Chapter Eight
There. There it was. In the middle of the dirt patch. There it sat. Cold and alone. Alone and cold.
Still.
The mosquito took flight from the kidney, halo still shining above its head, in search of other peculiar organs that had chosen to land themselves in the middle of dirt patches.
Beaker's right kidney sat in the dirt, suddenly sprouting a similarly shining halo atop its... kidney.
A gloved hand reached down and picked up the kidney, bringing it up to the attached face. "I say!" someone shouted. "King Arthur hath found the Holy Grail!"
If kidneys had eyes, the kidney might have rolled its eyes. Instead, it quite simply did absolutely nothing. It was a kidney.
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"Man, where are-"
"Take
this!" Piggy karate chopped Zoot. "Oh... sorry, I thought you were some other knight."
"Good night, Zoot," Fozzie said.
Realizing that he was no longer holding a sword, and, thank
heavens, no longer in a clunky suit of iron, Kermit's bulgy eyes landed on Miss Piggy, and he folded his arms with a weary sigh. "Piggy," he complained, "Why'd you get me into that?"
Piggy turned around swiftly, tossing her hair everywhere. "Oh, um, well, vous see, Kermie dearest, moi was just... testing your affection for her."
Kermit scrunched his face and sighed again.
"Don't worry, Kermit," Rowlf said, putting a paw on the frog's back, "I think you passed the test with flying colors."
Kermit merely scrunched his face further. "SHEESH!"
"Speakin' of flyin' colors," Rizzo said. "Check out dat bustlin' joint over there." The rat pointed in the direction of a large dance hall with neon signs flashing on the exterior.
All eyes snapped towards where he pointed, and a certain relief slipped around them at the recognition of just what that place was, though Animal was the first to say it.
"DISCO! DISCO!"
"Man, I thought we got over that in the seventies." Floyd groaned.
"Like, I think we're
in the seventies," Janice said.
"Oh, good!" Kermit said, his bad temper shed as quickly as it had come. "That means we're almost back to the present. ...Or, the future. Um..."
"The present future tense?" Beauregard asked.
Gonzo pushed himself up next to Kermit. "So, are we going in?"
Robin grinned, and quietly hopped onto Fozzie's shoulder. "Shhh," he whispered to the bear. From there, he hopped onto Fozzie's head, and crawled under the hat, which, as a result, sat a little higher than usual.
Sam approached Kermit as well. "Kermit, we're not
really going in that place, are we?"
Kermit shrugged. "Well, why not?" he said enthusiastically. "It's finally something we know and understand and recognize! Something we've
experienced! Somethi-" Something occured to him. "Hey guys- we're actually alive now!"
"Speak for yourself," Rowlf said.
Rizzo looked at the dog. "You're not alive yet? Gee, you don't
look that young..."
"That's okay, neither does miss fat-back!" Floyd laughed.
"HI-YA!"
"She's still got it, hokay?" Pepe nudged Kermit.
"I noticed," Kermit muttered with a scrunched face. He watched as Janice helped Floyd up from where he had landed on the pavement. "Yup- it's the seventies, all right. I wonder if we've got the show yet..."
"I'm sure if we did there wouldn't be people inside dancing, they'd be at home watching us," Gonzo said.
"Obviously you never saw our ratings." Kermit smirked.
"Neither did Statler and Waldorf," Fozzie said, trying to keep his hat on his head.
"But
moi was on the show," Piggy said. "How could the ratings not be through the roof?"
"Speaking of 'moi'," Kermit said. "I think it would be best if we didn't talk to ourselves."
"Well," Sam huffed. "That eliminates all sane means of conversation."
"It eliminates the INsane means, too," Rowlf added.
Kermit shook his head. "Does everyone understand? If you see yourself, just walk away, okay?"
"Any loop holes?" Floyd asked.
Kermit frowned. "Well, I guess if you actually remember talking to yourself, by all means, go for it."
The gang nodded.
"Well- what are we waiting for?" Kermit asked, looking around. "Let's GO IN!"
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"Now, you're sure these cannolis are fresh, Sal?"
"I'm sure Johnny, I just picked 'em up."
"I thought you just picked up my dry cleaning."
"Oh... that's why these cannolis are a little starchy."
