The New New Quote Thread

[Flaky Pudding]

Zombies frighten me, but I like their swagger.
-Tina Belcher (Bob's Burgers).

 

[Flaky Pudding]

Mama always told me, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get.
-Forrest Gump

 

[D'Snowth]

D.W.: Why don't you wanna stay up? What are you really up to, Arthur?
ARTHUR: Why should I stay up? What's there to see?
D.W.: Don't you wanna see if there's nothing to see?
ARTHUR: I'm too mature to care anymore. (Leaves)
D.W.: Yeah, right. (Pause) Mom? What does "mature" mean?

 

[D'Snowth]

KEL: Man, I can't believe we got locked out of Chris's momma's house! Why does this stuff always happen to us?
KENAN: (Beat) Well, remember when I said, "Kel, grab the key"?
KEL: Yeah.
KENAN: Why didn't you!?
KEL: You were serious about that? Man, I thought you were tellin' a joke!
KENAN: "A joke"? Kel, if it was a joke, it would have been funny!
KEL: I don't know, I've heard a couple of your jokes. . . .

 

[Flaky Pudding]

Save me Jeebus!
-Homer Simpson

I'm a Christian but I found that quote hilarious!

 

[Flaky Pudding]

We could get hamburgers and make them wiener shaped, right? But then put them on hot dog buns and call them hotdurgers
-Cat Valentine (VicTORIous)

 

[Flaky Pudding]

It's Monty Python time:

'Tis but a scratch, 'tis merely a fleshwound
And now the larch!
He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
My hovercraft is full of eels
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Albatross! Get your albatross here!
And now for something completely different
That bloody parrot is dead! He's pining for the fiords.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers, I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars
It's.......
We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Glad I got that out of my system, .

 

[D'Snowth]

FINSTER: T.J. Dettweiler! I should have known you were the one behind this! What disgusting, perverted thing are you up to now?
T.J.: Playin'.

 

[D'Snowth]

KATE: I'm curious, is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?
PETER: I've found if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya, it feels phenomenal.
KATE: Well, I guess that makes sense in a really . . . sad way.

 

[D'Snowth]

"This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone!" ~ Kevin McAllister