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A Nest Divided: A Sam the Eagle Story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by charlietheowl, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I'm a bit late with this one, but hopefully no one noticed.

    Chapter Ten
    "Miss Hillary! Miss Hillary!"​
    "Yes, Jerome?"​
    "Can you help me with my english homework?"​
    "Sure."​
    "Good." Jerome tossed a book at Hillary, who let it bounce off her arm.​
    "The Feminine Mystique: Middle School Edition. Why'd you have to throw it at me? That's a pretty large book."​
    "I need you to read that, and tell me what it's about so I can write a report about it."​
    Hillary shook her head and smiled. "Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Let's sit down and talk about this report."​
    "But this book is boring! There aren't even any pictures, let alone a chart or a graph. I'd take a diagram even! A diagram! Even if I have to read a footnote to understand it!" Jerome slid off his seat and rolled onto the floor, writhing in mock-pain.​
    "Come on, Jerome." Hillary bent down, getting eye-level with the displeased leopard. "We can do this."​
    "But…too many words...not enough pictures."​
    "Let's sit up and then go from there, okay."​
    Watching from afar, Rowlf smiled. Hillary had been an excellent hire for the after school program. The program's needs had shifted since the school year began; the principal had made it clear that grades needed to be improved and homework needed to be completed before any extra music lessons should proceed. So the books had to be hit before the instrument cases could be opened.​
    Rowlf was disappointed, but he knew where the principal was coming from. Grades were important; it didn't matter if you could play the violin or trumpet well if you were failing classes. School had to come first.​
    He flashed to his middle school days, when he was cruelly separated from his piano for two weeks because of a C-minus in social studies. He could never keep straight all the presidents and their same names; was there that much of a difference between James Madison and James Monroe? Evidently his teachers were not only aware of the differences between the two, but avid fans of them, so he had to get special tutoring sessions. This nearly killed him then, being separated from those 88 keys, but looking back on it, it was important to learn.​
    Especially because the other night the Final Jeopardy question was about the Monroe Doctrine and he won thirty bucks from Floyd and a lunch from Statler.​
    "You put off reading this whole book until the night before the report was due! Exactly how did you think that would work out?"​
    "I don't like to fret about that sort of thing, Miss Hillary. Things have to work themselves out."​
    "Well, I suggest you start reading now, and prepare yourself to ask for an extension from Mrs. Bradley."​
    "Mrs. Bradley won't give me an extension, she's a little-"​
    "SNACK TIME IN TWO MINUTES! Please start cleaning up your homework and backpacks."​
    Rowlf's voice cut through the din of the homework and chatting, and all the students scampered to straighten up their work area.​
    "Hillary, if you don't mind going into my office, I've got a cart with juice boxes and apples for everyone."​
    "No problem."​
    Rowlf turned to face the class while Hillary scampered out of the room.​
    "Mister Rowlf," asked a young hyena, "why can't we have a fun snack? Like ribs."​
    "Ribs? You want me to cook ribs for 20 people?"​
    "Some potato salad would be good as well." A cheer went up from the crowd of students.​
    "And rolls!"​
    "Goodness! You guys know this is an after-school program and not a hotel, right?"​
    "So then no hot towels, Mister Rowlf? My neck is stiff."​
    "Nope, sorry. Michael, you have a question?"​
    "Can I go to the lavatory?"​
    "Michael, you just went ten minutes ago."​
    The persnickety turkey shook his head. "I was checking out the surroundings, making sure they met my standards. I can't use just any lavatory?"​
    Rowlf sighed. "Do they?"​
    "Begrudingly. The stalls could be a lot wider and cleaner. And the automatic soap dispenser does not provide me the adequate amount of soap to clean my wings. But it's useable."​
    "Well, I guess you can go then."​
    "Before I go, do you think any changes could be made to the quality of the lavatory? Is that on the agenda?"​
    Rowlf was stumped. "Umm, you'll have to attend a Board Meeting, I think."​
    Hillary came in with the cart of snacks, which stopped conversation mercifully. Any food, even if it wasn't ribs, was good if it was free.​
    "Students in Row A and B can come get their snacks. Hey! Hey! Tom, you're in Row C. Wait your turn."​
    After all the snacks had been served, and everyone was sitting and talking, Rowlf sidled up to Hillary.​
    "Things are going pretty well today."​
    "Well, one problem."​
    "What?"​
    "Mandy and Jarrett had to be separated twice today."​
    "How come? They were the closest of friends yesterday."​
    Hillary shook her head. "They broke up today at lunch. Evidently Jarrett gave his pudding cup to another female and denied it, until she came up and said thanks. Mandy wasn't too pleased. She dumped her lunch tray on his head."​
    "Did it get stuck in his antlers?"​