"Ho!" Johnny stopped the monkey halfway down the aisle. "Whadaya make of THAT?" He pointed on stage to the time machine.
Sal watched as Bunsen circled the machine once, mumbling to himself. The monkey looked at Johnny.
"Trouble."
Johnny looked back at Sal. "I'll handle this." The crooner moved toward the stage. "Hey there, Bun Baby, what is all this mess here?"
Bunsen looked up from his work at the machine. "Oh, good day Mr. Johnny Sha-na-na-na. I'm afraid all this mess is because I've misplaced my favorite screwdriver."
Sal looked up at the scientist. He saw the screwdriver perched on Bunsen's ear. "Uh, Johnny, is it just me, or is this guy a few songs short of a Tony Bennet album?"
"Johnny, Sal, what are you two doing here?" Scooter asked from the stage. "You're not in the rehearsal today."
"We're not?" Johnny asked. "But the schedule- Sal, you said you put the schedule up on mama's fridge!"
Sal shrugged. "I did Johnny."
"Then why did it say we had rehearsal today, huh?"
"I didn't put the rehearsal schedule up on the fridge Johnny," Sal said. "I put the dry-cleaning schedule up on the fridge."
"Well, now that we're here... anybody want a stale cannoli?" Johnny asked.
Clifford, Scooter, and Bunsen all stared at the duo. "Hmm, let's find Rizzo, Johnny. He'll eat anything." Sal suggested.
"Yeah, where is the little skeez-ball?" Johnny looked around.
"Ask Bunsen," Scooter muttered, sitting in the seats at the opposite end of the theater from Clifford.
"Right now..." Bunsen examined the machine. "Somewhere between the early 1500s and the late 1970s."
"Sounds like a pretty nice vacation," Johnny said.
Scooter sighed and sank into his seat.
"Indeed," Bunsen said. "Unless they happen to land in the days of the plague, in which case Rizzo would be in trouble..."
Everyone was quiet. "Why's everyone so quiet?" Sal asked.
"Because man," Clifford said. "The gang's lost in time!"
"Oh... that's rough." Johnny sat down. "Sal, call Doc Brown, ask 'im if we can borrow his DeLorian."
Sal looked around. "Oh, uh..." He shrank back slightly. "I lost his number."
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Uncle Deadly sat on a bar stool and sighed as the dancers scurried to the loud music. "Fools," he mumbled.
Gonzo bounced around the room with Rizzo at his side. "This is SO cool! C'mon Rizzo!"
"No way. I'm gonna go peruse the snack bar." Rizzo said, walking off.
Rowlf bopped mindlessly to the music. "Nice to relax," he mused quietly.
Pepe cha-chaed past Rowlf. "I can really get jiggy with dis, hokay?"
Meanwhile, amidst the dancers, Beauregard had found a mop and was cleaning the place up. "Boy, am I mopping the floor with these guys," he said.
Fozzie sat on a stool, trying not to move so as to keep from knocking his hat off of his head.
A waiter with greased back black hair came up to Fozzie carrying a tray. "Hey there my friend, can I offer you a Grasshopper?"
"Oh, no thanks," Fozzie said. "That's my friend's entree."
"Ah, suit yourself, that's the house specialty." The waiter leaned on the bar behind Fozzie. "How 'bout a Mexican Sunrise?"
"Oh, well sure!" Fozzie said. "I'd love a free vacation!"
The waiter scratched his head. "On second thought, I think you've had enough already."
Gripping the bear's fur to keep from falling off, Robin edged the hat closer to one of Fozzie's ears. "Pst- Fozzie?" he whispered. "I think that's a kind of drink..."
Fozzie pondered this. "Oh. Ohhhh!" he shouted. "Oh, I'll take a ginger ale please. Oh, and some hot coco for my hat."
The waiter raised his eyebrows. "You've
definitely had too many," he said. "But, whatever. HEY, GEORGE! GINGER ALE AND A HOT COCOA! ...I wonder if we've even GOT hot cocoa..."
"Kermie!!" Miss Piggy called, wandering through the dance floor.
Several brightly colored men came up to her. "Hey babe," one of them said. "Wanna get down?"
"Why certainly. HI-YA!" she karate chopped all of the men. All of them fell to the ground. "That down enough for ya?!"
