'm trying to do lose weight, you hippie," Piggy angrily said back to Floyd, Animal, and the rest of the band.

"Man, looks like you got a couple of decades to do that," Zoot chimed in looking at Piggy from behind and from the sides.

"Ooooo, she called me a hippie. I think I need to get out before she does something bad, like sit on me!" Floyd added who then began to laugh.

Piggy looked at Floyd again.

"Out, out, out!!!!!" shouted Piggy who was tired of them all.

"Hey that's one way to lose weight, by shouting at everybody," Dr. Teeth said.

"Ya, but with all the shouting she does, you'd think she'd be nothing but skin and bones by now," Floyd said continuing to laugh even more.

The rest of the band continued to laugh too.

"Hey lets make a betting pool to see how much weight Miss Piggy loses, or at least tries to lose, if she loses anything at all," Lips said laughing.

"Out!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Piggy as loud as she could yell.

The band walked away and continued to laugh. Janice walked up to Piggy alone while the rest of the band went to their dressing room.

"Like, I'm sorry the band got all rough with you Piggy," Janice said trying to appoligize to Piggy.

"I hate them, I hate them all," Piggy said angrily. By then she was frustrated. "I'm trying to lose weight and all they can do is make fun of me."

"Look, I'm rully sorry, I rully am," Janice said trying to calm Piggy down.

"They just get me mad. I'm just a raging ball of...of...Well I don't know but I'm really mad and am a raging ball of something," Piggy said.

And with that, Piggy continued to do her exercises as Janice looked on.

ryan

 

[ryhoyarbie]

The show was still continuing and Kermit was now at his desk looking over notes. He realised it was time for Pigs In Space.

"Pigs In Space, let's go people," Kermit said as he talked through the intercom.

Link and Strangepork walked by Kermit who noticed them but didn't see Piggy.

"Hey, where's Piggy?" Kermit asked the two pigs.

"Bathroom maybe," said Link.

"No tat's vhere vou usually at, fixing vour hair every second," Strangepork reminded Link.

"Oh ya, then she's not in the bathroom, although she could be there because we never checked, so therefore she might be in the bathroom. I'd check just to make sure," said Link. "By the way, I need to go to the bathroom to fix my hair again. I think it got messed up."

Strangepork shook his head. "I work wit a moron here."

Strangepork and Link went to the stage to get to the set. Kermit looked around the theater to try to find Piggy.

He went to the basement to see if Piggy was there. He saw a large shadowy figure.

"Help me, oh please help me! They're going to attack me," the shadowy figure said to Kermit.

"Who's going to attack you?" Kermit asked.

"Me!!" a large cheese said as he was standing on a few boxes.

Kermit looked at the rats trying to get to the cheese.

"Pardon me a moment before you all eat the cheese, but, Rizzo, have you seen Piggy?" questioned Kermit

"Piggy, no. I've been down here for the last 30 minutes trying to get this cheese. Look I even got a knife and am ready to cut the cheese!" Rizzo said as he was holding up the knife and showing Kermit.

"Cut the cheese?" said one rat.

"We're out of here,' said another rat.

"Not that kind of cutting!!" yelled Rizzo.

"Oh, okay," said one rat.

"We'll stay then," said another rat.

"If you see Piggy, be sure to tell her I'm looking for her," Kermit said.

"Please, you got to help me. Save me from these pests, these vermin!" excalimed the cheese.

"Umm..............Maybe later," Kermit said as he shut the door.

Kermit went up the stars from the basement and continued to hear the screams of the cheese. Kermit then walked to the entrance where Pops greets the guest stars. Pops was asleep and his face was resting on a newspaper.

"Pops," said Kermit.

"Pss, hey Pops," Kermit said trying to wake the old man.

"Pops!!!!" shouted Kermit.

Pops jumped up.

"I'm ready captain, I'm ready to go in. I'll serve my country til the end," Pops said trying to get back to reality.

"You're not in a battle, you're here in the muppet theater," Kermit sighed.

"Still just as bad. Ever try to dodge Crazy Harrys bombs?" asked Pops. We could have used him back in World War II. The war would have been over in a few days with Harry on our side. He's just that crazy and insane."

"Uh ya, anyway, have you seen Piggy around?" asked Kermit.

"If she came through this way, I wouldn't have seen her," said Pops.

"Why not?" asked a confused Kermit.

"Hello?? I'm always sleeping here," said Pops. Kind of hard to keep track of people when I'm always sleeping on the job."

"Well if you see Piggy, tell her I'm looking for her," said Kermit.

Kermit walked off and Pops went back to sleep.


_____________________________________

Meanwhile on stage, Link and Strangepork were on stage for Pigs In Space, without Piggy though.

"Vhere is first mate Piggy?" questioned Strangepork.

"Well, we got a new replacement for this mission," informed Link. "Please meet our new crewmember, ensign Zoot.

Zoot entered from the door and walked in, trying to figure out what was going on. He had on a Pigs In Space uniform but still had on his sun glasses and hat.