    "More than likely. But they need to stay on separate sides of the room for the rest of the day, or at least until they get back together again."​
    As if on cue, an argument broke out between the two of them.​
    "Mandy, I'm sorry, Julia really needed my pudding cup."​
    "I don't care! You're just like all the other deer in the world! All about food."​
    "I need you, Mandy, baby."​
    Rowlf stepped in to break up the lover's quarrel. "All right, you guys, that's enough." He escorted Jarrett to the other side of the classroom to help him clean up the snack cart.​
    Meanwhile, Hillary was getting the class organized. "Now that snack's over, let's head to the music room."​
    A din of excitement erupted from the student body, who promptly lined up at the door, nearly trampling each other.​
    "Everybody ready to leave?"​
    "YES!"​
    "Let's go!" Hillary opened the door, and a rush of students whizzed past her, running down the hallway, nearly knocking over a custodian who had the misfortune to be sweeping up in their path.​
    The music room was at the other end of the school, a beautiful room, neatly carpeted and soundproofed, with plenty of room for all sorts of instruments. Most striking was a large bay window, which over looked the school's backyard and a small parking lot.​
    Rehearsals went nicely, Hillary taking the time to listen to the students play their latest chords and notes, while Rowlf helped a small, frustrated mongoose learn some basic piano chords. Everything went well until Jerome, who had been absorbed in his cello practice, suddenly burst out laughing.​
    "Hahahaha! Look at that doofy bear and eagle outside! They crashed their bike into someone's car. Hillary, that eagle kinda looks like you. Less hair though."​
    "An eagle?", asked Rowlf and Hillary incredulously. Looking outside, they saw Sam and Fozzie next to a crushed up bike, arguing. The soundproof window prevented them from hearing the argument, but it was clear that Fozzie was losing.​
    "What in the world?" asked Hillary.​
    "Looks like they're okay," said a relieved Rowlf. Both ran outside, followed by a trail of students.​
    "Fozzie! Sam! What are you two doing here?"​
    Sam cleared his throat before speaking. "I needed to talk to you Hillary about some news I heard this morning from Annie Sue."​
    "What?"​
    "She told me you resigned from your job at the Four Seasons Market this morning. Why would do such a thing?"​
    "Dad, I didn't want to work somewhere that treated my brother so badly. He got fired after giving them weeks of hard work. I can't support that kind of behavior."​
    "But how are you going to earn any money?"​
    "Rowlf has arranged for me to be paid, and I can help out more in the planning process of the lesson plans, meeting with teachers during the day."​
    "Well, fine, then." Sam seemed unusually flustered. Both his children had left the jobs he took great care to set up for them. It had barely been a few weeks, and all his plans were cast aside with the wind. What good had he actually done?​
    Rowlf stepped into the conversation. "How come you guys took the bike over here?"​
    Fozzie answered. "Well, Sam's car kind of doesn't work, because there was an accident with it when I borrowed it yesterday. I needed to pick up a prop for my act, an inflatable dentist's chair, and the box was too big for my car, so Sam said I could borrow his truck if I filled it up on my way home."​
    "An accident?! You put diesel fuel in a gas car!"​
    "All the pumps look the same! I didn't see the signs! I'm sorry!"​
    Sam just shook his head.​
    Rowlf put his arm around a discouraged Fozzie. "Accidents happen, it's okay."​
    "So he said I was responsible for getting him to the middle school today. Only thing was Gonzo was using my car."​
    "Why did he have your car?"​
    "Nigel had his, since Floyd borrowed Nigel's, and Rizzo borrowed Floyd's-"​
    Rowlf shook his head. "I get the idea."​
    "So we had no other choice but to use the tandem bike. I don't like riding in the front, I have to make all the decisions about if we stop or not, take a turn or stay straight. Too stressful!"​
    "He was just awful out there. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack when sitting on the back of that bike! Weaving in and out of traffic, stopping short at every light. I don't know how you ever got your driver's license!"​
    "Sorry, Sam."​
    Rowlf looked at the flustered Sam and the saddened Fozzie. "Well, how about you guys stay for the rest of the day, and then I'll drive you guys home. Hillary, bring everyone inside, and have them play some songs for the two of them."​
    The kids ran inside, followed by Sam and Fozzie. Rowlf stayed outside to move the bent-up bike out of the parking lot. It had turned out to hit the back of his car, but he didn't want to upset Fozzie even more.​
    "Only a few scrapes. Nothing too major. Still, I never thought I'd see the day when Sam and Fozzie rode a bike together. I guess things are changing around here."​
    ********​
    Coming up in Chapter Eleven: Showtime at the Muppet Theater with guest star Paul McCartney and Andrew getting a special job with the backstage crew.​
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Well, you posted an update, so that's good enough for me.
    :insatiable: Just like cookies.
    Yeah, now go ask the nice librarian if he has any.
    :insatiable: Okay. *Leaves to bother librarian.