Piggy grumbled. "Where is that frog anyway?"
A disco ball lowered from the ceiling, and spotlights flashed on, one by one, in the center of the dance floor as the music began to play. There, in the middle of the dance floor stood "that frog" in a sparkling white jumpsuit, with the collar open.
"
In the evenin’ when the sun goes down
Folks all hurry to the edge of town
At the bayou bank they all stand and wait
In the clear there," Kermit began to sing, rallying the on-looking crowd.
Recognizing his uncle's voice, Robin peered out from beneath the brim of Fozzie's hat, and smiled. Meanwhile, Miss Piggy's jaw was thoroughly dropped.
"
Soon the water ripples catch their eye
And the ladies hush and breathe a sigh," which every single lady in the room did.
On a lily-pad all dressed in white
He appears there."
Miss Piggy tried to brace herself, knowing what was coming, her heart racing, her eyes dancing over the dancing frog.
"
And then he boogies up and down and shuffles right
Slips and splashes in the moonlight night
Alligators with their teeth so bright
Smile and sway there." Kermit had begun dancing up a storm, shuffling all around the dance floor, gaining massive applause from onlookers.
Robin, being a Muppet, and a young Muppet at that, was unable to resist the music. Forgetting that he was supposed to be hiding, he stood up on Fozzie's head, lifting the hat with him, and bounced to the music, grinning.
The waiter, returning with ginger ale and hot cocoa, stared at the bouncing hat with frog legs, and rubbed his eyes. "Maybe I'VE had too many..."
"
And soon the loons are joining in the jamboree
Everybody’s happy just like me
Watch him dance on that log
Yeesh! It’s the disco frog!"
The crowd began to "ribbit ribbit" after every appropriate blow of the horn.
"
Through the day the swamp’s a quiet place
Snails and salamanders set the pace-"
"
In the spider where the air is still
Like a trance there," Miss Piggy sang, finally getting to dance alongside her love.
"
Fireflies are twinkling white and green
There’s a sudden crazy change of scene." Gonzo danced in as well, in a matching jumpsuit.
Pepe sidled up beside them in a matching suit of his own. "
H'and de star who's danced both far h'and wide comes to dance there!"
"
And then he boogies up and down and shuffles right
Slips and splashes in the moonlit night
Alligators with their teeth so bright
Smile and sway there." Kermit’s feet scatted along the floor, going left, right, sideways, March, and maybe even May.
"
And soon the loons are joining in the jamboree
Everybody’s happy just like me-"
"
Watch him dance on that log."
"
Yeesh! It’s the disco frog!"
Gonzo, Piggy, Pepe, and of course, the disco frog himself, Kermit danced fervently across the floor. The lights flashing everywhere, and all eight feet going everywhere. There was no stopping them.
Fozzie bopped in his seat. Robin had hopped off of his head- still under the hat- and was now dancing on the bar between the ginger ale and the hot cocoa.
"
Join us by that swampy water-side
Where we never have a thing to hide." Kermit sang to the crowd.
"
And it makes you feel so good inside
Just to be there!" Gonzo and Pepe sang.
Miss Piggy grinned and flirtatiously slid her arms around Kermit's neck as she sang, "
While the stars are sparklin' through the night
And the bayou moon is burning bright..."
Kermit grinned and spun out of her grasp. "
Yes, it's quite the most amazing sight
You can see there!"
Rowlf and the band began to bounce along with the music, grinning and laughing as they went. Even Sam began to strut a little faster than normal, while Uncle Deadly simply rapped his claws on the bar happily.
Everyone then seemed to join in and more shout than sing, "BECAUSE HE!"
"
Boogies up and down and shuffles right
Slips and splashes in the moonlit night
Alligators with their teeth so bright
Smile and sway there."
The entire disco hall began to bounce up and down with the music as the four shining dancers led them through the final verse.
"
Alligators with their teeth so bright
Smile and sway there!
And soon the
Loons are joining in the jamboree
Everybody's happy just like me!
Watch him dance
On that log..."
"Yeesh!" Kermit shouted. "It’s the disco frog!"
As the song began to fade, the neon lights were slowly washed out with the Light of Time, sweeping the Muppets away.
The crowd and music was instantly silenced. "Aw! Man! I didn’t get the Disco Frog’s autograph!"
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