"Hey man, what am I doing here?" Zoot said in confusion. "One minute I was asleep and the next minute somebody was telling me in my ear that my saxaphone was stolen and the only way to find it was to put this uniform on. These aren't even my colors."

"Ensign Zoot, prepare to take this ship out of orbit," ordered Link.

"Hey man, I can't even figure out what day it is let alone try to drive a car or even a spaceship." Zoot said. "By the way, where's my saxaphone?"

"Your captain is giving you an order. Do it!" commanded Link.

Zoot grabbed the controls and started to fly the ship.

"Hey this isn't to hard," said Zoot while flying the ship.

"Not to bad kid, not to bad at all," remarked Stranegpork.

Suddenly the alarms went off and all three looked around.

"Oh man, I've lost control over the ship. I knew I'd be bad at this," exclaimed Zoot.

"We're all going to die, and I haven't even checked to see if my hair is fixed properly," Link excalimed.

"Will the ship crash? Are our heros doomed? Will first mate Piggy come back? Find out next time in another exciting adventure of...."

"Hold on a minute, this ship isn't going to crash. I still need to find my saxaphone," Zoot said after interupting the narrator.

"Vere it is. Ve vere just hiding it from vou," said Strangepork.

"Oh man, thanks so much," Zoot said while getting his saxaphone back from Strangepork. "You can continue you now.'

"Thank you. Find out next time in Pigs In Space!!!!" excalimed the narrator.

"How'd you like that skit?" asked Statler.

'It was great, I loved it," said Waldorf.

"Really you liked it?" asked a surprised Statler.

"Wait, you're talking about the Pigs In Space sketch right?" asked Waldorf.

"Ya," responded Statler.

"Then no, I didn't," said Waldorf.

"Just what I thought," added Statler.

Kermit was still at the back stage looking around the room trying to find Piggy. He saw George and Beauregard mopping.

George, Beau, have any of you seen Miss piggy?" asked Kermit who was now getting worried.

"No, maybe she wised up and left this place," said George.

"You don't like it here?" aked Kermit.

"Nope," remarked George.

"Then why don't you leave," said Kermit.

"And leave showbusiness, no thank you," George said as he continued to mop.

"I feel the same way," added Beauregard. "There are days I just get tired of being ordered around here."

"That reminds me, you need to fix the lights in the guest star dressing room," Kermit said to Beau.

"I'll get right on it boss," Beauregard said.

That sparked an idea in Kermits head. "The dressing room," Kermit said.

He walked up the stairs and went up to Piggy's dressing room and opened the door and saw Miss Piggy there eating food..........

ryan

 

[TogetherAgain]

Ooh, this is great, this is great, this is absolutely WONDERFUL! I love the cheese begging Kermit for help, and Pops saying he wouldn't have seen Piggy, and Zoot trying to fly the spaceship because he couldn't find his saxaphone, and Pops saying they could have used Crazy Harry in WWII, and Janice trying to apologize to Miss Piggy, and "I am a raging ball of something." And it's GREAT! Now tell me more, please, tell me more.

Oh, and uh...

Uh, Lisa, I am on your payrole, right?

Well, uh, as soon as I have a payroll, you'll be on it.

 

[ryhoyarbie]

Kermit saw Piggy eating potato chips on the ground near a chair. She looked up at Kermit and was embarrassed to see him.

"Piggy, what are you doing? I thought you were going to lose some weight and avoid eating these kinds of foods." Kermit asked as Piggy stopped eating.

"I was going to, but, but..." Piggy trailed off.

"But what?" Kermit curiously asked Piggy.

"I was going to stop, but when the band came to the back stage while I was exercising they started making fun of me and I just lost it," Piggy said as she looked down at the ground.

"Oh Piggy," Kermit sighed and sat on the ground next to Miss Piggy. "Domn't let those guys get you down.

"They just made me so mad, like I couldn't do anything about my weight," Piggy said out of frustration.

"Look, don't let them get to you. Continue with your exercises and your diet and before long, you'll be in such great shape that they'll be apoligzing to you all the time when they see you, Kermit said trying to bring confidence back to Piggy.

"Oh thanks Kermie," Piggy said while looking at Kermit with effection.

"You're welcome and please, don't look at me that way. People around here we'll think we're married," Kermit said as he got up and started to move to the door.

"But we are married," Piggy reminded Kermit.

"Ya, right, and Gonzo is actually an alien from space," Kermit said while walking out the door.

Piggy frowned at Kermit then shrugged her shoulders.

Kermit went down the stairs and headed towards his desk. He was surprised he wasn't paying attention the show. But then again, everybody knew what they were doing, all except one.

A loud bang came from the stage that made something fly through the back stage and landed on the ground. Kermit knew there was only one person, or one thing that did those kinds of stunts.

"Gonzo, what are you doing?" Kermit asked as Gonzo was trying to get up.

"What I did was fly 50 feet through the air," Gonzo said with a smile as he got up. "What a fantastic ride!"

Kermit shook his head. "Honestly," Kermit sighed as he looked at some notes on his desk.