    Interesting schtuff with the foibles of school-aged kids. Why does the argument between Jared Deer and Mandy remind me of those Subway commercials with Todd and Samantha? Book without any pictures, you get a mushroom point for that. And then there's the car game going on between the Muppets which is why Fozzie and Sam ended up on the bike built for two.

    Nice, please post more when possible.
    GopherCoffee and charlietheowl like this.
  3. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    I think the most important question to ask here is this -

    Why does Rizzo have Floyd's care??

    Iz good updates!
    GopherCoffee and charlietheowl like this.
  4. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Rizzo has Floyd's car because Pepe has his, and Thog has Pepe's, and....
    GopherCoffee and WebMistressGina like this.
  5. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    :sympathy: You had to ask.

    I did. I did at that.
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  6. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    -----------
    *still giggling at the idea of Freidan editing her classic tome for middle-schoolers*

    Very very fun! Love the whole chain-of-borrowing-cars. Original and very Muppety.

    Poor Sam...he's going to need a shot of Ego when this is all over. Hope he comes to realize his kids' successes in what THEY are good at should make him proud.

    All the antics with the various kids....ack. Muppet animal kids are apparently WORSE than grownup Muppets. Didn't realize that was possible. And for some reason I love it that you named a young buck Jarrett.

    Keep going!
    ------------
  7. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    The kid complaining about having to read The Feminine Mystique is basically me last school year. Had to read it for a class, saw it was 600-plus pages and said nope. I printed a summary from somewhere and read it the morning of the class discussion. The professor said I had a "fresh perspective" on it from my contributions in class. Victory was mine.

    Thanks for reading, guys!
  8. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    ------------
    LOL! I did that to a few short stories (skim, paraphrase, BS aloud) in American Lit (particularly the really early stuff, which is dull as Sam's perfectly aligned #2 pencil collection) but never a whole book!

    I heard 'em clank, dude...
    --------------
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  9. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Chapter Eleven

    "Gee Kermit, the theater is jam-packed. I can't remember ever having a crowd this big. There are even some humans in the audience!"

    "Well Scooter, let's give them a great show tonight and hope they come back."

    The Muppet Theater was abuzz with excitement; tonight they were filming with none other than Paul McCartney, and word had gotten out. They actually had to turn people away from the ticket booth, which was something that never happened. Consequently, Kermit wanted everything to go right.

    Everyone was abuzz backstage as well. Last minute changes were being tossed around, ideas bouncing from person to person, alterations on costumes being snipped and trimmed, last minute meals being scarfed down over a copy of the script.

    Kermit and Scooter were talking over the Kermit's customary spot, his crowded and messy desk.

    "What do you need now, Chief?"

    "Before your next task, I have an announcement for you. You've got a new assistant."

    "Did Walter quit?" Scooter looked shocked.

    "No, I just figured you could use another one."

    "Who is it boss?"

    Before Kermit could say anything, Andrew came running up the stairs, carrying a box full of fruit.