"Hey if you want you can try it. It's really fun," Gonzo said looking at Kermit.

"OUT!!!! Go, go, go!!" Kermit yelled at Gonzo.

"Fine, but you're missing out on all the fun," Gonzo said as he was walking away. "I wonder if Beaker would want to do this. He gets blown up all the time. It should be second nature to him."

Kermit shook his head again as Gonzo left him.

At the end of the show, Kermit went out to say thanks to everybody that came to the show and watched it. As usual remarks from Statler and Waldorf then followed. Kermit went back to the backstage when the show finished and saw Piggy doing some more exercises. He was glad she took his advice. Other muppets started arriving to the backstage from Sam the Eagle to members of the pit band like Floyd and Zoot.

"Hey dig this everybody, miss porkster here is doing more exercises," Floyd remarked while watching Piggy doing some more stretches. "So I have to ask, how much weight have you lost. I heard you almost ate an entire bag of chips earlier. With that kind of hard work, you might as well quit on your exercising because you're not going to accomplish anything!"

Floyd started to laugh. That stroke a nerve in Piggy. She looked back at Floyd who was still laughing. The rest of the muppets didn't laugh as they saw the look in Piggy's eye, an angry look. Rowlf looked at Fozzie and Sam and all three walked back a few steps.

"That does it! HI-YA!!!!!" Piggy screamed as she started to attack Floyd. Kermit ran to Piggy and Floyd from his desk to try to break up the fight.

"Hey, stop it. Stop it you two!" Kermit shouted as he tried to break up the fight and restore order.

Zoot grabbed Floyd while a couple of what not muppets grabbed Piggy.

"What is a matter with you two anyway?" Kermit asked Piggy and Floyd who were still being held by Zoot and the two what not muppets respectivily.

"He started it. I was here doing my exercises and he had to act all dumb as he usually does and make fun of me," Piggy yelled looking at Floyd.

"Hey man, I can't help it if you're so easy as a target of my humor," Floyd remarked.

"Floyd that is no excuse," Kermit said eying Floyd. "Now, do you two always have to cause trouble around here? "You two get in more fights than anybody else that works here."

"There's only one way to settle this," Piggy said. "You need to appoligze to me."

"Appoligize to you, fat chance!" Floyd said as he laughed some more.

Zoot slapped Floyd upside the head. "Would you stop this craziness man," Zoot said to Floyd. "It's late, and I want to sleep. I can't handle this stress, and I'm hungry, and I need to go to the bathroom."

Floyd gave Zoot a "whatever look" and turned his attention back to Piggy.

"Well, if you're going to be like this, there is only one way to settle this," Piggy said. "We're going to court, night court that is."

The muppets were shocked and gasps came out. Then suddenly the theme to "Night Court" played which caused everybody to look around to see where the music was coming from. Confused looks came from their faces.

ryan

 

[ryhoyarbie]

Flash foward to 2005 where the others are listening on Kermit's story.

"Hold up, Floyd and Piggy went to court? asked Clifford who was surprised.

"Ya, it was really crazy." Kermit replied.

"Unbelievable okay," Pepe remarked. "Piggy and Floyd going to court.

"Was everybody surprised by this or did people see this coming?" Johnny asked.

"Oooo, good question Johnny," remarked Sal.

"Well, we were all surprised by Piggy saying she wanted to go to court," Kermit said answering Johhny's question. "We knew they fought before and didn't particularly like each other, but it never got this bad."

"See I never let women control me okay. That's why if they get out of control, I smack them. I smack them until I get them to obey me, okay," Pepe said.

"That explains why you haven't had a date any while, shrimp," Zippity Zap said.

"Probably also explains why Seymore disappeared too," Clifford joked.

The muppets started to laugh except Pepe who got a little mad.

"I didn't smack him," Pepe responded. "He just disappeard okay."

"Ya, he disappeared with the women Pepe smacked," Bobo said laughing.

The other muppets laughed some more.

"I don't believe this okay," Pepe said as he shook his head.

"So what happened next?" Johnny asked.

"Another good question Johnny. You're two for two for asking good questions," replied Sal.

"Say, why don't you ask a question for once," Bobo asked Sal.

"Um......Okay I got one. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Sal asked.

Johnny slapped Sal across the back of the head.

"Owww..." Sal said.

"He meant a question about the story monkey brains," Jonny said.

"Could we get back to the story before the sun comes up?" questioned Zippity Zap.

"Okay then. We did not have the muppet boarding house at the time, so we were still living in the theater. Well some of us were living in other things like Gonzo living in a clothes hamper," Kermit said.

"Gonzo lived in a hamper?" asked Bobo who was puzzled.

"Ya, don't ask me why, it's Gonzo. He said living in a hamper was cheaper than renting an apartment," Kermit said. "He said it was a great place for him to think up new ideas of ways to explode himself out of a cannon."

"So a few days past and we were trying to get ready for a new show. Everyone tried to make sure that Floyd and Piggy stayed away from each other," Kermit said..............

ryan