    "I caught Statler and Waldorf with this in the parking lot! They might have tried to throw it at us."

    "Thanks, Andrew. You can bring that to Gladys later, might as well be put to good use."

    "Andrew's my new assistant?" Scooter sighed and shook his head.

    "Look, he's an extra set of hands, and he'll be willing to do anything."

    "Okay."

    "That's good. Now off to make sure Paul's doing well." Kermit shuffled off to the stairs, encouraging some penguins to get out of the way first.

    Scooter sized up Andrew, an unkempt, slightly sweaty, disheveled eagle. His brown mop of hair looked like it had lost a fight with the wind, and his official Muppet Show t-shirt seemed to be a bit tighter than necessary. Still, extra help always, erm, helped.

    Walter came running in, carrying two giant boxes of coffee. "Just got back from Starbucks! Hopefully no one missed the coffee machine."

    "Except for Animal throwing a chair at Gladys, everyone made do just fine."

    "Great!" Walter ran to the kitchen.

    "All right, he's going off to the kitchen. So what do I need you to do? Oh yeah! I need you to go back to the prop closet- it's the second door on the left past the men's room- and get the fake guns for the Rocky Raccoon number. Beauregard and Beaker are setting up the set right now, so you can bring the guns to them."

    "Will do chief!" Andrew attempted to salute Scooter in a sign of loyalty, but only succeeded in knocking the clipboard out of his hands.

    "Oh boy," Scooter whispered to himself as he picked up his clipboard.

    Scooter went out to the set, which was adorned like a old-time Western saloon; swinging doors, bar with liquor shelved behind it, wood-paneled walls, old-timey piano where Rowlf was sitting, going over his music, and tables full of cowboy and cowgirl background characters. Beauregard was putting the last tables and chairs into place as Scooter walked over to him.

    "Everything looks great!"

    "Thanks, Scooter. I had no idea we had so many chairs!"

    "Well, we want the bar to be crowded, it will make for a better standoff scene."

    "If you want a standoff, why'd you have me bring in all the chairs!?"

    "Never mind, Beau."

    Meanwhile, Andrew was lost backstage.

    "Did he say second door to the left with the men's room or past the men's room? Hmmm."

    "Are you lost?!!?!"

    Crazy Harry happened to careen on by, sipping wildly out of a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

    "Do you know where the prop room is? I need to get the guns for the Western number."

    "Guns! I've got some guns, just come with me!"

    "Okay, thanks!"

    As Andrew and Harry headed to the bowels of the Muppet Theater, Kermit and Paul were heading out of the dressing room.

    "I still can't believe you're doing the show."

    "Well, my agent said your network paid well."

    "That always helps. You're sure you want to watch from backstage until your first number? You're welcome to stay in your room until we need you."

    "Nah, that's fine. I like to get a feel for the show before I go on, read the crowd."

    "Hopefully they'll stay in the stands after the first number…" Kermit swallowed hard. The set for the Rocky Raccoon number was so elaborate that they needed to open with something simple. Unfortunately, the only number they could find for the start was almost too simple.

    Scooter returned backstage. "We hung up the backdrop for the rag mops. You want to go introduce them?"

    "I guess so." Kermit made his way to the front of the stage.

    "Good evening everyone! Welcome to another night at the Muppet Theater. Tonight we have a living legend, one of the great songwriters of the past fifty years, not to mention a great singer and bass player. He's none other than Paul McCartney and we're thrilled to have him here!"

    The crowd erupted in thunderous applause.

    "But first, one of the most indifferently received acts to ever hit the Muppet Theater stage, performing their dance to Ebony and Ivory, the Rag Mops!"

    Kermit walked off as the curtain raised to reveal another silver curtain, in front of which were the mops, performing their static dance moves in front of an impatient crowd.

    "Mops? Mops? That's who I'm following?"

    "Sorry, Paul. We owed them a favor. Their cousins really helped clean up the theater over the summer."

    "Well, you can't beat a good clean-up crew."

    Their conversation was interrupted by the gasping Andrew, who came backstage in a huff.

    "Kermit! Kermit! I've got the guns for the number."

    Andrew came back into sight, triumphantly raising the guns in the air, followed by Harry, still tossing back sips of Mountain Dew.

    "Thanks, Andrew. Did you have an easy time finding the prop closet? I know Scooter's not the best with directions sometimes."

    "Well, I did have a hard time, but Harry helped me find some guns."

    Kermit choked. "Did you get THOSE guns from crazy Harry?"

    "Yeah, why?"

    "They're probably not prop guns then! They're probably the real thing!"

    "What?" Andrew looked at the guns in his hand. "I don't think so, they feel so light." He picked up the gun and held it out.

    "Aaah!" Kermit yelled and hit the deck, followed by several other Muppets and Paul. "Would you put that down?"

    "Sorry!" Andrew tossed the guns on the table; they skittered across, knocking over Kermit's coffee cup.

    "Scooter! Get the prop guns please! Walter! Call the police and have them pick up these guns before anything else happens!"

    "Yes chief!" The two spoke in virtual tandem and then ran off on their respective errands.

    "Everybody get in their places! The mops are done!" Kermit ran onto the stage to make his next introduction.

    "We would now like to you take you back to the Wild West, a place where cowboys and cowgirls made their own rules, a place where a game of cards could decide life and death, and a place where we hope you ignore that Gonzo's in a racoon suit. Enjoy!"

    The curtain raised onto the same bar as before, bustling with card games, Skeeter and Annie Sue serving drinks made by Beauregard, and Rowlf ticking the ivories. At a lone table in the corner, the only one without a gang of Muppets sitting around, Paul McCartney sat with his guitar and began to sing.

    "Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
    there lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon"

    Gonzo, in an oversized raccoon suit complete with fringed cowboy shirt and twenty-gallon hat, burst through the saloon doors, nearly getting smacked by them on the return swing. The saloon crowd gasped when they saw him.

    "and one day his woman ran off with another guy
    hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn't like that"

    Right after Paul sang that, a water balloon came out of nowhere and splashed across Gonzo's eyes. "Ouch! Tap water!"

    His woman, Camilla, could be seen in the arms of Fozzie Bear, also wearing a cowboy vest and hat, though a slightly smaller one.

    "He said I'm gonna get that boy.
    So one day he walked into town
    booked himself a room in the local saloon"

    Beauregard puffed on his harmonica in the pauses.

    "Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
    only to find Gideon's bible"

    A giant lion stalked up to Gonzo menacingly. "I'll take my bible back!"

    "Sorry, Gideon." Gonzo rifled through his pockets, coming up with a well-worn bible. Gideon grabbed it and slinked back to his table.

    "Rocky had come equipped with a gun
    to shoot off the legs of his rival"

    "That might hurt!" squeaked Fozzie from across the room.

    "His rival it seems had broken his dream
    by stealing the girl of his fancy"

    Camilla cooed and waved her wings.

    "Her name was M'Gill and she called herself Lil
    but everyone knew her as Nancy
    now she and her man who called himself Dan
    were in the next room at the hoe down"

    "We only had enough space for one room, sorry Paul," apologized Fozzie from across the room.

    "It's okay, guys." Paul sighed, shook his head and went back to singing as Gonzo suddenly burst towards Fozzie's table, brandishing a gun.

    "Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
    He said Danny boy this is a showdown"

    Fozzie stood up, waving his gun, while the crowd in the saloon dived under their tables. Rowlf plunged under the piano bench, still trying to play with a lone paw.

    "But Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot
    and Rocky collapsed in the corner"

    Shots were fired, and Gonzo clutched his chest. He then proceeded to drag out his death scene in a way that would make any soap opera actress proud as Paul strummed his guitar and Rowlf gradually made his way back to the piano bench. He flung himself around from table to table, knocking off glasses and poker chips in his death throes.

    "The lights! The lights! They're fading! i've been defeated! Vanquished! And I never finished my needlepoint! Oh what a shame!"

    Paul shook his head again. "I'd better get onto the next verse before this gets out of hand."

    "Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
    and proceeded to lie on the table"

    Link Hogthrob walked in, carrying a bottle and doctor's bag, wearing the same scrubs that Rowlf wore in Veterinarian's Hospital.

    "Hey! That's my costume!" Rowlf objected from the piano bench.

    "You're the piano player now buddy. I'm the doctor today."

    "he said Rocky you met your match
    And Rocky said, Doc it's only a scratch
    and I'll be better-I'll be better doc as soon as I am able"

    While Link tried to investigate Gonzo's injuries, only to get his arm stuck in the strap of the doctor's bag, Paul got up from his seat and moved to the middle of the bar to finish out the song.

    "And now Rocky Raccoon feel back in a swoon
    only to find Gideon's bible"

    Gonzo was hit in the face with the bible, which came flying from Gideon's table. "I think you need it more than me now!"

    "Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
    To help with good Rocky's revival, ah"

    The final jam played out while Link continued to look over Gonzo with a confused look.

    "Well, Doc, am I gonna make it?"

    "Make it where? Are you leaving town on the next horse?"

    Gonzo sighed and leaned back on the table.

    "the story of Rocky Raccoon….."

    ****************​
    Rocky Raccoon is copyright to John Lennon and Paul McCartney. I made a small change in the final verse to make the setting work better, I hope no one minds.​
    Coming up in Chapter Twelve: Piggy heads back to the drawing board, and Andrew reveals a hidden talent.​
  10. Slackbot

    Slackbot Well-Known Member

    *chuckles* Fun chapter! Love the cameos by Walter and Skeeter. Amy Mebberson would approve. And I'm glad that Andrew dropped a mention of the source of the guns, otherwise Gonzo's indestructibility might have been put to the test.

    Somehow I missed last chapter. Whoops! The car-swapping was wonderfully Muppetty, and I'm pleased that Sam actually shaddapped about Hillary's job once he saw she was getting paid. I kind of wish we'd seen the bike ride on camera, but that would have taken the focus away from the school.

    Always happy to read this, and I'll looking for the next slice, whenever it appears.
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  11. AlittleMayhem

    AlittleMayhem Well-Known Member

    That was very enjoyable! I like how Link stole Rowlf's scrubs! LOL
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  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    So I just read this now. Good use of both an obscure Beatles song and Muppet cameos with Annie Sue and Crazy Harry.
    To quote that one clip from Rocky Bowdy,: "He's all hopped up on the Mountain Dew!"

    Nice subtle reference to the movie as why the frog owes the mops a favor.
    Also glad they stuck to the overall Paul McCartney theme for the show.

    Look forward to more when you can post it. :)
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  13. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    OMG, awesome!

    I do love that you included the overly drawn out death scene that must be in every comedy because, really, death can be kinda funny.

    Love that Walter has become Scooter's assistant (a similar idea I had thought about), so glad that Walter is somewhat capable in that position. Andrew, however....

    Daddy Sam might not like that. :attitude:
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  14. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys for reading! And if you think Daddy Sam might not be happy now, just wait until next chapter! :concern:
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  15. mostlikemokey

    mostlikemokey Active Member

    I said this before on your last fic I read and will say it again: You are probably great with kids. You sure are great at writing 'em.
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  16. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    -------------
    *gigglefit*

    I could SEE Link's self-assured headwiggle to his line. "I'm the doctor today." Perfect.

    Good song choice, cute scenery, good call on Gonzo in a raccoon suit. (Ignore it? I can see it frighteningly clearly... Those circles around his huge eyes really make him look snowblind.) And the Ragmops are also funnily evocative of the mop-do the Beatles (AND the Rutles) sported, so nice in-joke as well!

    Somehow Crazy Harry drinking Mtn Dew seems appropriate. "Xtreme demolition! Ah ha ha ha ha!" BOOM...
    ---------------
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  17. LadyDodgeballer

    LadyDodgeballer New Member

    I think it is awesome that you take interest into characters like Sam and give them more of an in depth story. He was a very great character, one of my favorites, but on the show he was only a one sided character, but I guess that was kind of the point. So much more could have been done with him so it is great that you are taking the opportunity to do this! Very well done!
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  18. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Chapter Twelve
    "That's the wrong kind of ivy!"​
    "You mean there's more than one kind of ivy? I just drew the kind they grow at Wrigley Field. Just so you know, it makes a nifty substitute for lettuce if you're ever feeling adventurous. A very interesting aftertaste."​
    "I've got no time for lunch, bazooka beak. Make the leaves wider, more pronounced. It gives the flair a star like moi needs for a torch number."​
    A few weeks had passed since Paul McCartney opened the new season with a bang for the Muppets. A handful of episodes had been filmed, all to good ratings and a sudden newfound tepid endorsement from the critics. Lots of fun guest stars had passed by too, from Tina Fey to Jay-Z to penguin playboy and cinematic auteur Lance Chance. This upcoming week's guest star was about to be announced by Kermit, provided he could get Piggy and Gonzo to quit bickering.​
    "Guys, quiet down over there. I've got an announcement to make."​
    "Sorry, Kermie. I was just trying to resolve a dispute with Gonzo over the set for my new song I want to do next week."​
    Gonzo flailed his arms in objection. "She tried to stab me with an india ink pen!"​
    Kermit rolled his eyes. "Can you guys please settle down? Now, I've just got off the phone with the network and we've got a great guest star for next week."​
    The normal guesses began creeping out from the crowd of Muppets assembled in their living room.​
    "I knew the president would want to meet us!"​
    "Now I can finally find out if Stevie Wonder is actually blind!"​
    "Well, we worked with Paul Simon, so I guess it was only fair to ask Art Garfunkel to come on. The government has that equal airtime rule for cases like that."​
    Kermit shook his head. "Nope. She's someone we worked with before-"​
    "Jean Stapleton!", yelled Fozzie from the background.​
    "Fozzie, Jean's been retired for a long time."​
    "We worked with her on our last movie-"​
    "Walter!", shouted Rizzo, who then clapped his hands with the certainty of someone getting the winning lottery numbers in advance.​
    "No, I said her. Walter works with us all the time now, plus he's a guy. Our guest star is none other than Rashida Jones!"​
    Applause erupted from everyone in the living room, even those who made the wrong guesses.​
    "So you guys have this weekend to come with ideas to bring to the theater for Monday's first rehearsal. Hope you guys come up with some good ideas!"​
    The living room crowd dispersed, mainly to the kitchen, as Kermit made his way out of the room. Pretty soon, it was only Piggy and Gonzo still crowded around the desk.​
    "What is that piano doing so close to moi? I need space to move around, to project my voice."​
    Gonzo sneered. "The piano is close to you so the audience can hear it."​
    "Move it back. I'll tell Rowlf to smash on the keys extra-hard to project the noise to the crowd."​
    "But then what about the arches? Do you want him right behind the arch in the back?"​
    "How am I supposed to know? Just do whatever."​
    Gonzo began sketching a piano in front of the arch in the back. The planned set had a set of arches, increasing in size, behind Piggy as she sung. She was fond of arches ever since her time in Paris, where she gazed upon the "Gateway Arc de Triumphe". ​
    "No, no, move the piano back! What are you doing?"​
    "You just told me that you didn't know where you wanted the piano!"​
    "Well, I know I don't want it there."​
    "How about we just take the piano off the stage then! You can sing without any music!"​
    Rowlf cut in from the kitchen. "Don't take me out of this song! I might not get on stage otherwise."​
    "You stay out of this!" shouted Piggy.​
    "Just tell me where I have to be during rehearsals and I'll figure it out from there."​
    With Rowlf out of the picture, Piggy could resume discussion her artistic vision with Gonzo.​
    "Kermit said I'm not allowed to do any more numbers where I sing a cappella anymore; he says people in the audience filed a class-action lawsuit about hearing loss or something. It's not my fault a lot of old people came to the show when Jimmy Carter was the guest star. Hmmph!"​
    "Then I guess the piano goes back on stage."​
    Gonzo lifted pencil to paper again, only to find the pencil knocked out of his grasp by a gloved hand. "Not there though!"​
    "Uggh! I can't do this anymore! You want one thing, then you want another! Make up your mind!"​
    The fracas could be heard all the way in the kitchen, but most of the gang chose to ignore it. Those kinds of fights were par for the course, and didn't attract any attention or intervention unless the toppling of the desk was heard, and then that noise was mostly call for people to watch. However, Andrew, not yet used to the constant arguing and boisterousness of the house, gingerly made his way to the living room, where Piggy was attempting to use Gonzo's nose as a compass for another arch on the paper.​
    "Um….what's going on?"​
    Piggy abruptly tossed Gonzo to the floor. "We were just trying to work out some artistic differences."​
    "She was trying to turn my nose into a compass!"​
    "Did it hurt?", asked a concerned Andrew.​
    "She should have known my nose is better as a protractor! Didn't you see my act last week?"​
    Piggy shook her head and picked up the piece of paper from the desk. "We're trying to work out the set for my torch song. Lots of beautiful arches, wouldn't you think?"​
    Andrew saw the eraser-streaked paper, covered with scratches and arrows around a bunch of arches and what might have been a piano.​
    "It's too crowded. Too many arches."​
    "Simply not possible," Piggy huffed.​
    Andrew grabbed a pencil and sat down at the desk.​
    "See, if you were to put the two arches off to the side like this, and then a big one in the middle, with the piano behind it, there'd be more room for you to walk around and sing."​
    He furiously scribbled with Piggy craned her neck to grab a look at his treatment, but his hand moved too quickly for her to get a look at anything clearly until he was finished.​
    "See, you can sing from arch to arch, stopping in the middle at the end of the number."​
    Piggy's eyes went wide as she thought about herself swaying about the stage, staring down the audience as she belted out her latest masterpiece of a performance.​
    "Let me see that paper." She snatched the paper off the desk, wrinkling a corner to Andrew's chagrin.​
    "Hmm….I like this! I like this! Let's put on some drapes on the arches on the side. Draw those in there! Don't forget the ivy too!"​
    Gonzo looked up from the ground. "I do like that set Andrew. Very classy."​
    "Why don't you go see what Camilla's up to?" snorted Piggy.​
    "I get the hint!" Gonzo up and left, bumping into Kermit on his down the stairs.​
    Kermit peered into the room, spotting Piggy leaning over Andrew's hunched figure at the desk. Oh no, he thought to himself. Piggy's going to eat him alive.​
    "Piggy? What are you doing?"​
    She grabbed the paper with one arm and Kermit with the other. "Oh Kermie! Andrew has given me the finest idea for my torch song! Look at these beautiful arches and drapes! Just like in Paris, Kermie! Tre sophisticated! I must go find fabric samples for the drapes. Kissy-kissy!" She planted a smooch on Kermit's nose and ran off towards her bedroom.​
    "Did you draw that for Piggy? It looked very nice," said Kermit as he made his way over to the desk. ​
    "Thanks! I heard her and Gonzo fighting and wanted to help out."​
    "I had no idea you were interested in scenery."​
    "Well, I had always wanted to make sure my taxidermy projects stood out in school, so I figured that the best way to put things in the background. Make a set, I guess. My favorite one was for my replica of the arraignment of Whitey Bulger."​
    "That's very unique, to say the least. We always have the hardest time figuring out how to dress the set on here, too many cooks in the kitchen sort of thing. Everyone wants to create their own set, but we only have so many people to help out. Do you think you'd like to become in charge of helping make the scenery here?"​
    Andrew jumped out of his seat and gave Kermit a big hug. "Really? Really? You're not joking!"​
    "Nope." Kermit could barely squeak out another word in Andrew's arms.​
    "I'd love to!"​
    "That's great. Now please let go."​
    "Sorry." Kermit took a couple of deep breaths before shaking Andrew's hand.​
    "I'll take you to the theater later to show you where all our props are and where I keep the order forms for anything you might want."​
    Andrew was so excited he barely heard anything else Kermit said. He had a real job, one that he had earned all by himself. Sure, it wasn't a taxidermy job, but it involved something he was good at and he enjoyed. He couldn't wait to tell his dad and Hillary.​
    ********​
    Coming up next in Chapter Thirteen: A black-tie charity dinner for the Muppets proves to be disastrous for the Eagle family.​
  19. mostlikemokey

    mostlikemokey Active Member

    I'm happy for Andrew. Must be hard for him to have a difficult time with his dad.
    Maybe when he "contributes to the good of society like a true American" (starts his new job) Sam will relax a bit.
    GopherCoffee and charlietheowl like this.
  20. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Heh... Good job in fast-forwarding the new season. And the fight certainly explains a lot of the show's acts. Glad Andrew's getting a job at the theater. *Wonders how :attitude: will take this development at the charity function. More please!
    GopherCoffee and charlietheowl like this.


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